even think of him being the bad guy? The guy who hurt you so bad when
you were young is a saint, but I love you! And yet you can sit there and
accuse me of cheating on you! Fuck Tim! He did this, and he’s a piece of
shit!”
“Shut up,” Ben said, his voice a growl. “I gave up Tim for you. I
looked him in the eye and said we couldn’t be friends because that’s
what you wanted! He’s fucking gone, so don’t try to demonize him
further!”
“I asked you to make a choice,” Jace said. “It sounds to me like you
regret the one you made.”
“Maybe I do,” Ben said defiantly.
“Fine!” Jace crumpled the letter and tossed it at him. “Go back to
him if you want. I don’t care anymore. Do whatever you want, Ben, fuck
whoever your heart desires, because we’re done!”
“Damn right we are!” Ben stood, face crimson as he headed for the
door. “Have fun with Kyle and Aaron and all the rest of them!”
“I will!” Jace shouted.
When the door slammed shut, he winced. Then he sat on the couch,
face in his hands. After a while, Samson came out of hiding, tail poofy in
fear. Jace shook his throbbing head and wondered if two years had just
gone down the drain.
Chapter Twenty-nine
“Love ain’t easy.” Greg raised a glass to his lips, nearly turning it
upside down to get the last drops of beer.
Around them, the airport buzzed with activity, full of passengers
excited about their trips. Jace felt like twisting off their happy little
heads. He had a much easier time being around the more nervous
travelers who were drowning their fears at the bar. He often met Greg
here, when his schedule permitted, since it was an easy way to catch up
with each other.
“Another round?” Jace asked.
“Don’t you have to work soon?” Greg asked.
Jace shrugged. “So?”
“Uh, no thanks. I’m fine.” Greg slid his glass away from him.
“Listen, I know it was a bad fight—”
Jace snorted. “That’s putting it mildly. It was Armageddon. We were
one police call away from being on one of those trashy cop shows.”
Greg snorted. “It wasn’t that bad. I’ve had worse with your sister,
believe me. Things only get more tense when kids are added to the
equation. Do you know how many nights I’ve had to sleep on the
couch?”
“How many?” Jace asked.
“Twenty-three,” Greg said matter-of-factly.
Jace expected a vague answer, like dozens or hundreds. “That’s a
very specific number.”
“I keep count,” Greg said with a straight face. “I have a file on my
computer that I update.”
“Seriously?”
“Yup. That same file also has the exact day me and your sister first,
uh… I’ll spare you the details. My point is, every time we have a serious
fight, that file also reminds me how far Michelle and I have made it.
We’ve been together thousands of days. Only twenty-three of them have
been bad. Perspective is important. In two years, you and Ben have had a
couple of really bad days. How were the rest of them?”
“Amazing,” Jace admitted. He finished his beer and sighed. “So what
does Gregory Trout do after a night on the couch?”
“He gives Michelle Holden her space, but when she does come
around, he makes sure to wave the white flag.”
Jace nodded. “You know what makes all of this worse? Ben has his
finals over the next couple of weeks.”
Greg sucked in air through his teeth. “Ouch. Yeah, you might have a
few nights on the couch then. That’s rough.”
Jace gave him a look. “You say that now.”
“What do you mean?”
“You did the same thing to me when I was close to graduating.”
Greg thought about it, then smiled. “You mean when I brought
Victor down to see you?”
“Yeah. I keep thinking about that. Adrien and I argued about that
indirectly. We sort of used the stress of finals as an excuse. I skipped
town on him, and when I came back, he kept begging for us to patch
things up. But it was too much for me.” It was clear that his friend didn’t
see his point, so Jace added, “History repeats itself.”
Greg shook his head dismissively. “You and Ben, that’s something
completely different.”
“I hope so,” Jace said, “but maybe it’s better to let him get through
graduation first.”
“I don’t know, man.”
But Jace did. The last thing he wanted was to push Ben away with
good intentions. Besides, there was another outcome of that reunion with
Victor, something vitally important, and part of him wondered if Ben
needed that too. He couldn’t bear to think of it, though. Not now.
Over the next few days, Jace threw himself into his job. It took all of
his willpower not to call Ben, but he persevered, letting Ben decide when
he was ready to speak. When Jace was settling into his hotel room one
evening, his cell phone rang. Ben. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he
answered it, eager to hear the voice on the other end.
“Hey,” Jace said. “I’m glad you called.”
“Where are you?”
“Chicago.”
Ben’s voice hesitated, uncertain. “Are you flying back tonight?”
“No. Not for a couple of days.”
“Oh.” Disappointment.
Jace took a deep breath. “Look, Ben, I think we both said things we
didn’t mean, but I think we should take a break.”
The other line crackled in silence.
“You have a lot going on right now with school,” he continued with
a tight throat. “I understand how much pressure you’re under. I
remember. Focus on your finals and your thesis and make sure you
graduate. Once that is out of the way, then we can talk. Okay?”
“I guess.”
Those two little words sounded hurt, but Jace felt this was the right
thing to do. “Good. I love you.”
“I love you too.”
The line went dead. Jace set down the phone. Then, hunched over
and staring at the carpet, he let himself consider what could happen.
Getting back together with Victor had been exciting, but it had also
reminded him why they weren’t compatible. If Tim was somehow
involved… Jace shook his head and sighed. He could only hope that Ben
was a quick learner.
* * * * *
The weeks that followed were hell for Jace, a self-induced purgatory
of waiting and wondering and wanting. As Ben’s graduation day drew
near, Jace couldn’t help himself. He was sure most or all of Ben’s finals
were out of the way. Now, in the calm before the storm, was the time to
sweep back in and make things right. But when Jace called Ben’s cell
phone, only voicemail picked up. When he called the duplex, Allison
answered, tersely telling Jace each time that Ben wasn’t home.
Jace didn’t believe it. Once he called past midnight and she told him
the same thing: Ben wasn’t home. Jace had to wonder if Ben had found
somewhere else to spend his nights. When he was in town again, Jace
drove over to the duplex, holding a single rose as he waited for Ben to
answer the door.
He didn’t. Once again, the duty of sending Jace away fell to Allison.
“He’s not home,” she said.
“Then can I come in?”
Her eyes widened, giving away the game. “No,” she said. “It’s not a
good time.”
Jace swallowed. Maybe he had been foolish again. He had thought, if
given the chance, Ben would see Tim for what he was. Instead, maybe
they were as happy as two love birds in a nest.
“Is he okay?” Jace asked. “Just tell me if he’s happy.”
Allison’s expression was pure sympathy. She glanced toward the
interior of the house, then leaned toward him and whispered, “Duncan
Park. Noon.” Then, in a louder voice she said, “Sorry! I’ll tell him you
came by!”
Jace stared at the door after it was shut, then left the rose on the
doorstep. Back in his car, he checked his watch. Two hours until noon.
But what would he find there? Would Allison bring Ben so they could
serendipitously run into each other?
The prior weeks had been hard enough, but waiting for noon to roll
around was grueling. Jace went to get his hair cut, just so he was looking
his best, then wasted time at a department store trying on clothes until he
settled on a pale green dress shirt. Feeling and looking like he was going
on a date, he arrived at Duncan Park half an hour early.
The park was mostly a big empty field providing space for a picnic,
Frisbee, or similar activities. Trees walled in one side; a creek created a
natural border on the other. Across 9th Street, the park was much more
interesting. Paths wove around and connected mounds of dirt, kids racing
their bikes along these and launching into the air. Jace stood in plain
sight, watching from across the street as they shouted gleefully with each
self-induced risk to their health.
When he spotted Allison’s car parking along the side of the street,
his body went tense. Disappointment helped him relax again when he
saw she was alone. He walked over to meet her, Allison nodding toward
the concrete path that curved toward the creek. Walking together, Jace
repeated his question.
“Is he okay?”
Allison exhaled and shook her head. “No. Tim’s out of the picture.
That’s the good news. Tim was behind the letter taped to your door.”
Jace’s jaw clenched. He felt vindicated, but couldn’t celebrate yet.
“Then why isn’t Ben talking to me?”
They left the path, walking down a sandy slope to the edge of the
creek. Allison was watching the water flow by to keep from looking him
in the eye.
“Allison,” Jace prompted.
“Ben made some mistakes.”
Jace’s throat felt tight. “He was tricked. I wish he had trusted me
when I said I hadn’t cheated, but I’m not holding that against him.”
Still Allison wouldn’t look at him. “You two were taking a break,
right?”
“Yes,” Jace said, his voice hoarse. She didn’t need to say more. He
knew this had been likely to occur, figured maybe it even needed to, just
so it was out of the way. But now that it actually happened, it hurt more
than he expected.
“They were together,” Allison said gently, glancing at him to make
sure he understood. “But I want you to understand that Ben always
follows his heart. Even when it leads him in the wrong direction. He’s
never been the kind of guy who—”
“I know,” Jace said. Ben didn’t have sex for fun or conquest. He
hadn’t slept with Tim because of his good looks or his body. There was
an emotional connection between them. Or had been. Now Jace felt he
was being tested. How strong was his love for Ben? Could he forgive
him? Could he ever get over this?
Does love cease to exist the second you kiss another person? Is love
that fickle?
Victor had been right about a lot of things. Not everything—Jace still
believed that a relationship had to be a commitment. But Victor had
understood love very well, because what Jace felt for Ben wasn’t
diminished. Yes, it hurt, and no, he didn’t like the idea of Ben being with
anyone else—even if Ben did care about that person—but that didn’t
change the love Jace felt.
“Why isn’t he taking my calls?” he asked.
Allison seemed surprised he still cared about that. “He’s kind of
burnt out on everything. Tim hurt him. Again. Finals have been a
nightmare, and… He thinks you won’t want him anymore. Because of
what he did.”
Jace laughed bitterly. “Well, he’s wrong.”
Allison stared. “He is?”
“Yes! Of course I still want him.”
After a moment of disbelief, Allison threw herself at Jace, hugging
him. “You’re a saint,” she said. “An absolute saint.”
Jace didn’t feel that way. What kind of man allowed the guy he
loved to get hurt, just to teach him a lesson? Still, Jace had paid a price
for it too. “The only question that remains,” he said, “is if Ben still wants
me.”
“He does,” Allison said, releasing him, “but I know him. Ben will
wallow in his own guilt and say he’s not worthy of you anymore. Even if
you bust down the door, he’ll just run out the back, thinking he’s doing
you a favor. So if we’re going to do this, we have to do it right. Also, you
and me talking? What I told you today? That remains a secret.”
Jace nodded. Whatever it took, he would do it.
* * * * *
Allison’s plan was simple. Too simple, Jace worried at first, but as
he waited outside the stadium, graduates pouring in, he began to
reconsider. When Jace graduated, he had felt two things: nostalgia for the
past had been one, which was ironic considering how often he’d wished
for college to finally be over. The other had been an almost
overwhelming excitement about the future. Once the diploma had been
placed in his hand, Jace had felt like anything was possible. He could go
anywhere and do anything, and yet part of him had already mourned the
past. Maybe that was the right combination of feelings to bring Ben back
to him.
When he heard the graduation ceremony begin, Jace took the
bouquet of roses from the back seat of his car and walked to the entrance.
Allison had said she and Ben planned on leaving right after getting their
diplomas. With the family names of Bentley and Cross, he wouldn’t have
long to wait. Jace strained to hear the names as they were announced,
feeling a surge of pride when Ben’s was called. When he heard Allison’s
name, he stood at attention, waiting for them both to appear. Despite his
vigilance, they nearly got away. Only Allison calling his name alerted
him.
Jace realized he’d been standing at the entrance instead of the exit.
That didn’t matter though, because he spotted Ben, nearly
unrecognizable in his cap and gown. Allison was saying something to
him, patting him on the shoulder, before she returned inside the stadium.
Jace’s long strides were already closing the distance between them. Ben
didn’t walk to meet him. Instead he stood there, watching Jace with
vulnerable eyes.
When Jace reached out to touch him, Ben began to cry.
Jace dropped the roses to the ground, taking Ben in his arms and
kissing him. Ben shook his head, as if it would be wrong, but then he
kissed Jace back, still crying. “You shouldn’t— I’m not worth— I have
to tell you—” Ben’s words were interrupted each time by sobs.
Jace hated seeing him so hurt, took no pleasure in the state Ben was
in. “You’re fine,” Jace assured him. “Everything’s fine.”
