“I couldn’t believe it when I saw the name,” Adrien said, standing
and offering a hand.
Jace took it, feeling like they should hug or something, but a very
professional desk stood between them. “I couldn’t believe it either,” Jace
said. “How did you end up in Austin?”
Adrien sat back down, making sure his tie was centered. “I’m a gay
Texan. We all end up in Austin eventually. Have a seat.”
Jace sat. Another few moments passed as they eyed each other,
taking note of the differences and similarities. Age suited Adrien. The
hair at his temples was receding, but this only drew more attention to his
eyes, which were just as shrewd as before. The light crow’s feet made
him seem more experienced, and—
“If you say anything about the gray streaks, I’ll murder you,” Adrien
said in good humor.
“Your hair is going to look awesome when it’s all gray,” Jace said
truthfully.
“Thank you. Is that a wedding ring?”
“Oh.” Jace held up his hand, which naturally chose that moment to
tremble. “Yeah. Over two years now.”
Adrien narrowed his eyes as if furious, and at first Jace thought he’d
made a terrible mistake in coming here. Then Adrien winked, smiled,
and held up his own left hand. On one slender finger was a diamond-
studded ring.
“No way!” Jace said.
“Don’t sound too surprised,” Adrien replied. “At least, not until you
find out who I married.”
On the desk was a picture frame, which Adrien flipped around so
Jace could see. The photo was of an Asian man built like a brick house.
Not muscular like Greg, but a real body builder, someone who made it
their life’s work to be as huge as possible. Despite his size, his smile was
friendly. There was something familiar about that face, but the last time
Jace had seen it…
“Is that Caleb?” he asked. “The chubby freshman who followed you
around in college?”
“Yes,” Adrien said. “My shy guy. He’s still that way. Quiet and soft-
spoken, even though he could give Conan a run for his money. After you
dumped me, he started working out like he had something to prove.
Turns out he did! And let me tell you, he’s not shy in the bedroom.”
“That’s awesome! About the marriage, I mean.”
“Thank you,” Adrien said, looking a little red in the cheeks. “And
what about you?”
Jace’s smile faded. “That’s why I’m here, actually.”
He told Adrien a little about Ben before he launched into the story of
the aneurysm. For once, the person hearing the story didn’t interrupt to
express sympathy. Adrien was in professional mode now, listening to a
client and trying to discern his need.
“Of course we’re not married in the legal sense,” Jace explained.
“I’m worried that if something does happen… Well, both our names are
on the house, but we have separate bank accounts. I don’t want him
getting screwed over by the state or anyone else, which is why I’m here.”
Adrien nodded. “Your family would automatically inherit, but
making Ben your sole beneficiary won’t be difficult. You were right to
come here. They treat us like second-class citizens in this country. It’s
getting better, but there’s still a long way to go, and I’m sick of waiting.
I’m thinking about getting into politics.”
“Do it,” Jace said. “I always knew you’d take the world by storm.”
Adrien blushed at the compliment. “I always knew you’d find the
right guy. I never meant what I said, you know.”
Jace shook his head. “When you said what?”
Adrien swallowed. “When we were breaking up. I said that you were
going to die alone or something cruel like that. And then you said you
hoped I’d find someone who made me feel loved.” His smile was sad.
“You were always so sweet. I always thought about that later, how you
were classy even after I’d said something so awful. I regretted saying it. I
still do. Especially now.”
“I’ll be fine,” Jace said reassuringly.
“You’d better be,” Adrien said. “I loved you, you know.” There was
a thick silence, Jace wondering if he was expected to say it back, but in
the end Adrien smiled. “We’ll take care of this lucky husband of yours.
We should be able to get most of the paperwork together right now.
There will be a few things I’ll need you to get. When we’re ready, you’ll
both need to sign. And you’ll have to bring him in, of course.”
“Ben? For legal reasons?”
Adrien shrugged. “For whatever reason. I just want to meet him!
How about we all go out to dinner? Caleb can show you this trick he
does where he crushes walnuts with his bare hands.”
Jace laughed. “Now that I have to see.” A second later, he had an
idea. Greg would never forgive him, though. “Hey, you know who drove
me here today? Actually, just wait here. I’ll be right back.”
When Jace dragged Greg into the office, Adrien screamed like a little
girl. Literally.
Chapter Thirty-three
Adrien was either cunning, had become sympathetic, or was simply
very good at his job. Perhaps all three. Of course Ben hated the idea of a
will, but Adrien made it about them both. Rather than preparing only for
Jace’s potential departure, the will covered the possibility of Ben dying
too. That way it became more about being prepared for any eventuality,
something that made sense after the recent scare. That the wills were
signed over dinner was another stroke of genius. There wasn’t time to
ask awkward questions or get emotional. Not when trying to make room
for the paperwork in between plates of appetizers and rounds of drinks.
Afterwards, the occasion felt more like a celebration than a time to
sadly reflect on losing each other one day. When the meal was over and
they had said goodbye to Adrien and his husband, Jace and Ben stumbled
out into the night air.
“There’s no way either of us can drive,” Jace said.
“I can’t believe they’re staying for another round,” Ben replied.
“I’ve seen Adrien out-drink lumberjacks before. True story.”
Ben laughed. “Should we call a cab?”
Jace considered the twinkling stars in the clear sky above. “Let’s
walk a little. I want to enjoy the weather.”
“Okay.”
Plus, they weren’t too far from a location special to them both.
Taking Ben’s hand, Jace chose the direction they strolled in. A few
blocks later, they reached the park where they were married.
“Hey!” Ben said.
“Is there something special about this park?” Jace teased. He realized
the joke was ill-conceived when Ben looked at him with concern. “Let’s
go find the pagoda. Maybe one of our wedding guests is still there,
sleeping off the champagne.”
Smiling in relief, Ben picked up the pace. When they spotted the
strange gazebo, they ran to it, laughing when they finally reached the
stairs and sitting on them.
“Should we repeat our vows?” Ben asked.
“That’ll be easy for you since you didn’t say anything.”
“I spoke using a higher language,” Ben said, demonstrating by
kissing him with a passion equal to that day.
“Wow,” Jace said when they broke away. “That’s exactly what you
said, verbatim!”
“Word for word,” Ben said proudly.
“Does this mean I really need to repeat what I said?”
Ben shook his head. “No need. I remember it all.”
“Really?”
“Yes. The important parts, at least.” A smile spread over Ben’s face.
“Okay, so maybe I can only remember one word.”
“And which would that be?”
Ben glanced over at him, his face a mixture of shadows and orange
light from a distant streetlamp. “Forever.”
Jace swallowed. “That’s right. I meant it too.”
Ben rubbed his nose absentmindedly, lost in thought for a moment.
Then he dropped his hand and turned to Jace. “Do you believe in God?”
“Which one?” he asked, trying to keep the mood playful.
“Any of them,” Ben replied. “I guess what I mean is, do you think
there’s more to life than this? Do you think that when we die, we live on
somehow?”
“I don’t know,” Jace said. He considered the trees rustling in the
breeze, the sounds of traffic and laughter in the distance. “Sometimes
that seems like wishful thinking, like ideas mankind came up with to
push back against our fears, or help us deal with loss. But then I think
how I feel about you, how our love is something almost tangible, like
something we created together that doesn’t have a physical form. Then
it’s very easy for me to believe in a soul.”
Ben nodded in understanding. “I was thinking about it the other day,
how I was unsure if I have a soul, but when I think about you it’s
obvious. I know you have a soul because I can feel it.” Ben laughed, as if
embarrassed. “I don’t mean that literally, but you’re the one person I
don’t have any doubts about. Maybe that’s how it works. Maybe loving
someone means being able to see their soul, to know that it’s real.”
Jace smiled. “In that case, I can see yours too.”
“Really?” Ben looked mischievous. “What color is it?”
“Brown.”
“Brown?” Ben said incredulously.
“Yeah. Not a becoming brown either. Kind of a dirty poo brown, like
something Samson would cover up in his litter box.”
“You’re cruel,” Ben said.
“I know. What color is mine?”
“Golden,” Ben said in all seriousness. “The best of the best.”
Jace nudged his nose against Ben’s cheek, kissing him there. “Now
you’re making me feel bad.”
“That was the plan.” Ben said, turning his head for a real kiss. When
he pulled away, his eyes were searching Jace’s. “Did we do the right
thing tonight? I feel like we’re tempting fate.”
“By signing the wills?” Jace shook his head. “If anything, being
prepared ensures it’ll never happen. And if something does, at least there
will be less to worry about. That having been said, a will only covers so
much. There are things I need you to know.”
Ben turned his face away, as if he didn’t want this discussion to
happen, but it had to.
“If something should happen to me,” Jace continued, “I’d want you
to be happy. I know you wouldn’t be at first. If I lost you, I’d be
devastated. Eventually, though, I’d want you to move on.”
Ben raised an eyebrow. “You’re drunk.”
“I’m not,” Jace said. “Okay, so maybe I am, but I’ve been thinking
about this lately. A lot. I’d want you to find someone else, Ben.”
“No.” There was no thought, no delay. Just a simple flat rejection.
“Yes. You’re too young to spend the rest of your life alone.”
“I’d have Samson,” Ben said flippantly.
“I’m serious!” Jace felt his temper rising, which he didn’t want, so
he took a deep breath. “You’re a wonderful person, and you have so
much love to—”
“Would you?” Ben interrupted. “If I die first, do you really see
yourself being with somebody else? Honestly?”
Jace thought about it. “No,” he admitted. “You’re the only one for
me.”
Ben’s response was soft. “Then don’t ask me to do something that
you’re unwilling to do yourself.”
“Fair enough,” Jace said, taking his hand. “Just know that no matter
what happens, be it today or in a hundred years, I’d want you to be
happy. Whatever it takes, I’d be okay with it.”
Ben nodded. “Anything else? If so, please tell me now because I
don’t think I could have this conversation sober.”
Jace exhaled. “Samson. I’d want you to take care of him. And I’d
like you to stay in touch with my sister and her family. She’ll miss me
when I’m gone, and I think it would help if you could fill in for me.
Travel some more, if you want. See the world for me. Most of all, keep
living. And don’t do anything stupid, okay?”
Ben squeezed his hand in response.
Jace glanced over to see tears running down his cheeks, so he
stopped. He wanted to promise Ben that all of this was just a mental
exercise, ideas that they would never have to act on, but he couldn’t.
Even if he made it through the minefield of aneurysms unscathed,
eventually one of them would be the first to go.
“Is there anything you’d want me to do if you die first?” Jace asked.
Ben thought about it. “Yes. I want you to rent a bus and invite
everyone I love out for a ride. My parents, your entire family, Allison,
Samson, everyone. Take a nice trip together up to the mountains,
stopping somewhere along the way for a picnic. Afterwards, you should
all get back in the bus and drive over the tallest cliff you can find.”
Jace’s jaw dropped. “What? Why?”
“So you can all join me in whatever comes next.”
“That’s very… selfish.”
Ben turned to regard him, face dead serious. “I know.”
Jace was the first to laugh, then Ben joined him. As crazy as the idea
was, there was something romantic about it. That’s how death should
work. Everyone who loved each other making the journey at the same
time—one final trip together into eternity.
* * * * *
Jace woke up with a headache.
At first he wondered if he was dreaming of that morning again, since
he occasionally had nightmares about it, but the morning light was too
bright, the details of the world too real for this to be a dream. He tried
blaming poor sleep. His next surgery was just a few days away, and he’d
spent more than one night tossing and turning. Of course this left him
tired and cranky, and sometimes a little achy.
He glanced down to where Samson was sleeping, the cat’s eyes
opening instinctively before blinking shut again. Beyond him, Ben slept
with his mouth half-open. He always looked younger when he slept, the
muscles of his face relaxed, lending him an innocent quality. Jace wasn’t
feeling so innocent. He reached over, put a finger on Ben’s chin, and
gently closed his mouth for him.
Now the muscles of Ben’s face came to life, the brow knitting in
confusion, the eyes squinting against the day. When he saw Jace
watching him, he smiled.
“What time is it?” he asked.
“No idea,” Jace admitted “Time to get in the shower?”
Ben stretched and nodded. “Okay.”
Samson remained in bed, as usual, only willing to wake up when a
can of food was opened. Ben got in the shower first, getting the water
warmed to the right temperature. Then Jace joined him. The funny thing
about cohabiting was how normal things like this could become. The
idea of showering with another guy would have driven him wild as a
