If you are trying to sell people on a product or an idea, remember
that once they see you as a friend who cares about them, they
will be more open to changing their minds or opinions.
13. Keep your voice animated and energized. Vary the volume of
your voice and the speed of your words. Slow down on the more
important comments; soften your more confidential remarks.
Speed up with details and unimportant information. Nothing is
more boring and demotivating than a flat, monotonous voice. It
is more powerful than a sleeping pill.
14. Express your emotions. Your voice and manner should
project enthusiasm, concern, excitement, and pleasure. You want
to convey the intensity—even the passion—of your convictions.
But take care not to overdo it, because then you’re overselling.
15. Smile into the phone. A smile can be both heard and felt. It
changes the shape of your mouth, which affects the tone of your
voice. Your voice will sound warmer and friendlier if you smile
when you are speaking.
16. Give people what you want from them. If you want them to
be excited, you must sound excited. If you want them to be convinced,
you must sound convinced. They won’t give you what
you don’t give them.
17. Focus on talking about what is of interest to the other person.
Make sure her ideas, opinions, and concerns are always foremost
in the conversation.
The Power of Charm
18. Resist giving advice. This applies on the phone and when
speaking with someone in person as well. If a person asks for
advice, resist the temptation to respond. Instead ask, “What do
you think you should do?”
19. Always ask permission. When they haven’t asked for
advice, but you know they need it, try saying, “May I make a
suggestion?” Always be gentle.
20. Respond to anger or an aggressive manner with gentleness. If
you respond in like manner, you may win the emotional battle
but you will surely lose the charm war. Remember that a soft
answer turns away wrath.
21. Don’t stop being charming before you’ve hung up. Be sure
your charm extends into everything you say, including goodbyes.
Have you ever spoken to someone on the phone who
abruptly cuts off the conversation? It makes you wonder if the
person meant anything he said, doesn’t it?
22. Think of yourself as mentoring your listener. Try to be like the
best mentor you can remember—informed, patient, kind, caring,
concerned, warm, supportive, and protective. Strive to be genuinely
helpful and friendly.
Your Tools for Charming Others
Resolve today to become an excellent and charming communicator
on the phone. First, keep these suggestions on a single piece
of paper and have them in front of you whenever you are speaking
on the phone. Review them casually as you speak and look
for opportunities to apply them.
Second, treat each phone call as an important meeting with a special
client. Get rid of all distractions and concentrate single-mindedly
on the voice of the other person.
With a little thought and practice, these skills will become invaluable
in your social life and priceless in your business and career;
in fact, they will do as much to improve the quality of your relationships
as anything else you do.
acceptance, 12–13
achievements, of men, 27–28
acknowledgment, 37
actions
“act as if” principle, 78–82, 126
importance of behavior,
31–34
admiration, 14
advice, 67–69, 134
affirmations, 126
aggression, responding to, 134
Algren, Nelson, 22
anger, responding to, 134
animation, of voice, 98–99, 133
appreciation, 13, 75–77
approval, 13–14
Arden, Ron, 5–7
Aristotle, 78, 121
attention, 14, 17, 35–37
attitude
“act as if” principle and,
78–82, 126
impact of, 80–81
Bacon, Francis, 59, 107
Bernhardt, Sarah, 1
Berold, Ivan, 5–7
Blanchard, Ken, 77
body language
comfort zones and, 51–53
controlling, 56–58
head nods in, 47–49, 79
head tilts in, 44–46
leaning away, 50, 52
leaning forward, 50, 52, 79
in listening, 44–50
negative, 54–58
sitting, 51, 52, 55
standing, 51, 52
whole body, 50–53
INDEX
Budgell, Eustace, 54
Bush, George W., 92
business space, 51
Caine, Michael, 95
Carnegie, Dale, 16, 107
charm
advancement and, 128
applications of, 5–7
art of, 123–124
commitment to, 123–124
impact of, 8–10
from inside out (American
approach), 31
men and, 19–20, 26–29
nature of, 3–4
from outside in (European
approach), 31–34
secret of, 12–15
women and, 19–20, 22–25, 56
see also conversation;
listening; speaking;
telephone conversations
Churchill, Jennie, 63
Clinton, Bill, 3, 34
Coghan, Stanley, 39
comfort zones, 51–53, 89–91
compliments, 14
conflict, 117
control
of body language, 56–58
in conversation, 102–103,
105–106, 110–111, 113, 116
conversation, 101–122
conflict in, 117
getting in step in, 118–120
impressing others in, 24–25, 116
“killing the ball” in, 115–117
mirroring and matching in,
119–120
practicing, 121–122, 126
preparation for, 107–111
questions in, 102–103,
105–106, 110–111, 113,
131
reading each other in,
113–114
steering, 104–106
subject of, 102–103, 109–110
see also listening; speaking;
telephone conversations
crossing legs/arms, 55, 58
dogs, head tilts of, 44–45
Emerson, Ralph Waldo, 61
Emotional Intelligence
(Goleman), 16–17
empathy, 16–17, 36, 133
endorphins, 18
energy, of voice, 98–99, 133
examples, using, 133
eye contact
flicking and, 41–43
in listening to others, 38–43
look-aside and, 86–87
in speaking to others, 84–87
familiarity level, 132
fast talkers, 88–89
feelings
actions in triggering, 79–82
details versus, 131
expressing, 133
fillers, excessive, 95–96
flicking eyes, 41–43
Franklin, Benjamin, 112–114
friends, practicing with, 63–66,
121–122
Frost, Robert, 127
135
136 Index
Fry, Stephen, 101
Gardner, Howard, 17
Goleman, Daniel, 16–17
Gorbachev, Mikhail, 84
Gorky, Maxim, 76–77
Greville, Fulke, 35
habits, changing, 90–91
head nods, 47–49, 79
head tilts, 44–46
heuristic cues, 131
Holtz, Lou, 11
Hubbard, Elbert, 92
humor, 72–74
Huxley, Aldous, 125
impressing others, 24–25, 116
infection rule, 73–74
interruptions
avoiding, 17, 18, 23
gentle, 132
intimate space, 51
James, William, 78
Johnson, Samuel, 47, 75
laughing, 72–74
Lincoln, Abraham, 14
listening
attention in, 35–37
body language in, 44–50
in conversation, 109
eye contact in, 38–43
genuine versus phony, 42
head nods in, 47–49, 79
head tilts in, 44–46
impact of, 6, 9, 16–21
keys to effective, 17–19
men and, 19–20, 26–29
patience and, 68, 70–71, 132
practicing, 63–66
in telephone conversations,
131–133
women and, 19–20, 23–24
look-aside, 86–87
Marden, Orison Swett, 118
matching, in conversation,
119–120
Mehrabian, Albert, 55–56
men
charming a man, 26–29
listening and, 19–20, 26–29
Menander, 83
mirroring, in conversation,
119–120
Montaigne, 97
Morrow, Lance, 30
neurolinguistic programming
(NLP), 119
nodding, 47–49, 79
noncommital words and
phrases, 61–62
openness, 51
overselling information, 133
paraphrasing, 19
patient listening, 68, 70–71, 132
pauses, 18, 92–94, 96, 132–133
Perot, Ross, 43
personal space, 51
Plato, 26
pleasure, for others, 6–7, 9
power
of charm, 9
of patient listening, 68,
70–71, 132
praise, 13–14, 27–28, 75–77
promotions, 128
protected space, 51–52
Publius Syrus, 86
questions
for clarification, 18–19
in conversation, 102–103,
105–106, 110–111, 113, 132
for women, 24–25
reassurances, 37
verbal, 61–62, 79, 132
vocal, 59–60, 79, 132
receptivity, 51
reputation, importance of, 2
Roone, Andrew S., 50
St. John, Seymour, 3
Sanborn, Mark, 3, 34
Seinfeld (TV program), 52
self-esteem
building others’, 12–14, 18,
27–28
at core of personality, 11–12
of women, 23
self-improvement arena, 31
silence, 18, 92–94, 96, 132–133
Simon, Neil, 73–74
slumping, 55, 57, 58
smiling, 12–13, 72–74, 79, 130,
133
social intelligence, 1–2, 16–17
social space, 51
speaking
excessive fillers in, 95–96
eye contact in, 84–87
pauses in, 18, 92–94, 96,
132–133
tempo of, 88–91, 98–99, 132
voice quality and, 97–100,
133
see also conversation;
telephone conversations
stories, telling, 132
systematic cues, 131
telephone conversations,
129–134
clues in, 130–131
first impressions, 129
giving others what they want,
131–134
“thank you,” saying, 13, 75–77
Thokoza, 8
tone of voice, 55–56, 62
Twain, Mark, 72
unconditional positive regard,
12–13
verbal reassurances, 61–62, 79,
133
visualization, 126
voice
quality of, 97–100, 133
tone of, 55–56, 62
vocal reassurances, 59–60, 79,
132
Washington, George, 88
Williams, Cecil, 84
women
body language and, 56
charming a woman, 22–25
listening and, 19–20, 23–24
Zeno of Athens, 41
ABOUT THE AUTHORS
Brian Tracy is one of America’s top business speakers, a best-selling
author, and one of the leading consultants and trainers on personal
and professional development in the world today. He
addresses 250,000 people each year on subjects ranging from
Personal Success and Leadership to Managerial Effectiveness,
Creativity, and Sales. He has written more than thirty books and
has produced more than 300 audio and video learning programs.
Much of Brian’s work has been translated into other languages and
is being used in thirty-five countries. He is coauthor, with
Campbell Fraser, of the Advanced Coaching and Mentoring
Program and the Coaching Excellence Program.
Brian has consulted with more than 1000 companies—IBM,
McDonnell Douglas, and The Million Dollar Round Table among
them—and has trained more than 2,000,000 people personally. His
ideas are proven, practical, and fastacting. His readers, seminar
participants, and coaching clients learn a series of techniques and
strategies that they can use immediately to get better results in their
lives and careers.
Ron Arden is British born and educated and is widely recognized
as one of the leading speech coaches in the world. He devoted
many years of his distinguished career to acting and directing, and
as a professor of theater arts in the U.S. and overseas, and then
applied his extensive theatrical experience to improving presentation
skills in the business world.
Designated the “Guru of Speaker’s Coaches” for his unique
137
The Power of Charm
coaching style and his work with many of the world’s top professional
speakers and members of the National Speakers Association,
Ron has been featured in Time magazine and has earned wide
recognition and numerous awards, among them the Maurice
Mascaraenhas Award for Outstanding Resource, the William
Soroka Exceptional Leader Award, the Executive Committee
Worldwide’s Two Hundred Award, and the “We Believe in
Miracles Award” from P.A.R.T.S.
Ron is in private practice in San Diego and conducts seminars
and workshops throughout the U.S., Canada, and South Africa. His
clients include corporations; city, state, and federal agencies; politicians;
attorneys; executives; and radio and television personalities.
Brian Tracy University
Brian Tracy has recently founded and is president of Brian Tracy
University of Business and Entrepreneurship, committed to
helping individuals to achieve financial success and independence
as business owners (www.briantracyu.com).
The University offers practical, fast-acting instruction on
Business Building, Increasing Your Profits, Getting Started in
Your Own Business, Successful Selling, High Performance
Leadership, and Maximum Performance.
Using the technology of the Internet, you can learn the
essential skills of marketing and sales, production and distribution,
advertising and promotion, and how to get the money you
need. With BTU, this information is available to you anytime,
anywhere.
For a free business assessment, visit www.briantracyu.com
today, and get started on the road to riches.
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