and according as the Abbesse had comanded, was brought by them into
the Chapter-house: the yong Gentleman remaining still in the
Chamber, where he put on his garments, awaiting to see the issue of
this businesse, and verily intending to act severe revenge on his
betrayers, if any harme were done to Isabella, and afterward to take
her thence away with him, as meaning to make her amends by marriage.
The Abbesse being seated in the Chapter house, and all the other
Nunnes then called before her, who minded nothing else but the poore
offending Sister: she began to give her very harsh and vile
speeches, as never any transgressor suffered the like, and as to her
who had (if it should be openly knowne abroad) contaminated by her
lewde life and actions, the sanctity and good renowne of the whole
Monastery, and threatned her with very severe chastisement. Poore
Isabella, confounded with feare and shame, as being no way able to
excuse her fault, knew not what answer to make, but standing silent,
made her case compassionable to all the rest, even those
hard-hearted Sisters which betrayed her.
And the Abbesse still continuing her harsh speeches, it fortuned,
that Isabella raising her head, which before she dejected into hir
bosome, espied the breeches on her head, with the stockings hanging on
either side of her; the sight whereof did so much encourage her,
that boldly she said. Madam, let a poore offender advise you for to
mend your veile, and afterward say to me what you will.
The Abbesse being very angry; and not understanding what she
meant, frowningly answered. Why how now saucy companion? What vaile
are you prating of? Are you so malapert, to bee chatting already? Is
the deed you have done, to be answered in such immodest manner?
Isabella not a jot danted by her sterne behaviour, once againe said.
Good Madam let me perswade you to sette your vaile right, and then
chide me as long as you will. At these words, all the rest of the
Nunnes exalted their lookes, to behold what vaile the Abbesse wore
on her head, wherewith Isabella should finde such fault, and she her
selfe lift up her hand to feele it: and then they all perceyved
plainly, the reason of Isabellas speeches, and the Abbesse saw her
owne error.
Hereupon, when the rest observed, that she had no help to cloud this
palpable shame withall, the tide began to turne, and hir tongue
found another manner of Language, then her former fury to poore
Isabella, growing to this conclusion, that it is impossible to
resist against the temptations of the flesh. And therefore she
saide: Let all of you take occasion, according as it offereth it
selfe, as both we and our predecessors have done: to be provident
for your selves, take time while you may, having this sentence alwaies
in remembrance, Si non caste, tamen caute.
So, having granted the yong Nunne Isabella free absolution: the Lady
Abbesse returned backe againe to bed to the Priest, and Isabella to
the Gentleman. As for the other Sisters, who (as yet) were without the
benefit of friends; they intended to provide themselves so soone as
they could, being enduced thereto by so good example.
THE NINTH DAY, THE THIRD NOVELL
DISCOVERING THE SIMPLICITY OF SOME SILLY WITTED MEN, AND HOW
EASIE A MATTER IT IS TO ABUSE AND BEGUILE THEM
Master Simon the Physitian, by the perswasions of Bruno, Buffalmaco,
and a third Companion, named Nello, made Calandrino to beleeve, that
he was conceived great with childe. And having Physicke ministred to
him for the disease: they got both good fatte Capons and money of him,
and so cured him, without any other man of deliverance.
After that Madame Eliza had concluded her Novell, and every one of
the company given thankes to Fortune, for delivering poore Isabella
the faire young Nunne, from the bitter reprehensions of the as
faulty Abbesse, as also the malice of her envious Sisters; the
Queene gave command unto Philostratus, that he should be the next in
order, and hee (without expecting anie other warning) began in this
manner.
Faire Ladies, the paltry Judge of the Marquisate, whereof
yesterday I made relation to you; hindred mee then of another
Novell, concerning silly Calandrino, wherewith I purpose now to
acquaint you. And because whatsoever hath already bin spoken of him,
tended to no other end but matter of meriment, hee and his
companions duly considered; the Novel which I shal now report, keepeth
within the selfesame compasse, and aimeth also at your contentment,
according to the scope of imposed variety.
You have already heard what manner of man Calandrino was, and
likewise the rest of his pleasant Companions, who likewise are now
againe to be remembred, because they are actors in our present
discourse. It came so to passe, that an Aunt of Calandrinoes dying,
left him a legacy of two hundred Florines, wherewith he purposed to
purchase some small Farme-house in the countrey, or else to enlarge
the other, whereof he was possessed already. And, as if bee were to
disburse some ten thousand Florines, there was not a Broker in all
Florence, but understood what he intended to doe: and all the worst
was, that the strings of his purse could stretch no higher. Bruno, and
Buffalmaco (his auncient Confederates) who heard of this good
Fortune befalne him, advised him in such manner as they were wont to
do; allowing it much better for him, to make merrie with the money
in good cheare among them, then to lay it out in paltry Land,
whereto he would not by any meanes listen, but ridde himselfe of
them with a dinners cost, as loath to bee at anie further charge
with them.
These merry Laddes meant not to leave him so; but sitting one day in
serious consultation, and a third man in their companie, named
Nello; they all three layde their braines in steep, by what means to
wash their mouths well, and Calandrino to bee at the cost thereof.
And having resolved what was to bee done, they met togither the next
morning, even as Calandrino was comming foorth of his house, and
sundering themselves, to avoyd all suspition, yet beeing not farre
distant each from other; Nello first met him, and saide unto him, Good
Morrow Calandrino: which he requited backe agayne with the same
salutation. But then Nello standing still, looked him stedfastly in
the face: whereat Calandrino mervailing, sayd. Nello.
Why dost thou behold me so advisedly? Whereunto Nello answered,
saying Hast thou felt any paine this last night past? Thou lookest
nothing so well, as thou didst yesterday. Calandrino began instantly
to wax doubtfull, and replyed thus. Dost thou see any alteration in my
face, whereby to imagine, I should feele some paine? In good faith
Calandrino (quoth Nello) me thinks thy countenance is strangely
changed, and surely it proceedeth from some great cause, and so he
departed away from him.
Calandrino being very mistrustfull, scratched his head, yet felte he
no grievance at all; and going still on; Buffalmaco sodainely
encountred him, upon his departure from Nello, and after salutations
passing betweene them; in a manner of admiration, demanded what he
ayled?
Truly (quoth Calandrino) well enough to mine owne thinking, yet
notwithstanding, I met with Nello but even now; and he told me, that
my countenance was very much altred; Is it possible that I should
bee sicke, and feele no paine or distaste in any part of me?
Buffalmaco answered; I am not so skilfull in judgement, as to argue on
the Nature of distemper in the body: but sure I am, that thou hast
some daungerous inward impediment, because thou lookst (almost) like a
man more then halfe dead.
Calandrino began presently to shake, as if hee had had a Feaver
hanging on him, and then came Bruno looking fearefully on him, and
before he would utter any words, seemed greatly to bemoane him, saying
at length. Calandrino? Art thou the same man, or no? How wonderfuly
art thou changed since last I saw thee, which is no longer then yester
day? I pray thee tell mee, How dooest thou feele thy health?
Calandrino hearing, that they all agreed in one opinion of him; he
beganne verily to perswade himselfe, that some sodaine sicknes, had
seised upon him, which they could discerne, although hee felt no
anguish at all: and therefore, like a man much perplexed in minde,
demanded of them, What he should do? Beleeve me Calandrino (answered
Bruno) if I were worthy to give thee counsell, thou shouldst returne
home presently to thy house, and lay thee downe in thy warme Bedde,
covered with so many cloathes as thou canst well endure. Then to
Morrow morning, send thy Water unto Learned Mayster Doctor the
Physitian, who (as thou knowest) is a man of most singular skill and
experience: he will instruct thee presently what is the best course to
be taken, and we that have ever beene thy loving friends, will not
faile thee in any thing that lieth in our power.
By this time, Nello being come againe unto them, they all returned
home with Calandrino unto his owne house, whereinto he entering very
faintly, hee saide to his Wife: Woman, make my Bed presently ready,
for I feele my selfe to be growne extreamely sicke, and see that
thou layest cloathes enow upon me. Being thus laide in his Bedde, they
left him for that night, and returned to visite him againe the verie
next morning, by which time, he had made a reservation of his Water,
and sent it by a young Damosell unto Maister Doctor, who dwelt then in
the olde market place, at the signe of the Muske Mellone. Then saide
Bruno unto his Companions; Abide you heere to keepe him company, and I
will walke along to the Physitian, to understand what he will say: and
if neede be, I can procure him to come hither with me. Calandrino very
kindely accepted his offer, saying withall. Well Bruno, thou shewst
thy selfe a friend in the time of necessity, I pray thee know of
him, how the case stands with me, for I feele a very strange
alteration within mee, far beyond all compasse of my conceite.
Bruno being gone to the Physitian, he made such expedition, that
he arrived there before the Damosell, who carried the Water, and
informed Master Simon with the whole tricke intended: wherefore,
when the Damosell was come, and hee had passed his judgement
concerning the water, he said to her.
Maide, go home againe, and tell Calandrino, that he must keep
himselfe very warme: and I my selfe will instantly be with him, to
enstruct him further in the quality of his sicknesse.
The Damosell delivered her message accordingly, and it was not
long before Mayster Doctor Simon came, with Bruno also in his company,
and sitting downe on the beds side by Calandrino, hee began to taste
his pulse, and within a small while after, his Wife being come into
the Chamber, he said. Observe me well Calandrino, for I speake to thee
in the nature of a true friend; thou hast no other disease, but only
thou art great with child.
So soone as Calandrino heard these words, in dispairing manner he
beganne to rage, and cry out aloud, saying to his wife Ah thou
wicked woman, this is long of thee, and thou hast done me this
mischeefe for alwayes thou wilt be upon me, ever railing at mee, and
fighting, untill thou hast gotten me under thee. Say thou divellish
creature, do I not tell thee true? The Woman, being of verie honest
and civill conversation, hearing her husband speake so foolishly:
blushing with shame, and hanging downe her head in bashfull manner;
without returning any answer, went forth of her Chamber.
Calandrino continuing still in his angry humour, wringing his hands,
and beating them upon his breast, said: Wretched man that I am, What
shall I do? How shal I be delivered of this child? Which way can it
come from me into the world? I plainly perceyve, that I am none
other then a dead man, and all through the wickednesse of my Wife:
heaven plague her with as many mischiefes, as I am desirous to finde
ease. Were I now in as good health, as heere-tofore I have beene, I
would rise out of my bed, and never cease beating her, untill I had
broken her in a thousand peeces. But if Fortune will be so
favourable to me, as to helpe mee out of this dangerous agony: hang
me, if ever she get me under her againe, or make me such an Asse, in
having the mastery over mee, as diuers times she hath done.
Bruno, Buffalmaco and Nello, hearing these raving speeches of
Calandrino, were swolne so bigge with laughter, as if their ribbes
would have burst in sunder; neverthelesse, they abstained so well as
they were able; but Doctor Simon gaped so wide with laughing as one
might easily have pluckt out all his teeth. In the end, because he
could tarry there no longer, but was preparing to depart: Calandrino
thanked him for his paines, requesting that hee would be carefull of
him, in aiding him with his best advise and counsell, and he would not
be unmindfull of him. Honest neighbour Calandrino, answered the
Phisition, I would not have you to torment your selfe, in such an
impatient and tempestuous manner, because I perceive the time so to
hasten on, as we shall soone perceive (and that within very few
dayes space) your health well restored, and without the sense of
much paine; but indeed it wil cost expences. Alas Sir, said
Calandrino, mak not any spare of my purse, to procure that I may
have safe deliverance. I have two hundred Florines, lately falne to me
by the death of mine Aunt, wherewith I intended to purchase a Farme in
the Countrey: take them all if need be, onely reserving some few for
my lying in Childbed. And then Master Doctor, Alas, I know not how
to behave my selfe, for I have heard the grievous complaint of women
in that case, oppressed with bitter pangs and throwes; as
questionlesse they will bee my death, except you have the greater care
of me.
Be of good cheere neighbour Calandrino, replyed Doctor Simon, I will
provide an excellent distilled drinke for you, marveilously pleasing
in taste, and of soveraigne vertue, which will resolve all in three
mornings, making you as whole and as sound as a Fish newly spawned.
