RATHER THEN ANY REASONABLE COMPREHENSION, A MAN MAY ESCAPE OUT OF
MANIFOLD PERILLES, BUT ESPECIALLY IN OCCURRENCES OF LOVE.
A physitians wife laide a Lover of her Maides (supposing him to be
dead) in a Chest, by reason that he had drunke Water, which usually
was given to procure a sleepy entrancing. Two Lombard usurers,
stealing the Chest, in hope of a rich booty, carryed it into their
owne house, where afterward the man awaking, was apprehended for a
Theefe. The Chamber-maide to the Physitians wife, going before the
bench of Justice, accuseth her selfe for putting the imagined dead
body into the Chest, by which meanes he escapeth hanging. And the
theeves which stole away the Chest, were condemned to pay a great
summe of money.
After that the King had concluded his Novell, there remained none
now but Dioneus to tell the last: which himselfe confessing, and the
King commaunding him to proceede, hee beganne in this manner. So
many miseries of unfortunate Love, as all of you have already related,
hath not onely swolne your eyes with weeping, but also made sicke
our hearts with sighing: yea (Gracious Ladies) I my selfe finde my
spirits not meanly afflicted thereby. Wherefore the whole day hath
bene very irkesome to me, and I am not a little glad, that it is so
neere ending. Now, for the better shutting it up altogether, I would
be very loath to make an addition, of any more such sad and
mournfull matter, good for nothing but onely to feede melancholly
humor, and from which (I hope) my faire Starres will defend me.
Tragicall discourse, thou art no fit companion for me, I will
therefore report a Novell which may minister a more joviall kinde of
argument, unto whose Tales that must be told to morrow, and with the
expiration of our present Kings reigne, to rid us of all
heart-greeving hereafter.
Know then (most gracious assembly) that it is not many yeeres since,
when there lived in Salerne, a very famous Physitian, named Signieur
Mazzeo della Montagna, who being already well entred into yeeres,
would (neverthelesse) marrie with a beautifull young Mayden of the
City, bestowing rich garments, gaudie attyres, Ringes, and Jewelles on
her, such as few Women else could any way equall, because hee loved
her most deerely. Yet being an aged man, and never remembring, how
vaine and idle a thing it is, for age to make such an unfitting
Election, injurious to both; and therefore endangering that domesticke
agreement, which ought to be the sole and maine comfort of Marriage:
it maketh me therefore to misdoubt, that as in our former Tale of
Signiour Ricciardo de Cinzica, some dayes of the Calender did here
seeme as distastefull, as those that occasioned the other Womans
discontentment. In such unequall choyses, Parents commonly are more
blamewoorthy, then any imputation, to bee layde on the young Women,
who gladdely would enjoy such as in heart they have elected: but
that their Parents, looking through the glasse of greedie lucre, doe
overthrow both their owne hopes, and the faire fortunes of their
children together.
Yet to speake uprightly of this young married Wife, she declared her
selfe to be of a wise and chearfull spirit, not discoraged with her
unequalitie of marriage: but bearing all with a contented browe, for
feare of urging the very least mislike in her Husband. And he, on
the other side, when occasions did not call him to visite his
Patients, or to be present at the Colledge among his fellow-Doctours,
would alwayes bee chearing and comforting his Wife, as one that could
hardly affoord to be out of her company. There is one especiall
fatall misfortune, which commonly awaiteth on olde Mens marriages;
when freezing December will match with flourishing May, and greene
desires appeare in age, beyond all possibility of performance. Nor
are there wanting good store of wanton Gallants, who hating to see
Beauty in this manner betrayed, and to the embraces of a loathed bed,
will make their folly seene in publike appearance, and by their daily
proffers of amorous services (seeming compassionate of the womans
disaster) are usually the cause of jealous suspitions, and very
heinous houshold discontentments.
Among divers other, that faine would be nibling at this bayte of
beautie, there was one, named Ruggiero de Jeroly, of honourable
parentage, but yet of such a beboshed and disordered life, as
neither Kindred or Friends, were willing to take any knowledge of him,
but utterly gave him over to his dissolute courses: so that,
throughout all Salerne, his conditions caused his generall contempt,
and he accounted no better but even as a theeving and lewde company.
The Doctours Wife, had a Chamber-maide attending on her; who,
notwithstanding all the ugly deformities in Ruggiero, regarding more
his person then his imperfections (because he was a compleate and
well-featured youth) bestowed her affection most entirely on him,
and oftentimes did supplie his wants, with her owne best meanes.
Ruggiero having this benefite of the Maides kinde love to him,
made it an hopefull mounting Ladder, whereby to derive some good
liking from the Mistresse, presuming rather on his outward comely
parts, then any other honest qualitie that might commend him. The
Mistresse knowing what choise her Maide had made, and unable by any
perswasions to remoove her, tooke knowledge of Ruggieroes private
resorting to her house, and in meere love to her Maide (who had very
many especiall deservings in her) oftentimes she would (in kinde
manner) rebuke him, and advise him to a more settled course of life;
which counsell, that it might take the better effect; she graced
with liberall gifts: one while with Golde, others with Silver, and
often with garments, for his comelier accesse thither; which bounty,
he (like a lewde mistaker) interpreted as assurances of her
affection to him, and that he was more gracefull in her eye, then
any man else could be.
In the continuance of these proceedings, it came to passe, that
Master Doctor Mazzeo (being not onely a most expert Physitian, but
likewise as skilfull in Chirurgerie beside) had a Patient in cure, who
by great misfortune, had one of his legges broken all in pieces; which
some weaker judgement having formerly dealt withall, the bones and
sinewes were become so fowly putrified, as he tolde the parties
friends, that the legge must be quite cut off, or else the Patient
must needes dye: yet he intended so to order the matter, that the
perill should proceede no further, to prejudice any other part of
the body. The case beeing thus resolved on with the Pacient and his
Friends, the day and time was appointed when the deede should be done:
and the Doctor conceiving, that except the Patient were sleepily
entranced, he could not by any meanes endure the paine, but must
needes hinder what he meant to do: by distillation he made such an
artificiall Water, as (after the Patient hath received it) it will
procure a kinde of a dead sleepe, and endure so long a space, as
necessity requireth the use there of, in full performance of the
worke.
After he had made this sleepy water, he put it into a glasse,
wherewith it was filled (almost) up to the brimme; and till the time
came when he should use it, hee set it in his owne Chamber-Window,
never acquainting any one, to what purpose he had provided the
water, nor what was his reason of setting it there; when it drew
towards the evening, and he was returned home from his pacients, a
Messenger brought him Letters from Malfy, concerning a great
conflict happening there betweene two Noble Families, wherein divers
were very dangerously wounded on either side, and without his speedy
repairing thither, it would prove to the losse of many lives.
Hereupon, the cure of the mans leg must needs be prolonged, untill
he was returned backe againe, in regard that many of the wounded
persons were his worthy friends, and liberall bounty was there to be
expected, which made him presently go aboord a small Barke, and
forthwith set away towards Malfy.
This absence of Master Doctor Mazzeo, gave opportunity to
adventurous Ruggiero, to visite his house (he being gone) in hope to
get more Crownes, and curtisie from the Mistresse, under formall
colour of courting the Maide. And being closely admitted into the
house, when divers Neighbours were in conference with her Mistresse,
and held her with much pleasing discourse, as required longer time
then was expected: the Maide, had no other roome to conceale
Ruggiero in, but onely the bed Chamber of her Master, where she
lockt him in; because none of the houshold people should descry him,
and stayed attending on her Mistris, till all the Guests tooke their
leave, and were gone. Ruggiero thus remayning alone in the Chamber,
for the space of three long houres and more was visited neither by
Maide nor Mistris, but awaited when he should be set at liberty.
Now, whether feeding on salt meates before his coming thither, or
customary use of drinking, which maketh men unable any long while to
abstaine as being never satisfied with excesse; which of these two
extreames they were, I know not: but drinke needs he must. And, having
no other meanes for quenching his thirst, espied the glasse of water
standing in the Window, and thinking it to be some soveraigne kinde of
water, reserved by the Doctor for his owne drinking, to make him lusty
in his old yeeres, he tooke the glasse; and finding the water pleasing
to his pallate, dranke it off every drop; then sitting downe on a
Coffer by the beds side, soone after he fell into a sound sleepe,
according to the powerfull working of the water.
No sooner were all the Neighbours gone, and the Maide at liberty
from her Mistresse, but unlocking the doore, into the Chamber she
went; and finding Ruggiero sitting fast asleepe, she began to hunch
and punche him, entreating him (softly) to awake: but all was to no
purpose, for he neither moved, or answered one word; whereat her
patience being somewhat provoked, she punched him more rudely, and
angerly saide: Awake for shame thou drowsie dullard, and if thou be so
desirous of sleeping, get thee home to thine owne lodging, because
thou art not allowed to sleepe here. Ruggiero being thus rudely
punched, fell from off the Coffer flat on the ground, appearing no
other in all respects, then as if he were a dead body. Whereat the
Maide being fearfully amazed, plucking him by the nose and young
beard, and what else she could devise to do, yet all her labour
proving still in vaine: she was almost beside her wits, stamping and
raving all about the roome, as if sense and reason had forsaken her;
so violent was her extreame distraction.
Upon the hearing of this noise, her Mistris came sodainely into
the Chamber, where being affrighted at so strange an accident, and
suspecting that Ruggiero was dead indeed: she pinched him strongly,
and burnt his finger with a candle, yet all was as fruitelesse as
before. Then sitting downe, she began to consider advisedly with her
selfe, how much her honour and reputation would be endangered
hereby, both with her Husband, and in vulgar opinion when this
should come to publike notice. For (quoth she to her Maide) it is
not thy fond love to this unruly fellow that can sway the censure of
the monster multitude, in beleeving his accesse hither onely to
thee: but my good name, and honest repute, as yet untoucht with the
very least taxation, will be rackt on the tenter of infamous
judgement, and (though never so cleare) branded with generall
condemnation. It is wisedome therefore, that we should make no noise
but (in silence) consider with our selves, how to cleare the house
of this dead body, by some such helpfull and witty device, as when
it shall be found in the morning, his being here may passe without
suspition, and the worlds rash opinion no way touch US.
Weeping and lamenting is now laid aside, and all hope in them of his
lives restoring: onely to rid his body but of the house, that now
requires their care and cunning: whereupon the Maide thus began.
Mistresse (quoth she) this evening, although it was very late, at
our next Neighbours doore (who you know is a joyner by his trade) I
saw a great Chest stand; and, as it seemeth, for a publike sale,
because two or three nights together, it hath not bene thence removed:
and if the owner have not lockt it, all invention else cannot
furnish us with the like helpe. For therein will we lay his body,
whereon I will bestow two or three wounds with my Knife, and leaving
him so, our house can be no more suspected concerning his being
here, then any other in the streete beside; nay rather farre lesse, in
regard of your husbands credite and authority. Moreover, hereof I am
certaine, that he being of such bad and disordered qualities: it
will the more likely be imagined, that he was slaine by some of his
own loose companions, being with them about some pilfering busines,
and afterward hid his body in the chest, it standing so fitly for
the purpose, and darke night also favouring the deed.
The Maids counsell past under the seale of allowance, only her
Mistris thought it not convenient, that (having affected hirn so
deerely) she should mangle his body with any wounds; but rather to let
it be gathered by more likely-hood, that villaines had strangled
him, and then conveyed his body into the Chest. Away she sends the
Maide, to see whether the Chest stood there still, or no; as indeede
it did, and unlockt, whereof they were not a little joyfull. By the
helpe of her Mistresse, the Maide tooke Ruggiero upon her shoulders,
and bringing him to the doore, with dilligent respect that no one
could discover them; in the Chest they laide him, and so there left
him, closing downe the lidde according as they found it.
In the same streete, and not farre from the joyner, dwelt two yong
men who were Lombards, living upon the interest of their moneyes,
coveting to get much, and to spend little. They having observed
where the Chest stood, and wanting a necessary mooveable to
houshold, yet loath to lay out money for buying it: complotted
