man, that her Husband should not have any sight of him, shee had no
other meanes, but in an entry, hard by the Parlour where they purposed
to have supt, stood a Coope or Hen-pen, wherein shee used to keepe her
Pullen, under which hee crept, and then shee covered it with an olde
empty Sacke, and after ranne ranne to let her Husband come in. When
hee was entred into the House; as halfe offended at his so sudden
returne, angerly she saide: It seemes Sir you are a shaver at your
meate, that you have made so short a Supper. In troth Wife (quoth hee)
I have not supt at all, no not so much as eaten one bit. How hapned
that, said the woman? Marry Wife (quoth hee) I will tell you, and then
thus he began.
As Herculano, his Wife, and I were sitting downe at the Table,
very neere unto us wee heard one sneeze, whereof at the first wee made
no reckoning, untill wee heard it againe the second time, yeal a
third, fourth, and fifth, and many more after, whereat wee were not
a little amazed. Now Wife I must tell you, before wee entred the roome
where we were to sup, Herculanoes Wife kept the doore fast shut
against us, and would not let us enter in an indifferent while;
which made him then somewhat offended, but now much more, when hee had
heard one to sneeze so often. Demaunded of her a reason for it, and
who it was that thus sneezed in his House: hee started from the Table,
and stepping to a little doore neere the staires head, necessarily
made, to set such things in, as otherwise would be troublesome to
the roome, (as in all Houses we commonly see the like) he perceived,
that the party was hidden there, which wee had heard so often to
sneeze before.
No sooner had hee opened the doore, but stich a smell of brimstone
came foorth (whereof wee felt not the least savour before) as made
us likewise to cough and sneeze, being no way able to refraine it.
Shee seeing her Husband to bee much moved, excused the matter thus:
that (but a little while before) shee had whited certaine linnen
with the smoake of brimstone, as it is a usuall thing to doe, and then
set the Pan into that spare place, because it should not bee offensive
to us. By this time, Herculano had espied him that sneezed, who
being almost stifled with the smell, and closenesse of the small roome
wherein hee lay, had not any power to helpe himselfe, but still
continued coughing and sneezing, even as if his heart would have split
in twaine. Foorth hee pluckt him by the heeles, and perceiving how
matter had past, hee saide to her. I thanke you Wife now I see the
reason, why you kept us so long from comming into this roome: let
mee die, if I beare this wrong at your hands. When his Wife heard
these words, and saw the discovery of her shame; without returning
either excuse or answere, foorth of doores shee ranne, but whither,
wee know not. Herculano drew his Dagger, and would have slaine him
that still lay sneezing: but I disswaded him from it, as well in
respect of his, as also mine owne danger, when the Law should
censure on the deede. And after the young man was indifferently
recovered; by the perswasion of some Neighbours comming in: hee was
closely conveyed out of the House, and all the noyse quietly pacified.
Onely (by this meanes, and the flight of Herculanoes Wife) wee were
disappointed of our Supper, and now you know the reason of my so soone
returning.
When shee had heard this whole discourse, then shee perceived,
that other Women were subject to the like infirmitie, and as wise
for themselves, as shee could be, though these the like sinister
accidents might sometime crosse them: and gladly shee wished, that
Herculanoes Wives excuse, might now serve to acquite her: but
because in blaming others errours, our owne may sometime chance to
escape discovery, and cleare us, albeit wee are as guilty; in a sharpe
reprehending manner, thus shee began. See Husband, heere is hansome
behaviour, of an holy faire-seeming, and Saint-like woman, to whom I
durst have confest my sinnes, I conceived such a religious
perswasion of her lives integrety, free from the least scruple of
taxation. A woman, so farre stept into yeeres, as shee is, to give
such an evill example to younger women, is it not a sinne beyond all
sufferance? Accursed be the houre, when she was borne into this World,
and her selfe likewise, to bee so lewdly and incontinently given; an
universall shame and slaunder, to all the good women of our City.
Shall I tearme her a woman, or rather some savage monster in a
womans shape? Hath shee not made an open prostitution of her
honesty, broken her plighted faith to her Husband, and all the womanly
reputation shee had in this World? Her Husband, being an honourable
Citizen, entreating her alwayes, as few men else in the City doe their
wives; what an heart-breake must this needes bee to him, good man?
Neither I, nor any honest man else, ought to have any pity on her, but
(with our owne hands) teare her in peeces, or dragge her along to a
good fire in the Market place, wherein she and her minion should be
consumed together, and their base ashes dispersed abroad in the winde,
least the pure Aire should be infected with them.
Then, remembring her owne case, and her poore affrighted friend, who
lay in such distresse under the Hen-coope; she began to advise her
Husband, that he would be pleased to go to bed, because the night
passed on apace. But Pedro, having a better will to eate, then to
sleepe, desired her to let him have some meate, else hee must goe to
bed with an empty bellie; whereto shee answered. Why Husband (quoth
shee) doe I make any large provision, when I am de. bard of your
company? I would I were the Wife of Herculano, seeing you cannot
content your selfe from one nights feeding, considering, it is now
over-late to make any thing ready.
It fortuned; that certaine Husbandmen, which had the charge of
Pedroes Farmehouse in the Countrey, and there followed his affaires of
Husbandry, were returned home this instant night, having their Asses
laden with such provision, as was to bee used in his City-house.
When the Asses were unladen, and set up in a small Stable, without
watering; one off them being (belike) more thirsty then the rest,
brake loose, and wandering all about smelling to seeke water, happened
into the entry, where the young man lay hidden under the Hen pen. Now,
hee being constrained (like a Carpe) to lye flat on his belly, because
the Coope was over-weighty for him to carry, and one of his hands more
extended foorth, then was requisite for him in so urgent a shift: it
was his hap (or ill fortune rather) that the Asse set his foote on the
young mans fingers, treading so hard, and the paine being very
irkesome to him, as hee was enforced to cry out aloude: which Pedro
hearing, he wondered thereat not a little.
Knowing that this cry was in his house, hee tooke the Candle in
his hand, and going foorth of the Parlour, heard the cry to be louder;
because the Asse removed not his foote, but rather trod the more
firmely on his hand. Comming to the Coope, driving the Asse, and
taking off the old sacke, he espyed the young man, who, beside the
painefull anguish he felt of his fingers, arose up trembling, as
fearing some outrage beside to bee offered him by Pedro, who knew
the youth perfectly, and demaunded of him, how he came thither. No
answere did hee make to that question, but humbly entreated (for
charities sake) that hee would not doe him any harme. Feare not (quoth
Pedro) I will not offer thee any violence: onely tell mee how thou
camest hither, and for what occasion; wherein the youth fully resolved
him.
Pedro being no lesse joyfull for thus find. him, then his Wife was
sorrowfull, tooke him by the hand, and brought him into the Parlour,
where shee sate trembling and quaking, as not knowing what to say in
this distresse. Seating himselfe directly before her, and holding
the youth still fast by the hand, thus hee began. Oh Wife! What bitter
speeches did you use (even now) against the Wife of Herculano,
maintaining that shee had shamed all other women, and justly
deserved to be burned? Why did you not say as much of your selfe?
Or, if you had not the heart to speake, how could you bee so cruell
against her, knowing your offence as great as hers? Questionlesse,
nothing else urged you thereto, but that all women are of one and
the same condition, covering their owne grosse faults by farre
inferiour infirmities in others. You are a perverse generation,
meerely false in your fairest shewes.
When she saw that he offered her no other violence, but gave her
such vaunting and reproachfull speeches, holding still the young man
before her face, meerely vexe and despight her: shee began to take
heart, and thus replied. Doest thou compare mee with the Wife of
Herculano, who is an old, dissembling hypocrite? Yet she can have of
him whatsoever shee desireth, and he useth her as a woman ought to be,
which favour I could never yet finde at thy hands. Put the case,
that thou keepest me in good garments; allowing mee to goe neatly
hosed and shod; yet well thou knowest, there are other meere matters
belonging to a woman, and every way as necessarily required, both
for the preservation of Houshold quietnesse, and those other rites
betweene a Husband and Wife. Let mee be worser garmented, courser
dieted, yea, debarred of all pleasure and delights; so I might once be
worthy the name of a Mother, and leave some remembrance of
woman-hood behinde me. I tell thee plainely Pedro, I am a woman as
others are, and subject to the same desires, as (by nature)
attendeth on flesh and blood: looke how thou failest in kindnesse
towards me, thinke it not amisse, if I doe the like to thee, and
endeavour thou to win the worthy title of a Father, because I was made
to be a Mother.
When Pedro perceived, that his Wife had spoken nothing but reason,
in regard of his over-much neglect towards her, and not using such
Houshold kindnesse, as ought to be betweene Man and Wife, hee returned
her this answer. Well Wife (quoth he) I confesse my fault, and
hereafter will labour to amend it; conditionally, that this youth, nor
any other, may no more visite my House in my absence. Get me therefore
something to eate, for doubtlesse, this young man and thy selfe fell
short of your Supper, by reason of my so soone returning home. In
troth Husband, saide she, we did not eate one bit of any thing, and
I will be a true and loyall Wife to thee, so thou wilt be the like
to me. No more words then Wife, replyed Pedro, all is forgotten and
forgiven, let us to Supper, and we are all friends. She seeing his
anger was so well appeased, lovingly kissed him, and laying the cloth,
set on the supper, which she had provided for her selfe and the youth,
and so they supt together merrily, not one unkinde word passing
betweene them. After Supper, the youth was sent away in friendly
manner, and Pedro was alwayes afterward more loving to his Wife,
then formerly hee had beene, and no complaint passed on either side,
but mutuall joy and Houshold contentment, such as ought to bee
betweene Man and Wife.
Dioneus having ended this his Tale, for which the Ladies returned
him no thankes, but rather angerly frowned on him: the Queene, knowing
that her government was now concluded, arose, and taking off her
Crowne of Lawrell, placed it graciously on the head of Madame Eliza,
saying. Now Madame, it is your turne to commaund. Eliza having
received the honour, did (in all respects) as others formerly had
done, and after shee had enstructed the Master of the Houshold,
concerning his charge during the time of her Regiment, for
contentation of all the company; thus shee spake.
We have long since heard, that with witty words, ready answeres
and sudden jests or taunts, many have checkt and reproved great
folly in others, and to their no meane owne commendation. Now, because
it is a pleasing kinde of argument, ministring occasion of mirth and
wit: my desire is, that all our discourse to morrow shall tend
thereto. I meane of such persons, either Men or Women, who with some
sudden witty answere, have encountred a scorner in his owne intention,
and layed the blame where it justly belonged. Every one commended
the Queenes appointment, because it savoured of good wit and
judgement; and the Queene being risen, they were all discharged till
supper time, falling to such severall exercises as themselves best
fancyed.
When Supper was ended, and the instruments layed before them; by the
Queenes consent, Madam Aemilia undertooke the daunce, and the Song was
appointed to Dioneus, who began many, but none that proved to any
liking, they were so palpably obsceene and idle, savouring
altogether of his owne wanton disposition. At the length, the Queene
looking stearnely on him, and commanding him to sing a good one, or
none at all; thus he began.
THE SONG
Eyes, can ye not refraine your hourely weeping?
Eares, how are you depriv'd of sweete attention?
Thoughts, have you lost your quiet silent sleeping.
Wit, who hath rob'd thee of thy rare invention?
The lacke of these, being life and motion giving:
Are senselesse shapes, and no true signes of living.
Eyes, when you gaz'd upon her Angell beauty;
Eares, while you heard her sweete delitious straines,
Thoughts (sleeping then) did yet performe their duty,
Wit, tooke sprightly pleasure in his paines.
While shee did live, then none of these were scanting,
But now (being dead) they all are gone, and wanting.
After that Dioneus (by proceeding no further) declared the finishing
of his Song; many more were sung beside, and that of Dioneus highly
commended. Some part of the night being spent in other delightfull
exercises, and a fitting houre for rest drawing on: they betooke
themselves to their Chambers, where we will leave them till to
morrow morning.
THE INDUCTION TO THE SIXT DAY
GOVERNED UNDER THE AUTHORITY OF MADAM ELIZA, AND THE ARGUMENT
OF THE DISCOURSES OR NOVELLS THERE TO BE RECOUNTED, DOE CONCERNE
