to make them beleeve any thing, because the idle vanities of Aegypt
and those remoter parts, had not (as yet) bin seene in Tuscany, as
since then they have bin in great abundance, to the utter ruine
(almost) of Italy.
And although they might then be knowne to very few, yet the
inhabitants of the Country generally, understoode little or nothing at
all of them. For there, the pure simplicitie of their ancient
predecessors still continuing; they had not seene any Parrots, or so
much as heard any speech of them. Wherefore the two crafty consorts,
not a little joyfull of finding the Feather, tooke it thence with
them, and beecause they would not leave the Cabinet empty, espying
Charcoales lying in a corner of the Chamber, they filled it with them,
wrapping it up againe in the Taffata, and in as demure manner as
they found it. So, away came they with the Feather, neither seene or
suspected by any one, intending now to heare what Friar Onyon would
say, uppon the losse of his precious Relique, and finding the Coales
there placed insted thereof.
The simple men and women of the country, who had bin at morning
Masse in the Church, and heard what a wonderful Feather they should
see in the after noone, returned in all hast to their houses, where
one telling this newes to another, and gossip with gossip consulting
theron; they made the shorter dinner, and afterward flocked in maine
troopes to the Castle, contending who shold first get entrance, such
was their devotion to see the holy feather. Friar Onyon having
dined, and reposed a litle after his wine, he arose from the table
to the window, where beholding what multitudes came to see the
feather, he assured himselfe of good store of mony. Hereupon, he
sent to his Boy Guccio Imbrata, that uppon the Bels ringing, he should
come and bring the wallet to him. Which (with much ado) he did, so
soone as his quarrell was ended in the kitchin, with the amiable
Chamber-maid Nuta, away then he went with his holy commodities:
where he was no sooner arrived, but because his belly was readie to
burst with drinking water, he sent him to the Church to ring the bels,
which not onely would warme the cold water in his belly, but
likewise make him run as gaunt as a Grey-hound.
When all the people were assembled in the Church together, Friar
Onyon (never distrusting any injurie offered him, or that his close
commodities had bin medled withal) began his predication, uttering a
thousand lies to fit his purpose. And when he came to shew the feather
of the Phoenix (having first in great devotion finisht the confession)
he caused two goodly torches to be lighted, and ducking downe his head
three severall times, before hee would so much as touch the Taffata,
he opened it with much reverence. So soone as the Cabinet came to be
seen, off went his Hood, lowly he bowed downe his body, and uttering
especial praises of the Phoenix, and sacred properties of the
wonderfull Relique, the Cover of the Cabinet being lifted uppe, he saw
the same to bee full of Coales. He could not suspect his Villaine
boy to do this deede, for he knew him not to be endued with so much
wit, onely hee curst him for keeping it no better, and curst
himselfe also, for reposing trust in such a careles knave, knowing him
to be slothfull, disobedient, negligent, and void of all honest
understanding or grace. Sodainly (without blushing) lest his losse
should be discerned, he lifted his lookes and hands to heaven,
speaking out so loude, as every one might easily heare him, thus: O
thou omnipotent providence, for ever let thy power be praised. Then
making fast the Cabinet againe, and turning himselfe to the people,
with lookes expressing admiration, he proceeded in this manner.
Lords, Ladies, and you the rest of my worthy Auditors: You are to
understand, that I (being then very young) was sent by my Superiour,
into those parts, where the Sun appeareth at his first rising. And I
had received charge by expresse command, that I should seeke for (so
much as consisted in my power to do) the especiall vertues and
priviledges belonging to Porcellane, which although the boyling
thereof bee worth but little, yet it is very profitable to any but us.
In regard whereof, being upon my journey, and departing from Venice,
passing along the Borgo de Grecia, I proceeded thence (on horseback)
through the Realme of Garbo, so to Baldacca, till I came to Parione;
from whence, not without great extremity of thirst, I arrived in
Sardignia.
But why do I trouble you with the repetition of so many countries? I
coasted on still, after I had past Saint Georges Arme, into Truffia,
and then into Buffia which are Countries much inhabited, and with
great people. From thence I went into the Land of Lying, where I found
store of the Brethren of our Religion, and many other beside, who
shunned all paine and labour, onely for the love of God, and cared
as little, for the paines and travailes which others tooke, except
some benefit arised thereby to them; nor spend they any money in
this Country, but such as is without stampe. Thence I went into the
Land of Abruzzi, where the men and women goe in Galoches over the
Mountaines, and make them garments of their Swines guts. Not farre
from thence, I found people, that carried bread in their staves, and
wine in Satchels, when parting from them, I arrived among the
Mountaines of Bacchus, where all the waters run downe with a deepe
fall, and in short time, I went on so far, that I found my selfe to be
in India Pastinaca; where I swear to you by the holy habit which I
weare on my body, that I saw Serpents Bye, things incredible, and such
as were never seene before.
But because I would be loth to lye, so soone as I departed thence,
I met with Maso de Saggio, who was a great Merchant there, and whom
I found cracking Nuts, and selling Cockles by retale. Neverthelesse,
al this while I could not finde what I sought for, and therefore I was
to passe from hence by water, if I intended to travaile thither, and
so into the Holy Land, where coole fresh bread is sold for foure
pence, and the hot is given away for nothing. There I found the
venerable Father (blame me not I beseech you) the most woorthie
Patriarch of Jerusalem, who for the reverence due to the habite I
weare, and love to our Lord Baron Saint Anthony, would have me to
see al the holy Reliques, which he had there under his charge:
wherof there were so many, as if I should recount them all to you, I
never could come to a conclusion. But yet not to leave you
discomforted, I will relate some few of them to you. First of all,
he shewed me the finger of the holy Ghost, so whole and perfect, as
ever it was. Next, the nose of the Cherubin, which appeared to Saint
Frances; with the payring of the naile of a Seraphin; and one of the
ribbes of Verbum caro, fastened to one of the Windowes' covered with
the holy garments of the Catholique Faith. Then he tooke me into a
darke Chappel, where he shewed me divers beames of the Starre that
appeared to the three Kings in the East. Also a Violl of Saint
Michaels sweate, when he combatted with the divell: And the jaw-bone
of dead Lazarus, with many other precious things beside. And because I
was liberall to him, giving him two of the Plaines of Monte Morello,
in the Vulgare Edition, and some of the Chapters del Caprezio, which
he had long laboured in search of; he bestowed on me some of his
Reliques. First, he gave me one of the eye-teeth of Santa Crux; and
a litle Violl, filled with some part of the sound of those Belles,
which hung in the sumptuous Temple of Salomon. Next, he gave mee the
Feather of the Phoenix, which was with Noah in the Arke, as before I
told you. And one of the Woodden Pattens, which the good Saint Gerrard
de Magnavilla used to weare in his travailes, and which I gave (not
long since) to Gerrardo di Bousy at Florence, where it is respected
with much devotion. Moreover, he gave me a few of those Coales,
wherwith the Phoenix of Noah was roasted; all which things I brought
away thence with me. Now, most true it is, that my Superiour would
never suffer mee to shew them any where, untill he was faithfully
certified, whether they were the same precious Reliques, or no. But
perceyving by sundrie Myracles which they have wrought, and Letters of
sufficient credence receyved from the reverend Patriarch, that all
is true, he hath graunted me permission to them, and because I wold
not trust any one with matters of such moment, I my selfe brought them
hither with me. Now I must tell you, that the Feather of the same
Phoenix, I conveyed into a small Cabinet or Casket, because it
should not be bent or broken. And the Coales wherewith the said
Phoenix was roasted, I put into another Casket, in all respects so
like to the former, that many times I have taken one for another. As
now at this instant it hath bin my fortune: for, imagining that I
brought the Casket with the feather, I mistooke my self, and brought
the other with the coales. Wherein doubtles I have not offended,
because I am certaine, that we of our Order do not any thing, but it
is ordred by divine direction, and our blessed Patron the Lorde
Baron Saint Anthony. And so much the rather, because about a senight
hence, the Feast of Saint Anthony is to bee solemnized, against the
preparation whereof, and to kindle your zeale with the greater
fervencie: he put the Casket with the Coales into my hand, meaning,
let you see the Feather, at some more fitting season. And therefore my
blessed Sonnes and Daughters, put off your Bonnets, and come hither
with devotion to looke upon them. But first let me tell you, whosoever
is marked by any of these Coales, with the signe of the Crosse: he
or she shal live all this yeare happily, and no fire whatsoever
shall come neere to touch or hurt them. So, singing a solemne
Antheme in the praise of S. Anthony, he unveyled the Casket, and
shewed the Coales openly.
The simple multitude, having (with great admiration and reverence)
a long while beheld them, they thronged in crouds to Fryar Onyon,
giving him farre greater offerings, then before they had, and
entreating him to marke them each after other. Whereupon, he taking
the coales in his hand, began to marke their garments of white, and
the veyles on the Womens heads, with Crosses of no meane extendure:
affirming to them, that the more the Coales wasted with making those
great crosses, the more they still encreased in the Casket, as often
before hee had made triall.
In this manner, having crossed all the Certaldanes (to his great
benefit) and their abuse: he smiled at his sodaine and dexterious
devise, in mockery of them, who thought to have made a scorne of
him, by dispossessing him of the Feather. For Bragoniero and
Pizzino, being present at his Learned predication, and having heard
what a cunning shift he found, to come off cleanly, without the
least detection, and all delivered with such admirable
protestations: they were faine to forsake the Church, least they
should have burst with laughing.
But when all the people were parted and gone, they met Friar Onyon
at his Inne, where closely they discovered to him, what they had done,
delivering him his Feather againe: which the yeare following, did
yeeld him as much money, as now the Coales had done.
This Novell affoorded equall pleasing to the whole companie, Friar
Onyons Sermon being much commended, but especially his long
Pilgrimage, and the Reliques he had both seene, and brought home
with him. Afterward, the Queene perceiving, that her reigne had now
the full expiration, graciously she arose, and taking the Crowne
from off her owne head, placed [it] on the head of Dioneus, saying. It
is high time Dioneus, that you should taste part of the charge and
paine, which poore women have felt and undergone in their soveraigntie
and government: wherefore, be you our King, and rule us with such
awefull authority, that the ending of your dominion may yeelde us
all contentment. Dioneus being thus invested with the Crowne, returned
this answer.
I make no doubt (bright Beauties) but you many times have seene as
good, or a better King among the Chessemen, then I am. But yet of a
certainty, if you would be obedient to me, as you ought in dutie
unto a true King: I should grant you a liberall freedome of that,
wherein you take the most delight, and without which, our choisest
desires can never be compleate. Neverthelesse, I meane, that my
government shal be according to mine owne minde. So, causing the
Master of the Houshold to be called for, as all the rest were wont
to do for conference with him: he gave him direction, for al things
fitting the time of his Regiment, and then turning to the Ladies, thus
he proceeded.
Honest Ladies, we have alreadie discoursed of variable devises,
and so many severall manners of humane industry, concerning the
busines wherewith Lacisca came to acquaint us: that her very words,
have ministred me matter, sufficient for our morrowes conference, or
else I stand in doubt, that I could not have devised a more convenient
Theame for us to talke on. She (as you have all heard) saide, that
shee had not anie neighbour, who came a true Virgin to her Husband,
and added moreover, that she knew some others, who had beguiled
their Husbandes, in very cunning and crafty manner. But setting
aside the first part, concerning the proofe of children, I conceive
the second to bee more apte for our intended argument. In which
respect, my will is (seeing Lacisca hath given us so good an occasion)
that our discoursing to morow, may onely concerne such slye cunning
and deceits, as women have heeretofore used, for satisfying their owne
appetites, and beguiling their Husbands, without their knowledge, or
suspition, and cleanly escaping with them, or no.
This argument seemed not very pleasing to the Ladies, and
therefore they urged an alteration thereof, to some matter better
suting with the day, and their discoursing: whereto thus he
answered. Ladies, I know as well as your selves, why you would have
this instant argument altered: but to change me from it you have no
