favourite child; I have always made you a--hum--a friend and companion;
in return, I beg--I--ha--I do beg, that you accommodate yourself
better to--hum--circumstances, and dutifully do what becomes your--your
station.'
Mr Dorrit was even a little more fragmentary than usual, being excited
on the subject and anxious to make himself particularly emphatic.
'I do beg,' he repeated, 'that this may be attended to, and that you
will seriously take pains and try to conduct yourself in a manner both
becoming your position as--ha--Miss Amy Dorrit, and satisfactory to
myself and Mrs General.'
That lady shut her eyes again, on being again referred to; then, slowly
opening them and rising, added these words: 'If Miss Amy Dorrit will
direct her own attention to, and will accept of my poor assistance in,
the formation of a surface, Mr. Dorrit will have no further cause of
anxiety. May I take this opportunity of remarking, as an instance
in point, that it is scarcely delicate to look at vagrants with the
attention which I have seen bestowed upon them by a very dear young
friend of mine? They should not be looked at. Nothing disagreeable
should ever be looked at. Apart from such a habit standing in the way
of that graceful equanimity of surface which is so expressive of good
breeding, it hardly seems compatible with refinement of mind. A truly
refined mind will seem to be ignorant of the existence of anything that
is not perfectly proper, placid, and pleasant.' Having delivered this
exalted sentiment, Mrs General made a sweeping obeisance, and retired
with an expression of mouth indicative of Prunes and Prism.
Little Dorrit, whether speaking or silent, had preserved her quiet
earnestness and her loving look. It had not been clouded, except for a
passing moment, until now. But now that she was left alone with him
the fingers of her lightly folded hands were agitated, and there was
repressed emotion in her face.
Not for herself. She might feel a little wounded, but her care was not
for herself. Her thoughts still turned, as they always had turned, to
him. A faint misgiving, which had hung about her since their accession
to fortune, that even now she could never see him as he used to be
before the prison days, had gradually begun to assume form in her mind.
She felt that, in what he had just now said to her and in his whole
bearing towards her, there was the well-known shadow of the Marshalsea
wall. It took a new shape, but it was the old sad shadow. She began
with sorrowful unwillingness to acknowledge to herself that she was
not strong enough to keep off the fear that no space in the life of man
could overcome that quarter of a century behind the prison bars. She had
no blame to bestow upon him, therefore: nothing to reproach him with,
no emotions in her faithful heart but great compassion and unbounded
tenderness.
This is why it was, that, even as he sat before her on his sofa, in the
brilliant light of a bright Italian day, the wonderful city without and
the splendours of an old palace within, she saw him at the moment in the
long-familiar gloom of his Marshalsea lodging, and wished to take her
seat beside him, and comfort him, and be again full of confidence with
him, and of usefulness to him. If he divined what was in her thoughts,
his own were not in tune with it.
After some uneasy moving in his seat, he got up and walked about,
looking very much dissatisfied.
'Is there anything else you wish to say to me, dear father?'
'No, no. Nothing else.'
'I am sorry you have not been pleased with me, dear. I hope you will not
think of me with displeasure now. I am going to try, more than ever, to
adapt myself as you wish to what surrounds me--for indeed I have tried
all along, though I have failed, I know.'
'Amy,' he returned, turning short upon her. 'You--ha--habitually hurt
me.'
'Hurt you, father! I!'
'There is a--hum--a topic,' said Mr Dorrit, looking all about the
ceiling of the room, and never at the attentive, uncomplainingly shocked
face, 'a painful topic, a series of events which I wish--ha--altogether
to obliterate. This is understood by your sister, who has already
remonstrated with you in my presence; it is understood by your brother;
it is understood by--ha hum--by every one of delicacy and sensitiveness
except yourself--ha--I am sorry to say, except yourself. You,
Amy--hum--you alone and only you--constantly revive the topic, though
not in words.'
She laid her hand on his arm. She did nothing more. She gently touched
him. The trembling hand may have said, with some expression, 'Think of
me, think how I have worked, think of my many cares!' But she said not a
syllable herself.
There was a reproach in the touch so addressed to him that she had
not foreseen, or she would have withheld her hand. He began to justify
himself in a heated, stumbling, angry manner, which made nothing of it.
'I was there all those years. I was--ha--universally acknowledged as
the head of the place. I--hum--I caused you to be respected there, Amy.
I--ha hum--I gave my family a position there. I deserve a return. I
claim a return. I say, sweep it off the face of the earth and begin
afresh. Is that much? I ask, is that much?' He did not once look at her,
as he rambled on in this way; but gesticulated at, and appealed to, the
empty air.
'I have suffered. Probably I know how much I have suffered better than
any one--ha--I say than any one! If I can put that aside, if I can
eradicate the marks of what I have endured, and can emerge before the
world--a--ha--gentleman unspoiled, unspotted--is it a great deal to
expect--I say again, is it a great deal to expect--that my children
should--hum--do the same and sweep that accursed experience off the face
of the earth?'
In spite of his flustered state, he made all these exclamations in a
carefully suppressed voice, lest the valet should overhear anything.
'Accordingly, they do it. Your sister does it. Your brother does it. You
alone, my favourite child, whom I made the friend and companion of my
life when you were a mere--hum--Baby, do not do it.
You alone say you can't do it. I provide you with valuable assistance to
do it. I attach an accomplished and highly bred lady--ha--Mrs General,
to you, for the purpose of doing it. Is it surprising that I should be
displeased? Is it necessary that I should defend myself for expressing
my displeasure? No!'
Notwithstanding which, he continued to defend himself, without any
abatement of his flushed mood.
'I am careful to appeal to that lady for confirmation, before I express
any displeasure at all. I--hum--I necessarily make that appeal within
limited bounds, or I--ha--should render legible, by that lady, what I
desire to be blotted out. Am I selfish? Do I complain for my own sake?
No. No. Principally for--ha hum--your sake, Amy.'
This last consideration plainly appeared, from his manner of pursuing
it, to have just that instant come into his head.
'I said I was hurt. So I am. So I--ha--am determined to be, whatever
is advanced to the contrary. I am hurt that my daughter, seated in
the--hum--lap of fortune, should mope and retire and proclaim herself
unequal to her destiny. I am hurt that she should--ha--systematically
reproduce what the rest of us blot out; and seem--hum--I had almost said
positively anxious--to announce to wealthy and distinguished society
that she was born and bred in--ha hum--a place that I myself decline to
name. But there is no inconsistency--ha--not the least, in my feeling
hurt, and yet complaining principally for your sake, Amy. I do; I say
again, I do. It is for your sake that I wish you, under the auspices of
Mrs General, to form a--hum--a surface. It is for your sake that I wish
you to have a--ha--truly refined mind, and (in the striking words of
Mrs General) to be ignorant of everything that is not perfectly proper,
placid, and pleasant.'
He had been running down by jerks, during his last speech, like a
sort of ill-adjusted alarum. The touch was still upon his arm. He fell
silent; and after looking about the ceiling again for a little while,
looked down at her. Her head drooped, and he could not see her face; but
her touch was tender and quiet, and in the expression of her dejected
figure there was no blame--nothing but love. He began to whimper, just
as he had done that night in the prison when she afterwards sat at
his bedside till morning; exclaimed that he was a poor ruin and a poor
wretch in the midst of his wealth; and clasped her in his arms. 'Hush,
hush, my own dear! Kiss me!' was all she said to him. His tears
were soon dried, much sooner than on the former occasion; and he was
presently afterwards very high with his valet, as a way of righting
himself for having shed any.
With one remarkable exception, to be recorded in its place, this was
the only time, in his life of freedom and fortune, when he spoke to his
daughter Amy of the old days.
But, now, the breakfast hour arrived; and with it Miss Fanny from her
apartment, and Mr Edward from his apartment. Both these young persons of
distinction were something the worse for late hours. As to Miss Fanny,
she had become the victim of an insatiate mania for what she called
'going into society;'and would have gone into it head-foremost fifty
times between sunset and sunrise, if so many opportunities had been at
her disposal. As to Mr Edward, he, too, had a large acquaintance, and
was generally engaged (for the most part, in diceing circles, or others
of a kindred nature), during the greater part of every night. For this
gentleman, when his fortunes changed, had stood at the great advantage
of being already prepared for the highest associates, and having little
to learn: so much was he indebted to the happy accidents which had made
him acquainted with horse-dealing and billiard-marking.
At breakfast, Mr Frederick Dorrit likewise appeared. As the old
gentleman inhabited the highest story of the palace, where he might have
practised pistol-shooting without much chance of discovery by the other
inmates, his younger niece had taken courage to propose the restoration
to him of his clarionet, which Mr Dorrit had ordered to be confiscated,
but which she had ventured to preserve. Notwithstanding some objections
from Miss Fanny, that it was a low instrument, and that she detested the
sound of it, the concession had been made. But it was then discovered
that he had had enough of it, and never played it, now that it was no
longer his means of getting bread. He had insensibly acquired a new
habit of shuffling into the picture-galleries, always with his twisted
paper of snuff in his hand (much to the indignation of Miss Fanny, who
had proposed the purchase of a gold box for him that the family might
not be discredited, which he had absolutely refused to carry when it was
bought); and of passing hours and hours before the portraits of renowned
Venetians. It was never made out what his dazed eyes saw in them;
whether he had an interest in them merely as pictures, or whether he
confusedly identified them with a glory that was departed, like the
strength of his own mind. But he paid his court to them with great
exactness, and clearly derived pleasure from the pursuit. After the
first few days, Little Dorrit happened one morning to assist at these
attentions. It so evidently heightened his gratification that she often
accompanied him afterwards, and the greatest delight of which the old
man had shown himself susceptible since his ruin, arose out of these
excursions, when he would carry a chair about for her from picture
to picture, and stand behind it, in spite of all her remonstrances,
silently presenting her to the noble Venetians.
It fell out that, at this family breakfast, he referred to their having
seen in a gallery, on the previous day, the lady and gentleman whom they
had encountered on the Great Saint Bernard, 'I forget the name,' said
he. 'I dare say you remember them, William?
I dare say you do, Edward?'
'_I_ remember 'em well enough,' said the latter.
'I should think so,' observed Miss Fanny, with a toss of her head and
a glance at her sister. 'But they would not have been recalled to our
remembrance, I suspect, if Uncle hadn't tumbled over the subject.'
'My dear, what a curious phrase,' said Mrs General. 'Would not
inadvertently lighted upon, or accidentally referred to, be better?'
'Thank you very much, Mrs General,' returned the young lady, 'no, I
think not. On the whole I prefer my own expression.' This was always
Miss Fanny's way of receiving a suggestion from Mrs General. But she
always stored it up in her mind, and adopted it at another time.
'I should have mentioned our having met Mr and Mrs Gowan, Fanny,' said
Little Dorrit, 'even if Uncle had not. I have scarcely seen you since,
you know. I meant to have spoken of it at breakfast; because I should
like to pay a visit to Mrs Gowan, and to become better acquainted with
her, if Papa and Mrs General do not object.'
'Well, Amy,' said Fanny, 'I am sure I am glad to find you at last
expressing a wish to become better acquainted with anybody in Venice.
Though whether Mr and Mrs Gowan are desirable acquaintances, remains to
be determined.'
'Mrs Gowan I spoke of, dear.'
'No doubt,' said Fanny. 'But you can't separate her from her husband, I
believe, without an Act of Parliament.'
'Do you think, Papa,' inquired Little Dorrit, with diffidence and
hesitation, 'there is any objection to my making this visit?'
'Really,' he replied, 'I--ha--what is Mrs General's view?'
Mrs General's view was, that not having the honour of any acquaintance
with the lady and gentleman referred to, she was not in a position
to varnish the present article. She could only remark, as a general