Far from being bored at first at the convent, she took
pleasure in the society of the good sisters, who, to amuse
her, took her to the chapel, which one entered from the
refectory by a long corridor. She played very little during
recreation hours, knew her catechism well, and it was she
who always answered Monsieur le Vicaire’s difficult
questions. Living thus, without every leaving the warm
atmosphere of the classrooms, and amid these pale-faced
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women wearing rosaries with brass crosses, she was softly
lulled by the mystic languor exhaled in the perfumes of
the altar, the freshness of the holy water, and the lights of
the tapers. Instead of attending to mass, she looked at the
pious vignettes with their azure borders in her book, and
she loved the sick lamb, the sacred heart pierced with
sharp arrows, or the poor Jesus sinking beneath the cross
he carries. She tried, by way of mortification, to eat
nothing a whole day. She puzzled her head to find some
vow to fulfil.
When she went to confession, she invented little sins in
order that she might stay there longer, kneeling in the
shadow, her hands joined, her face against the grating
beneath the whispering of the priest. The comparisons of
betrothed, husband, celestial lover, and eternal marriage,
that recur in sermons, stirred within her soul depths of
unexpected sweetness.
In the evening, before prayers, there was some religious
reading in the study. On week-nights it was some abstract
of sacred history or the Lectures of the Abbe Frayssinous,
and on Sundays passages from the ‘Genie du
Christianisme,’ as a recreation. How she listened at first to
the sonorous lamentations of its romantic melancholies
reechoing through the world and eternity! If her
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childhood had been spent in the shop-parlour of some
business quarter, she might perhaps have opened her heart
to those lyrical invasions of Nature, which usually come to
us only through translation in books. But she knew the
country too well; she knew the lowing of cattle, the
milking, the ploughs.
Accustomed to calm aspects of life, she turned, on the
contrary, to those of excitement. She loved the sea only
for the sake of its storms, and the green fields only when
broken up by ruins.
She wanted to get some personal profit out of things,
and she rejected as useless all that did not contribute to the
immediate desires of her heart, being of a temperament
more sentimental than artistic, looking for emotions, not
landscapes.
At the convent there was an old maid who came for a
week each month to mend the linen. Patronized by the
clergy, because she belonged to an ancient family of
noblemen ruined by the Revolution, she dined in the
refectory at the table of the good sisters, and after the meal
had a bit of chat with them before going back to her
work. The girls often slipped out from the study to go and
see her. She knew by heart the love songs of the last
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century, and sang them in a low voice as she stitched
away.
She told stories, gave them news, went errands in the
town, and on the sly lent the big girls some novel, that she
always carried in the pockets of her apron, and of which
the good lady herself swallowed long chapters in the
intervals of her work. They were all love, lovers,
sweethearts, persecuted ladies fainting in lonely pavilions,
postilions killed at every stage, horses ridden to death on
every page, sombre forests, heartaches, vows, sobs, tears
and kisses, little skiffs by moonlight, nightingales in shady
groves, ‘gentlemen’ brave as lions, gentle as lambs,
virtuous as no one ever was, always well dressed, and
weeping like fountains. For six months, then, Emma, at
fifteen years of age, made her hands dirty with books from
old lending libraries.
Through Walter Scott, later on, she fell in love with
historical events, dreamed of old chests, guard-rooms and
minstrels. She would have liked to live in some old
manor-house, like those long-waisted chatelaines who, in
the shade of pointed arches, spent their days leaning on the
stone, chin in hand, watching a cavalier with white plume
galloping on his black horse from the distant fields. At this
time she had a cult for Mary Stuart and enthusiastic
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veneration for illustrious or unhappy women. Joan of Arc,
Heloise, Agnes Sorel, the beautiful Ferroniere, and
Clemence Isaure stood out to her like comets in the dark
immensity of heaven, where also were seen, lost in
shadow, and all unconnected, St. Louis with his oak, the
dying Bayard, some cruelties of Louis XI, a little of St.
Bartholomew’s Day, the plume of the Bearnais, and always
the remembrance of the plates painted in honour of Louis
XIV.
In the music class, in the ballads she sang, there was
nothing but little angels with golden wings, madonnas,
lagunes, gondoliers;-mild compositions that allowed her to
catch a glimpse athwart the obscurity of style and the
weakness of the music of the attractive phantasmagoria of
sentimental realities. Some of her companions brought
‘keepsakes’ given them as new year’s gifts to the convent.
These had to be hidden; it was quite an undertaking; they
were read in the dormitory. Delicately handling the
beautiful satin bindings, Emma looked with dazzled eyes at
the names of the unknown authors, who had signed their
verses for the most part as counts or viscounts.
She trembled as she blew back the tissue paper over the
engraving and saw it folded in two and fall gently against
the page. Here behind the balustrade of a balcony was a
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young man in a short cloak, holding in his arms a young
girl in a white dress wearing an alms-bag at her belt; or
there were nameless portraits of English ladies with fair
curls, who looked at you from under their round straw
hats with their large clear eyes. Some there were lounging
in their carriages, gliding through parks, a greyhound
bounding along in front of the equipage driven at a trot by
two midget postilions in white breeches. Others, dreaming
on sofas with an open letter, gazed at the moon through a
slightly open window half draped by a black curtain. The
naive ones, a tear on their cheeks, were kissing doves
through the bars of a Gothic cage, or, smiling, their heads
on one side, were plucking the leaves of a marguerite with
their taper fingers, that curved at the tips like peaked
shoes. And you, too, were there, Sultans with long pipes
reclining beneath arbours in the arms of Bayaderes;
Djiaours, Turkish sabres, Greek caps; and you especially,
pale landscapes of dithyrambic lands, that often show us at
once palm trees and firs, tigers on the right, a lion to the
left, Tartar minarets on the horizon; the whole framed by
a very neat virgin forest, and with a great perpendicular
sunbeam trembling in the water, where, standing out in
relief like white excoriations on a steel-grey ground, swans
are swimming about.
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And the shade of the argand lamp fastened to the wall
above Emma’s head lighted up all these pictures of the
world, that passed before her one by one in the silence of
the dormitory, and to the distant noise of some belated
carriage rolling over the Boulevards.
When her mother died she cried much the first few
days. She had a funeral picture made with the hair of the
deceased, and, in a letter sent to the Bertaux full of sad
reflections on life, she asked to be buried later on in the
same grave. The goodman thought she must be ill, and
came to see her. Emma was secretly pleased that she had
reached at a first attempt the rare ideal of pale lives, never
attained by mediocre hearts. She let herself glide along
with Lamartine meanderings, listened to harps on lakes, to
all the songs of dying swans, to the falling of the leaves,
the pure virgins ascending to heaven, and the voice of the
Eternal discoursing down the valleys. She wearied of it,
would not confess it, continued from habit, and at last was
surprised to feel herself soothed, and with no more sadness
at heart than wrinkles on her brow.
The good nuns, who had been so sure of her vocation,
perceived with great astonishment that Mademoiselle
Rouault seemed to be slipping from them. They had
indeed been so lavish to her of prayers, retreats, novenas,
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and sermons, they had so often preached the respect due
to saints and martyrs, and given so much good advice as to
the modesty of the body and the salvation of her soul, that
she did as tightly reined horses; she pulled up short and the
bit slipped from her teeth. This nature, positive in the
midst of its enthusiasms, that had loved the church for the
sake of the flowers, and music for the words of the songs,
and literature for its passional stimulus, rebelled against the
mysteries of faith as it grew irritated by discipline, a thing
antipathetic to her constitution. When her father took her
from school, no one was sorry to see her go. The Lady
Superior even thought that she had latterly been
somewhat irreverent to the community.
Emma, at home once more, first took pleasure in
looking after the servants, then grew disgusted with the
country and missed her convent. When Charles came to
the Bertaux for the first time, she thought herself quite
disillusioned, with nothing more to learn, and nothing
more to feel.
But the uneasiness of her new position, or perhaps the
disturbance caused by the presence of this man, had
sufficed to make her believe that she at last felt that
wondrous passion which, till then, like a great bird with
rose-coloured wings, hung in the splendour of the skies of
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poesy; and now she could not think that the calm in
which she lived was the happiness she had dreamed.
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CHAPTER SEVEN
She thought, sometimes, that, after all, this was the
happiest time of her life—the honeymoon, as people
called it. To taste the full sweetness of it, it would have
been necessary doubtless to fly to those lands with
sonorous names where the days after marriage are full of
laziness most suave. In post chaises behind blue silken
curtains to ride slowly up steep road, listening to the song
of the postilion re-echoed by the mountains, along with
the bells of goats and the muffled sound of a waterfall; at
sunset on the shores of gulfs to breathe in the perfume of
lemon trees; then in the evening on the villa-terraces
above, hand in hand to look at the stars, making plans for
the future. It seemed to her that certain places on earth
must bring happiness, as a plant peculiar to the soil, and
that cannot thrive elsewhere. Why could not she lean over
balconies in Swiss chalets, or enshrine her melancholy in a
Scotch cottage, with a husband dressed in a black velvet
coat with long tails, and thin shoes, a pointed hat and
frills? Perhaps she would have liked to confide all these
things to someone. But how tell an undefinable
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uneasiness, variable as the clouds, unstable as the winds?
Words failed her—the opportunity, the courage.
If Charles had but wished it, if he had guessed it, if his
look had but once met her thought, it seemed to her that
a sudden plenty would have gone out from her heart, as
the fruit falls from a tree when shaken by a hand. But as
the intimacy of their life became deeper, the greater
became the gulf that separated her from him.
Charles’s conversation was commonplace as a street
pavement, and everyone’s ideas trooped through it in their
everyday garb, without exciting emotion, laughter, or
thought. He had never had the curiosity, he said, while he
lived at Rouen, to go to the theatre to see the actors from
Paris. He could neither swim, nor fence, nor shoot, and
one day he could not explain some term of horsemanship
to her that she had come across in a novel.
A man, on the contrary, should he not know
everything, excel in manifold activities, initiate you into
the energies of passion, the refinements of life, all
mysteries? But this one taught nothing, knew nothing,
wished nothing. He thought her happy; and she resented
this easy calm, this serene heaviness, the very happiness she
gave him.
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Sometimes she would draw; and it was great
amusement to Charles to stand there bolt upright and
watch her bend over her cardboard, with eyes half-closed
the better to see her work, or rolling, between her fingers,
little bread-pellets. As to the piano, the more quickly her
fingers glided over it the more he wondered. She struck
the notes with aplomb, and ran from top to bottom of the
keyboard without a break. Thus shaken up, the old
instrument, whose strings buzzed, could be heard at the
other end of the village when the window was open, and
often the bailiff’s clerk, passing along the highroad bareheaded
and in list slippers, stopped to listen, his sheet of
paper in his hand.
Emma, on the other hand, knew how to look after her
house. She sent the patients’ accounts in well-phrased
letters that had no suggestion of a bill. When they had a
neighbour to dinner on Sundays, she managed to have
some tasty dish—piled up pyramids of greengages on vine
leaves, served up preserves turned out into plates—and
even spoke of buying finger-glasses for dessert. From all
this much consideration was extended to Bovary.
Charles finished by rising in his own esteem for
possessing such a wife. He showed with pride in the sitting
room two small pencil sketched by her that he had had