第 119 页

‘We will endeavour to provide something that WILL do, and do for you

finally, sir, very shortly,’ replied Mr. Micawber.

‘“Second. HEEP has, on several occasions, to the best of my knowledge,

information, and belief, systematically forged, to various entries,

books, and documents, the signature of Mr. W.; and has distinctly done

so in one instance, capable of proof by me. To wit, in manner following,

that is to say:”’

Again, Mr. Micawber had a relish in this formal piling up of words,

which, however ludicrously displayed in his case, was, I must say, not

at all peculiar to him. I have observed it, in the course of my life,

in numbers of men. It seems to me to be a general rule. In the taking of

legal oaths, for instance, deponents seem to enjoy themselves mightily

when they come to several good words in succession, for the expression

of one idea; as, that they utterly detest, abominate, and abjure, or so

forth; and the old anathemas were made relishing on the same principle.

We talk about the tyranny of words, but we like to tyrannize over them

too; we are fond of having a large superfluous establishment of words to

wait upon us on great occasions; we think it looks important, and sounds

well. As we are not particular about the meaning of our liveries on

state occasions, if they be but fine and numerous enough, so, the

meaning or necessity of our words is a secondary consideration, if there

be but a great parade of them. And as individuals get into trouble by

making too great a show of liveries, or as slaves when they are too

numerous rise against their masters, so I think I could mention a

nation that has got into many great difficulties, and will get into many

greater, from maintaining too large a retinue of words.

Mr. Micawber read on, almost smacking his lips:

‘“To wit, in manner following, that is to say. Mr. W. being infirm, and

it being within the bounds of probability that his decease might lead

to some discoveries, and to the downfall of--HEEP’S--power over the W.

family,--as I, Wilkins Micawber, the undersigned, assume--unless the

filial affection of his daughter could be secretly influenced from

allowing any investigation of the partnership affairs to be ever made,

the said--HEEP--deemed it expedient to have a bond ready by him, as from

Mr. W., for the before-mentioned sum of twelve six fourteen, two and

nine, with interest, stated therein to have been advanced by--HEEP--to

Mr. W. to save Mr. W. from dishonour; though really the sum was never

advanced by him, and has long been replaced. The signatures to this

instrument purporting to be executed by Mr. W. and attested by Wilkins

Micawber, are forgeries by--HEEP. I have, in my possession, in his hand

and pocket-book, several similar imitations of Mr. W.’s signature, here

and there defaced by fire, but legible to anyone. I never attested any

such document. And I have the document itself, in my possession.”’ Uriah

Heep, with a start, took out of his pocket a bunch of keys, and opened

a certain drawer; then, suddenly bethought himself of what he was about,

and turned again towards us, without looking in it.

‘“And I have the document,”’ Mr. Micawber read again, looking about as

if it were the text of a sermon, ‘“in my possession,--that is to say,

I had, early this morning, when this was written, but have since

relinquished it to Mr. Traddles.”’

‘It is quite true,’ assented Traddles.

‘Ury, Ury!’ cried the mother, ‘be umble and make terms. I know my

son will be umble, gentlemen, if you’ll give him time to think. Mr.

Copperfield, I’m sure you know that he was always very umble, sir!’

It was singular to see how the mother still held to the old trick, when

the son had abandoned it as useless.

‘Mother,’ he said, with an impatient bite at the handkerchief in which

his hand was wrapped, ‘you had better take and fire a loaded gun at me.’

‘But I love you, Ury,’ cried Mrs. Heep. And I have no doubt she did; or

that he loved her, however strange it may appear; though, to be sure,

they were a congenial couple. ‘And I can’t bear to hear you provoking

the gentlemen, and endangering of yourself more. I told the gentleman

at first, when he told me upstairs it was come to light, that I would

answer for your being umble, and making amends. Oh, see how umble I am,

gentlemen, and don’t mind him!’

‘Why, there’s Copperfield, mother,’ he angrily retorted, pointing his

lean finger at me, against whom all his animosity was levelled, as the

prime mover in the discovery; and I did not undeceive him; ‘there’s

Copperfield, would have given you a hundred pound to say less than

you’ve blurted out!’

‘I can’t help it, Ury,’ cried his mother. ‘I can’t see you running into

danger, through carrying your head so high. Better be umble, as you

always was.’

He remained for a little, biting the handkerchief, and then said to me

with a scowl:

‘What more have you got to bring forward? If anything, go on with it.

What do you look at me for?’

Mr. Micawber promptly resumed his letter, glad to revert to a

performance with which he was so highly satisfied.

‘“Third. And last. I am now in a condition to show, by--HEEP’S--false

books, and--HEEP’S--real memoranda, beginning with the partially

destroyed pocket-book (which I was unable to comprehend, at the time of

its accidental discovery by Mrs. Micawber, on our taking possession of

our present abode, in the locker or bin devoted to the reception of the

ashes calcined on our domestic hearth), that the weaknesses, the faults,

the very virtues, the parental affections, and the sense of honour, of

the unhappy Mr. W. have been for years acted on by, and warped to the

base purposes of--HEEP. That Mr. W. has been for years deluded and

plundered, in every conceivable manner, to the pecuniary aggrandisement

of the avaricious, false, and grasping--HEEP. That the engrossing object

of--HEEP--was, next to gain, to subdue Mr. and Miss W. (of his ulterior

views in reference to the latter I say nothing) entirely to himself.

That his last act, completed but a few months since, was to induce Mr.

W. to execute a relinquishment of his share in the partnership, and even

a bill of sale on the very furniture of his house, in consideration of a

certain annuity, to be well and truly paid by--HEEP--on the four common

quarter-days in each and every year. That these meshes; beginning with

alarming and falsified accounts of the estate of which Mr. W. is the

receiver, at a period when Mr. W. had launched into imprudent and

ill-judged speculations, and may not have had the money, for which he

was morally and legally responsible, in hand; going on with pretended

borrowings of money at enormous interest, really coming from--HEEP--and

by--HEEP--fraudulently obtained or withheld from Mr. W. himself,

on pretence of such speculations or otherwise; perpetuated by a

miscellaneous catalogue of unscrupulous chicaneries--gradually

thickened, until the unhappy Mr. W. could see no world beyond. Bankrupt,

as he believed, alike in circumstances, in all other hope, and

in honour, his sole reliance was upon the monster in the garb of

man,”’--Mr. Micawber made a good deal of this, as a new turn of

expression,--‘“who, by making himself necessary to him, had achieved his

destruction. All this I undertake to show. Probably much more!”’

I whispered a few words to Agnes, who was weeping, half joyfully, half

sorrowfully, at my side; and there was a movement among us, as if Mr.

Micawber had finished. He said, with exceeding gravity, ‘Pardon me,’

and proceeded, with a mixture of the lowest spirits and the most intense

enjoyment, to the peroration of his letter.

‘“I have now concluded. It merely remains for me to substantiate these

accusations; and then, with my ill-starred family, to disappear from the

landscape on which we appear to be an encumbrance. That is soon done. It

may be reasonably inferred that our baby will first expire of inanition,

as being the frailest member of our circle; and that our twins will

follow next in order. So be it! For myself, my Canterbury Pilgrimage has

done much; imprisonment on civil process, and want, will soon do more.

I trust that the labour and hazard of an investigation--of which the

smallest results have been slowly pieced together, in the pressure of

arduous avocations, under grinding penurious apprehensions, at rise of

morn, at dewy eve, in the shadows of night, under the watchful eye of

one whom it were superfluous to call Demon--combined with the struggle

of parental Poverty to turn it, when completed, to the right account,

may be as the sprinkling of a few drops of sweet water on my funeral

pyre. I ask no more. Let it be, in justice, merely said of me, as of a

gallant and eminent naval Hero, with whom I have no pretensions to

cope, that what I have done, I did, in despite of mercenary and selfish

objects,

For England, home, and Beauty.

‘“Remaining always, &c. &c., WILKINS MICAWBER.”’

Much affected, but still intensely enjoying himself, Mr. Micawber folded

up his letter, and handed it with a bow to my aunt, as something she

might like to keep.

There was, as I had noticed on my first visit long ago, an iron safe in

the room. The key was in it. A hasty suspicion seemed to strike Uriah;

and, with a glance at Mr. Micawber, he went to it, and threw the doors

clanking open. It was empty.

‘Where are the books?’ he cried, with a frightful face. ‘Some thief has

stolen the books!’

Mr. Micawber tapped himself with the ruler. ‘I did, when I got the key

from you as usual--but a little earlier--and opened it this morning.’

‘Don’t be uneasy,’ said Traddles. ‘They have come into my possession. I

will take care of them, under the authority I mentioned.’

‘You receive stolen goods, do you?’ cried Uriah.

‘Under such circumstances,’ answered Traddles, ‘yes.’

What was my astonishment when I beheld my aunt, who had been profoundly

quiet and attentive, make a dart at Uriah Heep, and seize him by the

collar with both hands!

‘You know what I want?’ said my aunt.

‘A strait-waistcoat,’ said he.

‘No. My property!’ returned my aunt. ‘Agnes, my dear, as long as

I believed it had been really made away with by your father, I

wouldn’t--and, my dear, I didn’t, even to Trot, as he knows--breathe a

syllable of its having been placed here for investment. But, now I know

this fellow’s answerable for it, and I’ll have it! Trot, come and take

it away from him!’

Whether my aunt supposed, for the moment, that he kept her property in

his neck-kerchief, I am sure I don’t know; but she certainly pulled at

it as if she thought so. I hastened to put myself between them, and to

assure her that we would all take care that he should make the utmost

restitution of everything he had wrongly got. This, and a few moments’

reflection, pacified her; but she was not at all disconcerted by what

she had done (though I cannot say as much for her bonnet) and resumed

her seat composedly.

During the last few minutes, Mrs. Heep had been clamouring to her son

to be ‘umble’; and had been going down on her knees to all of us in

succession, and making the wildest promises. Her son sat her down in his

chair; and, standing sulkily by her, holding her arm with his hand, but

not rudely, said to me, with a ferocious look:

‘What do you want done?’

‘I will tell you what must be done,’ said Traddles.

‘Has that Copperfield no tongue?’ muttered Uriah, ‘I would do a good

deal for you if you could tell me, without lying, that somebody had cut

it out.’

‘My Uriah means to be umble!’ cried his mother. ‘Don’t mind what he

says, good gentlemen!’

‘What must be done,’ said Traddles, ‘is this. First, the deed of

relinquishment, that we have heard of, must be given over to me

now--here.’

‘Suppose I haven’t got it,’ he interrupted.

‘But you have,’ said Traddles; ‘therefore, you know, we won’t suppose

so.’ And I cannot help avowing that this was the first occasion on

which I really did justice to the clear head, and the plain, patient,

practical good sense, of my old schoolfellow. ‘Then,’ said Traddles,

‘you must prepare to disgorge all that your rapacity has become

possessed of, and to make restoration to the last farthing. All the

partnership books and papers must remain in our possession; all your

books and papers; all money accounts and securities, of both kinds. In

short, everything here.’

‘Must it? I don’t know that,’ said Uriah. ‘I must have time to think

about that.’

‘Certainly,’ replied Traddles; ‘but, in the meanwhile, and until

everything is done to our satisfaction, we shall maintain possession

of these things; and beg you--in short, compel you--to keep to your own

room, and hold no communication with anyone.’

‘I won’t do it!’ said Uriah, with an oath.

‘Maidstone jail is a safer place of detention,’ observed Traddles; ‘and

though the law may be longer in righting us, and may not be able to

right us so completely as you can, there is no doubt of its punishing

YOU. Dear me, you know that quite as well as I! Copperfield, will you go

round to the Guildhall, and bring a couple of officers?’

Here, Mrs. Heep broke out again, crying on her knees to Agnes to

interfere in their behalf, exclaiming that he was very humble, and it

was all true, and if he didn’t do what we wanted, she would, and much

more to the same purpose; being half frantic with fears for her darling.

To inquire what he might have done, if he had had any boldness, would

be like inquiring what a mongrel cur might do, if it had the spirit of

a tiger. He was a coward, from head to foot; and showed his dastardly

nature through his sullenness and mortification, as much as at any time

of his mean life.

‘Stop!’ he growled to me; and wiped his hot face with his hand. ‘Mother,

hold your noise. Well! Let ‘em have that deed. Go and fetch it!’

‘Do you help her, Mr. Dick,’ said Traddles, ‘if you please.’

Proud of his commission, and understanding it, Mr. Dick accompanied her

as a shepherd’s dog might accompany a sheep. But, Mrs. Heep gave him

little trouble; for she not only returned with the deed, but with the

box in which it was, where we found a banker’s book and some other