nochy. So I said:
"Very well, madam. If you won't help I must take my
suffering friend elsewhere." And I winked my droogies all away
quiet, only me crying out: "All right, old friend, you will surely
meet some good samaritan some place other. This old lady
perhaps cannot be blamed for being suspicious with so many
scoundrels and rogues of the night about. No, indeed not."
Then we waited again in the dark and I whispered: "Right.
Return to the door. Me stand on Dim's pletchoes. Open that
window and me enter, droogies. Then to shut up that old
ptitsa and open up for all. No trouble." For I was like showing
who was leader and the chelloveck with the ideas. "See," I said.
"Real horrorshow bit of stonework over that door, a nice
hold for my nogas." They viddied all that, admiring perhaps I
thought, and said and nodded Right right right in the dark.
So back tiptoe to the door. Dim was our heavy strong
malchick and Pete and Georgie like heaved me up on to Dim's
bolshy manly pletchoes. All this time, O thanks to worldcasts
on the gloopy TV and, more, lewdies' night-fear through lack
of night-police, dead lay the street. Up there on Dim's plet-
choes I viddied that this stonework above the door would
take my boots lovely. I kneed up, brothers, and there I was.
The window, as I had expected, was closed, but I outed with
my britva and cracked the glass of the window smart with the
bony handle thereof. All the time below my droogies were
hard breathing. So I put in my rooker through the crack and
made the lower half of the window sail up open silver-
smooth and lovely. And I was, like getting into the bath, in.
And there were my sheep down below, their rots open as they
looked up, O brothers.
I was in bumpy darkness, with beds and cupboards and
bolshy heavy stoolies and piles of boxes and books about.
But I strode manful towards the door of the room I was in,
seeing a like crack of light under it. The door went
squeeeeeeeeeeak and then I was on a dusty corridor with
other doors. All this waste, brothers, meaning all these
rooms and but one starry sharp and her pussies, but perhaps
the kots and koshkas had like separate bedrooms, living on
cream and fish-heads like royal queens and princes. I could
hear the like muffled goloss of this old ptitsa down below
saying: "Yes yes yes, that's it," but she would be govoreeting to
these mewing sidlers going maaaaaaa for more moloko.
Then I saw the stairs going down to the hall and I thought to
myself that I would show these fickle and worthless droogs of
mine that I was worth the whole three of them and more. I
would do all on my oddy knocky. I would perform the old
ultra-violence on the starry ptitsa and on her pusspots if need
be, then I would take fair rookerfuls of what looked like real
polezny stuff and go waltzing to the front door and open up
showering gold and silver on my waiting droogs. They must
learn all about leadership.
So down I ittied, slow and gentle, admiring in the stairwell
grahzny pictures of old time - devotchkas with long hair and
high collars, the like country with trees and horses, the holy
bearded veck all nagoy hanging on a cross. There was a real
musty von of pussies and pussy-fish and starry dust in this
domy, different from the flatblocks. And then I was down-
stairs and I could viddy the light in this front room where she
had been doling moloko to the kots and koshkas. More, I
could viddy these great overstuffed scoteenas going in and
out with their tails waving and like rubbing themselves on the
door-bottom. On a like big wooden chest in the dark hall I
could viddy a nice malenky statue that shone in the light of
the room, so I crasted this for my own self, it being like a
young thin devotchka standing on one noga with her rookers
out, and I could see this was made of silver. So I had this
when I ittied into the lit-up room, saying: "Hi hi hi. At last we
meet. Our brief govoreet through the letter-hole was not,
shall we say, satisfactory, yes? Let us admit not, oh verily not,
you stinking starry old sharp." And I like blinked in the light at
this room and the old ptitsa in it. It was full of kots and
koshkas all crawling to and fro over the carpet, with bits of
fur floating in the lower air, and these fat scoteenas were all
different shapes and colours, black, white, tabby, ginger, tor-
toise-shell, and of all ages, too, so that there were kittens
fillying about with each other and there were pussies full-
grown and there were real dribbling starry ones very bad-
tempered. Their mistress, this old ptitsa, looked at me fierce
like a man and said:
"How did you get in? Keep your distance, you villainous
young toad, or I shall be forced to strike you."
I had a real horrorshow smeck at that, viddying that she
had in her veiny rooker a crappy wood walking-stick which
she raised at me threatening. So, making with my shiny
zoobies, I ittied a bit nearer to her, taking my time, and on the
way I saw on a like sideboard a lovely little veshch, the love-
liest malenky veshch any malchick fond of music like myself
could ever hope to viddy with his own two glazzies, for it was
like the gulliver and pletchoes of Ludwig van himself, what
they call a bust, a like stone veshch with stone long hair and
blind glazzies and the big flowing cravat. I was off for that
right away, saying: "Well, how lovely and all for me." But
ittying towards it with my glazzies like full on it and my
greedy rooker held out, I did not see the milk saucers on the
floor and into one I went and sort of lost balance. "Whoops,"
I said, trying to steady, but this old ptitsa had come up behind
me very sly and with great skorriness for her age and then she
went crack crack on my gulliver with her bit of a stick. So I
found myself on my rookers and knees trying to get up and
saying: "Naughty, naughty naughty." And then she was going
crack crack crack again, saying: "Wretched little slummy
bedbug, breaking into real people's houses." I didn't like this
crack crack eegra, so I grasped hold of one end of her stick as
it came down again and then she lost her balance and was
trying to steady herself against the table, but then the table-
cloth came off with a milk-jug and a milk-bottle going all
drunk then scattering white splosh in all directions, then she
was down on the floor, grunting, going: "Blast you, boy, you
shall suffer." Now all the cats were getting spoogy and running
and jumping in a like cat-panic, and some were blaming each
other, hitting out cat-tolchocks with the old lapa and ptaaaaa
and grrrrr and kraaaaark. I got up on to my nogas, and there
was this nasty vindictive starry forella with her wattles ashake
and grunting as she like tried to lever herself up from the
floor, so I gave her a malenky fair kick in the litso, and she
didn't like that, crying: "Waaaaah," and you could viddy her
veiny mottled litso going purplewurple where I'd landed the
old noga.
As I stepped back from the kick I must have like trod on the
tail of one of these dratsing creeching pusspots, because I
slooshied a gromky yauuuuuuuuw and found that like fur and
teeth and claws had like fastened themselves around my leg,
and there I was cursing away and trying to shake it off holding
this silver malenky statue in one rooker and trying to climb
over this old ptitsa on the floor to reach lovely Ludwig van in
frowning like stone. And then I was into another saucer brim-
ful of creamy moloko and near went flying again, the whole
veshch really a very humorous one if you could imagine it
sloochatting to some other veck and not to Your Humble
Narrator. And then the starry ptitsa on the floor reached over
all the dratsing yowling pusscats and grabbed at my noga, still
going "Waaaaah" at me, and, my balance being a bit gone, I
went really crash this time, on to sploshing moloko and
skriking koshkas, and the old forella started to fist me on the
litso, both of us being on the floor, creeching: "Thrash him,
beat him, pull out his finger-nails, the poisonous young
beetle," addressing her pusscats only, and then, as if like obey-
ing the starry old ptitsa, a couple of koshkas got on to me
and started scratching like bezoomny. So then I got real be-
zoomny myself, brothers, and hit out at them, but this bab-
oochka said: "Toad, don't touch my kitties," and like
scratched my litso. So then I screeched: "You filthy old
soomka", and upped with the little malenky like silver statue
and cracked her a fine fair tolchock on the gulliver and that
shut her up real horrorshow and lovely.
Now as I got up from the floor among all the crarking kots
and koshkas what should I slooshy but the shoom of the old
police-auto siren in the distance, and it dawned on me skorry
that the old forella of the pusscats had been on the phone to
the millicents when I thought she'd been govoreeting to the
mewlers and mowlers, her having got her suspicions skorry
on the boil when I'd rung the old zvonock pretending for
help. So now, slooshying this fearful shoom of the rozz-
van, I belted for the front door and had a rabbiting time un-
doing all the locks and chains and bolts and other protective
veshches. Then I got it open, and who should be on the door-
step but old Dim, me just being able to viddy the other two of
my so-called droogs belting off. "Away," I creeched to Dim.
"The rozzes are coming." Dim said: "You stay to meet them
huh huh huh," and then I viddied that he had his oozy out, and
then he upped with it and it snaked whishhh and he chained
me gentle and artistic like on the glazlids, me just closing
them up in time. Then I was howling around trying to viddy
with this howling great pain, and Dim said: "I don't like you
should do what you done, old droogy. Not right it wasn't to
get on to me like the way you done, brat." And then I could
slooshy his bolshy lumpy boots beating off, him going huh
huh huh into the darkmans, and it was only about seven
seconds after that I slooshied the millicent-van draw up with a
filthy great dropping siren-howl, like some bezoomny animal
snuffing it. I was howling too and like yawing about and I
banged my gulliver smack on the hall-wall, my glazzies being
tight shut and the juice astream from them, very agonizing. So
there I was like groping in the hallway as the millicents ar-
rived. I couldn't viddy them, of course, but I could slooshy
and damn near smell the von of the bastards, and soon I could
feel the bastards as they got rough and did the old twist-arm
act, carrying me out. I could also slooshy one millicent goloss
saying from like the room I'd come out of with all the kots
and koshkas in it: "She's been nastily knocked but she's
breathing," and there was loud mewing all the time.
"A real pleasure this is," I heard another millicent goloss say
as I was tolchocked very rough and skorry into the auto.
"Little Alex all to our own selves." I creeched out:
"I'm blind, Bog bust and bleed you, you grahzny bastards."
"Language, language," like smecked a goloss, and then I got
a like backhand tolchock with some ringy rooker or other
full on the rot. I said:
"Bog murder you, you vonny stinking bratchnies. Where are
the others? Where are my stinking traitorous droogs? One of
my cursed grahzny bratties chained me on the glazzies. Get
them before they get away. It was all their idea, brothers.
They like forced me to do it. I'm innocent, Bog butcher you."
By this time they were all having like a good smeck at me with
the heighth of like callousness, and they'd tolchocked me into
the back of the auto, but I still kept on about these so-called
droogs of mine and then I viddied it would be no good, be-
cause they'd all be back now in the snug of the Duke of New
York forcing black and suds and double Scotchmen down the
unprotesting gorloes of those stinking starry ptitsas and
they saying: "Thanks, lads. God bless you, boys. Been here
all the time you have, lads. Not been out of our sight you
haven't."
All the time we were sirening off to the rozz-shop, me being
wedged between two millicents and being given the odd
thump and malenky tolchock by these smecking bullies. Then I
found I could open up my glazlids a malenky bit and viddy
like through all tears a kind of steamy city going by, all the
lights like having run into one another. I could viddy now
through smarting glazzies these two smecking millicents at the
back with me and the thin-necked driver and the fat-necked
bastard next to him, this one having a sarky like govoreet at
me, saying: "Well, Alex boy, we all look forward to a pleasant
evening together, don't we not?" I said:
"How do you know my name, you stinking vonny bully?
May Bog blast you to hell, grahzny bratchny as you are, you
sod." So they all had a smeck at that and I had my ooko like
twisted by one of these stinking millicents at the back with
me. The fat-necked not-driver said:
"Everybody knows little Alex and his droogs. Quite a
famous young boy our Alex has become."
"It's those others," I creeched. "Georgie and Dim and Pete.
No droogs of mine, the bastards."
"Well," said the fat-neck, "you've got the evening in front of
you to tell the whole story of the daring exploits of those
young gentlemen and how they led poor little innocent Alex
astray." Then there was the shoom of another like police siren
passing this auto but going the other way.
"Is that for those bastards?" I said. "Are they being picked up
by you bastards?"
"That," said fat-neck, "is an ambulance. Doubtless for your
