Don't look back, he remembered. The view probably isn't very nice.
The Luggage crashed through a bush and vanished.
A moment later Rincewind saw why. It had careened over the edge of the outcrop and was dropping towards the great hole underneath, which he could now see was faintly red lit at the bottom. Stretching from Rincewind, out over the edge of the rocks and down into the hole, were two shimmering blue lines.
He paused uncertainly, although that isn't precisely true because he was totally certain of several things, for example that he didn't want to jump, and that he certainly didn't want to face whatever it was coming up behind him, and that in the spirit world Twoflower was quite heavy, and that there were worse things than being dead.
'Name two,' he muttered, and jumped.
A few seconds later the horsemen arrived and didn't stop when they reached the edge of the rock but simply rode into the air and reined their horses over nothingness.
Death looked down.
THAT ALWAYS ANNOYS ME, he said. I MIGHT AS WELL INSTALL A REVOLVING DOOR.
'I wonder what they wanted!' said Pestilence.
'Search me,' said War. 'Nice game, though.'
'Right,' agreed Famine. 'Compelling, I thought.'
WE'VE GOT TIME FOR ANOTHER FONDLE, said Death.
'Rubber,' corrected War.
RUBBER WHAT?
'You call them rubbers,' said War.
RIGHT, RUBBERS, said Death. He looked up at the new star, puzzled as to what it might mean.
I THINK WE'VE GOT TIME, he repeated, a trifle uncertainly.
Mention has already been made of an attempt to inject a little honesty into reporting on the Disc, and how poets and bards were banned on pain of – well, pain – from going on about babbling brooks and rosy-fingered dawn and could only say, for example, that a face had launched a thousand ships if they were able to produce certified dockyard accounts.
And therefore, out of a passing respect for this tradition, it will not be said of Rincewind and Twoflower that they became an ice-blue sinewave arcing through the dark imensions, or that there was a sound like the twanging of a monstrous tusk, or that their lives passed in front of their eyes (Rincewind had in any case seen his past life flash in front of his eyes so many times that he could sleep through the boring bits) or that the universe dropped on them like a large jelly.
It will be said, because experiment has proven it to be true, that there was a noise like a wooden ruler being struck heavily with a C sharp tuning fork, possibly B flat, and a sudden sensation of absolute stillness.
This was because they were absolutely still, and it was absolutely dark.
It occurred to Rincewind that something had gone wrong.
Then he saw the faint blue tracery in front of him.
He was inside the Octavo again. He wondered what would happen if anyone opened the book; would he and Twoflower appear like a colour plate?
Probably not, he decided. The Octavo they were in was something a bit different from the mere book chained to its lectern deep in Unseen University, which was merely a three-dimensional representation of a multidimensional reality, and—
Hold on, he thought. I don't think like this. Who's thinking for me?
'Rincewind,' said a voice like the rustle of old pages.
'Who? Me?'
'Of course you, you daft sod.'
A flicker of defiance flared very briefly in Rincewind's battered heart.
'Have you managed to recall how the Universe started yet?' he said nastily. 'The Clearing of the Throat, wasn't it, or the Drawing of the Breath, or the Scratching of the Head and Trying to Remember It, It was On the Tip of the Tongue?'
Another voice, dry as tinder, hissed, 'You would do well to remember where you are.' It should be impossible to hiss a sentence with no sibilants in it, but the voice made a very good attempt.
'Remember where I am? Remember where I am?' shouted Rincewind. 'Of course I remember where I am, I'm inside a bloody book talking to a load of voices I can't see, why do you think I'm screaming?'
'I expect you're wondering why we brought you here again,' said a voice by his ear.
'No.'
'No?'
'What did he say?' said another disembodied voice.
'He said no.'
'He really said no?'
'Yes.'
'Oh.'
'Why?'
'This sort of thing happens to me all the time,' said Rincewind. 'One minute I'm falling off the world, then I'm inside a book, then I'm on a flying rock, then I'm watching Death learn how to play Weir or Dam or whatever it was, why should I wonder about anything?'
'Well, we imagine you will be wondering why we don't want anyone to say us,' said the first voice, aware that it was losing the initiative.
Rincewind hesitated. The thought had crossed his mind, only very fast and looking nervously from side to side in case it got knocked over.
'Why should anyone want to say you?'
'It's the star,' said the spell. 'The red star. Wizards are already looking for you; when they find you they want to say all eight Spells together to change the future. They think the Disc is going to collide with the star.'
Rincewind thought about this. 'Is it?'
'Not exactly, but in a— what's that?'
Rincewind looked down. The Luggage padded out of the darkness. There was a long sliver of scytheblade in its lid.
'It's just the Luggage,' he said.
'But we didn't summon it here!'
'No-one summons it anywhere,' said Rincewind. 'It just turns up. Don't worry about it.'
'Oh. What were we talking about?'
'This red star thing.'
'Right. It's very important that you —'
'Hallo? Hallo? Anyone out there?'
It was a small and squeaky voice and came from the picture box still slung around Twoflower's inert neck.
The picture imp opened his hatch and squinted up at Rincewind.
'Where's this, squire?' it said.
'I'm not sure.'
'We still dead?'
'Maybe.'
'Well, let's hope we go somewhere where we don't need too much black, because I've run out.' The hatch slammed shut.
Rincewind had a fleeting vision of Twoflower handing around his pictures and saying things like 'This is me being tormented by a million demons' and 'This is me with that funny couple we met on the freezing slopes of the Underworld.' Rincewind wasn't certain about what happened to you after you really died, the authorities were a little unclear on the subject; a swarthy sailor from the Rimward lands had said that he was confident of going to a paradise where there was sherbet and houris. Rincewind wasn't certain what a houri was, but after some thought he came to the conclusion that it was a little liquorice tube for sucking up the sherbet. Anyway, sherbet made him sneeze.
'Now that interruption is over,' said a dry voice firmly, 'perhaps we can get on. It is most important that you don't let the wizards take the spell from you. Terrible things will happen if all eight spells are said too soon.'
'I just want to be left in peace,' said Rincewind.
'Good, good. We knew we could trust you from the day you first opened the Octavo.'
Rincewind hesitated. 'Hang on a minute,' he said. 'You want me to run around keeping the wizards from getting all the spells together?'
'Exactly.'
'That's why one of you got into my head?'
'Precisely.'
'You totally ruined my life, you know that?' said Rincewind hotly. 'I could have really made it as a wizard if you hadn't decided to use me as a sort of portable spellbook. I can't remember any other spells, they're too frightened to stay in the same head as you!'
'We're sorry.'
'I just want to go home! I want to go back to where—' a trace of moisture appeared in Rincewind's eye – 'to where there's cobbles under your feet and some of the beer isn't too bad and you can get quite a good piece of fried fish of an evening, with maybe a couple of big green gherkins, and even an eel pie and a dish of whelks, and there's always a warm stable somewhere to sleep in and in the morning you are always in the same place as you were the night before and there wasn't all this weather all over the place. I mean, I don't mind about the magic, I'm probably not, you know, the right sort of material for a wizard, I just want to go home!—'
'But you must—' one of the spells began.
It was too late. Homesickness, the little elastic band in the subconscious that can wind up a salmon and propel it three thousand miles through strange seas, or send a million lemmings running joyfully back to an ancestral homeland which, owing to a slight kink in the continental drift, isn't there any more – homesickness rose up inside Rincewind like a late-night prawn biriani, flowed along the tenuous thread linking his tortured soul to his body, dug its heels in and tugged . . .
The spells were alone inside their Octavo.
Alone, at any rate, apart from the Luggage.
They looked at it, not with eyes, but with consciousness as old as the Discworld itself.
'And you can bugger off too,' they said.
'&mdash bad.'
Rincewind knew it was himself speaking, he recognised the voice. For a moment he was looking out through his eyes not in any normal way, but as a spy might peer through the cut-out eyes of a picture. Then he was back.
'You okay, Rinshwind?' said Cohen. 'You looked a bit gone there.'
'You did look a bit white,' agreed Bethan. 'Like someone had walked over your grave.'
'Uh, yes, it was probably me,' he said. He held up his fingers and counted them. There appeared to be the normal amount.
'Um, have I moved at all?' he said.
'You just looked at the fire as if you had seen a ghost,' said Bethan.
There was a groan behind them. Twoflower was sitting up, holding his head in his hands.
His eyes focused on them. His lips moved soundlessly.
'That was a really strange . . . dream,' he said. 'What's this place? Why am I here?'
'Well,' said Cohen, 'shome shay the Creator of the Univershe took a handful of clay and —'
'No, I mean here,' said Twoflower. 'Is that you, Rincewind?'
'Yes,' said Rincewind, giving it the benefit of the doubt.
'There was this . . . a clock that . . . and these people who . . .' said Twoflower. He shook his head. 'Why does everything smell of horses?'
'You've been ill,' said Rincewind. 'Hallucinating.'
'Yes . . . I suppose I was.' Twoflower looked down at his chest. 'But in that case, why have I—' Rincewind jumped to his feet.
'Sorry, very close in here, got to have a breath of fresh air,' he said. He removed the picture box's strap from Twoflower's neck, and dashed for the tent flap.
'I didn't notice that when he came in,' said Bethan. Cohen shrugged.
Rincewind managed to get a few yards from the yurt efore the ratchet of the picture box began to click. Very slowly, the box extruded the last picture that the imp had taken.
Rincewind snatched at it.
What it showed would have been quite horrible even in broad daylight. By freezing starlight, tinted red with the fires of the evil new star, it was a lot worse.
'No,' said Rincewind softly. 'No, it wasn't like that, there was a house, and this girl, and . . .'
'You see what you see and I paint what I see,' said the imp from its hatch. 'What I see is real. I was bred for it. I only see what's really there.'
A dark shape crunched over the snowcrust towards Rincewind. It was the Luggage. Rincewind, who normally hated and distrusted it, suddenly felt it was the most refreshingly normal thing he had ever seen.
'I see you made it, then,' said Rincewind. The Luggage rattled its lid.
'Okay, but what did you see?' said Rincewind. 'Did you look behind?'
The Luggage said nothing. For a moment they were silent, like two warriors who have fled the field of carnage and have paused for a return of breath and sanity.
Then Rincewind said, 'Come on, there's a fire inside.' He reached out to pat the Luggage's lid. It snapped irritably at him, nearly catching his fingers. Life was back to normal again.
The next day dawned bright and clear and cold. The sky became a blue dome stuck on the white sheet of the world, and the whole effect would have been as fresh and clean as a toothpaste advert if it wasn't for the pink dot on the horizon.
'You can shee it in daylight now,' said Cohen. 'What is it?'
He looked hard at Rincewind, who reddened.
'Why does everyone look at me?' he said. 'I don't know 107 what it is, maybe it's a comet or something.'
'Will we all be burned up?' said Bethan.
'How should I know? I've never been hit by a comet before.'
They were riding in single file across the brilliant snow-field. The Horse people, who seemed to hold Cohen in high regard, had given them their mounts and directions to the River Smarl, a hundred miles rimward, where Cohen reckoned Rincewind and Twoflower could find a boat to take them to the Circle Sea. He had announced that he was coming with them, on account of his chilblains.
Bethan had promptly announced that she was going to come too, in case Cohen wanted anything rubbed.
Rincewind was vaguely aware of some sort of chemistry bubbling away. For one thing, Cohen had made an effort to comb his beard.
'I think she's rather taken with you,' he said. Cohen sighed.
If I wash twenty yearsh younger,' he said wistfully.
'Yes?'
'I'd be shixty-sheven.'
'What's that got to do with it?'
'Well – how can I put it? When I wash a young man, carving my name in the world, well, then I liked my women red-haired and fiery.'
'Ah.'
'And then I grew a little older and for preference I looked for a woman with blonde hair, and the glint of the world in her eye.'
