distant realm; yet in my sadness I am colder than your stones,
more alone than in a desolate place. She that dwells within you
holds my love. I long for her shadow or the sound of her step.
I am more wretchedly in love than ever--I, an impotent, invisible
spirit. Must I bear this sorrow in addition to my others, in my
fruitless search for rest? My life will be a waking nightmare,
most bitter irony of fate."
The trees swayed above his head, and the moon, in its last
quarter, looked dreamily at him.
"Ah," thought Ayrault, "could I but sleep and be happy!
Drowsiness and weariness, fatigue's grasp is on me; or may
Sylvia's nearness soothe, as her voice has brought me calm!
Quiet I may some day enjoy, but slumber again, never! I see that
souls in hades must ever have their misdeeds before them. Happy
man in this world, the repentant's sins are forgiven! You lose
your care in sleep. Somnolence and drowsiness--balm of aching
hearts, angels of mercy! Mortals, how blessed! until you die,
God sends you this rest. When I recall summer evenings with
Sylvia, while gentle zephyrs fanned our brows, I would change
Pope's famous line to 'Man never is, but always HAS BEEN
blessed.'"
A clock in a church-steeple now struck three, the sound ringing
through the still night air.
"It will soon be time for ghosts to go," thought Ayrault. "I
must not haunt her dwelling."
There was a light in Sylvia's study, and Ayrault remained
meditatively gazing at it.
"Happy lamp," he thought, "to shed your light on one so fair!
She can see you, and you shine, for her. You are better off than
I. Would that her soul might shine for me, as your light shines
for her! The light of my life has departed. O that the darkness
were complete! I am dead," his thoughts ran on, and when the
privilege-- bitter word!--that permits me to remain here has
expired, I must doubtless return to Saturn, and there in
purgatory work out my probation. But what comfort is it that a
few centuries hence I may be able to revisit my native earth?--
The flowers will bloom in the morning light,
And the lark salute the sun,
The earth will continue to roll through space,
And I may be nearer my final grace,
But Sylvia's life-thread will be spun.
"Even Sylvia's house will be a heap of ruins, or its place will
be taken by something else. If I had Sylvia, I should care for
nothing; as I have lost her, even this sight, though sweet, must
always bring regret. I wish, at all events, I might see Sylvia,
if only with these spirit-eyes, since, as a mortal, she may never
gladden my sight again."
To his surprise, he now perceived that he could see,
notwithstanding the drawn shades. Sylvia was at her
writing-desk, in a light-coloured wrapper. She sat there resting
her head on her hand, looking thoughtful but worried. Though it
was so late, she had not retired. The thrush that Ayrault had
often in life admired, and that she had for some reason brought
up-stairs, was silent and asleep.
"Happy bird!" he said, "you obtain rest and forgetfulness on
covering your head; but what wing can cover my soul? I used to
wish I might flutter towards heaven on natural wings like you,
little thrush. Now I can, indeed, outfly you. But whatever I do
I'm unhappy, and wherever I go I'm in hell. What is man in his
helpless, first spiritual state? He is but a flower, and withers
soon. Had I, like the bishop, been less blind, and obeyed my
conscience clear, I might have returned to my native earth while
Sylvia still sojourns here; and coming thus by virtue of
development, I should be able to commune with her.
"What is life?" he continued. "In the retrospect, nothing. It
seems to me already as but an infinitesimal point. Things that
engrossed me, and seemed of such moment, that overshadowed the
duty of obeying my conscience--what were they, and where? Ah,
where? They endured but a moment. Reality and evanescence--
evanescence and reality."
The light in Sylvia's room was out now, and in the east he beheld
the dawn. The ubiquitous grey which he saw at night was invaded
by streams of glorious crimson and blue that reached far up into
the sky. He gazed at the spectacle, and then once more at that
house in which his love was centred.
"Would I might be her guardian angel, to guide her in the right
and keep her from all harm! Sleep on, Sylvia. Sweet one, sleep.
Yon stars fade beside your eyes. Your thoughts and your soul are
fairer far than the east in this day's sunrise. I know what I
have lost. Ah, desolating knowledge! for I have read Sylvia's
heart, and know I was loved as truly as I loved. When Bearwarden
and Cortlandt break her the news--ah, God! will she live, and do
they yet know I am dead?"
Again came that spasm to shed spirit tears, and had he not known
it impossible he would have thought his heart must break.
The birds twittered, and the light grew, but Ayrault lay with his
face upon the ground. Finally the spirit of unrest drove him on.
He passed the barred door of his own house, through which he had
entered so often. It was unchanged, but seemed deserted. Next,
he went to the water-front, where he had left his yacht.
Invisibly and sadly he stood upon her upper deck, and gazed at
the levers, in response to his touch on which the craft had cleft
the waves, reversed, or turned like a thing of life.
"'Twas a pretty toy," he mused, "and many hours of joy have I had
as I floated through life on board of her."
As he moped along he beheld two unkempt Italians having a
piano-organ and a violin. The music was not fine, but it touched
a chord in Ayrault's breast, for he had waltzed with Sylvia to
that air, and it made his heart ache.
"Oh, the acuteness of my distress," he cried, "the utter depth of
my sorrow! Can I have no peace in death, no oblivion in the
grave? I am reminded of my blighted, hopeless love in all kinds
of unexpected ways, by unforeseen trifles. Oh, would I might,
indeed, die! May obliteration be my deliverer!"
"Poor fellows," he continued, glancing at the Italians, for he
perceived that neither of the players was happy; the pianist was
avaricious, while the violinist's natural and habitual jealousy
destroyed his peace of mind.
"Unhappiness seems the common lot," thought Ayrault. "Earth
cannot give that joy for which we sigh. Poor fellows! though you
rack my ears and distress my heart, I cannot help you now."
CHAPTER XIII.
THE PRIEST'S SERMON.
It being the first day of the week, the morning air was filled
with chimes from many steeples.
"Divine service always comforted in life," thought Ayrault,
"perchance it may do so now, when I have reached the state for
which it tried to prepare me."
Accordingly, he moved on with the throng, and soon was ascending
the heights of Morningside Park, after which, he entered the
cathedral. The priest whose voice had so often thrilled him
stood at his post in his surplice, and the choir had finished the
processional hymn. During the responses in the litany, and
between the commandments, while the congregation and the choir
sang, he heard their natural voices as of old ascending to the
vaulted roof and arrested there. He now also heard their
spiritual voices resulting from the earnestness of their prayers.
These were rung through the vaster vault of space, arousing a
spiritual echo beyond the constellations and the nebulae. The
service, which was that of the Protestant Episcopal Church,
touched him as deeply as usual, after which the rector ascended
the steps to the pulpit.
"The text, this morning," he began, "is from the eighth chapter
of St. Paul's Epistle to the Romans, at the eighteenth verse:
'For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not
worthy to be compared to the glory that shall be revealed in us.'
Let us suppose that you or I, brethren, should become a free and
disembodied spirit. A minute vein in the brain bursts, or a clot
forms in the heart. It may be a mere trifle, some unexpected
thing, yet the career in the flesh is ended, the eternal life of
the liberated spirit begun. The soul slips from earth's grasp,
as air from our fingers, and finds itself in the frigid,
boundless void of space. Yet, through some longing this soul
might rejoin us, and, though invisible, might hear the
church-bells ring, and long to recall some one of the many bright
Sunday mornings spent here on earth. Has a direful misfortune
befallen this brother, or has a slave been set free? Let us
suppose for a moment that the first has occurred. 'Vanity of
vanities,' said the old preacher. 'Calamity of calamities,' says
the new. That soul's probationary period is ended; his record,
on which he must go, is forever made. He has been in the flesh,
let us say, one, two, three or four score years; before him are
the countless aeons of eternity. He may have had a reasonably
satisfactory life, from his point of view, and been fairly
successful in stilling conscience. That still, small voice
doubtless spoke pretty sharply at first, but after a while it
rarely troubled him, and in the end it spoke not at all. He may,
in a way, have enjoyed life and the beauties of nature. He has
seen the fresh leaves come and go, but he forgot the moral, that
be himself was but a leaf, and that, as they all dropped to earth
to make more soil, his ashes must also return to the ground. But
his soul, friends and brethren, what becomes of that? Ah! it is
the study of this question that moistens our eyes with tears. No
evil man is really happy here, and what must be his suffering in
the cold, cold land of spirits? No slumber or forgetfulness can
ease his lot in hades, and after his condemnation at the last
judgment he must forever face the unsoftened realities of
eternity. No evil thing or thought can find lodgment in heaven.
If it could, heaven would not be a happy place; neither can any
man improve in the abyss of hell. As the horizon gradually
darkens, and this soul recedes from God, the time spent in the
flesh must come to seem the most infinitesimal moment, more
evanescent than the tick of a clock. It seems dreadful that for
such short misdoings a soul should suffer so long, but no man can
be saved in spite of himself. He had the opportunities--and the
knowledge of this must give a soul the most acute pang.
"In Revelation, xx, 6, we find these words, 'Blessed and holy is
he that hath part in the first resurrection: on such the second
death hath no power.' I have often asked myself, May not this
mean that those with a bad record in the general resurrection
after a time cease to exist, since all suffer one death at the
close of their period here?
"This is somewhat suggested by Proverbs, xii, 28,. 'In the way
of righteousness is life, and in the pathway thereof there is no
death.' This might limit the everlasting damnation, so often
repeated elsewhere, to the lives of the condemned, since to them,
in a sense, it would be everlasting.
"Let us now turn to the bright picture--the soul that has
weathered the storms of life and has reached the haven of rest.
The struggles, temptations, and trials overcome, have done their
work of refining with a rapidity that could not have been
equalled in any other way, and though, perhaps, very imperfect
still, the journey is ever on. The reward is tenfold, yet in
proportion to what this soul has done, for we know that the
servant who best used his ten talents was made ruler over ten
cities, while he that increased his five talents by five received
five; and the Saviour in whom he trusted, by whose aid he made
his fight, stands ready to receive him, saying, 'Enter thou into
the joy of thy Lord.'
"As the dark, earthly background recedes, the clouds break and
the glorious light appears, the contrast heightening the
ever-unfolding and increasing delights, which are as great as the
recipients have power to enjoy, since these righteous souls
receive their rewards in proportion to the weight of the crosses
that they have borne in the right spirit. These souls are a joy
to their Creator, and are the heirs of Him in heaven. The
ceaseless, sleepless activity that must obtain in both paradise
and hades, and that must make the hearts of the godless grow
faint at the contemplation, is also a boundless promise to those
who have Him who is all in all.
"Where is now thy Saviour? where is now thy God? the unjust man
has asked in his heart when he saw his just neighbour struggling
and unsuccessful. Both the righteous and the unrighteous man are
dead. The one has found his Saviour, the other is yearly losing
God. What is the suffering of the present momentary time, eased
as it is by God's mercy and presence, compared with the glories
that await us? What would it be if our lives here were filled
with nothing else, as ye know that your labour is not vain in the
Lord? Time and eternity--the finite and the infinite. Death
was, indeed, a deliverer, and the sunset of the body is the
sunrise of the soul."
The priest held himself erect as a soldier while delivering this
sermon, making the great cathedral ring with his earnest and
solemn voice, while Ayrault, as a spirit, saw how absolutely he
meant and believed every word that he said.
Nearly all the members of the congregation were moved--some more,
some less than they appeared. After the benediction they rapidly
dispersed, carrying in their hearts the germs he had sown; but
whether these would bear fruit or wither, time alone could show.
Ayrault had noticed Sylvia's father and mother in church, but