“卡克先生，”他对经理说道，“这完全是我一个人的过错，这一点是千真万确的。由于我粗心大意，这一点我怎么责怪自己也不会过分，因此我，我，毫无疑问，我经常提到职务较低的卡克先生，提到的次数大大地超过了必要，有时我也允许让他的名字脱口而出地说了出来，而这是违背您的明确的意愿的。但这都是我本人的错误，先生。我们从没有在这个问题上交谈过一句话——说实在的，我们在任何问题上都很少交谈。就我这方面来说，先生，”沃尔特停了片刻之后，接着说道，“也并不是完全由于粗心大意。自从我到这里来以后，我对卡克先生一直很感兴趣，当我多么想念他的时候，有时就情不自禁地提到了他。”
沃尔特是真心诚意，并怀着高尚的心情讲这些话的。因为他看到那搭拉的脑袋、低垂的眼睛和抬起的手，心中想道，“我感觉到这点；我为什么不为这位孤立无援、伤心失望的人认错呢？”
“事实上，您一直在避开我，卡克先生，”沃尔特说道；他对他真正感到怜悯，因此泪水都涌到眼睛里了。“我知道这一点，它使我感到失望和惋惜。当我初到这里来的时候，而且从那时候起，我确实很想成为您的好朋友，像我这样年龄的人所指望的那样，可是一切都是白费心思。”
“请注意，盖伊，”经理迅速接过他的话头，说下去，“如果您还像过去那么硬要人们注意约翰•卡克的名字的话，那么您还会更加白费心思。那不是以朋友态度对待约翰•卡克先生的方式。问问他，他是不是这样认为的？”
“那对我不是帮助，”哥哥说道。“它只会引起像现在这样的一场谈话；我不用说，我本来很可以避免参加的。谁要想成为我更好的朋友，”这时他说得很清楚，仿佛想要引起沃尔特的格外注意似的，“那就是忘掉我，让我没人理睬、默默无闻地过我自己的日子。”
“别人对您说的话您是记不住的，盖伊，”经理卡克先生感到极为满意，心情兴奋起来，“所以我想应当让最有权威的人来对您说这一点，”这时他向他的哥哥点了点头，“我希望现在您不至于再把这忘掉了吧。这就是我要说的一切。盖伊。
您可以走了。”
沃尔特走到门口，正想把门在身后关上，这时他又听到了兄弟两人的声音，而且还提到了他自己的名字，于是犹豫不决地站住，手还握着门的拉手，门还半开着，他不知道究竟是回去还是走开。在这种情况下，他不是有意地听到了随后发生的谈话。
“如果你能够的话，詹姆斯，请想到我的时候宽厚一些吧，”约翰•卡克说道，“当我告诉你，我对那孩子，沃尔特•盖伊的观察，已把我整个心灵都唤醒了；——我怎么能不这样呢。我的历史写在这里，”——这时他敲打着自己的胸膛——“当他初到这里来的时候，我在他身上看到了几乎是另一个我。”
“另一个你！”经理轻蔑地重复着。
“并不是现在的我，而是也是初到这里时的我，那时候我跟他一样乐观、轻率、年轻、没有经验，跟他一样扬扬得意地充满了永不平静、爱好冒险的幻想，跟他一样赋有能通向善良或通向邪恶的品质。”
“我希望不是，”他的弟弟说道，语气中有着某种隐藏的与讽刺的意义。
“你把我刺得很痛；你的手没有颤抖，你戳进得很深，”另一位回答道，仿佛在他说话的时候，什么残酷的武器真正捅了他似的（或者沃尔特觉得是这样）。“当他初到这里来的时候，我想像着这一切。我相信它。对我来说，这是真实的。我看到他在一个看不到的深渊的边缘轻快地走着，那么多其他的人们都以同样愉快的神情在那里走着，并且从那里——”
“老借口，”弟弟捅捅炉火，插嘴道，“那么多的人们。说下去吧。说，那么多的人们掉下去了。”
“一位走着的人从那里掉下去了；”另一位回答道，“一位像他那样的孩子开始走上路途，一次又一次地失足，一点一点地往下滑，继续摔倒，直到后来，他倒栽葱地掉下去，并在底层发现他自己成了一个体无完肤的人。请想一想当我注意观察那个孩子的时候，我心里是多么痛苦呵。”
“那只能怪你自己，”弟弟回答道。
“只怪我自己，”他叹了一口气，表示同意。“•我不想寻找别人来分担我的罪过或耻辱。”
“你•已•经让别人来分担你的耻辱了，”詹姆斯•卡克通过他的牙齿咕哝着。虽然他的牙齿那么多那么密，但是他却能咕哝得清清楚楚。
“啊，詹姆斯，”他的哥哥回答道；他第一次用责备的声调说话，而且从他说话的声音听起来，他似乎用手捂着脸，“从那时起，我就成了你的一个有用的衬托物。在你向上爬的时候，你任意地践踏我。请别用你的脚后跟踢我吧！”
接着是静默无声。过了一些时候，只听到经理卡克沙沙地翻阅公文的声音，仿佛他已决定结束这次会晤了。在这同时，他的哥哥退到门口。
“这就是一切，”他说道。“我是那么担心、那么害怕地注意观察着他，就像这是对我的一种小小的惩罚一样，直到他走过了我第一次失足掉下的地方，那时候我相信，即使我是他的父亲，我也不会比那更为虔诚地感谢上帝的了。我不敢预先警戒他，向他提出忠告；但是如果我看到了直接的原因的话，那么我就会向他显示我本人经历过的先例。我怕被别人看到我跟他讲话，唯恐人们会认为我加害于他，引诱他走向邪恶，使他堕落，或者唯恐我真正这样做。也许在我身上有这种传染性的病毒；有谁知道呢？请把我的历史跟沃尔特•盖伊联系起来想一下，也请把它跟他使我产生的感觉联系起来想一下，詹姆斯，如果你能够的话，那么请想到我的时候更宽厚一些吧！”
他说完这些话之后，走出到沃尔特站着的地方。当他看到他在那里的时候，他的脸色稍稍比先前苍白了一些；当沃尔特抓住他的手，低声说了下面一些话的时候，他的脸色就白得更厉害了。
“卡克先生，请允许我谢谢您！请允许我说，我对您是多么同情！我成了这一切的根由，我是多么遗憾！我现在几乎把您看成是我的保卫者与庇护人了！我是多么多么感谢您和可怜您啊！”沃尔特紧紧地握着他的双手，说道；他在激动中几乎不知道他做了什么事情或说了什么话。
莫芬先生的房间就在近旁，里面没有人，门敞开着；他们就不约而同地向里面走去，因为走廊里是难得让人自由来回经过的。当他们到了里面的时候，沃尔特在卡克先生的脸上看到心慌意乱的迹象，这时他几乎感到他以前从来没有见过他的脸孔似的；它变化得多么大啊。
“沃尔特，”他把手搁在他的肩膀上，说道。“我跟您之间隔着一段很远的距离，让我们永远这样吧。您知道我是什么人吗？”
“您是什么人！”当沃尔特目不转睛地注视着他的时候，这句话好像已经到了他的嘴边了。
“那是在我二十一周岁之前开始的，”卡克说道，“——很久以前早就有了这样的趋向，但一直到大概那个时候才开始。当我开始成年的时候。我盗窃了他们的钱财。后来我又盗窃了他们的钱财。在我二十二周岁之前，全都被发觉了；从那之后，沃尔特，对于整个人类社会来说，我已经死了。”
他最后的那几个字又颤抖着到了沃尔特的嘴边，但是他说不出来，也说不出他自己想要说的任何一句话。
“公司对我很好。那位老人宽大为怀，愿上天为此好好报答他吧！这一位，他的儿子，也一样；那时他刚刚到公司里来，而我在公司里是曾经得到很大信任的！我被召唤到现在属于他的房间里——从那时以后，我再也没有进去过——，出来以后就成了一位您所知道的人。我在我现在的位子上坐了许多年，像现在一样孤独，但那时候对其余的人来说，我成了一个有名的、公认的榜样。他们对我都很仁慈，我也活下来了。随着时间的推移，我在痛苦赎罪的这一方面已经有了改变；我想，现在除了公司的三位头头以外，这里没有一个人真正了解我的历史。在那个小孩子长大，并把这件事告诉他之前，我的那个角落可能是个空缺。我希望就这样！从那天起，对我来说，这是唯一的变化；那天我们青春、希望和与善良人们的交往都留在我身后的那间房间里了。上帝保佑您！沃尔特！让您自己和所有对您亲爱的人们都保持着诚实的品质吧，否则就让他们不得好死！”
当沃尔特试图准确地回忆他们之间所发生的一切经过的时候，除了上面的情况外，他所能记起的就是他仿佛感到过度寒冷似的，从头到脚，全身颤抖着，而且痛哭流涕。
当沃尔特再次看到他的时候，他又以过去那种不声不响、意气消沉、卑躬屈节的态度伏在他的办公桌前。那时他看到他正在工作，并觉得他显然已坚决不再跟他来往，而且一再想到那天上午在短短的时间中所看到的和所听到的与两位卡克历史有关的所有事情，沃尔特几乎不相信：他已接到前往西印度群岛的命令；所尔舅舅和卡特尔船长不久就将失去他；弗洛伦斯•董贝——不，他是说保罗——不久将不再跟他次数很少、而且远远地相互看上几眼了；他日常生活中所热爱、喜欢与依恋的一切不久就将跟他告别了。
可是这是真实的，消息已流传到外面的办公室中，因为当他一只手支托着头，并怀着沉重的心情坐在那里沉思着这些事情的时候，信差珀奇从他的红木托架上下来，轻轻地推推他的胳膊肘，请他原谅，但又凑着他的耳朵，向他请求说，他想他能不能设法送回一罐价格便宜的腌制的生姜到英国来，好让珀奇太太在下次分娩后康复的过程中滋补滋补身体？
Chapter 14
Paul grows more and more Old-fashioned, and goes Home for the Holidays
When the Midsummer vacation approached, no indecent manifestations of joy were exhibited by the leaden-eyed young gentlemen assembled at Doctor Blimber's. Any such violent expression as 'breaking up,' would have been quite inapplicable to that polite establishment. The young gentlemen oozed away, semi-annually, to their own homes; but they never broke up. They would have scorned the action.
Tozer, who was constantly galled and tormented by a starched white cambric neckerchief, which he wore at the express desire of Mrs Tozer, his parent, who, designing him for the Church, was of opinion that he couldn't be in that forward state of preparation too soon - Tozer said, indeed, that choosing between two evils, he thought he would rather stay where he was, than go home. However inconsistent this declaration might appear with that passage in Tozer's Essay on the subject, wherein he had observed 'that the thoughts of home and all its recollections, awakened in his mind the most pleasing emotions of anticipation and delight,' and had also likened himself to a Roman General, flushed with a recent victory over the Iceni, or laden with Carthaginian spoil, advancing within a few hours' march of the Capitol, presupposed, for the purposes of the simile, to be the dwelling-place of Mrs Tozer, still it was very sincerely made. For it seemed that Tozer had a dreadful Uncle, who not only volunteered examinations of him, in the holidays, on abstruse points, but twisted innocent events and things, and wrenched them to the same fell purpose. So that if this Uncle took him to the Play, or, on a similar pretence of kindness, carried him to see a Giant, or a Dwarf, or a Conjuror, or anything, Tozer knew he had read up some classical allusion to the subject beforehand, and was thrown into a state of mortal apprehension: not foreseeing where he might break out, or what authority he might not quote against him.
As to Briggs, his father made no show of artifice about it. He never would leave him alone. So numerous and severe were the mental trials of that unfortunate youth in vacation time, that the friends of the family (then resident near Bayswater, London) seldom approached the ornamental piece of water in Kensington Gardens,' without a vague expectation of seeing Master Briggs's hat floating on the surface, and an unfinished exercise lying on the bank. Briggs, therefore, was not at all sanguine on the subject of holidays; and these two sharers of little Paul's bedroom were so fair a sample of the young gentlemen in general, that the most elastic among them contemplated the arrival of those festive periods with genteel resignation.
It was far otherwise with little Paul. The end of these first holidays was to witness his separation from Florence, but who ever looked forward to the end of holidays whose beginning was not yet come! Not Paul, assuredly. As the happy time drew near, the lions and tigers climbing up the bedroom walls became quite tame and frolicsome. The grim sly faces in the squares and diamonds of the floor-cloth, relaxed and peeped out at him with less wicked eyes. The grave old clock had more of personal interest in the tone of its formal inquiry; and the restless sea went rolling on all night, to the sounding of a melancholy strain - yet it was pleasant too - that rose and fell with the waves, and rocked him, as it were, to sleep.
Mr Feeder, B.A., seemed to think that he, too, would enjoy the holidays very much. Mr Toots projected a life of holidays from that time forth; for, as he regularly informed Paul every day, it was his 'last half' at Doctor Blimber's, and he was going to begin to come into his property directly.
It was perfectly understood between Paul and Mr Toots, that they were intimate friends, notwithstanding their distance in point of years and station. As the vacation approached, and Mr Toots breathed harder and stared oftener in Paul's society, than he had done before, Paul knew that he meant he was sorry they were going to lose sight of each other, and felt very much obliged to him for his patronage and good opinion.
It was even understood by Doctor Blimber, Mrs Blimber, and Miss Blimber, as well as by the young gentlemen in general, that Toots had somehow constituted himself protector and guardian of Dombey, and the circumstance became so notorious, even to Mrs Pipchin, that the good old creature cherished feelings of bitterness and jealousy against Toots; and, in the sanctuary of her own home, repeatedly denounced him as a 'chuckle-headed noodle.' Whereas the innocent Toots had no more idea of awakening Mrs Pipchin's wrath, than he had of any other definite possibility or proposition. On the contrary, he was disposed to consider her rather a remarkable character, with many points of interest about her. For this reason he smiled on her with so much urbanity, and asked her how she did, so often, in the course of her visits to little Paul, that at last she one night told him plainly, she wasn't used to it, whatever he might think; and she could not, and she would not bear it, either from himself or any other puppy then existing: at which unexpected acknowledgment of his civilities, Mr Toots was so alarmed that he secreted himself in a retired spot until she had gone. Nor did he ever again face the doughty Mrs Pipchin, under Doctor Blimber's roof.
They were within two or three weeks of the holidays, when, one day, Cornelia Blimber called Paul into her room, and said, 'Dombey, I am going to send home your analysis.'
'Thank you, Ma'am,' returned Paul.
'You know what I mean, do you, Dombey?' inquired Miss Blimber, looking hard at him, through the spectacles.
'No, Ma'am,' said Paul.
'Dombey, Dombey,' said Miss Blimber, 'I begin to be afraid you are a sad boy. When you don't know the meaning of an expression, why don't you seek for information?'
'Mrs Pipchin told me I wasn't to ask questions,' returned Paul.
'I must beg you not to mention Mrs Pipchin to me, on any account, Dombey,' returned Miss Blimber. 'I couldn't think of allowing it. The course of study here, is very far removed from anything of that sort. A repetition of such allusions would make it necessary for me to request to hear, without a mistake, before breakfast-time to-morrow morning, from Verbum personale down to simillimia cygno.'
'I didn't mean, Ma'am - ' began little Paul.
'I must trouble you not to tell me that you didn't mean, if you please, Dombey,' said Miss Blimber, who preserved an awful politeness in her admonitions. 'That is a line of argument I couldn't dream of permitting.'
Paul felt it safest to say nothing at all, so he only looked at Miss Blimber's spectacles. Miss Blimber having shaken her head at him gravely, referred to a paper lying before her.
'"Analysis of the character of P. Dombey." If my recollection serves me,' said Miss Blimber breaking off, 'the word analysis as opposed to synthesis, is thus defined by Walker. "The resolution of an object, whether of the senses or of the intellect, into its first elements." As opposed to synthesis, you observe. Now you know what analysis is, Dombey.'
Dombey didn't seem to be absolutely blinded by the light let in upon his intellect, but he made Miss Blimber a little bow.
'"Analysis,"' resumed Miss Blimber, casting her eye over the paper, '"of the character of P. Dombey." I find that the natural capacity of Dombey is extremely good; and that his general disposition to study may be stated in an equal ratio. Thus, taking eight as our standard and highest number, I find these qualities in Dombey stated each at six three-fourths!'
Miss Blimber paused to see how Paul received this news. Being undecided whether six three-fourths meant six pounds fifteen, or sixpence three farthings, or six foot three, or three quarters past six, or six somethings that he hadn't learnt yet, with three unknown something elses over, Paul rubbed his hands and looked straight at Miss Blimber. It happened to answer as well as anything else he could have done; and Cornelia proceeded.
'"Violence two. Selfishness two. Inclination to low company, as evinced in the case of a person named Glubb, originally seven, but since reduced. Gentlemanly demeanour four, and improving with advancing years." Now what I particularly wish to call your attention to, Dombey, is the general observation at the close of this analysis.'
Paul set himself to follow it with great care.
'"It may be generally observed of Dombey,"' said Miss Blimber, reading in a loud voice, and at every second word directing her spectacles towards the little figure before her: '"that his abilities and inclinations are good, and that he has made as much progress as under the circumstances could have been expected. But it is to be lamented of this young gentleman that he is singular (what is usually termed old-fashioned) in his character and conduct, and that, without presenting anything in either which distinctly calls for reprobation, he is often very unlike other young gentlemen of his age and social position." Now, Dombey,' said Miss Blimber, laying down the paper, 'do you understand that?'
'I think I do, Ma'am,' said Paul.
'This analysis, you see, Dombey,' Miss Blimber continued, 'is going to be sent home to your respected parent. It will naturally be very painful to him to find that you are singular in your character and conduct. It is naturally painful to us; for we can't like you, you know, Dombey, as well as we could wish.'
She touched the child upon a tender point. He had secretly become more and more solicitous from day to day, as the time of his departure drew more near, that all the house should like him. From some hidden reason, very imperfectly understood by himself - if understood at all - he felt a gradually increasing impulse of affection, towards almost everything and everybody in the place. He could not bear to think that they would be quite indifferent to him when he was gone. He wanted them to remember him kindly; and he had made it his business even to conciliate a great hoarse shaggy dog, chained up at the back of the house, who had previously been the terror of his life: that even he might miss him when he was no longer there.
Little thinking that in this, he only showed again the difference between himself and his compeers, poor tiny Paul set it forth to Miss Blimber as well as he could, and begged her, in despite of the official analysis, to have the goodness to try and like him. To Mrs Blimber, who had joined them, he preferred the same petition: and when that lady could not forbear, even in his presence, from giving utterance to her often-repeated opinion, that he was an odd child, Paul told her that he was sure she was quite right; that he thought it must be his bones, but he didn't know; and that he hoped she would overlook it, for he was fond of them all.
'Not so fond,' said Paul, with a mixture of timidity and perfect frankness, which was one of the most peculiar and most engaging qualities of the child, 'not so fond as I am of Florence, of course; that could never be. You couldn't expect that, could you, Ma'am?'
