今天全体破例放假一天。听到广播员的宣布，乔纳思、爸爸、妈妈和莉莉都不敢置信地盯着墙上的扩音器。这种事很少发生，像是额外的犒赏。大人不用去工作，孩子不用去上学、受训或当义工，由代班的劳工负责养育孩子、运送食物、照顾老人等必须的工作。整个社区的人都自由了。
正准备出门上学的乔纳思，兴奋地放下手上的作业夹。
现在学校对他已经不那么重要，再过不久他的学校生涯就要结束，开始单纯接受成人的训练，他得记诵数不尽的规则和学习操控最新的技术。
他希望爸爸妈妈、妹妹和加波都能度过快乐的一天。他跨上自行车，沿着车道，出发去找亚瑟。
他已经有四个礼拜没有吃药，内心的激情再度出现。愉快的梦境让他有点罪恶感，不好意思，但他知道他无法再回到过去那种麻木的生活。
强烈的感觉慢慢超越梦境，扩散到他的日常生活中来。
他知道这固然跟没有服用药丸有关，但主要是来自于他所接收的记忆。现在他眼里的世界是缤纷的：树林、草地和树丛碧绿苍翠，加波的小脸蛋如玫瑰般粉红，而苹果也始终红艳欲滴。
经由记忆，他看见了海洋、山里的湖泊以及在山林间潺潺流动的溪水。现在他眼前熟悉的景色，也呈现出截然不同的模样：在缓慢的流水中，他看见了粼粼波光、色彩和过去的历史。他知道河流来自远方，也将流向远方。
每逢假日，他都十分快活，今天意外放假一天比以往更快乐。乔纳思了解，自己正向深沉的感觉迈进。其实，每位居民每天晚上在家进行的谈话分享，就已说明大家的情绪是不尽相同的。
“我很生气，因为有人破坏了游戏区的规则。”莉莉有—次这么说，小拳头握得紧紧的。她的家人——包括乔纳思——耐心地分析别人破坏规则的可能原因，直到莉莉放松拳头，气消为止。
乔纳思现在明了：莉莉的感受不是愤怒，而是轻微的不耐烦和恼怒。他很确定，因为他知道什么才是真正的愤怒。
透过记忆，他体验到不公和残忍，他的愤怒如火山爆发般澎湃，但这些是不可能在平静的晚餐时提出来讨论的。
“今天我很伤心。”妈妈表达了她的情绪，大家就会赶紧安慰她。
而今乔纳思经历过真正的伤心和悲痛，他知道几句安抚的话不可能抚平这样的情绪。
那是一种深层的不能用言语传达的情绪，只能意会。
今天，他觉得好快乐。
“亚瑟！”他瞥见朋友的自行车斜倚着游戏场边的一棵树，附近则满地都是自行车。一放假，规则也被抛到九霄云外了。
他煞住车，随意把它停在别人的车旁。“嗨，亚瑟！”他大叫，一边四处张望。但游戏区里连个人影也没有。“你在哪里？”
“啪！啪！”附近草丛传来小孩的声音。“砰！砰！
砰！”
十一岁的昙雅从藏身的地方踉踉跄跄走出来。她夸张地捧着肚子，一边歪歪扭扭地站不稳，一边呻吟，“我中弹了！”她大叫一声，摔倒在地，嘴角却带着微笑。
“砰！”
乔纳思站在游戏场旁边，认出亚瑟的声音。他看见亚瑟手持假想的武器，迅速从一棵大树后面隐身到另一棵后面。
“砰！你已经中了我的埋伏，乔纳思！小心！”
乔纳思往后退，蹲在亚瑟的自行车后，以免被人看见。
以前他常玩这个游戏，游戏里虽然也分好人和坏人，不过只是无害的消遣，可以消耗孩子过多的精力，最后大家往往精疲力竭，横七竖八的躺在地上。
他以前从没想到这就是战争游戏。
“攻击！”从存放游戏器材的小储藏室后头传出一声大叫，三名小孩往前冲，手上的假想武器已经上膛了。
游戏场的另一边也传来大叫：“回击！” 一大群孩子冒出来——费欧娜也在其中。他们半蹲着跑步，边跑边开火。
有几位停下来，夸张地抓住自己的肩膀和胸膛，假装被击中。他们卧倒在地，强忍住咯咯的笑声。
乔纳思的内心如波涛般汹涌，不知不觉地朝游戏场走去。
“你被打中了，乔纳思！”亚瑟在躲藏的树后喊叫。
“砰！你又中了一枪！”
乔纳思独自站在游戏场中央。几个小孩纷纷探出头来，莫名其妙地看着他。攻击的队伍也慢慢停了下来，从蹲伏的地方站起来，想看看他到底要做什么。
乔纳思仿佛又看见那位垂死战场、跟他要水喝的男孩儿。他突然有一种要窒息的感觉，几乎喘不过气来。
有个小孩举起假想的来复枪，发出放枪的声音，想要摧毁他，“啪！啪！”所有的人都安静下来，尴尬地站着，现场只听见乔纳思颤抖的呼吸声。他强忍住不哭出来。
什么也没发生，什么都没改变，孩子们紧张地面面相觑一会儿，然后相继走开。他听见大家扶正自行车，骑上车道，慢慢远离游戏场。
只有亚瑟和费欧娜留下来。
“怎么啦，乔纳思？只是游戏嘛。”费欧娜说。
“都被你搞砸了。”亚瑟懊恼地说。
“别再玩这种游戏了。”乔纳思恳求。
“接受娱乐中心主任助理训练的人是我，”亚瑟生气地指出，“游戏不是你的专项。”
专长。”乔纳思提出更正。
“不管怎样，你都不应该批评我们玩的游戏，就算你是未来的记忆传授人也不可以。”说完，亚瑟警觉地看着他，“很抱歉，我没有对你表现应有的尊敬。”他嘟嚷着。
“亚瑟，”乔纳思带着温和、小心翼翼的语气措词，试图表达自己的想法，“你没有机会了解这些事，我自己也是最近才明白。这种游戏很残酷，在过去，曾经……”
“我道歉了，乔纳思。”
乔纳思叹了一口气，多说无益，亚瑟不可能了解的：“我接受你的道歉，亚瑟。”他沮丧地说。
“你要骑自行车沿着河岸兜风吗？”费欧娜咬着嘴唇，紧张地问。
乔纳思看着她，她实在很可爱。在那一瞬间，他觉得自己只想陪着她，悠闲自在地骑着自行车，沿路边谈、边笑。
但他知道这样的时光已经被剥夺了。他摇了摇头。过了一会儿，他的两个朋友转过身，走向自行车，他一直目送着他们离去的身影。
乔纳思在储藏室旁边的板凳上坐下来，内心有股强烈的失落感。他的童年，他的友谊，他那无忧无虑的生活转眼间消失得无影无踪了。他那崭新的、敏锐的感觉，让他无法忍受其他孩子大叫、嬉笑地玩着战争游戏。不过，他也明白，因为缺少记忆，他们不会懂得他的心情。他很爱他的朋友亚瑟和费欧娜，但是没有那些记忆，他们无法理解他的感觉。
偏偏他又不能提供那些记忆给他们。乔纳思很清楚，他什么也无法改变。
那天晚上回到家，莉莉雀跃地叽叽喳喳，说这个假日有多美好，她跟朋友玩游戏，又在户外吃午餐，然后（她承认）她偷偷骑了一下爸爸的自行车。
“下个月才能得到自行车，我实在等不及了。但是爸爸的自行车太大了，害得我摔了一跤！”她及时说明当时的状况，“幸好加波没有坐在儿童座椅上。”
“真的是幸好。”妈妈对她的行动皱了皱眉头。加波听到有人提到他的名字，摇摇手。他在上周学会走路。爸爸说,宝宝迈出第一步是值得庆祝的大事，同时也是接受戒尺教训的开始。现在爸爸每天晚上都带着这根细细的道具回家，以防加波调皮捣蛋。
他现在是一个快乐、自在的学步儿，正在摇摇晃晃地迈着脚步，笑嘻嘻地走过房间。“加！”他兴高采烈地说，“加！”
这是他叫自己名字的方法。
乔纳思的心情又开朗了起来。压抑了一整天，他决定把郁闷抛到一旁。他想他得教莉莉骑自行车了，这样她在九岁典礼后，就可以得意地骑着自行车回家。很难相信十二月又快到了，他成为十二岁快满一年了。
他看着小宝宝努力地迈出步伐，每完成一步，就咧着嘴笑。
“今晚我得早点睡，”爸爸说，“明天会很忙。双胞胎明天出生，测试结果显示他们是同卵双胞胎。”
“一个留在这儿，一个送走。”莉莉歌唱似的，“一个留在这儿，一个送走……”
“您真的要把其中一个带到别的地方吗，爸爸？”乔纳思问。
“不是，我只是做个选择，帮他们量体重，把比较重的那个交给在一旁的助理养育师，然后帮比较轻的那个清洗、打理，再办理解放仪式，然后……”他往下看，对加波露齿一笑，“然后我就跟他挥手说拜拜……”他的语气就像平常跟小宝宝说话一样甜美，同时挥动双手，做出平常说再见的姿势。
加波咯咯笑，也对他挥手说再见。
“然后就有人来接他吗？从别的地方来的人？”
“没错，乔纳思宝贝儿。”（文*冇*人－冇-书－屋－Ｗ－Γ－Ｓ－Ｈ－Ｕ）
听见爸爸用小时候的昵称叫他，乔纳思难为情地白了爸爸一眼。
莉莉陷入沉思中：“如果别的地方的人帮双胞胎弟弟取名为，哦，比方说是强纳生好了。而我们社区的这个双胞胎哥哥，在命名典礼上也被取名为强纳生。那就会有两个名字相同、长相也完全一样的小宝宝。有一天，也许就在他们六岁的时候，其中一班的孩子坐着巴士去拜访另一个社区，遇见另一个一模一样的强纳生，结果大家不小心搞混了，把另一个强纳生接回家，就连他们的父母也分辨不出来，然后……”
她停下来喘口气。
“莉莉，”妈妈说，“我突然有个奇妙的点子，也许等你十二岁的时候，他们会指定你去当说故事的人！我们社区已经好久没有出现说故事的人了。如果我是委员会的一员，一定推荐你担任这项工作！”
莉莉露齿一笑：“我想到另一个更棒的故事，也许我们都是双胞胎，只不过我们自己不知道而已。所以在别的地方，还会有另一个莉莉，另一个乔纳思，另一个爸爸，另一个亚瑟，另一个首席长老，另一个……”
爸爸不耐烦地打断她：“莉莉，睡觉时间到了。”
Chapter 18
"Giver," Jonas asked the next afternoon, "Do you ever think about release?"
"Do you mean my own release, or just the general topic of release?"
"Both, I guess. I apologi — I mean I should have been more precise. But I don't know exactly what I meant."
"Sit back up. No need to lie down while we're talking." Jonas, who had already been stretched out on the bed when the question came to his mind, sat back up.
"I guess I do think about it occasionally," The Giver said. "I think about my own release when I'm in an awful lot of pain. I wish I could put in a request for it, sometimes. But I'm not permitted to do that until the new Receiver is trained."
"Me," Jonas said in a dejected voice. He was not looking forward to the end of the training, when he would become the new Receiver. It was clear to him what a terribly difficult and lonely life it was, despite the honor.
"I can't request release either," Jonas pointed out. "It was in my rules."
The Giver laughed harshly. "I know that. They hammered out those rules after the failure ten years ago."
Jonas had heard again and again now, reference to the previous failure. But he still did not know what had happened ten years before. "Giver," he said, "tell me what happened. Please."
The Giver shrugged. "On the surface, it was quite simple. A Receiver-to-be was selected, the way you were. The selection went smoothly enough. The Ceremony was held, and the selection was made. The crowd cheered, as they did for you. The new Receiver was puzzled and a little frightened, as you were."
"My parents told me it was a female."
The Giver nodded.
Jonas thought of his favorite female, Fiona, and shivered. He wouldn't want his gentle friend to suffer the way he had, taking on the memories. "What was she like?" he asked The Giver.
The Giver looked sad, thinking about it. "She was a remarkable young woman. Very self-possessed and serene. Intelligent, eager to learn." He shook his head and drew a deep breath. "You know, Jonas, when she came to me in this room, when she presented herself to begin her training — "
Jonas interrupted him with a question. "Can you tell me her name? My parents said that it wasn't to be spoken again in the community. But couldn't you say it just to me?"
The Giver hesitated painfully, as if saying the name aloud might be excruciating. "Her name was Rosemary," he told Jonas, finally.
"Rosemary. I like that name."
The Giver went on. "When she came to me for the first time, she sat there in the chair where you sat on your first day. She was eager and excited and a little scared. We talked. I tried to explain things as well as I could."
"The way you did to me."
The Giver chuckled ruefully. "The explanations are difficult. The whole thing is so beyond one's experience. But I tried. And she listened carefully. Her eyes were very luminous, I remember."
He looked up suddenly. "Jonas, I gave you a memory that I told you was my favorite. I still have a shred of it left. The room, with the family, and grandparents?"
Jonas nodded. Of course he remembered. "Yes," he said. "It had that wonderful feeling with it. You told me it was love."
"You can understand, then, that that's what I felt for Rosemary," The Giver explained. "I loved her.
"I feel it for you, too," he added.
"What happened to her?" Jonas asked.
"Her training began. She received well, as you do. She was so enthusiastic. So delighted to experience new things. I remember her laughter..."
His voice faltered and trailed off.
"What happened?" Jonas asked again, after a moment. "Please tell me."
The Giver closed his eyes. "It broke my heart, Jonas, to transfer pain to her. But it was my job. It was what I had to do, the way I've had to do it to you."
The room was silent. Jonas waited. Finally The Giver continued.
"Five weeks. That was all. I gave her happy memories: a ride on a merry-go-round; a kitten to play with; a picnic. Sometimes I chose one just because I knew it would make her laugh, and I so treasured the sound of that laughter in this room that had always been so silent.
"But she was like you, Jonas. She wanted to experience everything. She knew that it was her responsibility. And so she asked me for more difficult memories."
Jonas held his breath for a moment. "You didn't give her war, did you? Not after just five weeks?"
The Giver shook his head and sighed. "No. And I didn't give her physical pain. But I gave her loneliness. And I gave her loss. I transferred a memory of a child taken from its parents. That was the first one. She appeared stunned at its end."
Jonas swallowed. Rosemary, and her laughter, had begun to seem real to him, and he pictured her looking up from the bed of memories, shocked.
The Giver continued. "I backed off, gave her more little delights. But everything changed, once she knew about pain. I could see it in her eyes."
"She wasn't brave enough?" Jonas suggested.
The Giver didn't respond to the question. "She insisted that I continue, that I not spare her. She said it was her duty. And I knew, of course, that she was correct.
"I couldn't bring myself to inflict physical pain on her. But I gave her anguish of many kinds. Poverty, and hunger, and terror.
"I had to, Jonas. It was my job. And she had been chosen." The Giver looked at him imploringly. Jonas stroked his hand.
"Finally one afternoon, we finished for the day. It had been a hard session. I tried to finish — as I do with you — by transferring something happy and cheerful. But the times of laughter were gone by then. She stood up very silently, frowning, as if she were making a decision. Then she came over to me and put her arms around me. She kissed my cheek." As Jonas watched, The Giver stroked his own cheek, recalling the touch of Rosemary's lips ten years before.
"She left here that day, left this room, and did not go back to her dwelling. I was notified by the Speaker that she had gone directly to the Chief Elder and asked to be released."
"But it's against the rules! The Receiver-in-training can't apply for rel — "
"It's in your rules, Jonas. But it wasn't in hers. She asked for release, and they had to give it to her. I never saw her again."
So that was the failure, Jonas thought. It was obvious that it saddened The Giver very deeply. But it didn't seem such a terrible thing, after all. And he, Jonas, would never have done it — never have requested release, no matter how difficult his training became. The Giver needed a successor, and he had been chosen.
A thought occurred to Jonas. Rosemary had been released very early in her training. What if something happened to him, Jonas? He had a whole year's worth of memories now.
"Giver," he asked, "I can't request release, I know that. But what if something happened: an accident? What if I fell into the river like the little Four, Caleb, did? Well, that doesn't make sense because I'm a good swimmer. But what if I couldn't swim, and fell into the river and was lost? Then there wouldn't be a new Receiver, but you would already have given away an awful lot of important memories, so even though they would select a new Receiver, the memories would be gone except for the shreds that you have left of them? And then what if — "
He started to laugh, suddenly. "I sound like my sister, Lily," he said, amused at himself.
The Giver looked at him gravely. "You just stay away from the river, my friend," he said. "The community lost Rosemary after five weeks and it was a disaster for them. I don't know what the community would do if they lost you."
"Why was it a disaster?"
"I think I mentioned to you once," The Giver reminded him, "that when she was gone, the memories came back to the people. If you were to be lost in the river, Jonas, your memories would not be lost with you. Memories are forever.
"Rosemary had only those five weeks' worth, and most of them were good ones. But there were those few terrible memories, the ones that had overwhelmed her. For a while they overwhelmed the community. All those feelings! They'd never experienced that before.
"I was so devastated by my own grief at her loss, and my own feeling of failure, that I didn't even try to help them through it. I was angry, too."
The Giver was quiet for a moment, obviously thinking. "You know," he said, finally, "if they lost you, with all the training you've had now, they'd have all those memories again themselves."
Jonas made a face. "They'd hate that."
"They certainly would. They wouldn't know how to deal with it at all."
"The only way I deal with it is by having you there to help me," Jonas pointed out with a sigh.
The Giver nodded. "I suppose," he said slowly, "that I could — "
"You could what?"
The Giver was still deep in thought. After a moment, he said, "If you floated off in the river, I suppose I could help the whole community the way I've helped you. It's an interesting concept. I need to think about it some more. Maybe we'll talk about it again sometime. But not now.
"I'm glad you're a good swimmer, Jonas. But stay away from the river." He laughed a little, but the laughter was not lighthearted. His thoughts seemed to be elsewhere, and his eyes were very troubled.
