“传授人，”第二天下午，乔纳思问，“您有没有想过解放的事？”
“你是指我自己的解放，或是解放这个主题？”
“我想两者都有吧！很抱歉，我应该说得更清楚一点，不过我不知道该怎么说。”
“坐起来，谈话时你用不着躺着。”乔纳思已经四平八稳地躺在床上，听到这话，马上坐起来。
“我承认我有时会想到这件事。”传授人说，“每次遭受巨大的痛苦时，就会想到解放，也曾兴起申请解放的念头。
不过，新的记忆传承人还没训练完毕，我不能这么做。”
“就是我喽！”乔纳思沮丧地说。他一点也不希望训练结束，成为新的记忆传授人。他很清楚未来除了虚幻的荣耀，将会多么艰辛、孤独。
“我也不能申请解放，”乔纳思指出，“给我的规则里写得很清楚。”
传授人苦笑：“我知道，十年前的失败，他们才想出这条预防措施。”
乔纳思再度听到十年前的失败，但直到现在他还不知道十年前究竟发生了什么事。“传授人，”他说，“请告诉我发生了什么事好吗？”
传授人耸耸肩：“表面上很单纯，一位未来的记忆传承人被选上了，过程就跟选你一样，并在典礼中公布遴选结果。观众欢呼喝彩，就跟为你欢呼一样。这位新的记忆传承人又迷惘又有点害怕，也跟你一样。”
“我的父母说她是一个女孩儿。”
传授人点点头。
乔纳思想起他最喜欢的女孩费欧娜，不禁打了个寒战。
他不希望费欧娜去承受这种苦，承接记忆的痛苦。“她是怎样的人？”他问传授人。
传授人悲伤地回想着往事：“她是一位非常出色的年轻人，冷静、沉着、聪明、好学。”他摇摇头，深深地吸了一口气，“你也知道，乔纳思，当她来到这个房间，开始接受训练……”
乔纳思打断他的话，问：“可以告诉我她叫什么吗？我父母说社区里禁止提她的名字。您可以只跟我说吗？”
传授人面有难色地迟疑着，好像说出这个名字会引起他极大的痛苦。最后，他还是说了：“她叫萝丝玛丽。”
“萝丝玛丽，我喜欢这个名字。”
传授人继续说：“她第一天来找我的时候，就坐在你第一天来坐的位子。她渴望学习，既兴奋又有点儿忐忑。我不断地跟她谈话，尽可能把事情解释清楚。”
“就跟你对待我一样。”
传授人悲伤地微笑：“要解释清楚并不容易，因为它超越了我们的体验范围。但我尽力而为。我记得她听得很仔细，眼睛闪闪发亮。”
他突然抬起头来：“乔纳思，我曾将自己最喜欢的记忆转移给你，自己只留着一些小片断。还记得里面的房间、家庭和祖父母吗？”
乔纳思点点头，他当然记得：“这段记忆蕴涵一种很美妙的感觉，您说那是爱。”
“那你可以了解我对萝丝玛丽的感觉。”传授人说，“我爱她。”
“我对你也有同样的感觉。”他补充说。
“她后来怎么了？”乔纳思问。
“她开始受训了，跟你一样，接收的成效很好。她兴致很高，非常喜悦地去体验这些新事物……我还记得她的笑声……”
他的声音开始颤抖，最后小到听不见。
“发生什么事了？”过了一会儿，乔纳思又问，“请告诉我好吗？”
传授人闭上眼睛：“将痛苦转移给她，真是让我心碎，乔纳思。但是我必须这样做，就像我跟你一起做的一样，这是我的工作。”
房里静悄悄的，乔纳思耐心等着。停了好一会儿，传授人才继续说下去。
“五个星期而已，我给她骑旋转木马、逗小猫咪玩、野餐等快乐的记忆。有时候我会故意选个能让她发笑的记忆，因为这个房间太安静了，她的笑声弥足珍贵。
“但是她跟你一样，乔纳思。她想要经历所有的事物。她知道这是她的责任，所以跟我要求较难承受的记忆。”
乔纳思屏住呼吸：“你没给她战争的体验吧？才五个星期。”
传授人摇摇头，叹了一口气。“没有，我没有让她体会肉体上的折磨，但是我让她体验孤寂、迷失等精神上的痛苦。我将一个小孩被带离父母身边的记忆传给她，那是第一个痛苦的记忆。结束的时候，她整个人都吓呆了。”
乔纳思咽了一下口水，对萝丝玛丽和她的笑声也有了具体的形象。他可以想象她从床上抬起头，一脸惊恐的模样。
传授人继续说：“我之后再给她一些喜悦的经历。但是自从她了解什么是痛苦后，一切就都改观了。我可以从她的眼神看出来。”
“她不够勇敢吗？”乔纳思试探地问。
传授人没有正面回答：“她坚持要我继续下去，说我不可以宠坏她，说那是她的义务。当然，我也知道她是对的。”
“我不忍心将肉体的痛苦加在她身上，但我让她感受贫穷、饥饿、恐惧等精神上的痛苦。我必须这样做，乔纳思。
这是我的工作，而且她已经被选上了。”传授人以恳求谅解的眼光看着他。乔纳思轻抚他的手。
“一天下午，我们结束当天的训练——那是一段很艰苦的记忆时——我用了跟对待你一样的方法，传送一些快乐、欢欣的回忆。但是欢笑时光已然远离。她非常安静地站起身，皱着眉头，好像正在下什么决定。然后她走向我，双手环抱住我，亲亲我的脸颊。”传授人拍拍自己的脸颊，似乎回想起十年前萝丝玛丽轻轻的一吻。
“那天她离开这里，离开这个房间，却没有回到住处。广播人员通知我，她直接跑去找首席长老，要求解放。”
“但那是违反规定的！受训的记忆传承人不可以申请解……”
“乔纳思，只有给你的规定才提到这一点，给她的可没有。她要求解放，他们一定得答应。从此我没再见过她。”
乔纳思这才明白，原来当年的失败是这么一回事。很显然的，这件事对传授人的打击非常大。不过，看起来并不怎么可怕啊。自己是绝对不会这么做的，无论未来的训练有多难，他都不会要求解放的。传授人需要一名继承人，而他已经被选上了。
乔纳思突然想到一件事，萝丝玛丽在受训没多久就解放了。如果他发生了什么意外，又会怎么样呢？他已经接受了一整年的记忆了。
“传授人，”他问，“我不能要求解放，但是如果我发生了什么意外，比方如果我也跌到河里去，跟四岁的小凯尔博一样呢？当然，这不是个好比喻，因为我是个游泳好手。但是如果我不会游泳，又跌到河里不见了呢？那就没有新的记忆传承人了，而你又已经把一大堆很重要的记忆都传给我了，即使他们重新选一位记忆传承人，只靠你留下的那少许记忆够吗？如果……”
说着他突然笑了起来：“我怎么讲起话来跟莉莉一样。”
传授人严肃地凝视着他：“离河流远一点，朋友。”他说，“我们在转移记忆五星期后，失去了萝丝玛丽，造成了社区的大灾难。如果这时失去你，我不知道我们社区要怎么办？”
“为什么会是大灾难？”
“我跟你提过。”传授人提醒他，“她走了以后，记忆回流到人们身上。如果你掉到河里不见了，乔纳思，你的记忆不会跟着你消失，记忆是永恒存在的。
萝丝玛丽只保有五星期的记忆，而且大部分都是很美好的记忆，可是她却被少部分的恐怖记忆击倒了，我们社区也差点被打垮，因为那些感觉是大家从未经历过的！
当时我完全笼罩在失去她的伤痛、失败以及愤怒的情绪中，甚至没有试着去协助大家度过难关。”
传授人沉思了一会儿，最后说：“你也知道，如果他们现在失去你，所有你接收到的记忆，都会回到大家的身上。”
乔纳思做个鬼脸：“大家一定恨死这样的事情发生。”
“这是一定的，大家不知道该怎么对付。”
“我也是因为有您在一旁协助，才知道怎么处理的呀。”
乔纳思指出这一点。
传授人点点头，缓缓地说：“假设我可以……”
“你可以怎样？”
传授人仍在沉思中，过了半晌才说：“如果你在河里溺毙了，我想我可以用帮助你的方式，来帮助整个社区。这是一个很有趣的概念，我必须再多想想，哪天我们再详谈，现在先打住。
我很高兴你是个游泳好手，乔纳思，不过还是离河远一点。”
他笑了一下，但是笑声并不轻快。他的心思好像已经飘到远方，眼神充满忧虑。
Chapter 19
Jonas glanced at the clock. There was so much work to be done, always, that he and The Giver seldom simply sat and talked, the way they just had.
"I'm sorry that I wasted so much time with my questions," Jonas said. "I was only asking about release because my father is releasing a new child today. A twin. He has to select one and release the other one. They do it by weight." Jonas glanced at the clock. "Actually, I suppose he's already finished. I think it was this morning."
The Giver's face took on a solemn look. "I wish they wouldn't do that," he said quietly, almost to himself.
"Well, they can't have two identical people around! Think how confusing it would be!" Jonas chuckled.
"I wish I could watch," he added, as an afterthought. He liked the thought of seeing his father perform the ceremony, and making the little twin clean and comfy. His father was such a gentle man.
"You can watch," The Giver said.
"No," Jonas told him. "They never let children watch. It's very private."
"Jonas," The Giver told him, "I know that you read your training instructions very carefully. Don't you remember that you are allowed to ask anyone anything?"
Jonas nodded. "Yes, but — "
"Jonas, when you and I have finished our time together, you will be the new Receiver. You can read the books; you'll have the memories. You have access to everything. It's part of your training. If you want to watch a release, you have simply to ask."
Jonas shrugged. "Well, maybe I will, then. But it's too late for this one. I'm sure it was this morning."
The Giver told him, then, something he had not known. "All private ceremonies are recorded. They're in the Hall of Closed Records. Do you want to see this morning's release?"
Jonas hesitated. He was afraid that his father wouldn't like it, if he watched something so private.
"I think you should," The Giver told him firmly.
"All right, then," Jonas said. "Tell me how."
The Giver rose from his chair, went to the speaker on the wall, and clicked the switch from OFF to ON.
The voice spoke immediately. "Yes, Receiver. How may I help you?"
"I would like to see this morning's release of the twin."
"One moment, Receiver. Thank you for your instructions."
Jonas watched the video screen above the row of switches. Its blank face began to flicker with zig-zag lines; then some numbers appeared, followed by the date and time. He was astonished and delighted that this was available to him, and surprised that he had not known.
Suddenly he could see a small windowless room, empty except for a bed, a table with some equipment on it — Jonas recognized a scale; he had seen them before, when he'd been doing volunteer hours at the Nurturing Center 148 and a cupboard. He could see pale carpeting on the floor.
"It's just an ordinary room," he commented. "I thought maybe they'd have it in the Auditorium, so that everybody could come. All the Old go to Ceremonies of Release. But I suppose that when it's just a newborn, they don't — "
"Shhh," The Giver said, his eyes on the screen.
Jonas's father, wearing his nurturing uniform, entered the room, cradling a tiny new child wrapped in a soft blanket in his arms. A uniformed woman followed through the door, carrying a second new child wrapped in a similar blanket.
"That's my father." Jonas found himself whispering, as if he might wake the little ones if he spoke aloud. "And the other Nurturer is his assistant. She's still in training, but she'll be finished soon."
The two Nurturers unwrapped the blankets and laid the identical newborns on the bed. They were naked. Jonas could see that they were males.
He watched, fascinated, as his father gently lifted one and then the other to the scale and weighed them.
He heard his father laugh. "Good," his father said to the woman. "I thought for a moment that they might both be exactly the same. Then we'd have a problem. But this one" — he handed one, after rewrapping it, to his assistant" is six pounds even. So you can clean him up and dress him and take him over to the Center."
The woman took the new child and left through the door she had entered.
Jonas watched as his father bent over the squirming new child on the bed. "And you, little guy, you're only five pounds ten ounces. A shrimp!"
"That's the special voice he uses with Gabriel," Jonas remarked, smiling.
"Watch," The Giver said.
"Now he cleans him up and makes him comfy," Jonas told him. "He told me."
"Be quiet, Jonas," The Giver commanded in a strange voice. "Watch."
Obediently Jonas concentrated on the screen, waiting for what would happen next. He was especially curious about the ceremony part.
His father turned and opened the cupboard. He took out a syringe and a small bottle. Very carefully he inserted the needle into the bottle and began to fill the syringe with a clear liquid.
Jonas winced sympathetically. He had forgotten that new children had to get shots. He hated shots himself, though he knew that they were necessary.
To his surprise, his father began very carefully to direct the needle into the top of the new child forehead, puncturing the place where the fragile skin pulsed. The new-born squirmed, and wailed faintly.
"Why's he — "
"Shhh," The Giver said sharply.
His father was talking, and Jonas realized that he was hearing the answer to the question he had started to ask. Still in the special voice, his father was saying, "I know, I know. It hurts, little guy. But I have to use a vein, and the veins in your arms are still too teeny-weeny."
He pushed the plunger very slowly, injecting the liquid into the scalp vein until the syringe was empty.
"All done. That wasn't so bad, was it?" Jonas heard his father say cheerfully. He turned aside and dropped the syringe into a waste receptacle.
Now he cleans him up and makes him comfy, Jonas said to himself, aware that The Giver didn't want to talk during the little ceremony.
As he continued to watch, the new child no longer crying, moved his arms and legs in a jerking motion. Then he went limp. He head fell to the side, his eyes half open. Then he was still.
With an odd, shocked feeling, Jonas recognized the gestures and posture and expression. They were familiar. He had seen them before. But he couldn't remember where.
Jonas stared at the screen, waiting for something to happen. But nothing did. The little twin lay motionless. His father was putting things away. Folding the blanket. Closing the cupboard.
Once again, as he had on the playing field, he felt the choking sensation. Once again he saw the face of the light-haired, bloodied soldier as life left his eyes. The memory came back.
He killed it! My father killed it! Jonas said to himself, stunned at what he was realizing. He continued to stare at the screen numbly.
His father tidied the room. Then he picked up a small carton that lay waiting on the floor, set it on the bed, and lifted the limp body into it. He placed the lid on tightly.
He picked up the carton and carried it to the other side of the room. He opened a small door in the wall; Jonas could see darkness behind the door. It seemed to be the same sort of chute into which trash was deposited at school.
His father loaded the carton containing the body into the chute and gave it a shove.
"Bye-bye, little guy," Jonas heard his father say before he left the room. Then the screen went blank.
The Giver turned to him. Quite calmly, he related, "When the Speaker notified me that Rosemary had applied for release, they turned on the tape to show me the process. There she was — my last glimpse of that beautiful child — waiting. They brought in the syringe and asked her to roll up her sleeve.
"You suggested, Jonas, that perhaps she wasn't brave enough? I don't know about bravery: what it is, what it means. I do know that I sat here numb with horror. Wretched with helplessness. And I listened as Rosemary told them that she would prefer to inject herself.
"Then she did so. I didn't watch. I looked away."
The Giver turned to him. "Well, there you are, Jonas. You were wondering about release," he said in a bitter voice.
Jonas felt a ripping sensation inside himself, the feeling of terrible pain clawing its way forward to emerge in a cry.
