“不！我不要回家！你不能强迫我！”乔纳思又哭又叫的，用拳头捶打着床铺。
“坐起来，乔纳思。”传授人坚定地告诉他。
乔纳思听话地坐在床边，低垂着头，一边擦泪，一边发抖。
“今晚你可以留下来，跟我说话。现在我要通知你的家人，你必须安静下来，不可以让人听见你的哭声。”
乔纳思猛然抬头：“也没人听见小双胞胎在哭！只有我父亲！”说着他又趴下来啜泣。
传授人静静地等待，最后乔纳思终于冷静下来，缩成一团，肩膀仍旧颤动不已。
传授人走到墙边对着对讲机拨开开关。
“您好，记忆传承人，请问有何吩咐？”
“请通知新记忆传承人的家人，说他今晚要留在这里加强训练。”
“我会照办的，先生。谢谢您的指示。”
“我会照办的，先生。我会照办的，先生。”乔纳思用冷酷、挖苦的声音说：“只要你吩咐，我会照办的，先生。我会杀人，先生。老人？或是体重较轻的新生儿？我很乐意杀他们，先生。谢谢您的指示，先生。我可以为您效劳吗……”
他好像停不下来了。
传授人牢牢地抓住他的肩膀，乔纳思猛然停下来，看着他。
“听我说，乔纳思，他们也无能为力，他们什么都不知道。”
“以前您也说过这句话。”
“我这样说，因为这是事实。这就是他们的生活，特别为他们创造出来的生活。如果你没被选为我的继承人，你的生活也跟他们一样。”
“但是，他对我说谎！”乔纳思又哭了。
“别人告诉他要这么做，他什么也不懂。”
“你呢？你也对我说谎吗？”乔纳思愤怒地提出这个尖锐的问题。
“我被賦予说谎的权力，但我不曾对你说过谎。”
乔纳思瞪着他：“解放都是这样子吗？只要是违规三次的人？还有那些老人？他们也杀老人吗？”
“对，事实如此。”
“费欧娜呢？她爱老人啊！她正在接受看护的训练。她知道吗？当她发现她必须这么做的时候，她要怎么办？她会有什么感觉？”乔纳思用手背抹掉脸上的泪。
“费欧娜早就练好解放的技巧了。”传授人告诉他，“你的红头发朋友很能干，工作非常有效率。她的生活里没有‘感觉’这回事。”
乔纳思用手臂环抱住自己，身体前后摇晃：“我该怎么办？我不能回家！我做不到！”
传授人站起来：“首先，我要订我们的晚餐，然后吃饭。”
乔纳思不自觉地用发怒、讽刺的语气说：“再来一段感觉分享？”
传授人发出怜悯、痛苦又空洞的笑声：“乔纳思，只有你和我是拥有感觉的人，过去这一年来，我们彼此分享这些感觉。”
“对不起，传授人，”乔纳思悲惨地说，“我没有憎恨您的意思。”
传授人拍拍乔纳思拱起的肩膀：“等吃过饭后，”他说，“我们来定个计划。”
乔纳思困惑地抬起头：“定什么计划？没有用的，我们什么也不能做。长久以来就是这样，在我以前，在您以前，在您前面那一位以前，以前，以前，再以前……”他故意拉长这句熟悉的用句。
“乔纳思，”停了一会儿，传授人说，“没错，这样的状况看起来好像是天经地义了。但是记忆告诉我们，以前并不是这样的。人们也曾经有过感觉。你跟我都经历过，所以我们知道。我们知道他们曾经有过骄傲、悲哀、还有……”
“还有爱，”乔纳思补充，他想起那幕令他深深感动的家庭场景，“还有痛苦。”他再度想起那名士兵。
“拥有记忆并不痛苦，真正的痛苦是孤寂，找不到人分享这些记忆。”
“我一开始就分享您的记忆。”乔纳思说，试着让他开心起来。
“的确。过去这一年来有你跟我一起共同度过，让我更加确认，事情一定要改变。多年来，我一直有这样的念头，但总觉得改善无望。现在，我头一次想到了可能有转机。”传授人慢慢地说：“是你让我想起这个方法的，就在……”他瞄了时钟一眼，“两个小时之前。”
乔纳思看着他，仔细聆听。
现在，夜深了。他们谈了又谈，谈了又谈。乔纳思身上裹着传授人的罩袍，这种长袍只有长老才有资格穿。
他们的计划有可能成功，只是有可能。如果失败了，他可能被杀。
但是，这又有什么关系？如果留下来，他的生命同样毫无意义。
“好的，”他告诉传授人，“就这么办。我应该做得到。无论如何，我尽力就是了。但是，我希望您跟我一起走。”
传授人摇摇头：“乔纳思，”他说，“过去这些世代，整个社区一直仰赖记忆传授人来为他们保存记忆。过去这一年，我已经把很多记忆转移给你了。我不能再要回来，一旦给出去，就不能再要回来。
所以，如果你逃跑了，成功走掉了——乔纳思，你要知道，你再也不能回来……”
乔纳思严肃地点点头，这是最难的决定，“是的，”他说：“我知道。不过，如果您跟我一起走……”
传授人摇摇头，示意他安静：“如果你走掉了，成功越过边界，你到了别的地方，那么整个社区就要自行背负这个大负担，接受你为大家承担的记忆。
我相信大家有这个能力，也能从中获取一些智能，但是冲击绝对是很大的。十年前我们失去萝丝玛丽时，她的记忆回到大家身上，引起一阵恐慌。那些记忆跟你获得的记忆比起来，实在是小巫见大巫。当你的记忆回到大家身上时，他们会需要帮助。还记得你开始受训时，面对从未有过的经历，我是怎么帮助你的吗？”
乔纳思点点头：“初次面对那些记忆，实在太吓人，伤害也太重了。”
“那时候，你需要我；以后，大家也会需要我。”
“没有用的，他们会再去物色一个人来代替我，重新立一位新的记忆传承人。”
“但没有人能够立刻接受训练。当然，他们会加速遴选，但是我想不出来有谁刚好具备这些特质……”
“有个小女生的眼珠子也是淡色的，但是她只有六岁。”
“没错，我知道你指的是谁，她叫凯萨林。但是她年纪太小了，所以大家被迫要承受这些记忆。”
“我要您跟我一起走，传授人。”乔纳思要求。
“不行，我一定得留在这里。”传授人坚定地说，“我也很想去，乔纳思。但是他们对所有的记忆毫无防备能力，我一走，社区里就没有人可以帮助大家，大灾难就会降临。他们会自我毁灭，所以我不能走。”
“传授人，”乔纳思建议，“您和我，不必为其他人想太多。”
传授人带着疑问的笑容看着他，乔纳思困窘地低下头。
他们当然要为其他人着想，这才是这一切计划的真意啊。
“而且，无论情况如何，乔纳思，”传授人叹了一口气，“我都完成不了了。我现在非常虚弱，你知道吗？我已经看不见颜色了。”
乔纳思心碎了，他紧紧握住传授人的手。
“你看得见颜色，”传授人告诉他，“也拥有勇气，我会帮助你获得更多力量。”
“一年前，”乔纳思提醒他，“当我刚晋升十二岁，刚开始看见颜色，您告诉我，您开始时的征兆跟我不一样，我到现在还不懂那是什么。”
传授人一听，面色顿时开朗了起来：“没错，你知道吗？
乔纳思，虽然你现在具备了这么多知识，拥有这么多记忆，学习了这么多东西——结果，为什么你还是不懂？因为我有点自私，还没有转移这方面的记忆给你，我想保留到最后一刻“保留什么呢？”
“当我还是个小男孩儿，比你还小的时候，我就开始感受到了。但我不是‘超眼界’，情况和你不相同，我经历的算是‘超听觉’吧。”
乔纳思皱皱眉头，努力想要弄清楚：“您听见的是什么呢？”
“音乐。”传授人微笑着说，“我开始听见一些非常奇妙的声音，那叫做‘音乐’，我会在你离开前给你一些。”
乔纳思使劲地摇头：“不要，传授人，我希望您保留下来，在我走了以后可以有音乐陪伴您。”
第二天早上，乔纳思回到家，开心地向父母问好，而且很轻松地撒谎说昨晚有多忙、多愉快。
他的爸爸微笑着，也轻松地说着谎，表示昨天又忙碌又愉快。
在学校，他一边上课，一边在脑海里演练整个计划。昨天他和传授人一遍又一遍地推敲，直到深夜。
距离十二月的典礼还有两个礼拜，传授人会在这段期间，将有关勇气、力量的记忆传授给乔纳思。因为一定要有这两种记忆，他才能在远方生存。他们都知道这是一段艰辛的旅程。
乔纳思准备在典礼前一天的半夜悄悄离家。这可能是计划中最危险的一环，因为违反重大规定：除非公派外出，否则任何社区居民不准在晚上离开住处。
“深夜里，”乔纳思说，“食物回收员收完晚餐的剩菜，道路清洁员又还没开始工作，所以不会有人看见我，除非有人因紧急公务外出。”
“万一被人发现，怎么办呢，乔纳思？”传授人问：“我虽然有各种逃跑的记忆，历史上也有很多避难事件，而且每件事的时空背景都不一样，可就偏偏没有跟这次类似的情况。”
“我会非常小心的，”乔纳思说，“不会被人发现。”
“你是受训中的记忆传承人，地位崇高，我想他们应该不至于太为难你。”
“我会说是记忆传授人吩咐我去办一件很重要的事情，所以才这么晚外出，把责任推给你。”乔纳思开玩笑地说。
两个人都紧张地笑了笑。不过乔纳思很确定，他可以带几件衣服，神不知鬼不觉地从家里溜出来，静悄悄地骑上自行车，来到河边，把自行车和叠好的衣服藏在草丛里。
接着，他就步行，无声无息地穿过黑暗，来到安尼斯。
“这里没有晚班的工作人员，”传授人说，“门没上锁，你直接进来就行了，我会等你的。"他的父母醒来后，会发现他已经走了。他们会在乔纳思的床上找到一张纸条，上面写着他沿河骑车散步，会在典礼前回来。
他的父母会有点生气，但不会警觉到出事了。他们会觉得他做事有欠考虑，打算等他回来再数落他。
他们越等越气，最后等不及了，只好先带莉莉去参加典礼。
乔纳思非常肯定地说：“不过，他们不会对任何人提起这件事，免得别人知道了，说他们没把孩子教养好。不管怎样，大家的焦点是典礼，没有人会注意到我的缺席，更何况我已经过了十二岁，正在受训，不用跟同学坐在一起，所以亚瑟会认为我跟父母，或是跟您在一起……”
“而你的父母会假设你跟亚瑟，或是跟我在一起……”
乔纳思耸耸肩：“总之要花点时间，大家才会发现我不见了。”
一大早，传授人会请广播员帮他叫一部车和司机。他经常拜访其他社区，跟他们的长老开会：他的活动范围远达附近地区，所以这样的举止一点都不奇怪。
传授人通常不参加十二月的典上一次他所以出席，是因为乔纳思被遴选上，这件事又跟他有密切的关系。至于他平常的生活，本来就跟社区的运作不相干。不会有人对他的缺席有意见，或对他选在这天离开感到突兀。
等到司机和车子抵达后，传授人会找个理由将司机支开，再帮乔纳思躲在车子的行李箱里。传授人会在接下来的这两周从三餐中省下一些食物，让乔纳思带到路上吃。
典礼开始，所有的社区居民都在礼堂里。那时，乔纳思和传授人早已上路了。
快到中午时，乔纳思的缺席才会引起大家的关切。但是典礼不会因此中断——因为这不在计划中。不过他们会派人到社区各处搜寻。
在他们找到他的自行车和衣服之前，传授人已经回来了；而乔纳思在那之前，也已经独自一人踏上旅途了。
传授人回来后，会发现整个社区陷入迷惘和慌乱中。由于从未碰到过这样的事件，没有记忆可供参考，更没有智能判断该怎么做，他们只好向传授人求助。
他会来到人潮聚集的大礼堂，步上台阶，严肃地宣布，乔纳思已经坠河失踪了，并马上举行哀悼仪式。
“乔纳思，乔纳思……”他们先是大声地呼唤，就像上次呼喊凯尔博一样，再慢慢让乔纳思从他们的生活中淡出。
方式是传授人引导大家念诵，通过全体复述他的名字，让声音渐慢、渐柔，直到他仿佛从大家心里消失不见，直到他变成大家口中偶发的一句呢喃。在漫长的一天结束之前，他就永远地消失，再也不会被提起。
大家的注意力会转移到来袭的记忆，传授人会协助大家度过难关。
“当然，我了解他们很需要您。”在经过长时间的讨论和计划后，乔纳思说，“但是，我也很需要您。请跟我一起走。”
即使已经知道答案，他还是不放弃希望。
“当我协助整个社区作出改变，让生活更完整后，我的工作就结束了。“传授人温和地回答。"我非常感激你，乔纳思，如果没有你，我永远也想不出该如何改变。你现在必须扮演好逃跑者的角色，而我的角色就是留下来。”
“但是您不想跟我在一起吗，传授人？”乔纳思悲伤地请求着。
传授人抱住他：“我爱你，乔纳思。”他说，“但是我还有别的地方要去。当这里的工作结束后，我想去跟我的女儿在一起。”
乔纳思本来忧郁地盯着地板，听到这里不禁惊讶得抬起头：“我不知道您有女儿，传授人！您只跟我说您有配偶，我从不知道您也有女儿。”
传授人微笑了起来，点点头。相处了这么长一段时间，乔纳思第一次看见他露出真正快乐的笑容。
“她的名字叫萝丝玛丽。”传授人说。
Chapter 21
It would work. They could make it work, Jonas told himself again and again throughout the day.
But that evening everything changed. All of it — the things they had thought through so meticulously — fell apart.
That night, Jonas was forced to flee. He left the dwelling shortly after the sky became dark and the community still. It was terribly dangerous because some of the work crews were still about, but he moved stealthily and silently, staying in the shadows, making his way past the darkened dwellings and the empty Central Plaza, toward the river. Beyond the Plaza he could see the House of the Old, with the Annex behind it, outlined against the night sky. But he could not stop there. There was no time. Every minute counted now, and every minute must take him farther from the community.
Now he was on the bridge, hunched over on the bicycle pedaling steadily. He could see the dark, churning water far below.
He felt, surprisingly, no fear, nor any regret at leaving the community behind. But he felt a very deep sadness that he had left his closest friend behind. He knew that in the danger of his escape he must be absolutely silent; but with his heart and mind, he called back and hoped that with his capacity for hearing-beyond, The Giver would know that Jonas had said goodbye.
It had happened at the evening meal. The family unit was eating together as always: Lily chattering away, Mother and Father making their customary comments (and lies, Jonas knew) about the day. Nearby, Gabriel played happily on the floor, babbling his baby talk, looking with glee now and then toward Jonas, obviously delighted to have him back after the unexpected night away from the dwelling.
Father glanced down toward the toddler. "Enjoy it, little guy," he said. "This is your last night as visitor."
"What do you mean?" Jonas asked him.
Father sighed with disappointment. "Well, you know he wasn't here when you got home this morning because we had him stay overnight at the Nurturing Center. It seemed like a good opportunity, with you gone, to give it a try. He'd been sleeping so soundly."
"Didn't it go well?" Mother asked sympathetically.
Father gave a rueful laugh. "That's an understatement. It was a disaster. He cried all night, apparently. The night crew couldn't handle it. They were really frazzled by the time I got to work."
"Gabe, you naughty thing," Lily said, with a scolding little cluck toward the grinning toddler on the floor.
"So," Father went on, "we obviously had to make the decision. Even I voted for Gabriel's release when we had the meeting this afternoon."
Jonas put down his fork and stared at his father. "Release?" he asked.
Father nodded. "We certainly gave it our best try, didn't we?"
"Yes, we did," Mother agreed emphatically.
Lily nodded in agreement, too.
Jonas worked at keeping his voice absolutely calm. "When?" he asked. "When will he be released?"
"First thing tomorrow morning. We have to start our preparations for the Naming Ceremony, so we thought we'd get this taken care of right away.
"It's bye-bye to you, Gabe, in the morning," Father had said, in his sweet, sing-song voice.
Jonas reached the opposite side of the river, stopped briefly, and looked back. The community where his entire life had been lived lay behind him now, sleeping. At dawn, the orderly, disciplined life he had always known would continue again, without him. The life where nothing was ever unexpected. Or inconvenient. Or unusual. The life without color, pain, or past.
He pushed firmly again at the pedal with his foot and continued riding along the road. It was not safe to spend time looking back. He thought of the rules he had broken so far: enough that if he were caught, now, he would be condemned.
First, he had left the dwelling at night. A major transgression.
Second, he had robbed the community of food: a very serious crime, even though what he had taken was leftovers, set out on the dwelling doorsteps for collection.
Third, he had stolen his father's bicycle. He had hesitated for a moment, standing beside the bike port in the darkness, not wanting anything of his father's and uncertain, as well, whether he could comfortably ride the larger bike when he was so accustomed to his own.
But it was necessary because it had the child seat attached to the back.
And he had taken Gabriel, too.
He could feel the little head nudge his back, bouncing gently against him as he rode. Gabriel was sleeping soundly, strapped into the seat. Before he had left the dwelling, he had laid his hands firmly on Gabe's back and transmitted to him the most soothing memory he could: a slow-swinging hammock under palm trees on an island someplace, at evening, with a rhythmic sound of languid water lapping hypnotically against a beach nearby. As the memory seeped from him into the new child he could feel Gabe's sleep ease and deepen. There had been no stir at all when Jonas lifted him from the crib and placed him gently into the molded seat.
He knew that he had the remaining hours of night before they would be aware of his escape. So he rode hard, steadily, willing himself not to tire as the minutes and miles passed. There had been no time to receive the memories he and The Giver had counted on, of strength and courage. So he relied on what he had, and hoped it would be enough.
He circled the outlying communities, their dwellings dark. Gradually the distances between communities widened, with longer stretches of empty road. His legs ached at first; then, as time passed, they became numb.
At dawn Gabriel began to stir. They were in an isolated place; fields on either side of the road were dotted with thickets of trees here and there. He saw a stream, and made his way to it across a rutted, bumpy meadow; Gabriel, wide awake now, giggled as the bicycle jolted him up and down.
Jonas unstrapped Gabe, lifted him from the bike, and watched him investigate the grass and twigs with delight. Carefully he hid the bicycle in thick bushes.
"Morning meal, Gabe!" He unwrapped some of the food and fed them both. Then he filled the cup he had brought with water from the stream and held it for Gabriel to drink. He drank thirstily himself, and sat by the stream, watching the new child play.
He was exhausted. He knew he must sleep, resting his own muscles and preparing himself for more hours on the bicycle. It would not be safe to travel in daylight.
They would be looking for him soon.
He found a place deeply hidden in the trees, took the new child there, and lay down, holding Gabriel in his arms. Gabe struggled cheerfully as if it were a wrestling game, the kind they had played back in the dwelling, with tickles and laughter.
"Sorry, Gabe," Jonas told him. "I know it's morning, and I know you just woke up. But we have to sleep now."
He cuddled the small body close to him, and rubbed the little back. He murmured to Gabriel soothingly. Then he pressed his hands firmly and transmitted a memory of deep, contented exhaustion. Gabriel's head nodded, after a moment, and fell against Jonas's chest.
Together the fugitives slept through the first dangerous day.
The most terrifying thing was the planes. By now, days had passed; Jonas no longer knew how many. The journey had become automatic: the sleep by day, hidden in underbrush and trees; the finding of water; the careful division of scraps of food, augmented by what he could find in the fields. And the endless, endless miles on the bicycle by night.
His leg muscles were taut now. They ached when he settled himself to sleep. But they were stronger, and he stopped now less often to rest. Sometimes he paused and lifted Gabriel down for a brief bit of exercise, running down the road or through a field together in the dark. But always, when he returned, strapped the uncomplaining toddler into the seat again, and remounted, his legs were ready.
So he had enough strength of his own, and had not needed what The Giver might have provided, had there been time.
But when the planes came, he wished that he could have received the courage.
He knew they were search planes. They flew so low that they woke him with the noise of their engines, and sometimes, looking out and up fearfully from the hiding places, he could almost see the faces of the searchers.
He knew that they could not see color, and that their flesh, as well as Gabriel's light golden curls, would be no more than smears of gray against the colorless foliage. But he remembered from his science and technology studies at school that the search planes used heat-seeking devices which could identify body warmth and would hone in on two humans huddled in shrubbery.
So always, when he heard the aircraft sound, he reached to Gabriel and transmitted memories of snow, keeping some for himself. Together they became cold; and when the planes were gone, they would shiver, holding each other, until sleep came again.
Sometimes, urging the memories into Gabriel, Jonas felt that they were more shallow, a little weaker than they had been. It was what he had hoped, and what he and The Giver had planned: that as he moved away from the community, he would shed the memories and leave them behind for the people. But now, when he needed them, when the planes came, he tried hard to cling to what he still had, of cold, and to use it for their survival.
