第 107 页

“Because I’m on Tinder,” said Caranthir, and dug an elbow into Amrod’s ribs. “Shift back.”

“Ooooh let me help!”

“This is not something I need help with.” Caranthir tried to hunch over his phone and Amrod immediately hung over his shoulder. “Back off, pest, go do something else.”

Amrod’s foot knocked against the pile of books and papers at the side of the chair, the assignments he’d been bringing home from school for Amras, in theory. So far they’d been entirely untouched. “You’re going through them all too fast, lemme see a couple profiles at least.”

“No. We don’t have the same taste anyway, it’s irrelevant.”

“How do you know if you don’t let me look?”

“What are you two doing?” said Amras raspily, and both Amrod and Caranthir jumped, Amrod inadvertently kicking a textbook under the bed as he slid off the chair.

“Sorry, Ambarussa,” said Amrod at once, looking repentant as he fumbled under the bed for the book and laid it back on the pile. “You were supposed to be sleeping.”

“We’ll be quieter,” said Caranthir, making to shove his phone back into his pocket. “How are you feeling? Want us to get mom, or – ”

“No.” Amras started to sit up, and immediately Amrod and Caranthir scrambled forward to him. He rolled his good eye at them, the other still hidden beneath gauze and a flesh-colored patch. “Will you stop? God. Did you say you were using Tinder, Moryo?”

“No.”

“Yeah, he is!”

“I wanna see.”

Caranthir sighed, and hoisted himself out of the chair. He sat carefully on the edge of the bed and Amras scooted over so they could share the pillow. Amrod hopped onto the end of the bed and crawled up until he could lean over Caranthir’s shoulder as well. Caranthir sighed again and resettled himself between the two of them, taking care not to jostle Amras’ bandages. “Fine. Keep as many opinions as possible to yourselves, if you can manage it.”

“Yo, what percentage guys and chicks is this?”

Caranthir blinked and flicked left on a handsome blond man. “About 30-70.”

Amrod looked at the next profile. “Ooooh, she’s cute.”

“Mm,” said Caranthir noncommittally.

“Why’d you swipe left? C’mon, there was nothing wrong with her.”

“Car selfie.”

“You judge people for car selfies?”

“Yeah.”

“What else do you judge for?”

“Instagram filters. Shoutouts to God. Gym selfies. Anything that looks like they’re hiking or something, because then they’re gonna want to do outdoor shit. Hashtags. Sports teams.”

“You are such a cranky grandpa. Your own brother uses car selfies in his profile,” said Amras, as Caranthir batted both their hands away from his screen but failed to keep Amras from plucking it away. “Tyelko isn’t too good for car selfies.”

“Tyelko isn’t too good for anything.” Caranthir frowned. “And how do you know he uses them in his profile?”

“Because his profile is the one that just popped up,” said Amras, pointing, and Amrod started to laugh.

“Oh my god, what the fuck.” Caranthir grabbed the phone from Amras’ hands and brought the screen close to his nose. “Why the hell.”

“Wow, he hits almost every square on Moryo Nope Bingo.” Amrod examined Celegorm’s profile critically. “I’ll grant you that the car picture’s pretty douchey.”

“He’s got some cool rugby photos though,” Amras pointed out.

“Oh, and some shirtless ones. Classy. Look Moryo, they’re even at the gym!”

“What is he doing on Tinder?” Caranthir protested. “He’s got a boyfriend.”

“He probably just never deleted his profile.”

“Maybe he just does it for beer recs and conversation.”

“Swipe right and see what happens.”

“Grooooss. No, but do it.”

Out in the hallway, Nerdanel rested a cardboard box against her hip and smiled as laughter filled the room and spilled into the hall, the twins’ voices rising, loud and excited, over Caranthir’s protesting tones. She set down the box she'd been carrying from the attic outside the door and wiped the dust from her hands on the front of her jeans. Then she leaned against the wall, taking care not to make any noise, and closed her eyes to listen, not to the conversation but to the laughter; Amrod's bright, ringing laugh, and Amras' lower, huskier one, still roughened by the after-effects of the accident. After a while, even Caranthir's begrudging chuckle joined them, and Nerdanel absently turned the gold bracelet on her left wrist over and over.

“Is anyone home?” Celegorm’s voice echoed from the front door, and Nerdanel raised her head, letting her bracelet hang loose on her wrist again, and slipped quietly down the stairs to greet him.

“Hey ma, what’s up? Ooof.” Celegorm let out a wheezing noise as Nerdanel gave him a bear hug, squeezing him so tightly that his ribs creaked. “Boy, have you been doing extra weight circuits or something?”

“Just good to see you back in the house again,” said Nerdanel, and let him go with a quick kiss on the cheek. “Are you here for Moryo?”

“Yeah, we’re gonna do a car swap, he’ll drop me at work and then have the car for the rest of the day. But I also wanted to see the demons.”

“He’s with them now.”

They were passing by Fëanor’s study as they walked down the hall to the big, bright room that had once been Maedhros and Maglor’s, a room better suited to a convalescing invalid than the one that held the twins’ bunk beds. Celegorm’s quick eyes took in the study: the familiar gold clock on the desk, the dark mahogany shelves, the locked file cabinets – and a slight, uncharacteristic disarray. Fëanor was generally impeccably neat, and while his study could pile up with papers and projects, even the clutter was generally strictly organized. Now, something about it struck Celegorm as off; only a little less tidy than usual, but somehow lived in rather than used. Then he spotted the blanket draped over the back of the couch, a pillow perched on one end, and a neatly folded pile of clothes. He let out his breath and looked back at his mother. Nerdanel raised her eyebrows and said nothing.

He decided not to bother pretending he wasn’t drawing the conclusion he had immediately come to. “Dad’s been sleeping in his office, huh?”

“Apparently.”

“His call, or yours?”

“I call it none of your business.” Nerdanel’s voice was light enough, but Celegorm chewed his lip, looking preoccupied.

“Are you guys still fighting? Don’t you think… I mean, is it worth it?”

Nerdanel shook her head. “You are one to talk about the value of holding grudges, child o’ mine. How many months has it been since you set foot in this house?”

Celegorm remained unflapped. “Seriously, you think you should use me as a role model here? Haven’t you spent years telling my brothers not to do that? C’mon, if anything, this is an opportunity learn from my failings, not to use me as an example.”

“You’ve been spending too much time with Curvo,” muttered Nerdanel. “Learning how to argue.”

“You think I can’t come up with twisty arguments on my own? We both grew up with dad.”

“Yes, I know.” Nerdanel’s warm brown eyes flashed. “I am very familiar with his twisty arguments and way with words.”

Oops. “See now,” said Celegorm, attempting levity, “if I was as good as Curvo, I wouldn’t have fallen into that one. Ma, I know it shouldn’t have happened and all that, and that dad hid stuff from us, but I know he feels horrible about this already, and trust me that no one can punish him better than he’s punishing himself.”

“Mmhm. And how would you know that?”

“Because I’ve been there,” said Celegorm, then made the executive decision to shut up.

Nerdanel folded her arms and scrutinized him. She seemed on the edge of asking something, but at the last minute her expression shifted and she simply stretched out a hand to cup Celegorm’s cheek. “I appreciate your concern,” she said softly. “But this is one your dad and I have to deal with on our own, okay? Now go on, see your brothers.”

Celegorm shrugged, patted her shoulder clumsily, and then turned to head into the room where Amrod could be heard loudly accusing Caranthir of something. Celegorm crowded onto the bed, tossing Amrod carelessly out of the way but being mindful not to jostle Amras overmuch. “Hey hey. How’s my favorite demon? My beige pirate gosling?” He nodded at Amras’ bandages. “Feeling okay?”

“Peachy,” said Amras with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes, and Celegorm looked down, his fingers brushing over his brother’s wrist.

“Keep gettin’ better, peanut, we need you. So what are you freaks doing, huh?” He settled his chin on Caranthir’s shoulder. “Oooh, checking out hotties on Tinder, are you, nice jo– Hold the fuck on. Was that me?”

“Yes,” said Amrod, happily. “Moryo was checking you out.”

“I was not. What are you even doing using Tinder?” demanded Caranthir, who had gone bright red.

“What the fuck are you doing swiping right on your brother, sicko?” Celegorm drew his eyebrows together and jabbed a finger at the screen. “You hoping for a match?”

“Telvo did it,” protested Caranthir, and Amras chuckled.

Celegorm shook his head. “You should be so lucky. You couldn’t handle me, baby.”

“Ew.” Amras and Caranthir both shoved at Celegorm until he dropped laughing to the floor with Amrod.

“You’re not single,” said Caranthir, when Celegorm had stretched out on the rug, folding his arms behind his head. “Is, um, is something going on? Are you sneaking around on Oromë?”

Celegorm rolled his eyes at the ceiling. “Look at my profile more carefully, genius, those photos are old. Look how short my hair is, I don’t have a scar on my chin in them, I am like 10 pounds lighter, and it says ‘last active’ buttfuck months ago. Plus, I wouldn’t sneak around on my man, I’m not, like, Findaráto.”

“Oh snap,” said Amras.

Amrod chortled. “Burn.”

There was an awkward silence as the word traveled around the room.

Caranthir coughed. “Tyelko, don’t you need to get to work?” He sat up and started to get off the bed. Celegorm caught the flash of unhappiness in Amras’ eyes as Caranthir reached for his jacket.

“Yeah, but if I’m late it’s not like anyone will be that surprised.”

“You only just got employed for the first time in your life, let’s see if we can keep you from getting fired before you actually accomplish anything. If you make it six months, Curvo owes me fifty bucks.” Caranthir turned back to Amras as he started to get up, smoothing out the quilt. “Hey, keep texting me, right? I want to hear from you.”

“You’re so clingy,” said Amras, trying to grin. His hands were twisting in the bedclothes, his fingers picking absently at the scab the IV had left on the back of his hand. He suddenly looked young again, and his left eye was watery. Celegorm glanced between him and Amrod and realized with an unpleasant start of surprise that for the first time in their lives they looked different, not just because of haircuts and clothes, or even the bandages on Amras’ arms and face. In just the few weeks spanning the time since the accident, Amras had grown dramatically thinner than his twin, the bones of his face jutting prominently beneath his pale, freckled skin. While Amrod looked healthy and strong, bright-eyed and rosy-cheeked, Amras was his shrunken, paper-skinned shadow. They looked like before and after pictures of the same person, Celegorm thought, and then felt ashamed for thinking it.

“Stuff some sandwiches into that one, huh?” he said, elbowing Amrod, who was also watching his brother with a preoccupied look. “Marshmallow fluff and ham and peanut butter, something that’ll put meat on his ribs.”

“Flufferbutter and ham, got it,” said Amrod lightly, rolling to his feet and planting himself at Amras’ side again. “After we start work on the assignments I brought home, right, Ambarussa?”

Amras nodded, but didn’t say anything.

Caranthir and Celegorm exchanged looks, but when Celegorm’s phone chirped an alert, he groaned and snagged Caranthir’s elbow. “Okay, let’s go.”

* * *

Caranthir drove, keeping his eyes on the road as Celegorm contorted himself in the passenger seat to change into his work clothes, the green and brown of the ranger uniform he wore at the preserve.

Caranthir flipped on the radio. “You know you could have just changed at the house.”

Celegorm reached out and switched the channel almost immediately. “Yeah, well, I forgot.”

Caranthir turned on the radio again, took his eyes off the road to roll them at his brother, and then yelped in shock, jerking the steering wheel.

Celegorm swore as he fell against the door, jarring his elbow. “What the fuck, dude?”

“Why are you hanging brain? Put your junk away!”

“Just keep your eyes away from my junk!” Celegorm ducked as a truck roared past them. “Focus on driving, dumbass.”

“Don’t you wear underpants?”

“Underpants?” Celegorm mimicked his shrill disbelief. “What are you, a ten year old? And no, I don’t wear ‘em. They cramp my style.”

Caranthir groaned and shifted into higher gear. “You are gonna get us pulled over for indecency.”

“I know for a fact you’ve done more indecent shit than change pants - on this road in this very car - so keep driving, flyboy.” Celegorm pulled his pants on and rummaged for his belt. “Why are you in such a rush? You got somewhere to be?”

“I’m trying to get you to work on time, sorry.” Caranthir ground the gears. “And not that it matters, but I wanna see if I can get downtown early before I meet up with Telchar.”

“Oho, and why is that?”

“She got me this really nice gift for Christmas and I didn’t get her anything,” muttered Caranthir. “I want to pick something up.”

“What did she get you?”

“This… Never mind.”

“Oh come on, spill.” Celegorm buttoned his fly.

“This really nice pipe,” said Caranthir, determinedly fixing his eyes on the road and checking his blind spot meticulously as he changed lanes so he didn’t have to see Celegorm’s grin. “She’s always giving me shit for smoking crappy joints and stuff and her uncle’s a wood carver – and she always said pipes were more sophisticated looking at least, and – Jesus, Tyelko, will you shut the fuck up?”

“I didn’t say a word,” said Celegorm, pulling himself together. “Not a peep.”

“I’ll kill you if you say anything to anyone,” said Caranthir, whose cheeks were scarlet.

“What would I say? That my little brother received a specially selected, handcrafted pipe from a sexy older acquaintance – Moryo, you psycho, you will crash, keep your hands on the wheel!” Celegorm dodged as Caranthir grabbed for him and the car swerved again. “I am shutting up, I’m shutting up, damn! We’re almost there, cool your jets.” Celegorm shook his head and reached for his phone as Caranthir muttered himself into silence. They turned onto the forest road and Celegorm sighed. “Man, I don’t even know who I’m on shift with today, they totally switched up the schedule for the new year.” He flicked open a text message, his lips moving as he read, and then he let out a groan that made Caranthir look over at him again. “Oh you have got to be fucking kidding me.”