第 13 页

“Oh, fuck,” said Celegorm, and put his head in his hands. “I am such a jackass.”

“Perhaps,” said Vána, and she stood, smoothing her skirt over her legs. “But not such a jackass it cannot be fixed, I think.”

“That’s why you came here?” said Celegorm, raising his face from his hands. “To tell me, and – get us back together?”

“More or less,” Vána said. “But also to warn you, young as you are, against breaking my friend’s heart.” She patted Celegorm lightly on the head. “Be good to him, Tyelkormo, or we shall have words.” She checked her watch. “I must go – I told Nienna I wouldn’t be out past ten. Should you reconcile with Oromë, and I expect you will, we should get dinner together the four of us some time.”

“That would be weird,” said Celegorm, but grinned despite himself.

“We are adults,” said Vána, and tugged her blouse straight. “The secret we keep is that the weirdness never goes away.” She leaned down and kissed him lightly on the cheek. “It was a pleasure meeting you, though I rather dominated the conversation, a bad habit I have. Tell your mother her work is a revelation. And oh,” she half turned, “I worked with the labor unions for many years. But I do not believe the things they say about your father.” And with a last smile, she departed.

* * *

Curufin was pacing the gallery impatiently, twirling an empty champagne glass in his hands, though he dropped it hastily onto a table as his father’s eyes fell on him.

“Where are you, Turko?” he muttered to himself. “What could be taking so long?”

He’d just started what felt like his dozenth circuit around the gallery when he spotted a flash of pale hair at the door.

“Tyelko!” He hurried over. “What took you so long? Are you – ?” But he stopped as Celegorm turned to look at him, going silent at the accusation in his brother’s eyes.

“You sneaky little fucker. Did you know?”

“Know what?”

“It isn’t a real marriage!” snarled Celegorm, and Curufin’s eyes went wide.

“What?”

“It’s a Green Card marriage, and a conservative parents marriage, and they don’t even live together – and she has a girlfriend – and you couldn’t have found any of this in all your poking and prying?”

“I – Tyelko, no,” said Curufin automatically. “If – I had no idea. If it was like you say, of course none of that stuff would show up online, it’s all – ”

“Bullshit,” said Celegorm. “I know you. You do more than dig around on the internet. You stalked me to his house for fuck’s sake. She lives one town over with her girlfriend. I bet you could’ve figured that out in a couple hours of digging.”

“But I didn’t, Turko, I didn’t know – ”

“Whatever,” said Celegorm coldly. “You didn’t want to know. You just wanted to get me away from him as fast as you could. As long as I wasn’t happy, that’s all you cared.”

“No!” cried Curufin. “That’s not – I want you to be happy, I do, I just don’t trust that–”

“Well, tough shit,” said Celegorm, and he turned to leave. “Because I’m going to his house now to see if he’ll take me back, jackass that I am.”

“You can’t!” Curufin caught Celegorm’s arm, and Celegorm looked down at him, murder in his eyes. “I don’t trust him, Turko, he’ll hurt you again…”

“Worse than the hurt you’ve caused me?” Celegorm shook himself loose. “Nice try, but see if I listen to you again, you little rat.” He pulled free and vanished into the crowd at the door.

Curufin stood still, his fingers curling and uncurling, until a light touch on his shoulder had him starting up.

“Curufinwë?”

He looked up into his father’s face, and resisted the urge to cling to him like a small child. “Yes?”

“I think we’re about ready to go. Fetch your brothers.” Fëanor frowned, his hand warm on Curufin’s shoulder. “Is something wrong?”

“No,” said Curufin, though his voice felt thick in his throat. “No, everything’s fine.”

Fëanor smiled slightly, and his usually cold grey eyes seemed to light from within. “Did we achieve the night of minimal drama your mother requested?”

“Oh, yes,” said Curufin, trying to keep the bitterness from his voice. “Certainly.”

Fëanor regarded him with some skepticism, but he turned away as Nerdanel hurried over, glowing with pleasure. “My boys!” She held out her arms and Fëanor caught her up in an embrace, laying a kiss on her lips that left her flushed and laughing as she swatted at him. “Behave!” she scolded, smiling. “Save it for later.”

“Gross,” said Caranthir, materializing at Curufin’s side. “Nice show, though, Ma.”

Nerdanel beamed. “It was, wasn’t it? And guess what?” She leaned close, and whispered, “Aulë is commissioning a piece from me! Of course I’m already sizzling with acid over messing it up and giving him some lumpy monstrosity – ”

“Wasn’t that what you majored in in college?” said Fëanor, scanning the room for his other sons, and Nerdanel kicked lightly at him.

“Hush. You know my focus was ‘buxom nudes with fruit’.”

“Ah, yes. And how I appreciated when you’d invite those buxom nudes over after they sat for you…”

“Hush!” she said again, laughing. “Where is Maitimo? And the little chickens? My goodness, we only have two out of seven, Fëanaro, that’s a terrible rate of retention. Makalaurë? Tyelkormo?”

“Tyelko headed out,” said Curufin mechanically. “He had…somewhere to be.”

Fëanor narrowed his eyes. “And where could he have to be that was more important than being here?”

I will not lie for him anymore, Curufin told himself fiercely, and squared his shoulders. “I suggest you ask him.”

“I will,” said Fëanor, and gave Curufin another piercing look. “Now, go get your brothers and we can leave.”

“Yes, father,” murmured Curufin, and trailed after Caranthir to find the others. Behind him, he could hear Nerdanel’s laugh ring out once more as Fëanor pulled her in for a kiss.

Slip of the tongue

Chapter Summary

In which Celegorm and Aredhel catch up on current events and debate technique.

Chapter Notes

0. Just a bunch of self-indulgent conversation; really wasn’t supposed to be enough to count as a full chapter. Real plot happens next chapter (probably). Sometimes I worry that all I can do is write dialogue between dorks…

1. Warnings for…Celegorm and Aredhel not having filters? Discussion of oral sex?

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“Ha! I knew you wouldn’t actually get the locks changed.”

Celegorm breezed triumphantly into Aredhel’s apartment, where she was sprawled on the coach watching ‘Cake Boss’ in her pajamas. She glanced up as he came over to the couch and looked down at her, hands on his hips.

“Bitch, those are my boxers.”

Aredhel looked down at herself in some surprise. “Oh.” She lifted one leg considering. “I think I came by them fairly.”

“If by that you mean I left them here and you just never gave them back…”

“You forfeited them.” Aredhel wiggled her toes. “And they look better on me. They’re too tight on you. Haven’t you heard about what that does to your sperm count? Don’t you worry about motility?”

Celegorm looked vaguely horrified. “Jesus.”

“Anyway.” Aredhel pushed herself up and hung her arms over the back of the couch. “I haven’t seen you in ages. How was your mom’s show?”

Celegorm looked blank for a moment and then recognition dawned on his face. “Oh! Right. Yeah, I think it was successful. So I heard.”

“You heard?” Aredhel cocked her head. “Weren’t you there?”

“Sure. I mean, technically.” Celegorm swung himself over the back of the couch and dropped down next to Aredhel. “But I’m not gonna lie, I wasn’t really paying attention.”

“Dude, you’re the worst. It was your mom’s opening night!”

“Seriously, Ireth, it wasn’t my fault.” He nudged her. “Guess who I ran into at the gallery.”

Aredhel looked confused for a moment and then her eyes widened. “Oh no. Not – Oh my god, what did he say?”

Celegorm shook his head. “It wasn’t Oromë.”

“Then who was it?”

“It was his wife.”

Aredhel gaped. “Wh – Oh shit. Oh shit, Tyelko. Did you hide? I would hide. Did you run the fuck away? I would have run like hell.”

“She wanted to talk.”

“Oh fuck.” Aredhel pressed her fingers to her mouth. “Did she make a scene? Did she threaten you? Cuss you out? Slap you?”

But Celegorm was laughing at her. “You watch too many movies.”

“I’m serious, Tyelko, what happened?”

Celegorm shrugged. “She’s a pretty cool lady. Seriously hot, too.”

Aredhel dropped her hands and gave him a look of pure exasperation. “Are you fucking kidding me? Why do you – How can you – You’re unbelievable.”

“Relax, Irissë.” Celegorm’s grin widened. “Let me finish. Man, you are so impatient. We talked, and I was – ah, I bit defensive starting out, until she went on to tell me about her girlfriend.”

“Of course you were defensive. Wait. Her – Did you say – ? Girlfriend?”

Celegorm laughed outright. “Fuck, this is too much fun. I never see you this confused.”

“EXPLAIN.”

Celegorm spread his hands. “It’s a Green Card marriage. She’s foreign. Oromë’s an old friend; he helped her out.”

“NO FUCKING WAY.”

“Yup. They don’t even live in the same house.”

Aredhel fell over backward and flopped onto the ground. “I can’t even keep up with your life anymore, Tyelko. So – this isn’t what you thought it was. He wasn’t lying to – well, he kinda was. But not in the way you thought. So, what? Is this a good thing?” She pushed herself upright again and looked at him. “This is a good thing, right?”

“Yeah.” Celegorm smiled, a bit ruefully. “And if I hadn’t flipped out at him he probably could have explained that to me.”

“You are such a - ”

“Jackass, I know.”

Aredhel frowned, thinking. “Did Curvo know this when he told you about the marriage thing?”

Celegorm’s expression darkened. “He says he didn’t. I’m not sure I believe him. Either way, he butted the fuck into my life and I nearly messed up the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“He was probably just trying to protect you,” said Aredhel gently.

“He’s five years younger than me, where does he get off thinking it’s his job to protect me?”

“You are kind of an idiot prone to destructive tendencies.”

Celegorm waved a hand. “Granted. Still, he’s…kinda frightening to have involved in your life. I never know what he’s going to pull next or what his motivations are. He’s so much smarter than me it’s scary.”

“Well, that’s not hard. But what, he just doesn’t trust Oromë?”

“He just doesn’t want me to be happy,” said Celegorm blackly. “See if I ever listen to him again. The little…”

“You gotta admit, it’s could be a little worrying watching you end up with a guy who had an affair with you while you were still in school and then lied to you about being married, even if it was just fake married.”

“He ended our affair while I was still in school,” said Celegorm defensively. “And he didn’t lie, just…omitted. And believe me, I gave him hell for that.”

“He took six months to end the affair, dude, that’s not exactly exercising restraint.”

“Not his fault.” Celegorm tossed his head. “You better believe I didn’t make it easy for him to stop sleeping with me.”

Aredhel snorted. “ ‘Easy’ being the operative word when it comes to you.”

Celegorm crossed his arms. “I am not –”

“Oh my god, Tyelko, you are the easiest. If I jumped you right now, in the midst of talking about the man you love, there’s like a sixty percent chance you’d have sex with me.”

Celegorm opened his mouth to protest, and then closed it looking sheepish. “Like, forty percent. Thirty five.”

Aredhel patted him on the head. “It’s okay. You’re a slut. It works on you.”

“OUCH.”

“Nothing wrong with being slutty! I respect it. For a while there I profited from it. You’ve got game, son.”

Celegorm pouted.

Aredhel sighed. “I’m going to tell you this just once, but…”

“Yes?”

“…you may be easy but you are damn good in bed.”

“HA!” Celegorm punched the air. “I knew it. Haven’t I always said?”

Aredhel pinched the bridge of her nose. “And I KNOW I’m going to regret telling you this, because god knows your ego is already big enough, but…”

“But?” Celegorm leaned forward, grinning. “Go on.”

“I got some of my best pussy eating technique from you.”

“YES!” Celegorm leapt up and did a victory lap around the living room before collapsing to the ground. “HIGHEST PRAISE. I am a god. I can die happy now.”

“For the record,” said Aredhel, stretching out next to him. “You may have given me my start, but I have now surpassed you. I could kick your ass in pussy eating. So to speak.”

“Sure, sure,” said Celegorm, waving a hand dismissively. “This is still the best day of my life.”

“Really. I want you to know that I’m better than you are now.”

“Uh huh.”

“If you had a pussy, I’d prove it. Well, no, I wouldn’t. But still. There’s this thing I learned you can do with the broad side of your tongue that helps when her clit’s getting over-sensitized…”

“I’m going to have you write this down for posterity,” said Celegorm. “Though it may not end up being super relevant to me, these days.”

“They’re important tricks to keep in your back pocket for any contingency,” said Aredhel. “Even if Oromë might not benefit from them.”

Celegorm rolled over and grabbed her around the waist, pulling her over on top of him. “You are truly the best friend I could ask for, o goddess of cunnilingus. If I had to have a sham Green Card marriage with anyone, it would be you.”

“Aw.” Aredhel grinned down at him and tugged his hair. “You’d be…in my top two.”

“What?” Celegorm looked highly offended. “I’m your second choice?”

“Yeah, well, my first choice isn’t already married to anyone, and she’s hotter than you.”

“No fair. Foul ball. Flag on the play. It’s not my fault Oromë’s already got a sham marriage on lock.”

“Sucks to be you.” Aredhel pulled away, but not before leaning down and kissing him lightly on the lips. “I do love you though. And boy, are you lucky to have me.”

“It’s true. Kiss me again.”

“We’re both taken now, you realize.”

“One more. For old times.” Celegorm smiled winningly up at her, his light hair spread out around his head like a halo.

Aredhel relented and kissed him again, lingering a moment – for old times.

Then she sat up and folded her arms. “And hey, I think you should make things up with your little brother. He meant well.”

“If you say so,” said Celegorm dubiously. “I’m not so sure…”

Aredhel got up and wandered into the kitchen. “You staying for dinner?”

“Depends on what’s for dinner.”

Aredhel peered into the refrigerator. “Um. Lessee. Peas. And … hotdogs? And. Tequila.”

“Perfect,” said Celegorm, and rose to his feet. “Let’s play some house then, wifey.”

Chapter End Notes

2. Aredhel’s refrigerator contents sound a lot like mine.

Call my bluff

Chapter Summary

Evasion and interaction, all in the kitchen, because that’s how I stage this shit.