第 21 页

Celegorm was hanging off the doorknob, peering into Caranthir’s room, Curufin peeking over his shoulder.

“Well?”

“There’s no one here,” said Celegorm, scrutinizing the tangled bed sheets. “But damned if the window isn’t open…”

Chapter End Notes

1. As interested in Maedhros and Azaghâl's drunken night as Fingon is? WONDER NO MORE.

Everybody’s got a secret (uh huh)

Chapter Summary

Fools in love. And things other than love. Foolishness. Generally.

Chapter Notes

0. Warnings for: lots of feelings talk, followed by refusal to talk about feelings, followed by blowjobs.

Galadriel put down the hairbrush and pulled her fingers through Aredhel’s hair. “What is it you’re afraid of?”

Aredhel let out a snort of laughter. “Everything.”

Galadriel smiled as she parted Aredhel’s hair and began a braid. “Can you narrow it down a bit?”

Aredhel sighed and leaned back against Galadriel’s legs. She was seated cross-legged on the floor, while Galadriel sat on the couch behind her. She looked sadly at her cup of tea. “…Red wine would be more conducive to this conversation.”

“It’s 10am on a Tuesday.”

“So?”

“Irissë.”

Aredhel groaned. “You’re not allowed to lecture me when you’re my baby cousin.”

“I am one year younger than you.”

“Still not allowed.”

“Ireth.” Galadriel’s hands were gentle as she tugged lightly on Aredhel’s hair. “What do you worry will happen if you tell her?”

“That she’ll think of me differently,” said Aredhel, and closed her eyes. “That she’ll think of me as broken. As a survivor, ugh, fuck that. As…not me, anymore. That she’ll feel sorry for me.”

“You don’t want her sympathy?”

“I don’t want her pity.”

“And what about her understanding?” Galadriel tied off the braid, and began on another.

“I dunno. What if she doesn’t understand?”

“She likely won’t be able to understand everything, not fully. But I think she’ll understand better why you react the way you do about certain things,” said Galadriel. “Then she won’t have to worry it’s something she’s doing wrong when you respond to certain things with anger or defensiveness. Isn’t that better than her thinking you’re angry at her for something she did wrong?”

“Yes,” said Aredhel. “But – She’s going to think of me differently.”

“Well,” said Galadriel thoughtfully, “our perceptions of people always change with time. But will she love you less? I don’t think so. All she’ll have is a greater understanding of you and your history.”

“Maybe I don’t want her to know me that well,” said Aredhel, and she dropped her face into her hands. “Fuck, Nerwen.”

“You’re not obligated to tell her,” said Galadriel, finishing the second braid calmly. “But I suspect you will feel better for it.” She rested her hands on Aredhel’s shoulders, and dropped a light kiss to the top of her cousin’s head. “And she will likely wish to know why you’ve spent the weekend in my bed.”

“Because you’re cuddly and soothing,” said Aredhel, tipping her head back on Galadriel’s knees and gazing up at her. “And you have an understanding boyfriend.”

“I was happy to spend the weekend on the couch,” said Celeborn from the kitchen, where he was eating cereal while perched on the countertop. “It was my pleasure.”

“The absurd thing is that you’re not being sarcastic,” said Aredhel. “Keep a hold of that one, Nerwen, he’s special.”

Galadriel glanced up at Celeborn and couldn’t hold back a smile. “I think I will.” She tapped her fingers against Aredhel’s temples. “You’ve got a special one too, Ireth. And whether or not you tell her the whole truth, she deserves not to feel like she’s done something wrong. You’re going to make her think she’s losing you.”

“She’s not,” said Aredhel, panicked. “I love her.”

“You should probably call her then,” said Galadriel. “She’s been home a day already.”

“…okay,” said Aredhel, very quietly, and buried her nose in her teacup.

Finrod came out then, making for the kitchen. “I’m heading to campus for a meeting,” he said, reaching behind Celeborn for an apple from the fruit bowl. “Anyone else going?”

“I don’t have class until noon,” said Galadriel. “Did Aiko give you – ”

“Yes,” said Finrod, sighing. “I’m going to return it.”

“That idiot,” said Galadriel with loving patience. “Our brother is such a fool.”

“Yes, well,” said Finrod, grabbing his coat as he took a bite from his apple. “We all can be rather foolish when it comes to love, can’t we?”

-

Haleth locked her bike outside the philosophy building and looked around as she clipped her helmet to her backpack. Her classmates were streaming into the building, and she raked the crowd for a familiar tall, dark-haired figure. No luck.

She settled back against the sun-warmed bricks of the building, glancing at her watch. Five minutes until class started; that was plenty of time. She closed her eyes, letting the late morning sun play over her face. It reminded her of waking up that morning in a bright, sunlit room; Lalwen’s murmur in her ear, Lalwen’s warm hand sliding over her belly. She indulged herself with the memory a moment, eyes still closed, smiling slightly as the sun caressed her skin, thinking of Lalwen’s laugh and the brush of her lips on Haleth’s bare shoulder.

“Enjoy it while you can.”

Haleth’s eyes snapped open and she almost lost her balance as she slipped sideways on the wall. A hand reached out and steadied her, and she looked up into Caranthir’s dark eyes.

“It’s supposed to rain this afternoon.”

“What? Oh.” Haleth looked up and scanned the sky. “Right.”

Caranthir released her and hefted his bag over his shoulder. “Did you get the reading done?”

“Yes.” Haleth gazed at him, wondering what to say. Were they just going to pretend nothing had happened? That wasn’t her style. “Look, Moryo, can we – ”

“The essay questions were pretty predictable,” he said, locking his own bike next to hers. “Also fairly easy to bullshit.”

“That’s what I generally do in this class anyway,” she said. “Um, but hey, about this past weekend – ”

“Yeah. How much of the econ problem set did you get done?”

“All but the last question,” she said, starting to get frustrated. “But about me and your – About Lalwen – ”

“That’s what everyone I’ve talked to has said,” said Caranthir, his face inscrutable. “The last question was phrased really weird. I might email the professor about it.”

“Moryo.”

“Oh, hello!”

Haleth looked up, still half guilty and half impatient, and saw Finrod approaching them.

“Haleth! I was looking for you.”

“Why?” she asked, taken aback.

“I have something for your roommate,” he said, and grimaced slightly. “Ah. From my brother.”

“Oh no.” Haleth held up her hands warningly. “I am NOT acting as go between for Andreth and your brother. Not again.”

Finrod held out a bundle with an apologetic smile. “It’s just a sweater she left at our place.”

Haleth chewed her lip but took the sweater begrudgingly. “Is Aikanáro still too much of a – ” She paused, remembering she was speaking to his older brother. “Um. Too uncomfortable to interact with Andreth himself?”

“It seems so,” said Finrod, sighing. “I am sorry it’s been so awkward. I quite liked them together.”

“That’s not quite how she saw it,” Haleth said, and bit her tongue again, holding back the phrase Andreth had used about Finrod and his thoughts on the relationship.

“I can see how she’d think that,” said Finrod quietly. “I’m afraid I wasn’t as…helpful as I could have been. But at any rate, will you pass it along? Along with my apologies, if you find it appropriate?”

“I guess so,” said Haleth, stuffing the sweater into her backpack. “We should go in, Moryo, class is about to start.” I guess we’ll just have to discuss everything else later, she thought, trying not to feel a little relieved.

“Yeah, right,” said Caranthir, who’d gone very quiet.

Finrod smiled at him. “Are you walking back from campus after this, Carnistir?”

“Yes,” said Caranthir, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Why, are you?”

“Yes.” Finrod flicked his hair back for his face and shaded his bright blue eyes with a long hand as the sun came out from behind a cloud. “I have to meet with my advisor for an hour, but then I’m done. Only a couple hours on campus a week these days, now I’ve gotten all my PhD classwork completed. If you want company walking home, I’ll meet you here?”

“Sure,” said Caranthir, and Finrod smiled.

“I’ll see you then. Haleth, it was good seeing you. Give my best to Andreth, will you?” He touched Haleth’s hand lightly, and brushed against Caranthir’s shoulder as he turned to leave.

Haleth watched Caranthir shiver slightly and push his hands deeper into his pockets. She narrowed her eyes as she followed him into the building.

I never even knew they were particularly good friends.

Odd.

-

It was late afternoon when the rain began in earnest.

Caranthir slipped out of his room, pulling the door shut behind him. He looked up and jumped. Celegorm was sitting on the couch opposite, grinning like a shark.

“Hey, Moryo.”

“Hey.” Caranthir gave him a suspicious look and made to cross the room, but Celegorm stretched out his legs, blocking his way.

“It’s been a while since we talked, little bro. How are things going?”

“Fine.” Caranthir scowled and stepped over Celegorm’s legs.

“Oh, yeah? Anything new in your life?”

“No. Stop being so weird, Tyelko.”

Celegorm looked hurt. “I’m not being weird, I’m trying to have a conversation with my brother. Why are you being so evasive?”

“I’m not being evasive,” said Caranthir. “I’m just going to the bathroom, for fuck’s sake.”

Celegorm folded his arms and raised his eyebrows expectantly. “Who’s in your room right now, Moryo?”

“No one,” said Caranthir at once.

“No one, eh?” Celegorm looked deeply skeptical. “So ‘no one’ was in there with you doing something so vigorous that our pictures are now crooked?” Celegorm pointed a condemnatory finger at the wall adjacent to Caranthir’s door, where a framed photo of their family was now hanging off-kilter.

Caranthir blushed, but said stubbornly. “No one’s here.”

“Oh no?” Celegorm sprang lightly to his feet and crossed the room with surprising swiftness. “Then you won’t mind if I look, huh? I think there’s a CD of mine you borrowed that I want back, anyway…”

“Tyelko - !”

It was too late. Celegorm whipped open the door with a grin, and his eyes widened. A slim, blond-haired figure was sitting up in the bed, bare-chested and with the sheets draped loosely over his waist, absorbed in his phone. He looked up and paused a moment before giving Celegorm a slight smile.

“Good afternoon, Tyelkormo.”

There was a pregnant silence as Celegorm opened his mouth, looking astonished, until Caranthir seized him roughly by the shoulder and jerked him back, slamming the door shut.

“Enough, Tyelko!”

“Holy shit,” said Celegorm, still staring at the closed door.

“Happy? Now go the fuck away – ”

“Kinda happy, yeah. That was Findaráto in your bed. Right? I’m not hallucinating here? You’re fucking Findaráto.”

Caranthir looked simultaneously furious and embarrassed. “…Yes. Okay? Don’t tell anyone.”

“I didn’t know you slept with guys.”

“I don’t,” said Caranthir, and went redder as Celegorm laughed. “Or. I didn’t. This is a one-time thing, all right?”

“Boy, I feel you,” said Celegorm, clapping him on the shoulder. “Been there.”

“I’m serious.”

“ ‘Course you are. Not a bad place to start, man, Findaráto is hot – ”

“Thank you,” said Finrod, emerging from Caranthir’s room, more or less clothed and pulling on his sweater. “That’s very kind of you to say, Tyelkormo. I would, however, appreciate if you kept this to yourself.”

“Yeah,” said Caranthir, averting his eyes from both his brother and from Finrod. “That’s what I was saying.”

Celegorm looked thoughtfully at Finrod. “Are you still with Amarië?”

“That’s my business,” said Finrod lightly. “Nevertheless, Tyelko, your discretion…”

“You’ve got it,” said Celegorm, still watching Finrod. “I’ll keep it to myself, even if this IS the best piece of gossip I’ve had since Nelyo and Findekáno got back together. The first time.”

“I should be going,” said Finrod, running his fingers through his hair to settle it. “I told Artanis I’d be around for dinner.”

“It’s pouring out,” said Celegorm. “You should give him a ride, Moryo.” He coughed, and attempted to hide his smirk. “…So to speak.”

-

As Caranthir drove, Finrod leaned against the window, watching the rain run down the glass.

“It’s too bad the rain is so heavy,” he said. “It’s going to bring down some of the best foliage.”

Caranthir didn’t answer.

“Still, there’s something soothing about rain,” Finrod went on. “I always like falling asleep to – ”

“Why me?” asked Caranthir abruptly.

“I’m sorry?”

“Why me?” Caranthir stared straight ahead, keeping his eyes on the road. “Why’d you go home with me that night? And today? If you wanted to cheat on your girlfriend – ”

Finrod drew in a breath, and Caranthir glanced at him. “…you are cheating on her, aren’t you?”

“We have...an understanding,” said Finrod, noncommittally.

“Whatever that means,” said Caranthir. “Fine. But you really could have gone home with anyone. Why me?”

“Why not you?”

“Because,” said Caranthir, frustrated. “You said it yourself. I’m not particularly easy to talk to, I’m not nice or interesting, or that good at anything, and everyone knows I’m the ugly one.”

Finrod turned in his seat, studying Caranthir closely. “Who says that?”

“No one,” said Caranthir. “Out loud, anyway. But it’s obvious, isn’t it? Everyone knows Nelyo and Curvo are the perfect ones, and Makalaurë and Tyelko get people falling all over them, too. Even the twins are better looking than I am. Curvo has people hit on him all the time, and he literally would rather set himself on fire than flirt back. Meanwhile, the only girl I’ve liked in the past two years would rather date my dad’s sister than me.”

“I’m still not over that. What a fascinating development. I wonder what our fathers will say?” Caranthir shot him a look and Finrod cleared his throat. “…I’m sorry. We can talk about that later. Look, Carnistir, why wouldn’t I want you? I like talking to you. I liked talking to you the other night when you actually opened up for once. And I think you’re hot.”

Caranthir took his eyes off the road again to gape at Finrod.

“I wanted you from the first time we ran into each other that night,” Finrod went on, imperturbably. “And I knew I’d made a good choice when I kissed you and you immediately pushed me against a wall and had your hands under my clothes in under a minute. I appreciate that kind of enthusiasm. Was it your first time with a guy? Because if so, you’re quite a quick learner. And you have impressive endurance. I really enjoy what you do with your – ”