第 24 页

Chapter Notes

0. Warnings for brief mentions of pregnancy/abortion, excessive drinking (someday I'll stop warning for booze; you're 24 chapters into this shit-show, you know what you've signed up for), and minor sexual acts.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

Aredhel fumbled with the bulky brown-paper package, nearly dropping it as she attempted to untangle her scarf and scrape her hair out of her face.

“Oh – pfth.” She shook her head, finally getting her hair out of her eyes but nearly losing her scarf in the process. “Where did all this wind come from?”

“From the far side of the moon,” said Elenwë, who’d gotten ahead of Aredhel on the path. She stopped and turned back to help. “At least, that’s what my mom always used to tell me when I was little.”

She reached up to settle Aredhel’s scarf and tucked her hair behind her ears. “There.” She smiled up at Aredhel, and Aredhel felt the cold day and her frustration melt away as she smiled back. “C’mon. We’re almost there.” Elenwë turned and trooped back down the path to the duck pond, her golden curls escaping from under her neat grey knit cap.

Once at the bank of the pond, they found a bench and settled themselves, the package in Aredhel’s lap.

Aredhel shifted on the bench, feeling the cold seep through her jeans. “Okay, remind me why we’re doing this?”

“I like feeding the birds during midterms.”

“Why, are they particularly stressed this time of year?” asked Aredhel, and Elenwë bumped her shoulder.

“No, they’re not, but I am. And I find it soothing.” She gazed out at the grey surface of the pond, the glassy surface carved with little vees as half a dozen mallards made their way to the edge. Aredhel’s attention was caught by the two massive white birds following closely behind the ducks.

“You find swans soothing?” she asked, uneasily.

“I like swans.”

“I don’t,” said Aredhel. “My uncle has some that nest at the far end of his pond. They’re terrifying. One of them chased me up a tree once, when I was five.”

“That’s why I like them.” Elenwë smiled dreamily. “They look so lovely and serene and pure – but really, they’re these monstrous demon beasts that will break your arm as soon as look at you.”

“Huh.” Aredhel stared at the big white birds. “Y’know, it’s making more sense why Uncle Arafinwë likes them so much. I think you just described Artanis.”

“Anyway, they’re part two in my midterms coping strategy.” Elenwë tugged the parcel off Aredhel’s lap and began unwrapping it. “The first part is baking. But I put my loaves in the oven in the middle of doing my fluid mechanics practice test, and forgot to set a timer. And so…” She wrinkled her nose and pulled out three hefty, charred loaves of bread, each heavy as a brick.

“And you’re going to feed them to the birds?” Aredhel eyed the loaves. “El. I thought you liked the birds. I think these will be more ballast than nutrition.”

“Oh, hush. Look, they still crumble. And when they get wet…”

“How appetizing.”

“Do you look like a duck? I’m not giving you my failed bread, so just calm down and feed the birds with me.”

“Yes, ma’am. Understood, ma’am.”

They stood by the lake and threw crumbs to the birds, the swans cutting regally through the common brown hoards, vacuuming up the crumbs with their impressively large orange beaks. Aredhel darted briefly behind Elenwë as one of them came too close.

“Babe.”

“They’re mean,” whispered Aredhel, tucking her face into Elenwë’s hair. “Keep them away from me.”

Elenwë sighed and threw some crumbs further out so the crowd of birds retreated somewhat. “So hey, there’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you.”

“What’s that?” Aredhel stepped out from behind Elenwë, turning her anxious gaze from the swans to her girlfriend. “Something serious?”

“Just something I felt I should share.” Elenwë held out her hands for the second loaf of bread, and Aredhel handed it to her.

“So, what is it?”

“Did you know I got pregnant last fall?”

Aredhel nearly dropped the loaf of bread. “What?”

“Yes,” said Elenwë, quite calmly, catching the bread and tearing it into pieces. “It was just about a month into dating Turukáno.”

“What? He never – he never said anything – ”

“Well, no,” said Elenwë. “We agreed we didn’t want to tell anyone – Well, except close friends. I told Amarië. I think he told Findaráto.”

“So…you got a – ”

“An abortion, yes.” Elenwë brushed crumbs off her hands matter-of-factly. “Amarië went with me. Turukano wanted to come, but I don’t know, we’d only been together a month, and I was more comfortable having Amarië there anyway. It wasn’t that big a deal, really – I was early enough that I could just take the pill and have a couple gross, uncomfortable days and then it was over. Mostly I lay on the couch and ate Chinese food with Amarië and watched Keeping up with the Kardashians.”

Aredhel was silent a little while, watching the swans circle. “Thank you for telling me,” she said finally. “But…why did you tell me? Why now?”

Elenwë tilted her head back, letting the wind blow her hair out of her eyes. “I’ve gotten the feeling there’s something you want – or need – to tell me,” she said. “And I thought it might be easier for you to share your secret if I shared one of mine first.”

She turned to Aredhel then, and plucked the bread from Aredhel’s numb fingers. She laid it on the bench and took Aredhel’s hands in hers. “You know nothing you could tell me would make me stop loving you, right?” she said softly. “And if you’re not ready to tell me – if you’re not ever ready – that’s okay. But whatever it is, it’s not going to make me love you any less.” She stretched up on her toes and kissed Aredhel. Her nose was cold, but her lips were warm, and Aredhel closed her eyes, feeling the sting of tears behind her eyelids.

“You can take as much time as you need,” said Elenwë, when she pulled away, still holding Aredhel’s hands. “But when you’re ready, I’m here.”

“I’m ready,” said Aredhel, her voice a little thick. She cleared her throat and blinked, setting her jaw. “I’m ready for you to hear it.”

As Elenwë wrapped an arm around her waist and looked up at her, Aredhel took a deep breath. The wind sprang up, sending Aredhel’s hair flying out behind her. On the grey surface of the lake, the ducks milled, hunting for leftover scraps of bread. The great white swans, however, turned their backs on the bank and glided away, serene and dangerous against the cold autumn day.

“I was nineteen,” she said. “And someone convinced me I was in love.”

----

Outside, yellow leaves skittered against the windows as the wind tossed them skyward. Inside, the little apartment was warm and shining clean, though the kitchen counters were crowded with numerous bottles and glasses. Fingon was singing to himself as he vacuumed, and Maedhros was investigating their refrigerator, confused.

“Finno, this is ridiculous. Why do we have so many – ”

“Are you talking to me?”

“Yes. Why do we have so many – ”

“I can’t hear you!”

“So turn the vacuum off,” said Maedhros, exasperated.

“You’re the one who wanted us to do a ‘deep clean’,” Fingon pointed out, but turned off the vacuum. “What’s up?”

“Forty-five limes, apparently,” said Maedhros letting the refrigerator swing open. “Why did you feel we need so many?”

“Because,” said Fingon patiently. “Your brother is coming, so we will be having an excess of tequila. I promise you that.”

“Which brother – ”

“You have to ask?” Fingon sighed and cast himself down in a chair. “Let’s see if I can jog your memory. The insane one. The big blond one with the dog. The one who uses the term ‘bro’ unironically. The one who got rejected by not one but two frats in college for being ‘too crazy’. The one who snuck into bed with me on three separate occasions. The one who – ”

“I got it,” said Maedhros, holding up his hands. “Forty-five limes for Tyelkormo. Makes sense.”

“They can always be ammunition, in a pinch,” said Fingon, leaning back in his chair. “Anyway, only thing left to do is wait for people to arrive. We’ve got some time before people start showing up, want to make out on the couch until they do?”

“Definitely,” said Maedhros. “Just put the vacuum cleaner away and – ”

The doorbell rang and they looked quizzically at each other.

“What time did you tell people to show up?” asked Maedhros, crossing to the door.

“Eight, I thought,” said Fingon.

Maedhros opened the door. “Turukáno! You’re early.”

“Sorry about that,” said Turukáno, stepping in, his arms full. “I can’t stay long, so I thought I’d come ahead of schedule. Findaráto’s here too.”

“Hey,” said Fingon, getting out of his seat as Maedhros relieved Turgon of his burden. “Good to see you!” He embraced his brother and held him at arm’s length to examine him critically as Finrod squeezed past. “Well, looks like second year hasn’t killed you yet. But med school’s clearly made you a little nuts if you think I’m going to let you leave early tonight.”

“I have to, Findekáno,” said Turgon earnestly. “I have an immunology midterm next week and if I don’t study at least twenty hours– ”

“Fine, fine, you’re off the hook,” said Fingon, releasing him. “But hey, what’s all the stuff you brought?”

“Housewarming gifts,” said Finrod, with a faint smile as he began unloading his own bag. “I brought you a bottle of wine and a good bottle opener. Don’t tell me you don’t need one, Finno, you’ve been using that sorry cousin of a screwdriver since college, don’t lie.”

“And I brought you a pizza peel,” said Turgon. “The pizza stone and Tasajara Bread Book to go with it are coming from Mom and Dad. Oh, and Mom says she forgives you for not telling her Maitimo was moving in, Findekáno, but she says you’d better watch yourself.”

“In other words, Maitimo,” said Finrod, tossing the bottle of wine to Fingon, “If you’re planning on proposing, make sure you ask Anairë’s permission first.”

Maedhros looked flustered, but Fingon laughed. “That’s right, babe,” he said, eyes twinkling. “And remember, I’m only agreeing to live in sin with you because I expect a ring by Christmas.”

“Of course,” said Finrod blithely. “I assumed that was the deal.”

Maedhros looked uncertain, like he wasn’t sure if they were teasing or not.

Fingon slung an arm around Finrod’s shoulders. “Ingoldo’s got my back. Whether it’s harassing you or helping me break up with those two guys I was dating simultaneously…”

Finrod smiled, a little uncomfortably, and Fingon went on,

“…he knows how to set me right. Thank you, dear Findaráto, for being so firm with me when I’m doing something stupid. Making Maitimo uncomfortable about marriage, a great idea. Dating two brothers on the sly, a mistake. Getting a tattoo while drunk, a mistake.”

“Well, you were going to get an eagle on your bicep. A little unoriginal, don’t you think?” said Finrod. “And anyway, you ended up getting a bunch of things pierced instead, I couldn’t talk you out of that one. By the way, I like how much light you get in this place, Finno.”

“It’s a lot better once Maitimo convinced me to clean the windows,” said Fingon, as Maedhros stood.

“I guess the party’s starting early then,” he said, making his way to the kitchen. “Drinks?”

“One beer,” said Turgon firmly. “Just one, and then I’m off.” He settled himself on a stool at the counter, examining the label on one of the larger bottles of liquor.

“I would like much to drink,” said Finrod, just as decisively. “Did I see limes? I do hope there’s tequila.”

“Bless your pretty head, Findaráto, of course there’s tequila,” said Fingon. “Want to start things off right with a shot?”

“Yes, please,” said Finrod, and Fingon called into the kitchen, “Two tequila shots, Mae. Or three, if you want one yourself. I’m going to go put on some music.”

“What music?” asked Maedhros dubiously, as he grabbed glasses and salt.

“Filthy club music from 2007,” said Fingon. “Obviously. Let me enjoy it while I can; we both know that as soon as Makalaurë arrives he’ll hijack the sound system.”

-

Maglor locked the car and stepped around to eye the meter. “Think we’ll be okay parking here? Maitimo didn’t mention what we should do about street parking…”

“You’ll be fine,” said Caranthir. “It’s after eight. Hurry up, Makalaurë.”

Celegorm and Aredhel were walking ahead of them, arms linked and heads together, talking animatedly.

“Who’s going to be at this thing anyway?” asked Curufin, dragging his feet.

“The usual crowd, probably,” said Maglor, as they turned onto Hithlum Ave. “Turukáno, if he’s got the time, and Irissë said Elenwë was coming. Then some friends of Maitimo’s from way back, and Findaráto and Amarië…”

“Hunh,” said Curufin, noncommittally, and kicked at a rock.

“455, right?” Celegorm called over his shoulder.

“Yep,” said Aredhel, and tugged him up the stairs.

They didn’t knock, but burst into the apartment. Aredhel flung herself at Fingon, who caught her, laughing, and Celegorm immediately dragged Maedhros down into a headlock.

“Hey, motherfucker, you think you can go two whole weeks without seeing us?”

“Oof,” said Maedhros, and straightened up, wincing, as Celegorm let him go. “I missed you too, Tyelko.”

“We got you a blender,” said Celegorm. “Not my idea, obviously, but Makalaurë insisted.” He winked at Fingon. “I thought we should get you a sex swing.”

“And I thought that would be a creepy gift to get our brother,” said Maglor, rolling his eyes as he dropped a heavy package onto the table.

“You thought right,” said Maedhros, and pulled Maglor into a hug.

Maglor buried his face in Maedhros’ shirt. “Maitimo, words can’t begin to describe how much I’ve missed you.”

“Melodrama,” said Curufin, scornfully.

“Káno’s a drama queen, go figure,” said Caranthir.

“We ain’t so bad as he makes out,” said Celegorm. “Don’t believe 90% of the stories he tells about us, either.”

Celegorm and Curufin began prowling the apartment interestedly, poking at bookshelves.

“IKEA shelves?” Curufin raised his eyebrows. “Doesn’t Findekáno make enough money to purchase something a little higher class? I mean, I know you’re not exactly flush right now, Nelyo, but I figured at least 45% of the reason you were living with Findekáno was financial solvency.”

“Nice,” said Fingon, looking up briefly from where he and Aredhel were huddled together, whispering. "Good to see you too, Curvo."

“TV’s pretty small,” observed Celegorm, “but the stereo’s nice. And I particularly like the dorks you have installed on the couch.”

“I was wondering when you were going to say hello, Tyelkormo,” said Finrod.

“I’m just having two beers and then leaving,” Turgon announced to no one in particular.

“Is Elenwë coming?” Maedhros asked Aredhel, who was still hanging off Fingon’s shoulder.

“What? Oh, yeah,” said Aredhel, her face lighting up. “She had a dance recital tonight, but she and Amarië are coming after.”