第 31 页

“I can’t,” said Finrod over his shoulder. “Goodbye.” And he flashed down the path and was gone.

“What was that?” asked Fingon, frowning. Maedhros and Maglor exchanged glances.

“Well,” said Maglor slowly. “If Moryo wasn’t at school right now, I’d say…”

“Careful, Makalaurë,” said Maedhros warningly. “We don’t know that’s what’s happening. ”

“Oh come on, Maitimo, you heard that nonsense last weekend…”

“Not enough to tell what was going on. You still don’t know who he had in his room that morning – ”

“Come on. Who else would it have been?”

“Literally anyone. You can’t make assumptions, especially when he’s clearly keeping it a secret.”

“You are no fun at all; isn’t it in our interest as his older brothers to know – ”

Fingon’s eyes were flickering between the two of them like he was watching a tennis match. “Look, are either of you going to enlighten me?”

“We shouldn’t speculate,” said Maedhros quellingly, heading into the kitchen.

“No,” said Maglor, but as soon as Maedhros had disappeared, he whispered to Fingon. “I’ll tell you what my suspicions are if you help me set up the snacks in the living room.”

“Done.”

-

When Celegorm came home, tired and dirty from the landscaping job he’d been working all afternoon, the TV was already on in the living room. Caranthir had evidently just gotten home, his backpack dropped carelessly by the door. He’d thrown himself down on the floor next to Fingon, not even having bothered to shed his jacket. They appeared to be arguing vociferously about third party candidates.

“It’s one thing early on in the campaign, when you can bring issues to the table. But when races are this close, it’s basically immoral not to drop out if you’re going to split the vote and get the wrong person elected!”

“So what? That’s the democratic system, and who says who the ‘wrong person’ is?”

“In races like this it matters who’s in power, and letting crazies like that get elected because you’re too arrogant to accept you won’t get more than 13% of the vote…”

“You can’t complain about the two party system and still come down against third party candidates.”

“It’s precisely BECAUSE I know how fucked the two party system is that I know it doesn’t work to run a third candidate - ”

“Oh god,” said Celegorm, coming into the room. “What fuckery is this?”

“Midterms,” said Fingon and Caranthir together.

“A mistake,” said Maglor, resting the side of his face against a beer.

“Oh, right.” Celegorm stared blankly at the TV. “I forgot.”

Caranthir and Fingon immediately looked up at him accusingly. “You forgot it was election day?”

“Oh my god, did you even vote?”

“Calm your pants, I did the mail-in thinger last week or whatever.”

“Want to join us?” asked Maedhros. He was absently toying with Fingon’s hair as Fingon leaned back against his legs.

“Eh, maybe.” Celegorm didn’t look particularly interested.

“We’re turning it into a drinking game eventually.”

“Now you’ve got my attention. Hey, where’s Curvo?”

“Upstairs, I think.”

Celegorm headed up to his room. “K, I’m gonna shower and make a call and then I’ll come back. Did I see onion dip? Excellent, I don’t have to bother with dinner.”

-

After Celegorm got off the phone with Oromë, he headed back into the hallway, and was about to start downstairs when he paused, seeing that Curufin’s door was ajar. He paused, tilting his head to peer in at his younger brother. Curufin was sitting on his bed, unmoving.

Celegorm stuck his hands into his pockets and ambled casually into Curufin’s room. “Hey, what’s up? I don’t think I ever see you just sitting, you’re always doing something ridiculous with books or wires or – ”

Curufin raised his head, and at the look on his face Celegorm immediately crossed the room.

He sat down next to Curufin. “Hey, you okay? Did something happen?”

Curufin didn’t say anything.

“Curvo?”

“Findaráto was here.”

“Okay.”

“We talked.”

“Sure...”

“He kissed me.”

“What?” Celegorm’s entire demeanor changed. “Are you serious?”

“Yes.” Curufin stared down at the bedspread, picking at a loose thread.

Celegorm’s mouth moved silently, trying to process this. “He – ”

“Kissed me,” said Curufin, still not looking at his brother, and swallowed hard.

“I’ll kill him,” said Celegorm promptly, and rose to his feet. “I will fucking kill him.”

“What? No!” Curufin looked up and grabbed Celegorm’s wrist, dragging him back down. “Tyelko, calm down.”

“Are you kidding me?” Celegorm looked outraged. “He has the nerve to put the moves on you when he’s actively fucking your brother? Not to mention the fact that he’s got a damn girlfriend!”

“Not anymore,” said Curufin, indistinctly, pulling his knees to his chest and resting his chin on them. His fingers were still wrapped around Celegorm’s wrist, and Celegorm automatically turned his hand so he could clasp Curufin’s arm in turn. “Amarië found out about…him and Moryo. She left him.”

“I should fucking think so,” said Celegorm, violently. “I’d have done the same if I found out – But he’s still sleeping with Moryo, right? What the fuck is he doing kissing you?”

“I told him,” said Curufin, and buried his face in his knees. “I told him…how I felt.”

“Oh.” I was right, then. Celegorm made to slide his hand up Curufin’s arm to clasp his shoulder, but remembering how Curufin hated most touch, released him.

“No, it’s okay,” said Curufin, into his knees, and Celegorm scooted closer and wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

“So. How do you feel about him?”

“I don’t know,” whispered Curufin. “He’s so…infuriating, and he never gets riled up or defensive, and he’s so annoying – I wish he would just be mean for once, or smug when he’s right, but instead he’s so…easy-going, and it must be a façade, it has to be, but I want…even with all that, I want to be around him. And when I see him I feel - why do I feel like that, Tyelko? It doesn’t make any sense! I never wanted it. I was fine not caring. And then…when I told him… he didn’t say anything, he just leaned forward and kissed me.”

“Scum,” muttered Celegorm, but he squeezed Curufin’s shoulders reassuringly. “And? What’d you think?”

“I don’t know,” said Curufin again. “I…liked it. I think. I wanted it, sort of. Why did he do it, though? Why would he – Doesn’t he – ”

“What did he do afterward?”

“He looked…surprised. And then he said he was sorry. And he left.”

“That fucker,” Celegorm snarled, unable to restrain himself. “I am going to kill him.”

“Stop it,” said Curufin sharply. “You always get so ridiculous, Tyelko, knock it off.”

“But look,” said Celegorm, angrily. “What the hell does he think he’s doing? And look what he did to you.” He lifted Curufin’s chin and Curufin pulled away sharply. “Are you crying, Curvo?”

“No,” snapped Curufin. He wiped impatiently at his cheeks and twitched out from under Celegorm's arm. "I shouldn't have said anything; I should have known you'd be absurd about it all."

“No, hang on Curvo, I won’t freak out, I promise.” Celegorm raised his hands. “I’ll chill out. Just let me…get up to speed, okay?”

“Get up to speed faster.”

“Okay.” Celegorm let out a breath and dragged his hands through his hair. “So, you once told me that you didn’t, like, get those kind of feelings for people. Right?”

“Eloquently put,” said Curufin, regaining some of his characteristic sharpness. “‘Those kind of feelings’, for god’s sake, Tyelko.”

“Okay, okay, I’m trying. But…you don’t want to fuck people. You’re not into sex and shit.”

Curufin groaned and put his head into his hands. “You have absolutely no nuance.”

Celegorm waved his hands. “Help me out here!”

“Fine. Yes, you are correct, historically I have not had sexual interest in others, or any desire to.”

“Is that changed, now?”

“I don’t know, Tyelko, this is new!”

“So you like him, yeah?”

“I…suppose.”

“And you want him?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you get turned on by him?”

“What is this, twenty questions?”

“I’m – whatchacallit, gathering data.”

“And you have to ask these kind of questions?”

“I think they're relevant! Also, you know me, I ask everyone these kind of questions. Do you get turned on by him?”

Curufin didn’t blush, but he also didn’t meet Celegorm’s eyes. “I’ve…felt some arousal.”

“Huh. Okay. That’s cool. Do you want to fuck him?”

“No,” said Curufin vehemently, and now color did rise in his cheeks. “I mean. I don’t think…It’s complicated.”

“You’re telling me,” said Celegorm, who was watching him helplessly. “Fuck, Curvo, I’m sorry. I’m totally without a map here.”

“You and me both,” muttered Curufin. He sighed and raked a hand through his hair. He was already pulling himself back together, straightening his shoulders and blinking his eyes until they cleared. “Look, just forget I said anything.”

“Fat chance.”

Curufin leveled a glance at him, his mask of calm and control falling into place with startling rapidity. “Tyelko, if you care about me at all, you’ll pretend this never happened.”

“Yeah, right.” Celegorm folded his arms. “It’s because I care about you, dumbass, that I’m not gonna do that.”

“Turkafinwë.”

Celegorm twitched. “Doing your dad voice isn’t going to work on me. Look, I’m not gonna just let Findaráto get away with this.”

“Yes, you are.”

“Okay, well what about your brother, huh? What about the fact that Findaráto’s fooling around on Moryo now?”

“You think Moryo cares?”

“I – don’t actually know. But I don’t think he’d like the idea any more than I do. C’mon, what about family loyalty first?”

Curufin shrugged. “I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I guess.” Celegorm looked uncertain.

“You owe me.”

“I owe Moryo, too!”

“You owe me more.”

“How do you figure?”

“You always owe me more.” Curufin stared him down.

Celegorm groaned in frustration. “You are so fucking annoying. Fine. I won’t say anything. Can I please punch Findaráto, though?”

“No.”

“Are you going to – What are you planning next?”

“I’m going to build a Jacob’s Ladder, I think,” said Curufin, turning away.

“That shit’s banned in the house, dad said.”

“No, he banned Tesla Coils. This will be a harmless spark gap.”

“Define harmless.”

“Well, it won’t be that big. No taller than you. It might burn you a bit if you did something idiotic like stick your hand in it, but it’s low voltage. It wouldn’t stop your heart.”

“You have the most terrifying ways of changing the subject, Jesus. You sure you don’t want to come watch the returns with the other nerds?”

“No,” said Curufin shortly. He went to his desk and began pulling out his tools.

“Is it because Moryo’s there?” asked Celegorm shrewdly.

“It’s because I know how it’s all going to go. Learn statistics, Tyelko.”

“No, thanks. I’m gonna go get drunk with Findekáno. He’s doing a shot every time a district switches parties.”

“You’re going to get very drunk.”

“Yeah.” Celegorm stood up, but hesitated, his hand on the doorknob. “….If Findaráto pulls any more shit, I’m going after him.”

“Stop being so dramatic,” murmured Curufin, apparently already absorbed in his work.

“You’re my little brother.”

“Well spotted.”

“He’s not allowed – ”

“Good bye, Tyelko.”

Celegorm watched him a while longer, then left, pulling the door shut behind him.

Curufin focused on unwinding a long spool of wire for a while, staring unblinkingly down at his workspace until his vision blurred and he shook his head impatiently. He opened his laptop and pulled up a schematic, jotting down notes on his blotter as he went.

“Spark gap,” he muttered to himself, and set to work.

Before we start to lose our minds

Chapter Notes

0. Some sexiness, make-outs, the usual.

See the end of the chapter for more notes

“Irissë!”

Aredhel, who’d been bent low over the reception desk trying to decipher a note her mother had scrawled, and whose eyes were starting to cross, looked up at the sound of her name and did a double-take. “Aunt Nerdanel?”

“Look at you!” Nerdanel was beaming, her cheeks rosy from the cold and her red hair windswept and falling around her face. She brushed it out of her eyes and leaned over the counter to kiss Aredhel’s cheek. “Are you giving your mother a hand then?”

“More like she’s giving me a hand,” said Aredhel, smiling. Nerdanel’s delight was always infectious. “I’m working here three days a week to help cover rent.”

“Well, it’s great seeing you here,” said Nerdanel warmly. “It’s been too long since I’ve clapped eyes on you.”

“Congratulations on your show, by the way,” said Aredhel, pulling up Anairë’s schedule up on the computer to check for Nerdanel’s name. “I know it was ages ago, but Tyelko told me it was a real success.”

“Oh, like he would know.” Nerdanel rolled her eyes fondly. “I believe the only part of the show he would know as a success was the free champagne… But that’s kind of you to say.”

“Heh, yeah.” Aredhel glanced back at the computer and frowned. “I’m sorry, I’m not seeing you on her schedule…”

“That’s because she’s my lunch date,” said Anairë, emerging from the back. She was wearing her lab coat, and her curly dark hair, so like her children’s, was caught back in a tidy knot at the back of her head.

“Lunch date? Since when do you – ”

“We do it every month,” said Nerdanel, as Anairë slipped behind the reception desk to check her schedule quickly and switch out her lab coat for her wool jacket. “Lunch, gossip about our children, and strong coffee.”

“No kidding.”

“Can you hold down the fort for the next hour or so?” Anairë checked her watch and tucked a loose curl of hair behind Aredhel’s ear. “Eärwen won’t be coming in today, but she’s on call if anything comes up.”

“Yeah, no problem,” said Aredhel, watching as Anairë grabbed her purse and met Nerdanel at the door. “Hey, are you going to gossip about me, too?” she called.

“You bet, girl,” said Anairë and Nerdanel waved, winking, “I’ll only believe the good stuff, don’t worry.”

-

“Pesto and sundried tomato panini, please, with prosciutto. On a ciabatta roll.”

“Same for me.” Anairë handed her menu to the waiter and propped her chin on her hands as she gazed at Nerdanel. “You look appallingly well. Are you aging in reverse? How is this fair?”

Nerdanel laughed, tipping a packet of sugar into her coffee cup. “That’s very sweet of you, but I’m afraid it’s all a sham.” She leaned forward and whispered. “I’ve started coloring the grey hairs. Don’t tell.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” Anairë smiled. “It’s about time. I’ve been greying since Findekáno started high school.”

“I can mark each of the wrinkles my boys gave me as they went through their teens. But at least all yours are out of the house! I still have the chickens, and they somehow tire us as much as the rest of them combined. Maybe we are getting old, or maybe they really are the worst fifteen year olds we’ve had. Sometimes I dream of the day when all seven are finally off on their own.”