第 36 页

Fuck that.

He started as his phone buzzed again. He glanced down, heart beating fast, but it was just Curufin.

Any updates?

not really. orome’s gonna get the check and get out as soon as he can

Good. Text me when you’re out.

k

Are you planning on coming home tonight?

wasnt planning on it

He waited, but Curufin didn’t reply right away.

Fine. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.

yea.

everything ok with you?

Now’s not the time to play solicitous big brother.

Concentrate on getting out of there without dad seeing you.

yea. thnks.

A hand descended on his shoulder and Celegorm jumped. He looked up and saw Oromë with Vána and Nienna at his side.

“Are they – ”

“Yes,” said Oromë tersely. “Let’s go.”

They walked in silence down the sidewalk, Vána pulling her shawl around her shoulders as a cold breeze sprang up; Nienna resting a light hand on the small of her back. Celegorm shot a sidelong glance at Oromë, half wishing he would reach out and touch Celegorm in the same way. But Oromë had buried his hands in his pockets and was staring straight ahead, his face closed off and unreadable. Celegorm felt a swoop of anxiety, and pushed his own hands into his pockets.

We were doing so well, too.

They parted ways with Vána and Nienna at the corner, Vána stretching up to kiss Oromë on the cheek and whisper something Celegorm couldn’t make out. Then she was hugging him, and saying softly, “Do not worry, Tyelkormo. And,” her tone lightened, and she winked, “I will send you those pictures, for sure.”

“I’ll hold you to that.”

Nienna took his hand and squeezed it. “It was a pleasure meeting you.”

“You too,” said Celegorm, distracted. Oromë had turned away and Vána had taken his arm again, reaching up on her tiptoes to murmur something into his ear. “Uh. I’m sorry about the whole…” He gestured helplessly. “The shitty ending thing.”

“Nothing like a little intrigue to spice up an evening,” Nienna said, but her dark eyes were serious as she studied him.

“Yeah, I guess.” Celegorm pulled a hand through his hair and shot another glance at Oromë. “Next time we should eat in, though.”

“Indeed,” she said solemnly, and squeezed his hand once more before releasing it. “Sweetheart, we should be going. You must be freezing in that dress.”

“Yes, yes, of course.” Vána broke away from Oromë and tucked her arm through Nienna’s. “Have a good rest of your night, my boys. Call me tomorrow, Oromë.”

“I will.”

They parted, Vána and Nienna going off arm in arm, Celegorm and Oromë walking side by side, still not touching. They walked in silence a while, but Celegorm was never very good at keeping quiet.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “Seriously. I can’t believe my parents showed up, what fucking timing…”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

“Yeah, but I – ”

“Here’s the car,” said Oromë tonelessly. Celegorm stared at him, frustrated, but bit his tongue and got in. Once in the driver’s seat, though, Oromë didn’t start the car. He sat there, silent, staring through the windshield.

“Oromë?”

Oromë didn’t answer.

“The whole driving thing works better with the key in the ignition, y’know.” Celegorm waited. “You gonna say anything?”

Oromë still wouldn’t look at him and Celegorm ground his teeth. “Babe.”

“I felt like such scum tonight,” said Oromë, quietly. He rested his elbows on the steering wheel and sank his head into his hands. “I’ve never felt as sleazy as when your father was talking to me.”

“Oh. Well, he’s like that.” Celegorm leaned over, propping himself on the center console, trying to get Oromë to meet his gaze. “Just ask my step-uncle. Seriously, he’s, like, known for being able to make people feel like scum. He’s got this way of – ”

“No.” Oromë closed his eyes, as if in pain. “You don’t understand. He…he had nothing but praise for me. He couldn’t stop telling me how much he appreciated all I’d done for the team…all I’d done for you…”

Celegorm laid a hand on Oromë’s leg and Oromë flinched. “You have done a lot for me.”

“Don’t.” Oromë’s fingers dug hard into his hair. “That is not what he meant.”

“It’s not what I meant either.” Celegorm could feel himself getting angry and made a conscious effort to keep his voice steady. “You – you saved me, Oromë. I woulda been kicked out the first semester of freshman year if it hadn’t been for you. I’m fuckin’ positive of this. I was such a fuck-up, I had no clue what I was doing, I didn’t want to be there, I was doing whatever I could to get thrown out...and then you came along, and you didn’t take my shit, and you introduced me to something I loved, you gave me a purpose and you believed in me, you saw potential in me, I mean seriously, what – ”

“Stop.” Oromë’s voice was heavy with pain. “Don’t you see how much more twisted that makes it? How sick is it that after acting as your mentor and coach, I took advantage of your feelings to sleep with you?”

“Don’t – don’t you,” Celegorm stopped and tried again, working hard to keep himself from shouting. “Don’t you fucking dare call what’s between us twisted, or sick. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, I lo – ”

“Don’t say it.”

Celegorm dropped back in his seat, feeling like he’d been punched in the gut. “Oromë.”

“I’m sorry,” whispered Oromë. “I’m sorry, Tyelko. I just – After everything that happened tonight, I realized…”

Celegorm dug his fingers into the armrest, fear choking him. Not again.

“I’m so tired of lying,” said Oromë, and at last he raised his head and looked at Celegorm. “I’m sick of it. I’m sick of making you lie for my sake. I told you to stay put; I told you to hide. From your own father! I’m so sorry, Tyelko, you deserve so much better than this.”

“How many times do I have to tell you I don’t give a shit?”

“At least – ”

They both jumped as Celegorm’s phone buzzed. He dragged it out and looked at it.

Did you get out? Everything okay?

“It’s my brother,” said Celegorm, in answer to Oromë’s questioning look. “He just wanted to know – Doesn’t matter, I’ll text him later.” He turned off his phone and shoved it into his pocket.

Oromë rubbed a hand over his eyes, looking exhausted, and finally turned the key in the ignition. “You should answer now; doesn’t he worry?”

“Curvo? Nah, he’s just…I mean, it’s not worry, it’s…” Celegorm trailed off.

“The last time he had trouble getting ahold of you he showed up at my house, is all I’m saying.” Oromë pulled the car out of their parking spot and into the street.

“He says he won’t do that again. Probably. I was just letting him know that I was camped out hiding from our dad in case he had any evil genius ideas about how to escape.”

“I’m sorry, Tyelko.”

“Stop apologizing, Jesus.” Celegorm felt his temper rising again; sharpened by an edge of fear. He stared out the window, slumping low in the seat. “Just drive, Coach.”

-

They didn’t speak the rest of the ride, and it wasn’t until they were both standing in Oromë’s front hall that they looked at each other. Oromë shrugged off his jacket and undid the top couple buttons on his shirt, letting out a sigh like it was the first deep breath he'd taken all night.

Celegorm kept his jacket on. “So.” He stared up at Oromë, a slight challenge in his eyes. “You still want me to spend the night?”

“I don’t know,” said Oromë softly. “Is that a good idea?”

“Fine.” Celegorm clenched his teeth, determined not to appear upset. “I’ll just head home then.” He turned to go, put horribly in mind of that terrible night, a year ago now, when he’d left through this very door, smashing the glass on his way out…

But, “Wait,” said Oromë, and caught his elbow.

“What?”

Oromë looked like he couldn’t find the words he needed to say, and instead pulled Celegorm tightly into his arms, burying his face in Celegorm’s shoulder. Celegorm immediately brought his arms up to grip Oromë tightly, pressing the side of his face to Oromë’s bent head. Oromë clung to him, almost as if seeking support, and Celegorm clung back, whispering fiercely,

“You can’t scare me like that, you asshole, you can’t make me think I’m going to lose you again…”

Oromë shook his head, his face still pressed to Celegorm’s neck. Celegorm tightened his fingers in Oromë’s hair.

“We’re gonna get through this together, okay? It’s not as bad as it looks. It’s not gonna be the end of the world. But don’t push me away, motherfucker, don’t you dare decide you know what’s best for me. You’re what’s best for me, all right? I decided that a long time ago. And hey, jackass,” he tugged Oromë’s hair until Oromë lifted his head and he could look him in the eye. “Never stop me from telling you I love you.”

Chapter End Notes

2. My dad had a patient turn into a tiger in his waiting room. He didn't eat anyone, though.

Drown the unease

Chapter Notes

See the end of the chapter for notes

On most nights, Oromë, long used to being the only one in his bed, would end up turning away from Celegorm in the night, rolling over on his side to face the wall. Celegorm would promptly follow him, draping himself over Oromë’s back like a limpet, wrapping his arms around Oromë’s chest and nuzzling against the back of Oromë’s neck.

“Oof. Tyelko, you’re like a furnace.”

“Can’t help that I’m so damn hot.”

“Yes. That is accurate. With you around, I don’t even need a blanket.”

But this night, Oromë took Celegorm into his arms and curled around him, holding him tightly all through the night, lips to Celegorm’s shoulder, hands pressing tight to his belly, his thighs, his chest.

Celegorm lay awake, listening to Oromë’s breathing, feeling those strong arms tighten reflexively around him in sleep, and all he could think was, He’s holding on because he thinks he’s going to lose me.

They didn’t make love that night, and Celegorm bit back the sense of rejection, the dread of being unwanted coiling in his stomach. How many times had Oromë told him that even on nights when they didn’t have sex, he was still wanted, desired, and loved?

“I can’t always keep up with you, Tyelko, but it never means I don’t want you.”

“If you want me, how can you not want to fuck me?”

“There’s more than one way of being intimate.”

“Yeah, well, I suggested another way of being intimate in the shower and you said you didn’t think the shower rod would support my weight.”

“Not what I meant, Tyelko.”

-

Celegorm didn’t fall asleep until just before dawn. When he woke, late in the morning, the bed was empty and there was a note on the pillow next to him.

Had to go to campus to deal with some logistical issues that came up. Will probably be there all day. Go ahead and do your own thing, I’ll call tonight.

Love you.

O.

Celegorm sat up, scrubbing his hand through his hair, heedless of how it stood up all over his head, trying not to feel like he had been gently dismissed.

Go do your own thing.

“He didn’t mean anything by it,” he told Huan, who was resting his chin on the side of the bed. When Oromë was around, dogs were strictly forbidden from the bed, but both Huan and Nahar knew Celegorm was a soft touch. Celegorm reached out to scratch Huan’s ears. “He’s just got work. He knows I’ve probably got shit to do, too. Right?”

Huan lifted his eyebrows pleadingly, and Celegorm grinned. “Fine, but don’t tell.”

With a delighted yelp, Huan leapt onto the bed and rooted around happily in the blankets.

“Enjoy it while you can,” said Celegorm, swinging his feet to the floor. “We’re heading home soon as I get dressed. After all,” he grabbed his shirt from the floor, trying not to feel bitter, “I’m gonna go ‘do my own thing’.” He stared down at his clothes and groaned. “Oh, good, all I’ve got is the shit I wore last night.” Reluctantly he pulled on his dress pants and button-up shirt, though he let it hang open over his chest. “This doesn’t scream ‘morning after’ or anything.”

Huan made a little grumbling noise in his throat as he rolled around happily on the bed, and Celegorm regarded him, hands on his hips. “Sometimes I think you don’t listen to a word I say, you filthy dogwaffle.”

He slung his jacket over his shoulder and picked up the note Oromë had left, smoothing it out as he read it one more time. Then he tore it in two, dropping the top half into the wastebasket and tucking the bottom half carefully into his breast pocket. That done, he whistled for Huan. “C’mon, boy.”

----

Curufin hadn’t gotten much sleep. Not that this was unusual; he always slept lightly and was invariably woken by the creak of the floorboards in the hallway as his brothers passed his room on their way to the bathroom, or by the dull thud of bass from a neighbor’s party. But tonight’s restlessness was irritatingly familiar as he kept pushing himself upright in bed to check his phone and see if Celegorm had responded.

He hadn’t.

That would have been annoying enough, but then….There was the other person who had been texting him, of late. The other reason his brain was buzzing like an overactive hive of bees.

Now, despite staying in bed all morning, he was grumpy and bleary-eyed and resigned to the fact that he wasn’t going to get any sleep after all. Curufin sat up in bed and flicked through his phone, scrolling through the messages from the past week.

He’d sent the first one. He wasn’t sure why; it was very unlike him.

-

I’ll give you this much. You were very fast out the window.

Thank you.

Makalaure didn’t see anything?

No. Too busy dropping things.

I hope you helped him, at least.

Of course. I am nothing if not a helpful brother.

…no comment.

Rude.

There had been silence, after that, for a full day. And then, surprising him out of the work he’d been doing at his desk, the buzz of his phone.

Open your window while you’re working on that contraption.

How do you know I’m working on any contraption?

Educated guess.

I guess four years of college and two years of grad school have given you…the barest deductive skills.

Rude.

He’d smiled at that, despite himself, and gone back to his work.

The next day, Finrod had texted again.

Should we talk?

We can talk about any number of things. What in particular?

You know.

This is very sixth grade of you.

You’d rather I not try to talk about this?

What is there to say?

An hour elapsed.

Do you want it to happen again?

Do you?

I asked first.

VERY sixth grade.

You’re impossible.

I’ve heard.

I’m still waiting for your answer.

Another hour.

Still…

And another.

Curvo

He’d cast his eyes down at his phone, tempted to let it buzz a few more times. But his usual self-control was failing him.

Yes.

Yes?

Yes.

To my question?

What else?

Finrod didn’t respond right away to that, and Curufin had waited, nearly burning himself when he pinched two wires together without really thinking about what he was doing. When his phone finally lit up with a response, he’d grabbed for it, ignoring the sting of his fingertips.