第 59 页

Finrod still looked thunderstruck, and like he was still fighting the instinct to be slightly hurt. “I guess I’m glad to hear that, then. Do you have any…questions for me?”

“Uh, I don’t think so. I don’t need to hear the details.” Caranthir shuddered.

“But,” Finrod hesitated. “You should know something else.”

Caranthir winced. “Do I have to? Don’t worry about it, Ingo, but if that’s all you were coming to tell me, I gotta get back to my homework.”

Finrod still looked conflicted, his hands knotted together. “Well…”

“Well?”

Finrod seemed to be battling with some instinct – to say something, or not to – and Caranthir glanced back towards his computer. “Spit it out, man.”

Whatever determination Finrod had been struggling with seemed to fail at Caranthir’s brusque words, and as Caranthir waited, he simply closed his mouth and shook his head. “I’m sorry,” he said very quietly, “I’ll see you around.” Then he turned and left, his shoulders no more relaxed than they had been when he’d entered, and his face now entirely unreadable.

Caranthir cocked his head, watching him go, then shrugged and turned back to his computer.

caranthirf@belereiand.edu: back.

halethh@belereiand.edu: oh yeahh? That was quick.

halethh@belereiand.edu: minuteman, huh?

halethh@belereiand.edu: ;)

halethh@belereiand.edu: (sorry. I’ve been doing homework for six hours and I think I’m delirious)

caranthirf@belereiand.edu: lol no worries

caranthirf@belereiand.edu: it was not sex

caranthirf@belereiand.edu: not even gonna touch on the minuteman remark

caranthirf@belereiand.edu: guess what?

halethh@belereiand.edu: wat

caranthirf@belereiand.edu: he’s seeing someone else

halethh@belereiand.edu: wait

halethh@belereiand.edu: Finrod?

halethh@belereiand.edu: he’s seeing someone other than you?

caranthirf@belereiand.edu: yup

halethh@belereiand.edu: well dang

halethh@belereiand.edu: are you ok with that?

caranthirf@belereiand.edu: sure

caranthirf@belereiand.edu: I TOLD you he wasn’t my boyfriend!

caranthirf@belereiand.edu: hah

halethh@belereiand.edu: well yeah now I guess I’d hope not

halethh@belereiand.edu: you gonna keep sleeping with him?

caranthirf@belereiand.edu: idk. If he wants to

halethh@belereiand.edu: …even with the other person thing?

caranthirf@belereiand.edu: didn’t bother me before

halethh@belereiand.edu: I guess not

halethh@belereiand.edu: so who is it?

caranthirf@belereiand.edu: who’s who?

halethh@belereiand.edu: the person finrod’s seeing

caranthirf@belereiand.edu: idk. Does it matter?

halethh@belereiand.edu: I dunno. Kinda. Aren’t you curious?

caranthirf@belereiand.edu: nah.

-

Caranthir emerged from his room in relatively good sprits. The Martineau had incorporated rather well into his philosophy paper, and for the first time in the semester, he was actually ahead of schedule on his homework. He came out into the living room and stopped short, feeling a moment of odd déjà vu. Celegorm was sitting on the couch like he was waiting for him, but this time his face was tight with concern rather than his usual wicked glee.

“Can I help you?” Caranthir raised an eyebrow at his brother and Celegorm stood up, his face so serious that Caranthir looked around uneasily, wondering if Celegorm was going to break the news of a death in the family. “Is everything okay?”

“Finrod talked to you then?”

Caranthir squinted at him. “Uh…Yes?”

Celegorm let out a breath and swung his arms awkwardly, as if he was weighing reaching out to hug Caranthir. Caranthir watched him with increasing confusion. “So he told you.”

“He…Yeah, he told me. Wait, you knew about this? How?”

“I saw – It doesn’t really matter how, but yeah, I knew.”

Caranthir dodged as Celegorm yielded to the temptation to reach out and pat him on the shoulder. “What’s wrong with you, dude? Stop treating me like a chick.” He evaded his brother and went into the kitchen, his stomach growling. “Do we have any salami?”

“Yeah, I think so.” Celegorm followed, trailing behind him with a continued expression of confusion and concern. “But what did you think about it? When Finrod told you?”

“It’s all good.”

“What?” Celegorm stared at him, rather like Finrod had. “You’re okay with it?”

Caranthir shrugged, opening the fridge to look for something to eat. He poked at the package of salami, trying to decide what he wanted. “He’s been acting so weird lately I thought he was angling to turn this into a relationship or something, and then I would have had to be all thoughtful and emotionally engaged and fuck, it would be a disaster. I’m kinda relieved he has someone else – if he wants to date them, he can go ahead. No offense or anything, but I don’t want to date a dude.”

“Date – He’d better not date – You think he’ll actually – ” Celegorm dragged a hand through his hair, agitated. “I don’t fucking understand any of this. Don’t you feel used?”

“Sure, but who cares? Like, that was kinda the arrangement, wasn’t it? I was using him to get over Haleth, he was using me to…be a dick to his girlfriend, I dunno. If he’s dating someone else, more power to ‘em, and thank fuck it’s not me.”

“Okay, I get that part, but come on. Your little brother?”

“What about my little brother?”

“That’s what I don’t get. How can you be so okay with Finrod fooling around on you with your little brother?”

Caranthir jerked up too fast and smacked his head on the fridge door. “Wait, what did you say?”

Celegorm looked perplexed. “Finrod. Fooling around with Curvo. His whole ‘other person’ he’s seeing being your little brother and everything, I’d think that would be pretty fucked up...”

“What?”

Celegorm’s eyes widened. “Oh. Oh. Oh, fucking shitting Jesus.” He dropped down heavily in a chair. “He left out the key detail of who?”

“I didn’t want to know. I didn’t care, so I didn’t ask…” Caranthir’s face went blank. “He’s been with Curvo?”

“Christ, I am not supposed to be the person telling you this.” Celegorm looked like he’d rather be anywhere else at this moment. “Yeah, he and Curvo have been hooking up.”

Caranthir was very still for a moment, then he whipped around, slamming the refrigerator with such force that something inside fell and smashed.

“Moryo,” called Celegorm helplessly, but he didn’t try to stop him as Caranthir stormed past him, out of the kitchen and up the stairs. “Hope that didn’t count as breaking my promise to Curvo,” Celegorm muttered to himself as Caranthir disappeared. “Oh, what the fuck.” He briefly contemplated going after his brother, but then elected to stay where he was, ignoring the voice that whispered coward in his head, promising himself he’d intervene if it sounded like Caranthir was doing physical damage. He swore under his breath. “Trust Finrod to be cagey as hell. And to make me do his dirty work for him, the dog.” Huan, who’d started looking anxious when Caranthir had slammed the refrigerator door, laid his head on Celegorm’s foot, and Celegorm reached down to stroke his head. “’scuse my language.”

-

Caranthir burst into Curufin’s room, only to realize, belatedly, that the bathroom door was closed and there was water running; Curufin was in the shower. He stood in the empty room for a beat, his blood roaring in his ears, something swelling vast and furious in his throat as the full implications of what Celegorm had told him swam through his mind. He crossed over to Curufin’s desk, where his brother’s cellphone was lying, its screen innocently dark. Caranthir reached down automatically and flicked it on, pausing as it prompted him for a passcode. He thought a moment – he’d always been good at remembering number strings. Now to see if Curufin had remembered to change his password after all the turmoil…

He hadn’t.

Caranthir opened the text messages first, eyes scanning for one name in particular. It didn’t take him long at all to find what he was looking for, but he paid particular attention to Curufin’s side of the conversation.

Did anyone see you? You were quick but not subtle, go figure.

Makalaure didn’t guess, don’t worry. And Tyelko hasn’t been around much lately…

Are you here?

Come upstairs when he’s asleep.

If you’re done wasting your time with ‘philosophy’, you should consider a discussion with a real intellect – if you can be spared, of course.

He’s out of town through Monday.

Coast’s clear. Come over.

Caranthir realized his hands were shaking with anger, making the text on Curufin’s phone jitter and blur. He slammed the phone down against the desk, cracking the screen in the process.

Come upstairs when he’s asleep.

Come upstairs when he’s asleep.

Come upstairs when he’s asleep.

The cracked screen wasn’t enough. He threw the phone to the ground and drove his foot against it until the screen flickered and died. Still shaking with blind rage, he raised his eyes to the desk again, where the tiny, elegant silhouette of the spark gap was outlined against the window. His fingers itched, and he curled his hands into fists. When the little instrument snapped in his hands, he could pretend the burning in his eyes and the tightness in his throat had to do with the sharp edges of the broken metal, rather then the overwhelming sense of disillusionment and humiliation.

By the time he had destroyed everything on Curufin’s desk, the water had shut off in the bathroom. Caranthir held still, his breath coming hard, fury pounding machine gun quick in his temples. Part of him wanted to be there when Curufin came back in, wanted to roar at him, make him cower, make him afraid –

You have always had everything, everything has always been so easy for you, and this, this little thing that was mine you take and make yours instead? Was it just because it was me? Because you can’t stand your untalented, ugly, unlikeable brother having even one thing you couldn’t get? Did it offend you, that someone as unworthy and pathetic as me could have something as perfect as him?

Was it a test, to see if you could get him? Just another project, another fucking game, to see if you could carry up an affair just up the stairs while I stayed as stupid and ignorant as ever. Was it a joke for you? How you must have been laughing at me…

And you feigned sympathy! You lying, evil, weaselly little shit, I will never trust you again, not that I ever should have, you slime –

How you must have laughed. I knew you always thought I was a joke.

His vision was so blurred and dark that it was hard for him to see the room in front of him, and he knew, suddenly, that if he saw Curufin now, he would want to break him as thoroughly as he had smashed the delicate contraptions on Curufin’s desk, shatter him as completely as the screen of his phone. He briefly flashed to the moment Curufin had fallen to the kitchen floor, blood streaming from his face, and the image filled him with a terrifying, vicious joy.

I want you to hurt, god, I want it so badly…

But something in him, something that was afraid of this new, terrifying impulse, the part of him that remembered the horror in Celegorm’s face, allowed him to step deliberately from the room, back into the hallway, and down the stairs, before the knob of the bathroom door turned. He was downstairs and out the front door before Curufin even stepped into the hall.

He didn’t register Celegorm calling his name, as he slammed through the door and out into the night.

I won’t hurt you, but if I can at all manage it, I will never be in the same room as you again.

He called the number as he half ran down the street, starting to speak before the voice on the other end even got through “Hello?”

“It was Curvo. It was Curvo. My little brother. He and Finrod – This whole time – I need to get away, I need – Can I c-come over? I’m going to do something stupid if I don’t, I can feel it…” He wasn’t being coherent, he knew, and his voice was rasping and stuttering through his pants for breath.

“Yes,” said Haleth at once, not bothering to ask for clarification. “The door’s open. Call when you need me to swipe you in downstairs.”

* * *

Curufin came out of the bathroom, fully dressed and using his towel to dry his hair. When he came to his door he drew up short, seeing that it was ajar. A line between his brows – he hadn’t left it open, surely – he nudged it open with a hip and stepped inside.

He took in the destruction in a single glance. His computer was still intact, but all of his electronics – the spark gap, the circuit board, the other things he’d been working on at his desk – were smashed beyond repair. He didn’t bother to look closer, but stooped to pick up the broken phone from the floor. He stared at it for a moment, and it only took him a beat or two more for everything to click into place.

Someone told him.

Celegorm was waiting for him in the kitchen, arms folded, face uncharacteristically sober. Curufin looked at him, and Celegorm answered his unspoken question.

“Yeah, he heard.” Celegorm’s expression was dark enough that Curufin didn’t bother shooting the accusatory question at him – Was it you who told?

It didn’t matter.

“Well?” Curufin couldn’t tell if Celegorm’s question was about what Caranthir had done, or what Curufin was going to do now, or maybe a general demand for some reaction – any reaction – to what had happened.

He refused to give it.

Instead, he tightened his jaw briefly, and then let his face fall free of emotion. He smoothed his hand through his wet hair again, and his eyes flickered, just once, toward the window.

“I’m going to need a new phone,” he said coolly, and turned away.

* * *

“I should have known.” Caranthir was lying flat on Haleth’s bed, staring at the ceiling. “I am such a fucking idiot, why didn’t I guess? Apologizing, that’s what should have tipped me off, that little cunt…”

Several hours had passed. Andreth was being very quiet, though her ears had clearly pricked up as Caranthir laid the whole thing out for Haleth, in a rush of words, breathless and shaking, occasionally pausing to drag in a huge unsteady breath as he ran out of air. He would periodically lose control and his voice would get louder, once striking the wall with his open hand, blood suffusing his cheeks in his anger. But Haleth, even though she’d let out a few heartfelt curses as the story came out, had kept her voice even and gentle, and she’d grabbed Caranthir’ hands, squeezing them tightly, and slowly, he’d seemed to calm down. He was quieter now, stretched out on the blankets, but Andreth continued to split her attention between the conversation taking place on the other side of the room and the book she was supposed to be reading.

Haleth, who was sitting cross-legged on the pillow and petting Caranthir’s hair absently, chewed her lip. “Can I ask something?”

“What?”

“Why are you so much more mad at your brother than at Finrod? He was the one who cheated on you – or,” she amended, as Caranthir looked like he was going to protest the word ‘cheated’, “ – fooled around on you with your kid brother. Shouldn’t you be pissed at him?”