第 63 页

Or the wayward lovers of her sons.

Oromë welcomed her in with as little awkwardness as he could manage, and she sat down at his table and dove in with no preamble, as if she had a set of tasks laid out before her and she was determined to get through them all in as businesslike a manner as possible.

“I always liked you,” she said. “I always deeply appreciated all that you did. I don’t know how aware of this fact Fëanaro is, but I knew the track Tyelkormo was heading down, and it was your intervention that averted that. I was profoundly grateful to you, I thought you were a positive influence in my son’s life, I was happy that he had you. And that’s what makes me so sick over this now.”

Oromë felt sick too. “I understand.”

“How long did you have your eye on him?” demanded Nerdanel. “Did you start wanting him when he first joined the team, when he was eighteen and vulnerable and – ”

“No!” The sick feeling intensified, and Oromë struggled to stay calm. “I have cared about Tyelko – like any of my players – from the very beginning. But I did not…I did not realize I had feelings for him until much later.”

“How much later?”

He had no choice but to be honest. Speak the truth now, even if it’s far too late to redeem yourself. “The spring of his junior year.”

“And when did you first act on those feelings?”

Even if it kills you. “That summer.”

Nerdanel’s hands shook in her lap and she stilled them. “The summer he stayed with you while the house was being renovated.”

“Yes.” Oromë wanted desperately to close his eyes, but he wouldn’t allow himself be so cowardly.

Nerdanel’s lips were pressed so tightly together they had gone white. “Did you initiate a physical relationship?”

“No,” said Oromë softly. “He did. But I did not…tell him no.”

“Obviously.” Nerdanel let out a shaky breath and briefly rested her face in her hands. “Oh, shit, maybe I can’t do this. I’m sorry. This is not easy for me to talk about.”

“I know,” said Oromë, wretched. “But please, anything I can tell you that will make–”

“This easier? I’m afraid we’re beyond that.” Nerdanel dropped her hands to smooth them over her lap and her eyes fell on the neat stack of papers on the table. A picture was poking out of the stack, and she tilted her head to examine it. “May I?”

“Of course,” said Oromë, helplessly. He knew what picture it was. It had been taken with Celegorm’s cell phone, on a hike they’d done that fall. In it, Celegorm was hanging over Oromë’s back, one arm across his chest, holding him close. His other arm was stretched out to take the picture, and he was laughing, carefree and utterly alive with happiness. Oromë wasn’t looking at the camera, but up at Celegorm, smiling and relaxed, the affection in his face palpable as Celegorm leaned his head against Oromë’s. It made him almost self-conscious, looking at the picture now, to see the stark love and tenderness with which he gazed at Celegorm. But he loved the picture, loved it for the way the sunlight struck Celegorm’s bright head, and the transported joy in his face, and the way he held onto Oromë with such total familiarity, as if holding him was second nature.

Nerdanel was studying the picture, her expression closed off but something like pained fondness in her eyes as she looked at her son laughing up at her.

“You seem to make him very happy,” she said quietly.

“I hope I do,” said Oromë, and wondered if it was inappropriate to speak like this to Celegorm’s mother. But honesty, after all…“Being with him is the happiest I’ve ever been, and the least I can do is give him some happiness in return.” He held his breath, feeling he’d overstepped after all.

But Nerdanel was still not looking at him. She laid the picture carefully on the table. “Where do you see this going, Coach Aldaron? Where do you see yourself with him? He’s not even twenty-five. He’s been out of college barely a year, he’s had essentially no meaningful romantic relationships in his life. And you – you’re closer in age to me than you are to Tyelko. Is this just an early midlife crisis, a fling with some attractive young man before you move onto the flashy sports car?”

“No,” said Oromë, shocked out of silence. “Do you really think I would have gone through all of this for a meaningless affair? I’ve taken none of this lightly – my job, the trust of those I respect, my own code of ethics – I wouldn’t sacrifice those for a fling. Even when I had come to terms with the fact that I was in love with Tyelkormo, I tried as hard as I could to end things, to bring it all to a halt – ”

Nerdanel snorted. “Forgive me if I’m unimpressed by your efforts to do the right thing, when they clearly didn’t work.”

Oromë dropped his eyes again. “I know.”

“And if this isn’t simply an affair, what do you expect from it? For a twenty-four year old kid to settle down and start a life with you, because that’s where you are, even if he isn’t? If he adores you the way I suspect he does, he will try and do what he thinks you want from him, rather than what’s best for him, and that, beyond all this nonsense of you being his coach and mentor, is what worries me.”

Nerdanel’s voice had risen sharply, and her brows had drawn together, her hands clenched in her lap. She was nearly a foot shorter than Oromë, but he felt himself wanting to retreat from her.

He didn’t.

“I have exactly the same concerns,” he said. “I don’t want to rush him into a commitment, or a relationship, that moves faster than what he’s ready for. I don’t want to deprive him of the exploration and experience he deserves to fully have – but I have also learned that I cannot presume to simply do what I think is best for him and push him away. He is young, but he is an adult, and he has made it clear that he has no patience with others making decisions for him. I will not try to convince him to stay with me when it’s clear he needs or wants to move on, but I’m not going to push him away when he’s made it evident he wants to be with me. I always thought I would end up alone,” he said it baldly, admitting something he’d known for years, but rarely said to anyone, “so returning to that state will hardly be a shock for me.” He found that saying it, though he meant the sentiment wholeheartedly, was harder than he’d imagined. The thought of losing Celegorm, of losing that companionship and love, stabbed at him like a knife. “I will accept the gift that is Tyelkormo’s love for as long as it is offered to me, but I will never try to hold him back.”

Nerdanel studied him for a long time, not saying anything. Then she stood. “Thank you, Coach Aldaron, for your time.”

Oromë stood too, rather at a loss. “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

“No.” Nerdanel brushed back a strand of hair that had escaped her severe bun. Nahar saw her moving to the door and clicked eagerly over to see if a walk was being offered. “I’ve gotten what I came for, more or less.”

“What was that?”

“Trying to get some sense of the man my son fell in love with.” Nerdanel met his eyes squarely, and while her expression was still tight, her eyes were less cold. “I’m having to start from scratch, you see, since you are clearly not the man I thought you were. Nevertheless,” she sighed, “I am not laboring under the same delusion my husband is, that you are going to be going anywhere anytime soon. When Tyelko sets his mind on something…” Her eyes fell once again on the picture on the table, at the wild happiness in Celegorm’s laughing face, at the arm he had so tightly wrapped around Oromë’s chest. “I wanted to get some sense of the kind of man you are,” she said again. “Of why he might love you – and if there’s any chance you come close to being deserving of that love.”

“And?” Oromë asked, unable to help himself.

“Too soon to tell,” said Nerdanel, as she turned to leave. “Don’t take this as anything close to receiving my blessing, but,” she added over her shoulder. “I imagine your lawyers will get in touch soon and let you know that the civil suit has been dropped.”

“Your husband – ”

“It will be dropped,” Nerdanel said, with finality. “The university still may do whatever they wish with you, and I will not pretend to hope you keep your job – but it will not go to court.” She laid a hand on Nahar’s head in passing and left, the sun glinting off her hair in the moment before the door closed behind her.

* * *

Celegorm was lounging on his bed, listening with one ear to a baseball game on the radio as he threw a ball against the wall for Huan’s entertainment. Usually Curufin would have stormed into his room by now to demand he be quieter, but he hadn’t heard a whisper from Curufin all day, nor seen more than a glimpse of him in passing. He knew he should probably go try and talk to his brother, but he couldn’t for the life of him think what he would say.

His phone dinged and he reached for it, turning the radio down and dropping the ball into Huan’s eager jaws.

It was Oromë.

Do you still want me to come over?

um the answer to that is always yes

Then I’m on my way.

did those nudes i sent convince you? ;)

I haven’t looked at them yet. But I want to see you, now.

how can u resist looking　 ok just hurry up n soon youll get the real thing anyway. what convinced u then?

Your mother

what　 aw thats sick, dude

I’ll tell you everything when I get there. Tyelko?

yea?

I love you.

i know it

<3

* * *

From: “Irimë” <LOLwen@belrockgym.com>

To: “Makalaurë F.” <mightyvoice@gmail.com>

Subject: Updates from the home front

Hey ho, Makalaure, your dear Aunty L. here,

(Moryo gets creeped out when I refer to myself in the 3 rd person, so I’m doing it as much as possible, as an experiment. Does it creep you out too? Right now I’ve asked three nephews and they all say yea but I think it’s a biased sample.)

I’m writing to catch you up to speed on things back home. I know your big brother has been meaning to email you, but between you and me, the kid looks fried to the bone. Balancing work and going back to school and working shifts at the bar and trying to keep an eye on the rest of the passel of brats…well. If he doesn’t watch himself, he’s going to get some grey streaks in that hair of his I’ve always envied. Sweet Finno is keeping him from keeling over, of course, because Sweet Finno is a gem, and we should all be so lucky.

So here’s the update: Moryo’s staying with me. I don’t know if he’s been in touch with you, but he and Haleth showed up the other day and I had him settled in by the afternoon. God knows I understand the ‘needing some space’ thing, and the ‘needing a change of scene’ thing, and I’ve tried not to pry too much, but I got some of the story out of him and Haleth. Whew. I suppose we always knew that if/when Curvo dove into the dating scene it would be utter rout, but I had no idea he’d plunge straight into this kind of drama. Also: WHAT IS WITH THIS HABIT OF BOFFING COUSINS　 At this point, you’re one of the few in the family who’s managed to resist that urge. Tell Maitimo he’s a dangerous trendsetter.

Right, back to Moryo. He’s doing okay here. He seems to have forgiven me for dating his friend – I suppose he now realizes that there are worse offenses for family to commit! – and we’re buddies again. I have quietly dropped a line to your parents that he’s staying with me – none of the details, just a vague comment about him needing to be away from the chaos of a house full of people to really focus on his studies. It’s a weak story, but I get the feeling they’re preoccupied right now. I’ve heard about Tyelko’s drama, and your father’s explosion over that… Nerdanel made some noises at me about working towards some sort of peace, but I don’t have the latest. I see what they’re getting at and why they’re worked up, but I have to say that most of my reaction to hearing Tyelko is sleeping with Oromë Aldaron was ‘oh man, I have a copy of Sports Illustrated with an interview with him in it!’ That crazy brother of yours could do a lot worse, honestly. The demons are equally excited.

I have no doubt, by the way, that all of you knew about that well before your parents did, and can I just say…I never want to be up against the seven of you working together. You could rule the world, if you’d just stop getting distracted and sleeping with each other’s romantic partners/cousins. Not you, of course, you are a flawless pearl who has boffed no cousins (that I know of) nor nabbed anyone’s lover. Good boy.

I swung by the house earlier to pick up some of Moryo’s things, and it’s eerie over there. So quiet it feels a little dead, just Tyelko and Curvo and neither of them saying much. Tyelko looks a bit weary, and older than he usually does, and Curvo was like stone. He always looks a lot like your dad, but especially when he doesn’t want you to read him. He might as well have been a carving of himself, and even he and Tyelko weren’t interacting much, which is unusual. Your kid brother has never been one for friendly small talk, but I honestly had way more success talking to the dog than to him (that thing is enormous, by the way, has it stopped growing yet　)

I’m sort of curious about what’s going on with my other wayward nephew – you know, the third point on this triangle. I know all of you want to skin Ingo alive, but I’d be interested to hear what on earth he’s thinking right now. Artanis says he hasn’t been home much lately either and I bet you big bucks he’s hiding out with Turno. I’d be a lot more worried about the crazies he’s getting up to if I didn’t know that Turno’s got an eye on him. Sweet Finno for the emotionally exhausted, Dependable Turno for the romantically unstable.

Speaking of Nolofinwions, my buddy who runs the downtown gym swore up and down to me that Irissë punched out some dude in the lobby not too long ago. Do you know anything about this　? If Tyelko was not in some way involved, I will eat my hat (I don’t have a hat). She’s the next one on my ‘to-email-and-harass’ list.

How’s New York? How long are you planning on staying? Nelyo seemed under the impression you’d be home soon, but I told him not to underestimate the power of a new city…

Love,

Lalwen

* * *

dairon@cirth.net: Mags. Where are you?

mightyvoice@gmail.com: Downstairs. Coffee shop. Answering emails etc

dairon@cirth.net: Why aren’t you picking up your phone?

mightyvoice@gmail.com: It’s charging, sorry. Why are you trying to call me?

dairon@cirth.net: Because I have NEWS. Listen, were you planning on staying a while?

mightyvoice@gmail.com: No, I think I need to go to go home this weekend. I have a job I should get back to, and my family, and all that.

dairon@cirth.net: You can’t go.

mightyvoice@gmail.com: Um, sorry?

dairon@cirth.net: You CAN’T, dude, not after yesterday!

mightyvoice@gmail.com: What about it?

dairon@cirth.net: I know we pulled you into the session just because we needed a replacement backing guitarist at the last minute, but my producer played the cut for me today and it’s fucking AMAZING. We’ve never sounded so good.