①见《圣经·路加福音》第七章，第四十四至四十八节。 .9

总之，这个姑娘似乎是一个失足成为妓女的童贞女，又仿佛是一个很容易成为最多情、最纯洁的贞节女子的妓女。在玛格丽特身上还存在着一些傲气和独立性：这两种感情在受了挫伤以后，可能起着与廉耻心同样的作用。我一句话也没有讲，我的灵魂似乎钻到了我的心坎里，而我的心灵又仿佛钻到了我的眼睛里。

“这么说，”她突然又继续说，“在我生病的时候，经常来打听我病况的就是您啦？”

“是的。”

“您知道这可太美啦，我怎么才能感谢您呢？”

“允许我经常来看您就行。”

“您爱什么时候来就什么时候来，下午五点到六点，半夜十一点到十二点都可以。好吧，加斯东，请为我弹一首《邀舞曲》。”

“为什么？”

“一来是为了使我高兴，二来是因为我一个人总是弹不了这首曲子。”

“您在哪一段上遇到困难啦？”

“第三段，有高半音的一节。”

加斯东站起身，坐到钢琴前面，开始弹奏韦伯①的这首名曲，乐谱摊在谱架上。

玛格丽特一手扶着钢琴，眼睛随着琴谱上每一个音符移动，嘴里低声吟唱着。当加斯东弹到她讲过的那一节的时候，她一面在钢琴背上用手指敲打着，一面低声唱道：

“ré、mi、ré、do、ré、fa、mi、ré，这就是我弹不下去的地方，请再弹一遍。”

加斯东又重新弹了一遍，弹完以后，玛格丽特对他说：

“现在让我来试试。”

①韦伯（１７８６—１８２６）：德国作曲家。

她坐到位子上弹奏起来，但是当她那不听使唤的手指弹到那几个音符时又有一个音符弹错了。

“真使人难以相信，”她用一种近乎孩子气的腔调说道，

“这一段我就是弹不好！你们信不信，有几次我就是这样一直弹到深夜两点多钟！每当我想到这个蠢伯爵竟然能不用乐谱就弹得那么好，我就恨透了他，我想我就是为了这一点才恨他的。”

她又开始弹奏了，但仍旧弹不好。

“让韦伯、音乐和钢琴全都见鬼去吧！”她一面说，一面把乐谱扔到了房间的另一头，“为什么我就不会接连弹八个高半音呢？”

她交叉双臂望着我们，一面顿着脚。

她脸涨得通红，一阵轻微的咳嗽使她微微地张开了嘴。

“您看，您看，”普律当丝说，她已经脱下帽子，在镜子前面梳理两鬓的头发，“您又在生气了，这又要使您不舒服了，我们最好还是去吃夜宵吧，我快饿死了。”

玛格丽特又拉了拉铃，然后她又坐到钢琴前弹奏，嘴里曼声低吟着一首轻佻的歌。在弹唱这首歌的时候，她一点也没有出错。

加斯东也会唱这首歌，他们就来了个二重唱。

“别唱这些下流歌曲了，”我带着一种恳求的语气亲切地对玛格丽特说。

“啊，您有多正经啊！”她微笑着对我说，一面把手伸给我。

“这不是为了我，而是为了您呀。”

玛格丽特做了一个姿势，意思是说：呵，我早就跟贞洁绝缘了。

这时纳尼娜进来了。

“夜宵准备好了吗？”玛格丽特问道。

“太太，一会儿就好了。”

“还有，”普律当丝对我说，“您还没有参观过这屋子呢，来，我领您去看看。”

您已经知道了，客厅布置得很出色。

玛格丽特陪了我们一会儿，随后她叫加斯东跟她一起到餐室里去看看夜宵准备好了没有。

“瞧，”普律当丝高声说，她望着一只多层架子，从上面拿下了一个萨克森小塑像，“我还不知道您有这么一个小玩意儿呢。”

“哪一个？”

“一个手里拿着一只鸟笼的小牧童，笼里还有一只鸟。”

“如果您喜欢，您就拿去吧。”

“啊！可是我怕夺了您的好东西。”

“我觉得这个塑像很难看，我本来想把它送给我的女用人；既然您喜欢，您就拿去吧。”

普律当丝只看重礼物本身，并不讲究送礼的方式。她把塑像放在一边，把我领到梳妆间，指着挂在那里的两张细密肖像画对我说，“这就是G伯爵，他以前非常爱玛格丽特，是他把她捧出来的。您认识他吗？”

“不认识。那么这一位呢？”我指着另一幅肖像问道。

“这是小L子爵，他不得不离开了她。”

“为什么？”

“因为他几乎破了产。这又是一个爱过玛格丽特的人！”

“那么她肯定也很爱他罗。”

“这个姑娘脾气古怪，别人永远也不知道她在想些什么。小L子爵要走的那天晚上，她像往常一样到剧场去看戏，不过在他动身的时候，她倒是哭了。”

这时，纳尼娜来了，通知我们夜宵已经准备好了。

当我们走进餐室的时候，玛格丽特倚着墙，加斯东拉着她的手，轻声地在和她说话。

“您疯了，”玛格丽特回答他说，“您很清楚我是不会同意您的，像我这样一个女人，您认识已有两年了，怎么现在才想到要做我的情人呢。我们这些人，要么马上委身于人，要么永远也不。来吧，先生们，请坐吧。”

玛格丽特把手从加斯东手里抽回来，请他坐在她右面，我坐在左面，接着她对纳尼娜说：

“你先去关照厨房里的人，如果有人拉铃，别开门，然后你再来坐下。”

她吩咐这件事的时候，已是半夜一点钟了。

在吃夜宵的时候，大家嬉笑玩乐，狂饮大嚼。过不多久，欢乐已经到了顶点，不时可以听到一些不堪入耳的脏话，这种话在某个圈子里却被认为是很逗乐的，纳尼娜，普律当丝和玛格丽特听了都为之欢呼。加斯东纵情玩乐，他是一个心地善良的青年，但是他的头脑有点糊涂。我一度真想随波逐流，不要独善其身，索性参加到这场如同一盘美肴似的欢乐中去算了。但是慢慢地我就同这场喧闹分离开来了，我停止饮酒，看着这个二十岁的美丽的女人喝酒，她的谈笑粗鲁得就像一个脚夫，别人讲的话越下流，她就笑得越起劲，我心情越来越忧郁了。

然而这样的寻欢作乐，这种讲话和喝酒的姿态，对在座的其他客人们似乎可以说是放荡、坏习气，或者精力旺盛的结果；但在玛格丽特身上，我却觉得是一种忘却现实的需要、一种冲动、一种神经质的激动。每饮一杯香槟酒，她的面颊上就泛起一阵发烧的红晕。夜宵开始时，她咳嗽还很轻微，慢慢地她越咳越厉害，不得不把头仰靠在椅背上，每当咳嗽发作时，她的双手便用力按住胸脯。

她身体孱弱，每天还要过这样的放荡生活，以此折磨自己，我真为她心疼。

后来，我担心的事终于发生了，在夜宵快结束时，玛格丽特一阵狂咳，这是我来到她家里以来她咳得最厉害的一次，我觉得她的肺好像在她胸膛里撕碎了。可怜的姑娘脸涨得绯红，痛苦地闭上了眼睛，拿起餐巾擦着嘴唇，餐巾上随即染上了一滴鲜血，于是她站起身来，奔进了梳妆间。

“玛格丽特怎么啦？”加斯东问。

“她笑得太厉害，咳出血来了，”普律当丝说，“啊，没事，她每天都是这样的。她就要回来的。让她一个人在那儿好啦，她喜欢这样。”

至于我，我可忍不住了，不管普律当丝和纳尼娜非常惊讶地想叫住我，我还是站起身来径自去找玛格丽特。

Chapter 10

THE room in which she had taken refuge was lit by a single candle on a table. Lying back on a large couch, her dress undone, she held one hand on her heart and allowed the other to hang limply. On the table was a silver basin half full of water. The water was mottled with flecks of blood.

Marguerite, extremely pale and with her mouth half open, was trying to catch her breath. At times, her chest swelled in a long, indrawn sigh which, when released, seemed to afford her some slight relief and left her for a few seconds with a feeling of well- being.

I went to her? she did not stir ?sat down and took the hand which was resting on the couch.

'Ah! Is it you?' she said with a smile.

My face must have looked distraught, for she added:

'Aren't you very well either?'

'I'm all right, but how about you? Are you still feeling ill?'

'Not very.' And, with a handkerchief, she wiped away the tears which the coughing had brought to her eyes. 'I'm used to it now.'

'You are killing yourself, ' I said, and there was emotion in my voice. 'I wish I could be your friend, a relative, so that I could stop you harming yourself like this.'

'Ah! There's absolutely no need for you to be alarmed, ' she replied bitterly. 'You can see how well the others look after me. The truth is they know there's nothing anybody can do about what I've got.'

Thereupon, she got to her feet and, taking the candle, set it on the mantelpiece and looked at herself in the mirror.

'How pale I look!' she said, refastening her dress and running her fingers through her dishevelled hair. 'Oh, who cares! Let's go back into supper. Are you coming?'

But I remained seated and did not move.

She realized just how shaken I had been by this scene, for she came up to me and, holding out her hand, she said:

'Don't be silly. Do come.'

I took her hand which I put to my lips, and despite myself I moistened it with a few pent-up tears.

'Well, now! You really are a child!' she said, as she sat down again beside me. 'There, you're crying! What's the matter?'

'I must seem very stupid to you, but what I've just seen has made me feel quite dreadful.'

'You are really very kind! But what do you expect? I can't sleep, I've got to take my mind off things for a while. And anyhow, with girls like me, if there's one more or fewer of us, what difference does it make? The doctors tell me the blood I cough is really only bronchial; I pretend I believe them, it's all I can do for them.'

'Listen, Marguerite, ' I said then, with an effusion which I was unable to check, 'I don't know what sort of influence you might have over my life, but I do know this: at this moment, there is no one, not even my sister, about whom I feel more concerned than you. It's been like that ever since I first saw you. So, in Heaven's name, look after yourself properly, don't go on living as you do.'

'If I looked after myself properly, I'd die. What keeps me going is the pace of the life I lead. In any case, taking care of yourself is all well and good for society ladies who have a family and friends. But women like me are abandoned the moment we're no more use for feeding the vanity or pleasure of our lovers, and then long, empty evenings follow long empty days. I know, believe me. I was in bed for two months; after the first three weeks, no one came to see me any more.'

'I realize that I mean nothing to you, ' I went on, 'but if you wanted, I'd care for you like a brother, I wouldn't leave you and I'd make you better. And then, when you were strong enough, you could go back to the life you lead now, if that's what you wanted; but of this I am sure? you would come to prefer a quiet life which would make you happier and keep you pretty.'

'You may think like that this evening, because the wine has made you sentimental, but you wouldn't have as much patience as you say you have.'

'Let me remind you, Marguerite, that you were ill for two months and during those two months, I called every day to find out how you were.'

'That's true. But why did you never come up?'

'Because I didn't know you then.'

'But whoever observes such niceties with girls like me?'

'One always observes the niceties with any woman; at least, that's what I believe.'

'So you'd look after me?'

'Yes.'

'You'd stay by me every day?'

'Yes.'

'And even every night?'

'For as long as you weren't tired of me.'

'What would you say that was?'

'Devotion.'

'And where does this devotion come from?'

'From an irresistible attraction that draws me to you.'

'In other words you're in love with me? Just say it straight out, it's a great deal simpler.'

'I may be: but if I ever tell you some day that I do, this is not that day.'

'It would be better for you if you never said it.'

'Why?'

'Because there are only two things that can come from such an admission.'

'And they are?'

'Either I turn you down, in which case you will resent me, or I say yes, in which case you won't have much of a mistress; someone who is temperamental, ill, depressed, or gay in a way that is sadder than sorrow itself, someone who coughs blood and spends a hundred thousand francs a year ?which is all very well for a rich old man like the Duke, but it's not much of a prospect for a young man like yourself. And, if it's proof you want, the fact is that all the young lovers I have ever had have never stayed around for very long.'

I did not answer: I listened. Her frankness, which seemed to verge on the confessional, and the dismal life which I half-glimpsed beneath the golden veil that covered its stark reality from which the poor girl sought escape in debauchery, drunkenness and sleepless nights, all made such an impression on me that I could not find a thing to say.

'But come, ' Marguerite continued, 'we're talking foolish nonsense. Give me your hand and let's go back to the diningroom. The others must be wondering what to make of our absence.'

'Go back, if that's what you want, but please let me stay here.'

'Why?'

'Because I can't bear to see you so bright and cheerful.'

'In that case, I'll be sad.'

'Listen, Marguerite, let me tell you something which other men have no doubt told you often, something which the habit of hearing will perhaps prevent you from believing, though it is nonetheless real, something which I shall never say to you again.'

'And this something?' she said, with a smile such as young mothers smile when listening to their child being silly.

' ...is this. From the moment I first saw you, I don't know how or why, you have occupied a place in my life. Though I've tried to drive your image out of my mind, it has always come back. Today, when I met you after two years without seeing you, you took an even stronger hold on my heart and my thoughts. Now you have received me here, now I know you and can see everything that is strange in you, the truth is that you've become indispensable to me, and I shall go out of my mind, not simply if you do not love me, but if you do not let me love you.'

'But, you wretched man, I shall say to you what Madame D used to say: you just be very rich, then! You clearly have no idea that I spend six or seven thousands francs a month, and that spending this much has become necessary for my way of life; can't you see, you poor fool, that I'd ruin you in no time at all? that you family would have you declared unfit to manage your affairs to teach you not to live with creatures like me? Love me, like a good friend, but not otherwise. Come and see me, we'll laugh, we'll talk, but don't go getting ideas about my merits: they are very small. You have a kind heart, you need to be loved, you are too young and too sensitive to live in our world. Find yourself some married woman. You can see I'm a decent sort of girl, and I'm being frank with you.'

'Hello! What on earth are you pair up to? 'cried Prudence, whom we had not heard coming, as she appeared at the bedroom door, her hair half undone and her dress open. In her disordered appearance, I recognized Gaston's handiwork.

'We're having a serious talk, ' said Marguerite, ' leave us for a while, we'll rejoin you shortly.'

'All right, all right, talk away, my children, 'said Prudence, and she left, closing the door as if to reinforce the tone in which she had spoken these last words.

'So it's agreed, 'Marguerite went on, when we were alone, ' you will stop loving me.'

'I shall go away.'

'It's as bad as that?'

I had gone too far to turn back, and besides, this girl overwhelmed me. Her mixture of high spirits, sadness, ingenuousness and prostitution, the very illness which as surely heightened her sensitivity to impressions as it did her nervous reactions ?everything made me see that if, from the outset, I did not gain some hold over her heedless, fickle nature, then she would be lost to me forever.

'So what you are saying is quite serious? ' she said.

'Very serious.'

'But why didn't you tell me all this before?'

'When could I have told you?'

'The day after you were introduced to me at the Opera-Comique.'

'I think you'd have received me very badly if I had come to see you.'

'Why?'

'Because I had behaved stupidly the previous evening.'

'Yes, that's true. But all the same, you were already in love with me then.'

'Yes.'

'None of which prevented you from going home to bed and sleeping very soundly after the play. We all know about great loves of that sort.'

'Now that's where you're wrong. Do you know what I did that evening we met at the Opera-Comique?'

'No. '

'I waited for you outside the entrance to the Cafe Anglais. I followed the carriage which brought you and your friends back here and, when I saw you get out by yourself and go up to your apartment alone, I was very happy.'

Marguerite began to laugh.

'What are you laughing at?'

'Nothing.'

'Tell me, I beg you, or I shall think that you're laughing at me again.'

'You won't be cross?'

'I have no right to be cross.'

'Well, there was a good reason why I should return alone.'

'What was that?'

'There was someone waiting for me here.'

Had she stabbed me with a knife, she could not have hurt me more. I stood up and, offering my hand, said:

'Goodbye.'

'I knew you'd be cross, ' she said. 'Men have a mania for wanting to know things that will upset them.'

'But I assure you, ' I added coldly, as though I had wanted to show that I was cured of my passion for ever, ' I assure you that I am not cross. It was only natural that someone should have been waiting for you, as natural as it is that I should leave here at three in the morning.'

'Have you got someone waiting for you at home too?'