①见《圣经·路加福音》第七章，第四十四至四十八节。 .23

玛格丽特在花园门口等我。

她的眼神显得很忧愁。她一把搂住我，情不自禁地问我：

“你遇到普律当丝了吗？”

“没有。”

“你怎么在巴黎呆了这么久？”

“我收到了父亲的几封信，我必须写回信给他。”

不一会儿，纳尼娜气喘吁吁地进来了。玛格丽特站起身来，走过去和她低声说了几句。

纳尼娜一出去，玛格丽特重新坐到我身旁，握住我的手对我说：

“你为什么骗我？你到普律当丝家里去过了。”

“谁对你说的？”

“纳尼娜。”

“她怎么知道的？”

“她刚才跟着你去的。”

“是你叫她跟着我的吗？”

“是的。你已经有四个月没有离开我了，我想你到巴黎去一定有什么重要原因。我怕你发生了什么不幸，或是会不会去看别的女人。”

“孩子气！”

“现在我放心了，我知道你刚才做了些什么，但是我还不知道别人对你说了些什么。”

我把父亲的来信给玛格丽特看。

“我问你的不是这个，我想知道的是你为什么要到普律当丝家里去。”

“去看看她。”

“你撒谎，我的朋友。”

“那么我是去问她你的马好了没有，你的披肩，你的首饰她还用不用。”

玛格丽特的脸刷地红了起来，但是她没有回答。

“因此，”我继续说，“我也就知道了你把你的马匹、披肩和钻石派了什么用场。”

“那么你怪我了吗？”

“我怪你怎么没有想到向我要你需要的东西。”

“像我们这样的关系，如果做女人的还有一点点自尊心的话，她就应该忍受所有可能的牺牲，也决不向她的情人要钱，否则她的爱情就跟卖淫无异。你爱我，这我完全相信。但是你不知道那种爱我这样女人的爱情有多么脆弱。谁能料到呢？也许在某一个困难或者烦恼的日子里，你会把我们的爱情想象成一件精心策划的买卖。普律当丝喜欢多嘴。这些马我还有什么用？把它们卖了还可以省些开销，没有马我日子一样过，还可以省去一些饲养费，我唯一的要求就是你始终不渝的爱情。即使我没有马，没有披肩，没有钻石，你也一定会同样爱我的。”

这些话讲得泰然自若，我听得眼泪都快流出来了。

“但是，我的好玛格丽特，”我深情地紧握着我情妇的手回答说，“你很清楚，你这种牺牲，我总有一天会知道的，那时我怎么受得了。”

“为什么受不了呢？”

“因为，亲爱的孩子，我不愿意你因为爱我而牺牲你的首饰，哪怕牺牲一件也不行。我同样也不愿意在你感到为难或者厌烦的时候会想到，如果你跟别人同居的话，就不会发生这种情况了。我不愿意你因为跟了我而感到有一分钟的遗憾。几天以后，你的马匹、你的钻石和你的披肩都会归还给你，这些东西对你来说就像空气对生命一样是必不可少的。这也许是很可笑的，但是你生活得奢华比生活得朴素更使我心爱。”

“那么说，你不再爱我了。”

“你疯了！”

“如果你爱我的话，你就让我用我的方式来爱你，不然的话，你就只能继续把我看成一个奢侈成性的姑娘，而老觉得不得不给我钱。你羞于接受我对你爱情的表白。你总是不由自主地想到总有一天要离开我，因此你小心翼翼，唯恐被人疑心，你是对的，我的朋友，但是我原来的希望还不仅于此。”

玛格丽特动了一下，想站起来，我拉住她对她说：

“我希望你幸福，希望你没有什么可以埋怨我的，就这些。”

“那么我们就要分手了！”

“为什么，玛格丽特？谁能把我们分开？”我大声说道。

“你，你不愿让我知道你的景况，你要我保留我的虚荣心来满足你的虚荣心，你想保持我过去的奢侈生活，你想保持我们思想上的差距；你，总之，你不相信我对你的无私的爱情，不相信我愿意和你同甘共苦，有了你这笔财产我们本来可以一起生活得很幸福，但是你宁愿把自己弄得倾家荡产，你这种成见真是太根深蒂固了。你以为我会把你的爱情和车子、首饰相比吗？你以为我会把虚荣当作幸福吗？一个人心中没有爱情的时候可以满足于虚荣，但一旦有了爱情，虚荣就变得庸俗不堪了。你要代我偿清债务，把自己的钱花完，最后你来供养我！就算这样又能维持多长时间呢？两三个月？那时候再依我的办法去生活就太迟了，因为到那时你什么都得听我的，而一个正人君子是不屑于这样干的。现在你每年有八千到一万法郎的年金，有了这些钱我们就能过日子了。我卖掉我多余的东西，每年就会有两千利弗尔的收入。我们去租一套漂漂亮亮的小公寓，两个人住在里面。夏天我们到乡下玩玩，不要住像现在这样的房子，有一间够两个人住的小房间就行了。你无牵无挂，我自由自在，我们年纪还轻，看在上天的份上，阿尔芒，别让我再去过我从前那种迫不得已的生活吧。”

我无法回答，感激和深情的泪水糊住了我的眼睛，我扑在玛格丽特的怀抱之中。

“我原来想，”她接着说，“瞒着你把一切都安排好，把我的债还清，叫人把我的新居布置好。到十月份，我们回到巴黎的时候，一切都已就绪；不过既然普律当丝全都告诉你了，那你就得事前同意而不是事后承认……你能爱我到这般地步吗？”

对如此真挚的爱情是不可能拒绝的，我狂热地吻着玛格丽特的手对她说：

“我一切都听你的。”

她所决定的计划就这样讲定了。

于是她快乐得像发了疯似的，她跳啊、唱啊，为她简朴的新居而庆祝，她已经和我商量在哪个街区寻找房子，里面又如何布置等等。

我看她对这个主意既高兴又骄傲，似乎这样一来我们就可以永不分离似的。

我也不愿意白受她的恩情。

转眼之间我就决定了今后的生活，我把我的财产作了安排，把我从母亲那里得来的年金赠给玛格丽特，为了报答我所接受的牺牲，这笔年金在我看来是远远不够的。

我自己留下了我父亲给我的每年五千法郎津贴，不管发生什么事情，靠它来过日子也足够了。

我瞒着玛格丽特作了这样的安排。因为我深信她一定会拒绝这笔赠与的。

这笔年金来自一座价值六万法郎的房子的抵押费。这座房子我从来也没有看见过。我所知道的只不过是每一季度，我父亲的公证人——我家的一位世交——都要凭我一张收据交给我七百五十法郎。

在玛格丽特和我回巴黎去找房子的那天，我找了这位公证人，问他我要把这笔年金转让给另外一个人我应该办些什么手续。

这位好心人以为我破产了，就询问我作出这个决定的原因。因为我迟早得告诉他我这次转让的受益人是谁，我想最好还是立即如实告诉他。

作为一个公证人或者一个朋友，他完全可以提出不同意见；但他毫无异议，他向我保证他一定尽量把事情办好。

我当然叮嘱他在我父亲面前要严守秘密。随后我回到玛格丽特身边，她在朱利·迪普拉家里等我。她宁愿到朱利家去而不愿意去听普律当丝的说教。

我们开始找房子。我们所看过的房子，玛格丽特全都认为太贵，而我却觉得太简陋。不过我们最后终于取得了一致意见，决定在巴黎最清静的一个街区租一幢小房子，这幢小房子是一座大房子的附属部分，但是是独立的。

在这幢小房子后面还附有一个美丽的小花园，花园四周的围墙高低适宜，既能把我们跟邻居隔开，又不妨碍视线。

这比我们原来希望的要好。

我回家去把我原来那套房子退掉，在这期间，玛格丽特到一个经纪人那儿去了。据她说，这个人曾经为她的一个朋友办过一些她现在去请他办的事。

她非常高兴地又回到普罗旺斯街来找我。这个经纪人同意替她了清一切债务，把结清的帐单交给她，再给她两万法郎，作为她放弃所有家具的代价。

您已经看到了，从出售的价格来看，这个老实人大概赚了他主顾三万多法郎。

我们又欢欢喜喜地回到布吉瓦尔去，继续商量今后的计划。由于我们无忧无虑，特别是我们情深似海，我们总觉得前景无限美好。

一个星期以后，有一天正当我们在吃午饭的时候，纳尼娜突然进来对我说，我的仆人要见我。

我叫他进来。

“先生，”他对我说，“您父亲已经到巴黎来了，他请您马上回家，他在那里等您。”

这个消息本来是再平常不过的事情，但是，玛格丽特和我听了却面面相觑。

我们猜想有大祸临头了。

因此，尽管她没有把我们所共有的想法告诉我，我把手伸给她，回答她说：

“什么也别怕。”

“你尽量早点回来，”玛格丽特吻着我喃喃地说，“我在窗口等你。”

我派约瑟夫去对我父亲说我马上就到。

果然，两小时以后，我已经到了普罗旺斯街。

Chapter 20

MY father was sitting in my drawing-room in his dressing-gown. He was writing.

I knew at once, from the way he looked up at me as I entered, that serious matters were about to be broached.

I went up to him, however, as though I had no inkling of anything from his expression, and I embraced him.

'When did you arrive, father?'

'Last night.'

'And you're putting up here as usual?'

'Yes.'

'I'm so sorry I wasn't here to welcome you.'

I expected that these words would unleash the lecture which my father's cool expression clearly promised. But he did not answer, sealed the letter he had just written, and gave it to Joseph to post.

When we were alone, my father stood up and, leaning against the mantelpiece, said:

'The two of us, my dear Armand, have serious matters to discuss.'

'I'm listening, father.'

'Will you promise to be frank with me?'

'I'm never anything else.'

'Is it true that you are living with a woman named Marguerite Gautier?'

'Yes.'

'Do you know what sort of woman she was?'

'She was a kept woman.'

'Was it on her account that you neglected to come down to see your sister and me this year?'

'Yes, father, I admit it.'

'So you love this woman very much?'

'You can see I do, father, since she made me forget a sacred duty, for which I now humbly ask your pardon.'

Clearly, my father had not been expecting such plain answers, for he appeared to reflect for a moment before saying:

'You must have know, of course, that you couldn't go on living like this forever?'

'I was afraid it might be so, father, but I knew no such thing.'

'But you must have known, ' my father continued in a slightly sharper tone of voice, 'that I would never allow it.'

'I told myself that, as long as I did nothing to prejudice the respect which I owe to your name and the time- honoured probity of the family, then I could behave as I have ?and this went some way to reassuring me about the fears I had.'

Passion arms us against sentiment. I was ready to fight any battle, even against my father, to keep Marguerite.

'Well, the time has come to behave differently.'

'But why, father?'

'Because you are on the point of committing actions which undermine the respect which you say you have for your family.'

'I don't understand what you're saying.'

'Then I'll explain what I said. If you have a mistress, all well and good. If you pay her like any gentleman pays to be loved by a kept woman, even better. But when you neglect your most sacred obligations on her account; when you allow rumours of your scandalous conduct to travel all the way down to my part of the world and cast the shadow of a stain on the honourable name I have given you, then that is something which cannot continue, nor shall it continue.'

'Allow me to say, father, that whoever told you all this about me was badly informed. I am Marguerite Gautier's lover, I live with her: it's really quite simple. I have not given Mademoiselle Gautier the name I received from you. I spend on her no more than my means permit, I haven't run up any debts and I haven't got myself into any of the predicaments which entitle a father to say to his son what you have just said to me.'

'A father is always entitled to turn his son from the ill-considered path on which he sees him set his foot. You have not done anything wrong as yet, but you will.'

'Really, father!'

'Sir, I know life better than you do. Wholly pure sentiments are to be found only in women who are wholly chaste. Every Manon can turn a man into a Des Grieux, and times and manners have changed. It would be pointless if the world grew older without growing wiser. You will leave your mistress.'

'It distresses me to disobey you, father, but that is out of the question.'

'I shall compel you.'

'Unfortunately, father, there aren't any St-Margaret's Islands nowadays where courtesans can be transported, and, even if there were, I should follow Mademoiselle Gautier there if you managed to have her sent away. I'm sorry, it may be wrong of me, but I can be happy only on the condition that I remain her lover.'

'Come, Armand, open your eyes and see your father who has always loved you and who wants only your happiness. Is it honourable for you to live as man and wife with a woman who's been had by everybody?'

'What does it matter, father, if no one else shall have her again? What does it matter if she loves me, if she has been transformed by the love she has for me and the love I feel for her? What can it possibly matter if there has been a spiritual change in her?'

'And do you think, sir, that the mission of a gentleman is to bring about spiritual changes in courtesans? Do you imagine that God has given life so grotesque a purpose, and that a man's heart must have no other zeal than this? How will this miraculous cure end? And what will you make of what you're saying now, when you're forty? You'll laugh at this affair, if you are still able to laugh, if, that is, it hasn't left an indelible mark on your past. Where would you be now if your father had thought as you do, if he'd surrendered his life to the enticements of love instead of setting it unshakeably upon a belief in honour and integrity? Think, Armand, and stop talking nonsense. Come, you shall leave this woman. Your father begs you to.'

I made no reply.

'Armand, ' continued my father, 'in the name of your saintly mother, listen to me: give up this way of life. You will forget it far more quickly than you think and, in any case, you are kept chained to it by a philosophy which is quite absurd. You are twenty-four: think of the future. You won't always be in love with this woman, nor will she love you forever. You have both exaggerated what you feel for each other. You're shutting all the doors to a career. Take one more step, and you'll never be able to get off the path you're on, and you'll regret your misspent youth for the rest of your life. Leave now. Come and stay for a month or two with your sister. Rest and devoted family love will soon cure you of this infatuation, for it is nothing else.

'Meanwhile, your mistress will get over it. She'll take another lover and then, when you see what kind of person almost made you quarrel with your father and forfeit his affection, you will say I was quite right to come and fetch you, and you will bless me for having done so.

'So you will come away, won't you, Armand?'

I felt that my father was right about women in general, but I was convinced that he was wrong about Marguerite. However, he spoke these last words so gently, so beseechingly, that I dared not answer.

'Well?' he said, in a voice heavy with emotion.

'Look, father, I can't promise anything, ' I said at length. 'What you are asking is more than I can do. Please believe me, ' I continued, seeing him stir impatiently, 'you're making too much of the consequences of this affair. Marguerite isn't the kind of girl you think she is. Far from setting me on the wrong road, this love of ours, on the contrary, has the power to nurture the finest sentiments in me. True love always makes a man finer, whatever sort of woman inspires it. If you knew Marguerite, you'd see that there's no risk to me. She is as noble as the noblest women. She is as disinterested as the others are grasping.'

'Though that hasn't stopped her pocketing all your money, for the sixty thousand francs your mother left you, which you want to give her, represents ?and take note of what I'm saying ?all the money you have.'

In all likelihood, my father had kept this peroration as a threat intended to undermine my last defences.

I felt stronger against his threats than against his entreaties.

'Who told you that I was to make the money over to her?' I went on.

'My solicitor. Would any honourable man have drawn up a deed of that kind without letting me know first? Well, it was to prevent you beggaring yourself for the benefit of some loose woman that brought me to Paris. When your mother died, she left you enough to live on decently, but not enough for you to go giving it away to your mistresses.'

'I swear to you, father, Marguerite knew nothing of this deed of gift.'

'Why did you have it drawn up, then?'

'Because Marguerite, the woman you've slandered and want me to give up, has sacrificed everything she owns to live with me.'

'And you have accepted this sacrifice? What sort of man are you, sir, that you will allow a Mademoiselle Marguerite Gautier to make sacrifices for you? But, enough. You will leave this woman. A little while ago, I asked you to; now, I order you to. I will not have such obscenities in my family. Pack your trunks and get ready to come with me.'

'Forgive me, father, ' I said, 'but I shall not leave here.'

'Why not?'

'Because I am now at an age when I don't have to obey orders any more.'

At this, my father turned pale.

'Very well, sir, ' he went on, 'I am clear in my mind what remains to be done.'

He rang.

Joseph appeared.

'Have my trunks sent round to the Hotel de Paris, ' he told my servant. And with these words, he went into his bedroom where he finished dressing.

When he emerged, I went up to him.

'Will you promise me, father, ' I said, 'that you won't do anything to distress Marguerite?'

My father paused, gave me a look of contempt, and merely said:

'I do believe you've taken leave of your senses.'

Thereupon, he stormed out, slamming the door violently behind him.

Then I too left, took a cab and set off for Bougival.

Marguerite was waiting for me at the window.

我父亲穿着晨衣，坐在我的客厅里写信。 从他抬起眼睛看我进去的神情，我立即就知道了他要谈的问题是相当严重的。

但是我装作没有看到，走上前去抱吻了他。

“您是什么时候来的，爸爸？”

“昨天晚上。”

“您还是像过去一样，一下车就到我这里来的吗？”

“是的。”

“我很抱歉没有去接您。”

讲了这几句话以后我就等着父亲的训导，这从他冷冰冰的脸上是看得出来的。但是他什么也不说，封上他刚写好的那封信，交给约瑟夫去寄掉。

当屋子里只剩下我们两人时，父亲站起来，靠在壁炉上对我说：

“亲爱的阿尔芒，我有些严肃的事情要跟你谈谈。”

“我听着，爸爸。”

“你答应我说老实话吗？”

“我从来不说假话。”

“你在跟一个叫做玛格丽特·戈蒂埃的女人同居，这是真的吗？”

“真的。”

“你知道这是一个什么样的女人吗？”

“一个妓女。”

“就是为了她，你今年才忘了来看你妹妹和我两个人吗？”

“是的，爸爸，我承认。”

“那么你很爱这个女人罗？”

“这您看得很清楚，爸爸，正是由于她才使我没有尽到一个神圣的义务，所以我今天来向您请罪。”

我父亲无疑没有料到我会这样爽快地回答他，因为他似乎考虑了一会儿，后来他对我说：

“你难道真不知道你是不能一直这样生活下去的吗？”“我曾经有过这样的担心，爸爸，但是我不知道为什么。”

“可是你应该知道，”我父亲用一种比较生硬的语气继续说，“我是不会允许你这样做的。”

“我想只要我不败坏门风，玷辱家誉，我就可以像我现在这样过日子，正是这些想法才使我稍许安心了些。”

爱情在和感情作激烈的对抗，为了保住玛格丽特，我准备反抗一切，甚至反抗我父亲。

“那么现在是改变你生活方式的时候了。”

“啊，为什么呢？爸爸。”