I remembered the first time I read that novel.
我想起了我第一次读那本小说的情景。
A really stuffy, boring hospital's ward. A single PC located in its lobby.
一个非常闷热、无聊的医院病房，大厅里只有一台个人电脑。
When I stood in line to have a go at it, a gentleman wearing a fedora stepped aside for me. The computer screen at the time was showing the webnovel platform that enjoyed visiting.
当我排队准备试一试时，一位头戴软呢帽的绅士走到一边为我让路。当时的电脑屏幕上显示的是喜欢访问的webnovel平台。
I dazedly stared at the screen before inputting the keywords. I might have inserted three or so words, but couldn't quite remember what I typed back then. However, I still remembered what I was thinking of back then. The mechanical pencil leads strewn about on the classroom floor, the indigo-hued skies extending far beyond outside the windows.
在输入关键字之前，我茫然地盯着屏幕。我可能插入了三个左右的单词，但是不太记得当时我输入了什么。然而，我仍然记得当时我在想什么。机械铅笔芯散落在教室的地板上，靛蓝色的天空远远地延伸到窗外。
What I could tell for sure was that my hands, used to open the classroom window, had typed something and that lead me to discover that novel.
我可以肯定的是，我用来打开教室窗户的手，打出了一些东西，让我发现了那本小说。
⸢Three Ways to Survive in a Ruined World⸥
在毁灭的世界中生存的三种方法
Through that story, I survived.
通过这个故事，我活了下来。
⸢He was definitely not at fault for this story being born⸥
这个故事的诞生绝对不是他的错
I felt sick inside. I couldn't fight against the dizziness and collapsed on the floor. The texts before my eyes were blurry and hard to see.
我内心感到恶心。我无法克制头昏眼花，瘫倒在地板上。我眼前的文字模糊不清，难以看清。
⸢Han Su-Yeong was tls123.⸥
韩素英123岁
While panting heavily, I lay unmoving on the floor for a long time. Only the same exact question continued to swirl around in my head - the question of "But, why?"
我气喘吁吁地躺在地板上很长一段时间，一动不动。只有同样的问题一直在我的脑海中盘旋——“但是，为什么呢?”
⸢Why, for someone like me?⸥
为什么，为了像我这样的人
I remained collapsed for a while. I thought I cried, too. However, no matter how I thrashed and screamed and sobbed, the already-written sentences couldn't be changed. Han Su-Yeong had to spend 13 years of life just for me, and helped me live by crafting sentences literally carved out of her. And then, she was extinguished.
我还是昏倒了一会儿。我以为我也哭了。然而，无论我怎样痛苦、尖叫、抽泣，已经写好的句子还是不能改变。韩素妍不得不为了我度过了13年的生命，并帮助我生活，从字面上刻出她的句子。然后，她被熄灭了。
⸢Kim Dok Ja⸥
金道子
[The 4th Wall] was calling out to me. I quietly listened to the next words.
第四堵墙在向我呼唤，我静静地听着下一句话。
⸢Y o u sho uld r e a d⸥
你应该学习
I gingerly stood back up. My reflection on the windows was a complete mess. It'd be hard to call my body an adult's anymore. My height had decreased a lot, and my face had gotten younger, too. The coat I wore no longer fit me. I stared at that face for a long time, before taking the coat off for good.
我小心翼翼地站了起来。我在窗户上的倒影完全是一团糟。我的身体已经很难称得上是成年人的了。我的身高下降了很多，我的脸也变年轻了。我穿的外套不再合身了。我盯着那张脸看了很长时间，然后永远地脱掉了外套。
"….How many years has it been?"
“......多少年了?”
⸢Ear th's ti me h a s no mea ning he re⸥
这个时间不意味着他回来了
I understood what that meant.
我明白这意味着什么。
This subway was the location where the 'Most Ancient Dream' had his dreams. So, the time of other world-lines couldn't measure the 'time' flowing within this train.
这个地铁站就是“最古老的梦想”发生的地方。因此，其他世界线的时间无法测量这列火车内流动的“时间”。
In all honesty, I had completely lost all sense of time after entering this train, anyway.
老实说，进入这列火车后，我已经完全丧失了时间感。
"Even then, there should still be this thing called perceived time, right?"
“即便如此，还是应该有一种叫做感知时间的东西，对吧?”
⸢Ar ound 21763 y e a r s⸥ "It's not as long as I thought. I'm still way younger than the 'Secretive Plotter', right?"
到了21763年，他说:“并没有我想象的那么长。我比“秘密策划者”年轻多了，对吧?”
⸢St ill a li ttle r un t⸥
我一点也不害怕
I heard [The 4th Wall] cackle away. If it wasn't for this guy's presence here, I'd have gone insane a long time ago.
我听见[第四道墙]咯咯地笑了起来。如果不是这家伙在这里，我早就发疯了。
Along with the 'Pah-sususu' noise, the tip of my pinky decreased a little.
伴随着“Pah-sususu”的声音，我小指的尖端有所下降。
Since when did this start from, I wondered. I didn't do anything, yet my body continued to grow smaller. Well, if I were to be more specific, it wasn't really 'I didn't do anything', though.
从什么时候开始，我想知道。我什么也没做，但是我的身体还是越来越小。好吧，如果我说得更具体一点，那就不是真的‘我什么都没做’了。
"….Will I keep getting smaller?" I stared at the crumbs of Fables drifting away outside the windows and asked. "Where are those Fables going off to, anyway?"
“我还会变小吗?”我盯着窗外飘落的寓言故事的碎片问道。“话说回来，那些寓言要去哪儿呢?”
⸢To uni ver se's sub con scious ness⸥
直面自己的潜意识
"And where is that?"
“那是哪里?”
⸢In a wor ld-li ne y o u ar en't con sci ous of⸥
在一个世界里，没有任何事情是不可能的
The role of the 'Most Ancient Dream' was to imagine all of the world-lines. Even if I wasn't conscious of it, my subconsciousness was still continuously watching the world-lines.
“最古老的梦”的作用是想象世界上所有的线条。即使我没有意识到，我的潜意识仍然在不断地观察着这个世界。
⸢Tho se Fables wi ll be reb orn as ano ther Kim Dok Ja⸥
所有的寓言都会变成另一个金道子
"As another Kim Dok-Ja?"
“作为另一个金道子?”
⸢Me ta phor ica lly spea king its li ke th at⸥
我真的可以说出它的样子
I thought I could understand what [The 4th Wall] was saying.
我以为我能听懂第四道墙在说什么。
Fables were streaming beyond the galaxies to head towards another world-line.
传说正在穿越星系，奔向另一条世界线。
Those Fables were, in essence, 'me'.
那些寓言本质上就是“我”。
Just like the 49% version of me living along with my companions somewhere in the 1864th regression turn, my fragments could very well be reborn as 'Kim Dok-Ja' in a world-line somewhere out there.
就像在1864年回归转折中，49%的我和我的同伴一起生活在某个地方，我的碎片很可能会以“金道子”的身份在某个地方的世界线中重生。
"If it's only that little, I think it'll be a bit of a push to call that guy 'Kim Dok-Ja'. I mean, he won't be the same as me with such a small fragment."
“如果只是那么一点点，我认为把那个家伙叫做‘金道子’有点过了。我的意思是，他不会像我一样有这么小的碎片。”
⸢Y o u mi ght be ri ght⸥
你会没事的
An existence that might have a different name and face to me. Even then, that existence would come to life and start imagining the universe. He'd be moved after reading the story, and then, stare at the world-line.
一个对我来说可能有不同名字和面孔的存在。即便如此，这种存在也会活过来，并开始想象宇宙。他读完这个故事后会被感动，然后，盯着世界线。
And just like that, he'd maintain this universe.
就这样，他维持了这个宇宙。
"…..I see."
“我明白了。”
Somehow, I thought I could understand the principle of this universe just a little.
不知怎么的，我觉得我能稍微理解这个宇宙的原理。
I pressed my crumbling fingers against the window. When I did, the rate of crumbling began accelerating.
我用我破碎的手指紧贴着窗户，当我这样做的时候，破碎的速度开始加快。
⸢If y o u do th at⸥ "This is my way of atoning for this story."
如果你这样做“这是我为这个故事赎罪的方式。”
Not just from my fingers, but the Fables began scattering away little by little from the shoulders as well as my legs, too.
不仅仅是我的手指，寓言也开始一点一点地从我的肩膀和腿上散开。
The scattered Fables would fly around in the universe and become sentences that go on to support this universe from somewhere.
散落的寓言将在宇宙中飞来飞去，并成为句子，继续支持这个宇宙从某个地方。
⸢To say that, though you have grown up while reading this story, there's no need for you to become it.⸥
这么说吧，虽然你是在阅读这个故事的过程中长大的，但你没有必要成为这样的人
That's what the author of the 'Ways of Survival', Han Su-Yeong said.
这就是《生存之道》的作者韩素英所说的。
I had clearly heard her. Even then, I couldn't heed her words.
我清楚地听到了她的话，即使那样，我也不能理会她的话。
How could I make any other choice when looking at such a story?
看着这样一个故事，我怎么能做出其他的选择呢？
When I closed my eyes, the overview of the entire universe would get drawn inside my head.
当我闭上眼睛的时候，整个宇宙的概貌就会在我的脑海中勾勒出来。
Han Su-Yeong wrote the story.
韩素英写了这个故事。
Yu Jung-Hyeok lived that story.
余正赫就经历过这样的故事。
And, I read that very story.
然后，我就读了这个故事。
And that's how this world barely managed to reach its completion.
这就是为什么这个世界几乎没有完成它的原因。
⸢"Dok-Ja-ssi."⸥
“ Dok-Ja-ssi。”
Because this tragedy existed, I got to meet certain people.
因为这个悲剧的存在，我遇到了一些人。
Someone was able to get saved, too.
有些人也得到了救赎。
⸢Kim Dok-Ja stared into the universe with no visible end.⸥
金道子凝视着没有可见尽头的宇宙
And now, I knew what my future was like. Every time I read something, I'd crumble away. My crumbling Fables would scatter to countless world-lines out there and become the 'gaze' that maintained this universe.
现在，我知道我的未来是什么样的了。每次我读到一些东西，我都会崩溃。我那摇摇欲坠的寓言散落在无数的世界线上，成为维系这个宇宙的“凝视”。
I would lose all of my memories, and lose everything that I hold dear. And in the end, only the desire to see the 'next story' would remain in me.
我会失去所有的记忆，失去我所珍视的一切。最后，只有看到下一个故事的渴望会留在我的心里。
But, without that desire, this universe couldn't continue.
但是，如果没有这种渴望，这个宇宙就不能继续下去。
This universe could only continue telling its story as long as someone was looking at it.
这个宇宙只有在有人注视它的时候才能继续讲述它的故事。
Being stuck and unmoving in this universe meant death.
在这个宇宙中停滞不前意味着死亡。
Tsu-chuchuchu….
楚楚..。
The countless 'me' divided into particles continued to spread out to the numerous world-lines out there. The rate of the Fable's scattering continued to hasten.
分裂成粒子的无数“我”继续扩散到外面无数的世界线。这部寓言的散落速度继续加快。
"If I forget about everything… I won't feel this pain anymore, right?"
“如果我忘记了一切......我就不会再感到这种痛苦了，对吗?”
⸢Y o u wo nt re mem ber any th ing af ter all⸥
你不会再回忆起这一切
To someone who even lost the traces of his loss, no such thing as 'loss' existed.
对于一个甚至失去了失去的痕迹的人来说，根本不存在所谓的“失去”。
While picking up the smartphone rolling around on the floor, I spoke up. "….Will I have enough time to read it one more time, I wonder?"
我一边拿起地上滚动的智能手机，一边大声说话。”我想知道我是否有足够的时间再读一遍?”
I opened the file for the 'Ways of Survival', and scrolled up past the [Author's words] that I had to read with great difficulty.
我打开“生存之道”的文件夹，滚动过去(作者的文字)，我费了很大的劲才读完。
⸢Three Ways to Survive in a Ruined World.⸥
在毁灭的世界中生存的三种方法
I started reading this novel from the very beginning.
我从一开始就开始读这本小说。
I read Yu Jung-Hyeok's 3rd turn. Some stories, I already knew. While some others felt brand new to me.
