The King of Wanderers smiled slightly at my words. “It has been a long time? I saw you last time.”
流浪者之王听了我的话，微笑着说:“好久不见了，上次见过你。”
“We just passed by each other at the time.”
“我们当时只是擦肩而过。”
So far, I had seen the King of Wanderers twice. The first was when Han Sooyoung and I destroyed Song Minwoo and the second was when the Disaster of Floods was killed.
到目前为止，我已经见过流浪者之王两次了。第一次是我和韩淑英摧毁宋民宇的时候，第二次是洪水灾害死亡的时候。
This was the third time…
这是第三次了..。
The King of Wanderers slowly took off her mask. As expected, it was her face.
流浪者之王慢慢地摘下了她的面具，果然是她的脸。
I asked, “When did you get out?”
我问:“你什么时候出来的?”
“A little while ago.”
“不久前。”
We looked at each other for a moment. My mother and I didn’t look alike. No matter how hard I looked, it was only a face in the late 30s. When I was a child, I often heard that she looked like my older cousin. Of course, that was when I still had my father.
我们对视了一会儿。我母亲和我长得不像。不管我怎么仔细看，那只是一张30多岁的脸。当我还是个孩子的时候，我经常听说她长得像我的表姐。当然，那时我还有我的父亲。
“Did you live in Seoul?”
“你住在首尔吗?”
She replied, “I came to meet someone I knew.”
她回答说:“我来见一个我认识的人。”
“Then you were accidentally caught in the Seoul Dome?”
“然后你不小心被困在了首尔圆顶体育馆?”
“Yes.”
“是的。”
“You have been released. Why are you wearing the prison uniform?”
“你已经被释放了，为什么还穿着囚服?”
“Let’s see? Perhaps it is out of a desire for atonement?”
“让我想想，也许是出于赎罪的愿望?”
“…Atonement? You?”
“...赎罪?你?”
“Every human is a prisoner. They have their own prison.”
“每个人都是囚犯，他们有自己的监狱。”
I stared at my mother. That shameless tone… She really hadn’t changed. She told me, “Can’t you say any words of thanks? You would’ve had a harder time without me.”
我盯着母亲。那种无耻的语气...她真的没有改变。她告诉我:“你就不能说点感谢的话吗？没有我，你会过得更艰难。”
…Certainly, she helped. My mother led her forces north to the disaster. It was great, no matter how weak the disaster. In fact, I believed that she would do it properly. I hated my mother but I also knew my mother well.
...当然，她帮了忙。我的母亲率领她的军队北上到达灾区。这是伟大的，不管多么微弱的灾难。事实上，我相信她会做得很好。我恨我的母亲，但我也很了解我的母亲。
“You are meeting your mother but you don’t seem happy.”
“你正在见你的母亲，但你看起来并不快乐。”
“Do you really want that?”
“你真的想那样吗?”
“A little bit.”
“一点点。”
[The exclusive skill ‘Lie Detection Lv. 1’ is activated.]
[独家技能‘测谎第1卷’被激活。]
[You have confirmed that the statement is false.]
你已经证实了这个说法是错误的
How funny. I knew it was a lie but I still had to check. I said, “You have survived. You are a great survivor.”
真有趣。我知道这是个谎言，但我还是得查清楚。我说:“你活下来了。你是一个伟大的幸存者。”
“It is thanks to the story you told me.”
“多亏了你告诉我的那个故事。”
“…I guess so.”
“我想是的。”
“You are the only one who came to the prison to see me and told me about the novel you read.”
“你是唯一一个来监狱看我并告诉我你读的小说的人。”
That was correct. I never had a proper conversation with my mother during all the times I visited her at the prison. I only talked about Ways of Survival. Once I became tired of it, I stopped visiting. “I didn’t have anything else to say apart from the novel.”
这是正确的。在我去监狱探望我母亲的所有时间里，我从来没有和她进行过一次正式的谈话。我只谈论了生存之道。一旦我厌倦了，我就不再去拜访了。“除了这本小说，我没有别的可说的了。”
“How can that be?”
“这怎么可能?”
“The novel was all I had.”
“那本小说是我的全部。”
An image of the past came to mind before disappearing. If there hadn’t been Ways of Survival or the author who wrote the story, perhaps I wouldn’t be in this world right now. This story was the only comfort to the Kim Dokja who didn’t have a mother or a father.
过去的影像在消失之前浮现在脑海中。如果没有《生存之道》或者这个故事的作者，也许我现在就不会在这个世界上了。这个故事是唯一的安慰金Dokja谁没有母亲或父亲。
My mother muttered, “It is at most a fantasy novel…”
我母亲喃喃自语道:“这充其量只是一部幻想小说......”
“In the end, you survived thanks to that novel.”
“最后，多亏了那本小说，你才活了下来。”
We stared silently at each other for a moment.
我们默默地注视了对方一会儿。
[The constellation ‘Prisoner of the Golden Headband’ is looking at you with excited eyes.] [The constellation Secretive Plotter is looking at you with strange eyes.] [The constellation Demon-like Judge of Fire is watching you with sad eyes.]
[星座‘金发囚徒’正兴奋地看着你。][神秘的星座密谋者正用奇怪的眼神看着你。][像恶魔一样的火之审判者用悲伤的眼神看着你。]
I was the one who broke the silence first. “What attributes did you get? It might be related to the novel I told you.”
是我先打破沉默的。“你得到了什么属性？这可能与我告诉你的那本小说有关。”
“Should I tell you?”
“我应该告诉你吗?”
“Yes, if you still think of me as your child.”
“是的，如果你还把我当作你的孩子的话。”
“I wonder if you think of me as your mother.”
“我不知道你是否把我当作你的母亲。”
“A little bit.”
“一点点。”
[The character ‘Lee Sookyung’ has used ‘Lie Detection Lv. 1’.] [‘Lee Sookyung’ has confirmed that the statement is false.]
[“李秀珍”这个角色使用了“测谎吕1”。][“李秀珍”已经证实这个说法是错误的。]
Dammit. My mother already had this skill. There was a hint of sorrow in my mother’s expression. I had no way of knowing if it was acting or not.
该死。我母亲已经拥有这种技能。我母亲的表情中有一丝悲伤。我不知道它是不是在演戏。
She asked, “Are you still holding a grudge against me?”
她问:“你还对我怀恨在心吗?”
“I’m not here to talk about that.”
“我不是来谈这个的。”
“Your father was the bad guy.”
“你父亲是个坏人。”
“I know.”
“我知道。”
There were certainly ‘bad people’ in this world. One type used violence against their wives, illegally gambled and threatened their family’s livelihood.
这个世界上肯定有‘坏人’。一种是对妻子使用暴力，非法赌博，威胁家庭生计。
My father was a bad person. I knew it, my mother knew it and South Korea’s laws said it. However… “Your actions weren’t right just because my father was a bad person.”
我父亲是个坏人。我知道，我母亲也知道，韩国法律也是这么说的。然而......“你的行为并不正确，仅仅因为我父亲是个坏人。”
“There are things we have to sacrifice for a better life.”
“为了更好的生活，我们不得不牺牲一些东西。”
“There is no such law in South Korea. There is a law that any human who commits murder should go to prison.”
“韩国没有这样的法律。有一条法律规定，任何犯下谋杀罪的人都应该进监狱。”
“You are good at speaking because you only read novels.”
“你擅长演讲，因为你只读小说。”
“For me, reality was more like a novel. Because of you.”
“对我来说，现实更像是一部小说。因为你。”
At this point, it already wasn’t a normal conversation between mother and son. This was why I didn’t want to talk to her. I knew what would happen when we talked. We knew too much about how to hurt each other.
在这一点上，这已经不是一个母亲和儿子之间的正常对话。这就是我不想和她说话的原因。我知道我们谈话的时候会发生什么。我们太了解如何伤害彼此了。
I changed the topic. “Do you know why I am looking for you?”
我换了个话题，“你知道我为什么找你吗?”
“Let’s see?”
“让我们看看?”
“I can tell when you are lying so stop beating around the bush.”
“我知道你什么时候在撒谎，所以别拐弯抹角了。”
My mother smiled lightly.
母亲轻轻地笑了笑。
“You have prisoner no. 406? Lend the grandmother to me.”
“你们有406号囚犯?把祖母借给我吧。”
“…Wouldn’t it be better to take the incarnation with Jeon Woochi as a sponsor than this grandmother? I have many useful incarnations.”
“......难道接受全宇基的化身作为赞助人不比接受这位祖母更好吗？我有很多有用的化身。”
“Jeon Woochi is Mother’s companion. Besides, the grandmother will be more help.”
“JeonWoochi是妈妈的同伴，而且奶奶也会帮忙。”
My mother stared at me for a moment before nodding. “Certainly, she might be useful because of the opponents. By the way, how do you know the sponsor of No. 406?”
妈妈盯着我看了一会儿，然后点了点头。“当然，由于反对者的存在，她可能会发挥作用。顺便问一下，你怎么知道406号的赞助商?”
“I can’t say.”
“我不能说。”
“Do you have a skill to see sponsors?”
“你有能力见到赞助商吗?”
I couldn’t say anything to my mother. “Are you going to lend her to me?”
我什么也不能对妈妈说，“你要把她借给我吗?”
“I’ll lend her. Instead…”
“我会把她借给你。相反......”
I was a bit afraid of what she would say next. My mother would probably suggest a deal I couldn’t imagine at all. She said with a faint smile, “Next time, introduce me to your friends.”
我有点害怕她接下来会说什么。我母亲可能会建议一个我完全无法想象的交易。她淡淡地笑着说:“下次把我介绍给你的朋友吧。”
I was stunned and couldn’t pick my next words.
我惊呆了，不知道接下来该说什么。
…Shit. It was a perfect blow. My mother was the best at making bad people worse.
...妈的。这是一个完美的打击。我的母亲是最好的，使坏人变得更坏。
“Dokja. Look straight at reality. Even if fiction becomes reality, you shouldn’t think of fiction as reality.”
“Dokja。直视现实。即使虚构变成了现实，你也不应该把虚构当成现实。”
[The exclusive skill, ‘Fourth Wall’ is shaking violently!]
[《第四道墙》的独家技巧是剧烈地晃动!]
I only heard a few words but my entire world seemed to shake. I knew for sure. To this, this person was the strongest reminder of the ‘reality’ I hated.
我只听到了几句话，但我的整个世界似乎都在颤抖。我很确定。对此，这个人是最强烈的提醒我讨厌的现实。
“Do you understand?”
“你明白吗?”
[The stigma ‘Self-Rationalization Lv. 1′ is activated.’
“自我合理化吕1”的耻辱被激活了
Disgusting. Now she wanted to act like a mother. Too many rivers had been crossed to go back now.
真恶心。现在她想表现得像一个母亲。现在已经有太多的河流被跨越回去了。
[The exclusive skill, ‘Fourth Wall’s’ shaking has subsided.]
[独一无二的技巧，‘第四面墙’的震动已经消退。]
I couldn’t bear it anymore and stood up. “That’s right. I think that fiction is like reality. Why? It is because I have always been living that way.”
我再也受不了了，站了起来。“没错。我认为小说就像现实。为什么？这是因为我一直都是这样生活的。”
“…”
“ ... ”
“Maybe it seems pathetic to you. However, know this. At least I didn’t sell ‘reality as fiction’ like you did.”
“也许你觉得这很可悲。但是，你要知道，至少我没有像你那样把‘现实当成虚构’。”
I left the tent with these last words. Cool air entered my coat’s collar and reached my body. I looked in front of me and saw the slightly startled Yoo Sangah.
我离开帐篷时说了最后几句话。凉爽的空气进入我大衣的领子，到达我的身体。我向前看了看，看到了略显吃惊的刘尚雅。
“I-I’m sorry… Dokja-ssi was late…”
“对不起......Dokja-ssi迟到了......”
It was difficult. No, rather than difficult… It was shameful.
这是困难的，不，不是困难，而是可耻的。
“Did you hear everything?”
“你都听到了吗?”
Yoo Sangah bowed her head in a deep apology. The crown of her head could be seen.
刘尚雅低下头，深深地道歉。她的头顶清晰可见。
I eventually sighed. “Would you like to take a walk?”
最后我叹了口气，“你想出去走走吗?”
We walked along the platform of Yongsan Station. It was definitely a cold wind but the temperature changed when it touched my cheeks. There wasn’t time to wash my hair but a nice fragrance floated from Yoo Sangah’s hair.
我们沿着YongsanStation站台走着。那肯定是一阵冷风，但是当它碰到我的脸颊时，温度就变了。我没有时间洗头发，但是刘尚雅的头发散发出一股清香。
I asked, “How is your hangover?”
我问:“你的宿醉怎么样了?”
“It’s okay. By the way, I heard that you carried me on your back. I’m sorry. I troubled you.”
“没关系。顺便说一下，我听说你把我背在背上。对不起。我打扰你了。”
“It was because you were looking after me.”
“那是因为你在照顾我。”
We were silent for a moment before I opened my mouth. “Do you think it is strange? Why are a mother and son talking like that?”
我们沉默了片刻，我才开口说话。“你觉得奇怪吗？为什么一对母子会这样说话?”
“That’s not true.”
“不是这样的。”
She was lying. It was extremely strange.
她在撒谎，这太奇怪了。
“Do you want to know?”
“你想知道吗?”
Yoo Sangah’s eyes shook for a moment. “…If you don’t mind.”
刘尚雅的眼睛颤抖了一下。“......如果你不介意的话。”
I smiled bitterly. Yes, now was the time to talk. I took a deep breath before saying with exaggerated tone. “My mother killed my father.”
我苦笑了一下。是的，现在是谈话的时候了。我深吸了一口气，然后用夸张的语气说。“我母亲杀了我父亲。”
Strangely, my words sounded ridiculous. I spoke like it was someone else’s story.
奇怪的是，我的话听起来很荒谬，我说得好像这是别人的故事。
“She went to prison for her sin.”
“她为自己的罪行进了监狱。”
I continued speaking.
我继续说着。
“My father… it is shameful to say this but he is someone meant to die. Domestic violence, gambling, guarantor… my mother and I lived in fear every day. There wasn’t a single day without bruises. I was sometimes hit. Then one day, my mother made up her mind and it happened.”
“我的父亲......这么说很可耻，但他是注定要死的人。家庭暴力，赌博，担保人......我和妈妈每天都生活在恐惧之中。没有一天是没有瘀伤的。我有时会被打。后来有一天，我母亲下了决心，这件事就发生了。”
“Ah…”
“啊......”
“I thought it was quite well-known at the company. Yoo Sangah-ssi didn’t know?”
“我觉得这在公司很有名。柳善西不知道吗?”
There was no answer from Yoo Sangah. She realized with the benefit of hindsight that she had touched a wound she shouldn’t have touched.
刘尚雅没有回答。事后她意识到自己触碰了一个本不该触碰的伤口。
“Do you feel even stranger now? It is legally wrong but you don’t understand why I hate my mother.”
“你现在感觉更奇怪了吗?这在法律上是错误的，但你不明白我为什么恨我的母亲。”
“No! I’m not Dokja-ssi so I don’t fully understand…”
“不!我不是Dokja-ssi，所以我不完全明白......”
“Honestly, do you think I should forgive her?”
“老实说，你认为我应该原谅她吗?”
Yoo Sangah couldn’t say anything. It couldn’t be helped. The touched wound had already burst.
刘尚雅什么也说不出来，情不自禁，感动的伤口已经裂开了。
There was an awkward silence before I spoke again. “Do you know the book called the Underground Killer? It was previously on the Kyobo bestsellers list.”
一阵尴尬的沉默之后，我才开口说话。“你知道《地下杀手》这本书吗？这本书之前曾登上过Kyobo畅销书榜。”
Talk about a book emerged all of a sudden. Yoo Sangah thought the previous topic was closed and replied awkwardly, “I think I’ve heard of it. Wasn’t it an amazing bestseller?”
关于一本书的讨论突然出现了。刘尚雅认为之前的话题已经结束，尴尬地回答说:“我想我听说过。这不是一本令人惊叹的畅销书吗?”
“It was an essay written by an abused woman in prison after she killed her husband. It was praised by critics at the time. They said that a Korean version of Notes from Underground had come out. Of course, it was completely overrated.”
“这是一个在监狱里受虐待的女人杀了她的丈夫后写的一篇文章。当时，它受到了评论家们的赞扬。他们说韩国版的《地下音符》已经出来了。当然，这完全被高估了。”
Yoo Sangah’s face suddenly darkened. She had noticed. I hadn’t changed the topic at all.
刘尚雅的脸色突然变了，她已经注意到了，我根本没有改变话题。
“That’s right. My mother wrote it.”
“没错，是我妈妈写的。”
Yoo Sangah’s lips dropped open.
刘尚雅的嘴唇张开。
“I still remember the time a bunch of reporters waited in front of my house. They kept asking me if the essay was real.”
“我还记得有一次，一群记者在我家门口等我。他们一直问我这篇文章是不是真的。”
“…”
“ ... ”
“I remember everything my classmates said. They told me that my mother made money by selling murder.”
“我记得同学们说的每一句话。他们告诉我，我妈妈靠贩卖谋杀案赚钱。”
“Dokja-ssi…”
“ Dokja-ssi... ... ”
“My relatives also said this. My mother is a murderer. How dare she slip her face into the newspapers?”
“我的亲戚也这么说。我的母亲是个杀人犯。她怎么敢把自己的脸露在报纸上?”
Yoo Sangah wanted to say something but I kept going.
YooSangah想说点什么，但我继续说。
“It was a bit hard because of this. No, it was hard for a long time.”
“因为这个，有点难。不，很长一段时间都很难。”
“…”
“ ... ”
“I could bear to be the child of a murderer. However, it is different to be sold as a story. It is a different matter when my life was turned into money by someone.”
“我可以忍受做一个杀人犯的孩子。然而，作为一个故事出售是不同的。当我的生活被某人变成了金钱，那就是另一回事了。”
I looked at the sky. It wasn’t night but I was more certain than ever that the distant constellations were watching me. Perhaps this story was meant for them as well.
我看着天空。虽然不是夜晚，但我比以往任何时候都更加确信，遥远的星座正在注视着我。也许这个故事也是为他们准备的。
However, no constellations sent me coins. Should I be glad? I didn’t know.
然而，没有星座给我寄来硬币。我应该高兴吗?我不知道。
“Do you still think that I should forgive my mother?”
“你还认为我应该原谅我的母亲吗?”
I didn’t want an answer. I didn’t want her to understand in the first place. Maybe this was the ugliest form of violence I could do against Yoo Sangah, who grew up in a well-off family. It was an arbitrary display of unhappiness forced onto someone who would never understand.
我不需要答案。我一开始就不想让她明白。也许这是我能对刘尚雅做的最丑陋的暴力形式，他在一个富裕的家庭长大。这是一种武断地将不快乐强加于一个永远不会理解的人身上的表现。
