Translator: Rainbow Turtle
翻译:彩虹龟
My mother was silent for a moment. The silence cheered me up a bit. The fact that my mother expected me to love her and the idea that I could hurt her feelings excited me.
母亲沉默了一会儿。沉默使我高兴了一点。事实上，我的母亲希望我爱她，我可能会伤害她的感情，这让我很兴奋。
However, my mother spoke in a tone that sounded like she had expected it. “Hrmm, I see.”
然而，我母亲说话的语气听起来好像她已经预料到了。“哈，我明白了。”
“…”
“ ... ”
“I still wanted to try it. It could’ve ended your fate. In any case, you still have a lot of lives left.”
“我还是想试试。它本可以结束你的命运。无论如何，你还有很多人生可以活。”
“Don’t speak like you are doing this for me.”
“别说得好像你这么做是为了我。”
“I love you.”
“我爱你。”
I got goosebumps. Why was she suddenly saying this? “What does this mean?”
我起鸡皮疙瘩了。她为什么突然说这个?“这是什么意思?”
“I am your mother.”
“我是你的母亲。”
I looked at my smiling mother and one corner of my heart ached. Did she really believe that such words were acceptable? A decade’s worth of suffering alone couldn’t be denied because of these words.
我看着微笑着的母亲，心里一角隐隐作痛。她真的相信这样的话是可以接受的吗？仅仅因为这些话，十年的苦难是无法否认的。
I glared at my mother.
我怒视着母亲。
Mother, love…
母亲，爱..。
I didn’t use Lie Detection on her. Sometimes there were such words in the world. Even if it was true, it was painful enough to be called false.
我没有对她使用测谎仪。有时候，世界上就有这样的词语。即使它是真的，它也足够痛苦，可以被称为虚假。
I sighed and said, “It’s too late.”
我叹了口气，说:“太晚了。”
“I know.”
“我知道。”
“Then why…”
“那为什么......”
“I just wanted to say it once. I don’t think I’ve ever told you before.”
“我只想说一次。我想我以前从未告诉过你。”
We fell silent and didn’t say anything for a while. Only the second hand of the wall clock told me that time was passing by. It was like a page with nothing on it. Like a writer squeezing out my first sentence, I barely managed to open my mouth. “…How was your life in prison?”
我们沉默了一会儿，什么也没说。只有挂钟的秒针告诉我时间在流逝。就像是一张什么都没有的纸。就像一个作家挤出我的第一句话，我勉强开口说话。“......你在监狱里的生活怎么样?”
“You often came to see me. Is there a need…”
“你经常来看我，有什么需要......”
“You didn’t tell me anything.”
“你什么都没告诉我。”
“…”
“ ... ”
“Why didn’t you say anything? I went to see you so many times…”
“你为什么什么都不说?我去看你那么多次......”
I didn’t hate my mother from the beginning.
我从一开始就不恨我的母亲。
Even when my mother killed my father.
即使我母亲杀了我父亲。
Even when she went to jail.
甚至在她进监狱的时候。
Even when my relatives rushed to take our assets and I was treated like a leftover product.
甚至当我的亲戚们争先恐后地抢走我们的资产，而我却被当作剩余产品对待的时候。
I didn’t hate or blame my mother.
我没有恨我的母亲，也没有责怪她。
“How can a person be so shameless?” The reason why I hated my mother was simple. “Why did you remain silent? And why… did you write such a story?”
“一个人怎么能这么无耻呢?”我恨我母亲的原因很简单。”“你为什么保持沉默？你为什么要写这样一个故事呢?”
Someone might say this: You became rich. Isn’t it good that she sold the book? I didn’t know if the royalties from my mother helped my life. My relatives always treated me like I wasn’t a person.
有人可能会这样说:你变得富有了。她把书卖了不是很好吗？我不知道我母亲的版税是否帮助了我的生活。我的亲戚们总是把我当人看待。
“I had a really hard time. Whenever I went to school, walked on the streets or met someone, it seemed like everyone was talking about me. It was the same when I moved schools. Every time, I was the son of a murderer.”
“我过得很艰难。每当我去上学，走在街上或者遇到什么人，似乎每个人都在谈论我。我搬家的时候也是这样。每一次，我都是杀人犯的儿子。”
Those who had never experienced it would never know. The world was tenacious. The reporters stood in front of my house and it felt like all eyes in the world were chasing me.
那些从未经历过的人永远不会知道。这个世界是顽强的。记者们站在我家门口，感觉好像全世界的眼睛都在追我。
“Maybe, just maybe, I could’ve endured it.”
“也许，只是也许，我可以忍受。”
It might’ve been okay if my mother had said something to me. If she told me to endure it, I could’ve. If only my mother had told me she was on my side, even if she sold our story for money.
如果我妈妈跟我说了些什么，也许就没事了。如果她告诉我忍耐，我会忍耐的。要是我母亲告诉我她站在我这边就好了，即使她为了钱出卖了我们的故事。
[The ‘Fourth Wall’ is shaking violently.]
“第四道墙”正在剧烈地摇晃
[The stigma ‘Self-rationalization Lv. 2’ has been activated!]
“自我合理化吕.2”的耻辱已经被激活了
I looked at my mother. I hadn’t misunderstood. My mother sold our lives to earn money.
我看着我的母亲，我没有误解，我的母亲为了挣钱而出卖了我们的生活。
Then my mother opened her mouth. “I wanted to know.”
然后我妈妈张开了嘴，“我想知道。”
“Know what?”
“知道什么?”
“The truth.”
“真相。”
“…What is the truth? Mother, didn’t you kill Father?”
“真相是什么?妈妈，你不是杀了爸爸吗?”
“You don’t know the story.”
“你不知道这个故事。”
“I know it very well. Since separating from you, I looked over my memories again and again.”
“我知道得很清楚，自从和你分开以后，我就一遍又一遍地回忆过去。”
In other words, I read it again. I became absorbed in the characters of the novel because of my mother.
换句话说，我又读了一遍，因为母亲的缘故，我被小说中的人物吸引住了。
-Dokja. -From now on, I will read all of this again.
-Dokja-从现在开始我会把这些再读一遍。
-Your father, he did something wrong and died.
你父亲做错了事死了。
-This was self-defense. Understood?
这是正当防卫，明白吗？
I read it again hundreds, thousands and even tens of thousands of times. No, I replayed it so many times that I couldn’t even tell it was true anymore.
我又读了几百遍，几千遍，甚至几万遍。不，我重播了很多次，我甚至不能说这是真的。
“It was enough for my father to die. He was a gambling addict and violent towards his family. Our family would’ve been in danger if he remained.”
“我父亲死了就够了。他嗜赌成性，对家庭暴力。如果他留下来，我们的家庭就会有危险。”
The mother watched me and nodded. “Yes, I remember it well. So why are you angry?”
母亲看着我，点点头。“是的，我记得很清楚。那你为什么生气呢?”
I tried to ask my mother several times.
我试着问了母亲好几次。
Why didn’t you run away with me? Why did you leave the child alone? Why didn’t you come see me after you were released?
你为什么不和我私奔？你为什么不管那孩子？你被释放后为什么不来看我？
The questions piled up inside me and I got the answer on my own.
问题在我心里堆积如山，我自己得到了答案。
[The Fourth Wall’s shaking has subsided.]
[第四道城墙的震动已经平息。]
This was a fear created by the answer. It was an answer that I tried to erase. I was afraid that once the answer was given, I wouldn’t be able to accept it.
这是一个由答案引起的恐惧。这是一个我试图抹去的答案。我害怕一旦给出答案，我就无法接受。
In the meantime, my mother had been repeatedly opening and closing her mouth before finally being able to speak. “…It is too late to say anything.”
与此同时，母亲在开口说话之前反复地张开又合上嘴巴。“现在说什么都太晚了。”
Yes, I knew.
是的，我知道。
[Many constellations have sponsored you 5,000 coins for your family history.]
许多星座为你的家族历史赞助了5000枚硬币
This was sufficient for the damn drama.
这已经足够演该死的戏了。
[The constellation ‘Prisoner of the Golden Headband’ is thirsty from your sweet potato.] [The constellation ‘Demon-like Judge of Fire’ suggests that you think again.] [The constellation ‘Poked Out His Eyes’ is smiling in an insidious manner.]
[“金发囚徒”星座渴望你的红薯。][星座‘魔鬼般的火之审判者’建议你重新考虑。][“戳出他的眼睛”这个星座阴险地微笑着。]
This role didn’t suit me in the first place.
这个角色一开始就不适合我。
“Why do you keep changing the original novel?” My mother changed the topic. “If you let it flow like the original and let people die, the scenarios wouldn’t have been so difficult.”
“你为什么老是改原著?”我母亲改变了话题。“如果你让它像原来那样流动，让人们死去，情节就不会那么困难。”
“I have to change it. Mother, you know that Yoo Jonghyuk can’t reach the ending in the third regression.”
“我必须改变它。妈妈，你知道柳荣玉不能到达第三次回归的结局。”
[Many constellations are frustrated by the filtering.]
[许多星座都受到过滤的阻碍。]
The story about the original novel was filtered by the constellations.
关于原著小说的故事被星座过滤了。
“The ending?”
“结局?”
“Yes. The ending.”
“是的，结尾。”
“…You are struggling just for that? You’re not crazy.”
“...你就为了这个挣扎?你没疯。”
“The ending of this story is important to me. It was this world that kept me alive while you were gone.” It was thanks to the novel that I could survive the last few years without my mother and father. “You can never understand.”
“这个故事的结局对我来说很重要。你不在的时候，是这个世界让我活了下来。”多亏了这本小说，我才能在没有父母的情况下活过最后几年。“你永远不会明白。”
『 Three Ways to Survive in a Ruined World. 』
『在毁灭的世界中生存的三种方法』
I didn’t know what the author intended with this title. However, this title was reality to me, not a metaphor. It was because for me, this had become a ‘ruined world’ a long time ago.
我不知道作者打算用这个标题写什么。然而，这个标题对我来说是现实，而不是比喻。这是因为对我来说，这已经成为一个’毁灭的世界’很久以前。
I read this novel on a daily basis and survived. Thus, I couldn’t give up on this story.
我每天都读这本小说并且活了下来，因此，我不能放弃这个故事。
My mother refuted, “This isn’t a novel. There is no ending like ‘Everyone lived happily ever after’ in reality.”
我母亲反驳道:“这不是一部小说，现实中没有‘每个人都活在很想和你在一起’这样的结局。”
“I will see it through to the end. In addition, when did I say I wanted that ending?”
“我会坚持到最后。另外，我什么时候说过我想要这样的结局?”
“Stop. This world is crazy. It isn’t something you can achieve because you know the future. Don’t you already know this? The next scenarios―”
“别说了。这个世界太疯狂了。这不是你可以实现的，因为你知道未来。你不是已经知道了吗？接下来的情况-”
“Stop.” It was pointless to keep arguing with my mother. “Just tell me what you want. Why did you call me here?”
“停下来。”继续和我母亲争论是没有意义的。“告诉我你想要什么。你为什么把我叫到这儿来?”
“Stay here.”
“待在这儿。”
Yes, I thought she would say this. It was just like my mother.
是的，我就知道她会这么说，就像我妈妈一样。
“Why would I do such a thing?”
“我为什么要这么做?”
“I can’t lose my son again. I will somehow do the following scenarios.”
“我不能再失去我的儿子了。我会设法做到以下几点。”
“Save it.”
“省省吧。”
I raised my energy.
我提高了自己的能量。
“Be honest. You think I will be a hindrance. I don’t know what your purpose is but I won’t ask you anything.”
“说实话。你认为我会成为一个障碍。我不知道你的目的是什么，但我不会问你任何问题。”
For the first time, an unfamiliar emotion crossed my mother’s face. She looked sad. Sad? What qualifications did she have to feel like this?
第一次，一种陌生的情绪掠过母亲的脸庞。她看起来很伤心。悲伤？她有什么资格能有这种感觉？
“…Who do you really resemble?” A wave of magic power rose in my mother’s body as she spoke. “I dislike this method but it can’t be helped.
“......你到底像谁?”母亲一边说话，一股魔法的力量在她的身体里上升。“我不喜欢这种方法，但它无可奈何。
[Some constellations like this fighting in a family.]
[有些星座像这样在一个家庭里打架]
[Some constellation’s who value filial piety dislike this situation.]
[一些重视孝道的星座不喜欢这种情况。]
The furniture of the house was swept away by the magical storm, causing Han Sooyoung to notice and run inside.
房子里的家具被这场神奇的暴风雨卷走了，韩秀英注意到了，跑了进去。
“Kim Dokja!”
“ Kim Dokja! ”
The incarnation of Jeon Woochi, Cho Youngran was also behind Han Sooyoung. The living room quickly changed into a confrontational situation. Cho Youngran was preparing a trick while my mother gazed at me with serene eyes. Jeon Woochi’s techniques were tricky but I could somehow defend against them.
韩素英身后还有全宇基的化身赵永兰。起居室很快就变成了一个对峙的地方。赵永兰正在准备一个小把戏，而我的母亲用安详的眼睛注视着我。JeonWoochi的技巧很狡猾，但是我可以以某种方式抵御它们。
The problem was my mother’s side. I didn’t yet know who my mother’s sponsor was. This was just before my mother’s ability was revealed.
问题出在我母亲那边。我还不知道我母亲的担保人是谁。这是在我母亲的超能力被发现之前。
[The exclusive skill ‘Bookmark’ is activated!]
[独家技能’书签’被激活!]
“Selecting the fourth bookmark, ‘Lycaon Isparang.'”
”选择第四个书签，‘LycaonIsparang’。”
[The exclusive skill ‘Way of the Wind Lv. 10 (+1) is activated!]
[独家技能‘风之路10(+1)激活!]
Way of the Wind reached its limit and the whole room was caught in a magical storm. I condensed the winds and destroyed the entire living room.
风之路达到了极限，整个房间陷入了一场神奇的暴风雨之中。我凝结的风和摧毁了整个客厅。
Then I escaped from the house with Han Sooyoung. As dark smoke covered my field of view, I told Han Sooyoung. “I will finish this right away so get ready.”
然后我和韩素英一起逃出了家门。黑烟笼罩着我的视野，我告诉韩秀英。“我马上就完成，所以做好准备。”
“Understood.” Han Sooyoung started to generate a powerful ‘black fire’ in her hand.
“明白了。”韩秀英开始在她的手中产生一个强大的“黑火”。
I immediately changed the bookmark. “I will choose the fifth bookmark, Kyrgios Rodgraim.”
我立即更改了书签，“我将选择第五个书签，KyrgiosRodgraim。”
The combo of Miniaturization and Electrification followed after Way of the Wind. The fastest and most efficient way to overpower my mother was to use the greatest skill I had.
微型化和电气化的结合紧随风之路之后。制服母亲最快最有效的方法就是运用我所拥有的最高技能。
However, the moment I was about to use the skill, dozens of people appeared through the smoke. They surrounded me and spoke in fervent voices. “You’ve misunderstood everything. Please. You have to stay here.”
然而，就在我准备使用这个技能的时候，几十个人透过烟雾出现了。他们围着我，用热情的声音说话。“你误解了一切。求你了。你必须留在这里。”
They were my mother’s subordinates. Dozens of women wearing prison uniforms looked at me with sympathetic expressions. Han Sooyoung shouted, “What is this?”
他们是我母亲的下属。几十个穿着囚服的女人用同情的眼神看着我。韩素英喊道:“这是什么?”
The surprised Han Sooyoung poured the black flames towards them but they were scattered in all directions by Jeon Woochi’s defense. Cho Youngran shouted, “Kim Dokja! Stop! Sookyung is doing this for you!”
吃惊的韩淑英把黑色的火焰倒向他们，但是全宇基的防守把火焰散开了。ChoYoungran喊道:“KimDokja！住手！秀京这么做是为了你!”
It was my mother who blocked their mouths. She raised a finger to her mouth, telling them not to say anything. Then a grand aura started to emerge from my mother’s body.
是我妈妈堵住了他们的嘴。她举起一根手指放在嘴边，告诉他们什么也别说。然后一个宏伟的光环开始从我母亲的身体里出现。
Sparks formed due to the excessive use of probability. It was a more intense synchronization than anything I had seen before. My mother was obviously overdoing it.
由于过度使用概率而形成火花。这种同步比我以前见过的任何一种都要强烈。我母亲显然做得太过火了。
[The sponsor of incarnation ‘Lee Sookyung’ has revealed her modifier.] [The constellation ‘Founder’s Mother’ feels deep sadness towards you.]
[化身‘李秀珍’的发起人透露了她的修饰语][‘方正之母’星座对你感到深深的悲伤。]
The Founder’s Mother? Oh my god. Don’t tell me?
创始人的母亲?天啊，别告诉我？
[The constellation ‘Founder’s Mother’ says that your strength is a threat to the Korean Peninsula scenario.] [The constellation ‘Founder’s Mother’ says that she won’t take your life if you don’t rebel.]
[《创始人之母》星座说，你的力量对朝鲜半岛的局势构成威胁。][《创始人的母亲》星座说，如果你不反抗，她就不会杀你。]
I hastily used Miniaturization and Electrification at the same time.
我匆忙地同时使用了微型化和电气化。
[The energy of the old land has sealed your skills.]
[古老土地的能量封印了你的技能。]
My vision became dim, as if I had entered a dark cave. Power was extinguished from my body and I became an ordinary human. The helplessness of a small animal captivated me.
我的视线变得模糊，仿佛进入了一个黑暗的洞穴。权力从我的身体里消失了，我变成了一个普通人。一只小动物的无助使我着迷。
[The energy of the old land seals your ‘value.’]
[古老土地的能量封印了你的‘价值’]
I knew this stigma. There was only one ‘story’ regarding sealing on the Korean Peninsula.
我知道这种耻辱，关于朝鲜半岛的封印只有一个故事。
“…I never thought you could use this.”
“我从没想过你会用到这个。”
Yes… it was strange I hadn’t thought about it This was the Korean Peninsula. Yet there was one nebula that hadn’t contacted me yet. I should’ve made contact with them first but I hadn’t got close to them at this point.
是的，很奇怪我没有想过这是朝鲜半岛。然而有一个星云还没有联系到我。我应该先和他们联系的，但是现在我还没有接近他们。
“I told you, I love you.” My mother smiled while waving a bronze bell in my hand.
“我告诉过你，我爱你。”母亲微笑着，手里挥舞着一个铜铃。
The Founder’s Mother. One of the highest ranking constellations of Hongik and one of the most well-known stories on this land.
