The expressions of the party members changed at my words. Jung Heewon’s eyes were wide while Lee Jihye looked confused. Lee Hyunsung had big eyes. Finally, Shin Yoosung… 「 Kim Dok ja has the wrong id ea. 」
我一说话，党员们的表情就变了。郑和元的眼睛睁得大大的，而李智慧看起来很困惑。李贤星有一双大眼睛。最后是申友成...“金道子的id是错的”
The Fourth Wall was heard in my head.
第四道墙的声音在我的脑海里回荡。
「 It isn’t too la te now. 」
“现在不太热了”
I didn’t know if it was the will of the Fourth Wall or the weak part of my mind. The Fourth Wall reflected my feelings to some extent so both might be true. Either way, this time I made a decision.
我不知道这是第四道墙的意愿还是我心灵的脆弱部分。第四面墙在某种程度上反映了我的感受，所以两者可能都是对的。不管怎样，这次我做了一个决定。
“I know it is hard to understand my words.” I had to tell this story to the group of people. “I’ll slowly explain it from the beginning.”
“我知道很难理解我的话。”我不得不把这个故事讲给一群人听。“我从一开始就慢慢解释。”
I talked for a long time. One day, the novel I was reading became reality. In that story, I met them. I didn’t tell them the whole story but at the same time, I didn’t lie.
我说了很长时间。有一天，我正在读的小说变成了现实。在那个故事里，我遇到了他们。我没有告诉他们整个故事，但同时，我没有撒谎。
I knew about the group members before I met them. I didn’t speak properly about the fact that I knew the future. I monopolized information alone and deceived people. I spoke about all of it. It was as if I was bringing out the old darkness.
在我遇到这些人之前，我就知道他们了。我没有正确地说出我知道未来这个事实。我独占信息，欺骗人们。我把这一切都说了出来。就好像我正在唤醒过去的黑暗。
A little further away from the party, Han Sooyoung was staring at me with a frown. I understood her feelings. It was the same with Han Sooyoung of the 1863rd round.
离舞会稍远一点的地方，韩淑英皱着眉头盯着我。我理解她的感受。1863年的韩秀英也是如此。
However, I couldn’t live like Han Sooyoung. This story should be done properly. To move forward properly, some stories must be communicated. Someday… just as Yoo Jonghyuk.
但是，我不能像韩素英那样生活。这个故事应该讲得恰到好处。为了正确地向前发展，必须交流一些故事。有一天......就像柳永玉一样。
「 I am a regressor. 」
“我是记忆退化者”
Maybe Yoo Jonghyuk also felt like me. He knew the future, experienced the same story again and again and met the party members in countless rounds. Then… he sent them away. I could understand Yoo Jonghyuk’s feelings when he poured out the story without any tricks.
也许柳永玉也觉得自己像我。他知道未来，一遍又一遍地经历同样的故事，无数次地遇见党员。然后...他把他们打发走了。我可以理解柳钟玉的感受，当他毫无保留地讲述了这个故事。
“…Thus, I brought you here.”
“因此，我把你带到了这里。”
My story was over. Yet no one opened their mouths after the story was over. It wasn’t that they didn’t understand my story. It was a long story that even a young child could comprehend. Nevertheless, the party members didn’t speak.
我的故事结束了。然而，故事结束后，没有人开口说话。并不是他们不理解我的故事。这是一个连小孩子都能理解的漫长故事。然而，党员们没有说话。
I bowed and continued. “I want to sincerely apologize to all of you. I’m really sorry to only be telling you this now.”
我鞠了一躬，接着说。“我真诚地向你们所有人道歉。我真的很抱歉现在才告诉你这些。”
I wanted to know. What was the group thinking? What were they feeling? Even so, I didn’t use Omniscient Reader’s Viewpoint. In this situation, it really would be a deception if I read them using this skill.
我想知道。这个团队是怎么想的？他们有什么感觉？即便如此，我也没有使用全知的读者视角。在这种情况下，如果我用这种技巧去解读他们，那真的是一种欺骗。
I wanted to use my own strength without relying on any skills. I wanted to believe that whatever they thought and felt inside, the actions they chose was really their decision.
我想用我自己的力量而不依赖任何技能。我想要相信，无论他们内心想什么和感受到什么，他们选择的行动实际上是他们自己的决定。
I slowly looked up and met Lee Jihye’s eyes. Lee Jihye’s eyes were red. The moment I saw these eyes, I suddenly realized something. I already knew these eyes.
我慢慢地抬起头，看到了李智慧的眼睛。李智慧的眼睛红红的。当我看到这双眼睛的时候，我突然意识到一些事情。我早就认识这双眼睛了。
「 “Then Master knew all of the future…” 」
“当时师父知道未来的一切...”
They were exactly the same as when Lee Jihye heard Yoo Jonghyuk’s story. Lee Jihye slowly opened her mouth. “Then until now, you knew all about the future…”
他们和李智慧听到柳永玉的故事时一模一样。李继惠慢慢地张开了嘴。“直到现在，你还知道未来的一切......”
As if the original character was reading the given script, Lee Jihye spoke. I also responded to her like there was a script.
就像原来的角色在读给定的剧本一样，李继惠开口了。我对她的反应就像有剧本一样。
「 “That’s right.” 」
“没错”
“Yes.”
“是的。”
Lee Jihye gritted her teeth and told me, “Then now… why are you telling us this?”
李智慧咬紧牙关对我说:“那么现在......你为什么要告诉我们这些?”
The wounded Sword Demon was furious. I read the original novel and could predict what she would say.
受伤的剑魔很生气，我读了原著，就能猜到她会说什么。
「 “What the hell are we to you?” 」
“我们对你来说算什么?”
Lee Jihye’s shoulders trembled slightly as she bowed her head. The situation that followed continued to flow in my mind. Lee Jihye would pull out her sword and might attack me because she couldn’t suppress her anger.
李智慧低着头，肩膀微微颤抖。接下来的情况一直在我的脑海里浮现。李智慧会拔出她的剑，可能会攻击我，因为她无法压抑她的愤怒。
There were many such occasions in the original novel. However, Lee Jihye chose a way that I didn’t expect at all. “Let’s say that you knew the future.”
在原著中有很多这样的场合。然而，李继惠选择了一种我完全没有想到的方式。“假设你知道未来。”
“…”
“ ... ”
“It was all planned and Ahjussi used us for your purpose. Let’s say we are characters of that damn Ways of Survival and everything is set!” Lee Jihye was crying, watching me while biting her pallid lips. “Then… why did you throw your life away for us so many times?”
“一切都是计划好的，大叔利用我们来达到目的。假设我们是那个该死的生存之道的角色，一切都安排好了!”李智慧边哭边看着我，边咬着她苍白的嘴唇。“那么......你为什么多次为了我们放弃了自己的生活?”
I saw the tears falling down her cheeks and tried to open my mouth several times. It was an unexpected question. It was because it was unexpected that I couldn’t answer… “Answer me! If we are really characters in a fictional novel, why did you die for us over and over?”
我看见泪水顺着她的脸颊滑落，好几次想要张开我的嘴。这是一个出人意料的问题。正是因为出乎意料，我才无法回答......“回答我！如果我们真的是虚构小说中的人物，你为什么一次又一次地为我们而死?”
It was a question that I couldn’t answer with the Ways of Survival that I read.
这是一个我无法用我读过的《生存之道》来回答的问题。
[The ‘Fourth Wall’ is shaking violently.]
“第四道墙”正在剧烈地摇晃
Lee Jihye wiped her eyes and hit my shoulder as she walked past me. Jung Heewon hurriedly chased after her.
李智慧擦了擦眼睛，从我身边走过时打中了我的肩膀。郑和元赶紧追上她。
“…Dokja-ssi, we’ll talk later.”
“...Dokja-ssi，我们以后再谈。”
Shin Yoosung hesitated as she stared at me helplessly before following after Jung Heewon. Lee Hyunsung had blank eyes as he walked out of the room with a bowed head.
申永成犹豫着，无助地盯着我，然后跟在郑希元后面。当李贤成低着头走出房间时，他的眼睛一片空白。
The only ones remaining were Han Sooyoung, Lee Seolhwa and Lee Gilyoung. Lee Gilyoung was staring at me with complicated eyes while Lee Seolhwa bowed her head like she was shocked. Han Sooyoung patted Lee Seolhwa’s back and snapped at me. “Kim Dokja, leave for a while.”
剩下的只有韩秀英，李世花和李吉英。LeeGilyoung用复杂的眼神盯着我，LeeSeolhwa低下了头，看起来很震惊。韩淑英拍了拍李世花的背，对我厉声说道。“KimDokja，离开一段时间。”
***
***
A hospital room. I gazed at my mother’s sleeping face. I visited the hospital room in the interlude because the party members didn’t return after a long time.
医院病房。我凝视着母亲熟睡的脸。我在间隙参观了医院的病房，因为党员们很长时间没有回来了。
Since the last major surgery, my mother slept like this all day. She had shaded eyes and haggard cheeks. I peered at my mother’s face and was reminded of a time when I visited her in prison. What did my mother think when her son visited her and only talked about a novel?
自从上次大手术后，我母亲就这样睡了一整天。她的眼睛有阴影，面颊憔悴。我凝视着母亲的脸庞，想起了我去监狱探望她的一次经历。当我母亲的儿子来看她，只是谈论一本小说的时候，她是怎么想的？
“Your expression is dark.”
“你的表情很阴暗。”
“…You are awake?”
“...你醒了?”
“I woke up from the moment you entered.”
“你一进来我就醒了。”
It was a voice that didn’t contain any energy. I dragged a matted blanket up and covered my mother’s neck. My mother smiled faintly. “It is good to almost die. My son is taking care of me.”
这是一个没有任何能量的声音。我拉起一条缠结的毯子，盖住母亲的脖子。母亲淡淡地笑了笑。“差点死掉是件好事。我的儿子在照顾我。”
“Get better quickly.”
“快点好起来。”
“Talk to me. Anything is fine.”
“跟我说话，什么都行。”
I struggled for a moment before opening my mouth. “In the 154th round of Ways of Survival, Yoo Jonghyuk brought up the story of his regression with the party members…”
我挣扎了一会儿才开口。“在第154轮生存之道中，柳荣玉向党员们讲述了自己回归的故事......”
“Did you talk to the group about Ways of Survival?”
“你和大家谈过生存之道吗?”
“How do you know?”
“你怎么知道?”
My mother stretched out her bony hand and grabbed mine. “You thought they would blame you. You thought they would feel deceived and ask why you hid the information.”
我母亲伸出她瘦骨嶙峋的手抓住我的手。“你以为他们会责怪你。你以为他们会觉得受骗，问你为什么要隐瞒这些信息。”
“It didn’t happen like that.”
“事情不是这样的。”
“You don’t know how to seek forgiveness.”
“你不知道如何寻求宽恕。”
I silently nodded.
我默默地点了点头。
-Answer me! If we are really characters in a fictional novel, why did you die for us over and over?”
-回答我!如果我们真的是虚构小说中的人物，你为什么一次又一次地为我们而死?”
Lee Jihye’s voice was revolving in my ears.
李智慧的声音在我耳边回旋。
My mother said, “It isn’t up to you to decide if it is a matter to forgive.”
我母亲说:“这不是由你来决定是否该原谅的问题。”
“Then…”
“那么......”
“Maybe the person behind you can tell you.”
“也许你身后的人可以告诉你。”
I turned my head and saw Jung Heewon standing at the door of the hospital room. I excused myself and left the hospital room.
我转过头，看见郑和元站在医院病房的门口。我借故离开了医院的病房。
Jung Heewon scratched her cheeks and suggested, “Shall we take a walk?”
JungHeewon挠了挠自己的脸颊，建议道:“我们去散散步好吗?”
We walked down the corridor of the hospital wing. It was a simple corridor where no decorations could be found. It seemed to be Yoo Jonghyuk’s taste… this guy had been tinkering with the Factory in the last three years. In fact, the end of this corridor contained the hospital room where Yoo Jonghyuk was lying.
我们沿着医院侧楼的走廊走去。这是一条简单的走廊，没有任何装饰。这似乎是柳永玉的品味......这个家伙在过去的三年里一直在修补工厂。事实上，走廊的尽头就是柳钟玉躺着的病房。
Jung Heewon looked out the window and opened her mouth first. “Thank you… for telling me.”
郑熙媛望着窗外，先张开了嘴。“谢谢你......告诉我。”
I didn’t know how much Jung Heewon had been troubled before saying this. It was worse because I couldn’t see her face. The party members could be seen outside the window. Lee Gilyoung and Shin Yoosung were bickering while Lee Hyunsung and Lee Seolhwa comforted Lee Jihye.
我不知道郑鹤元在说这些话之前有多么烦恼。更糟糕的是，我看不见她的脸。从窗口可以看到党员们。当李贤成和李世华安慰李智慧的时候，李吉英和申友成正在争吵。
“Everyone will be fine. Jihye will take a bit of time but…”
“每个人都会没事的。智惠需要一点时间，但是......”
“Heewon-ssi…”
“平原西......”
Before I could finish my words, Jung Heewon turned to look at me. Her face was smiling as usual. I closed my mouth and Jung Heewon asked, “Are you surprised because I’m fine?”
我还没来得及说完，郑和元转过头来看着我。她的脸和往常一样露出了笑容。我闭上了嘴，郑和元问道:“你是不是因为我很好而感到惊讶?”
“That’s not it”
“不是这样的”
“No, it isn’t.”
“不，不是的。”
Jung Heewon had long known that I had ‘future information.’ Perhaps among the characters, she was the person who knew the most about me.
郑鹤元早就知道我有“未来信息”也许在这些人物中，她是最了解我的人。
Jung Heewon spoke as she started stretching. “It isn’t a big deal. This is a world where monsters and dokkaebis exist… it is something special that turned the novel into a reality.”
郑鹤元开始伸展身体时说道。“没什么大不了的。这是一个存在着怪物和多卡比斯的世界......这是一种特殊的东西，使小说变成了现实。”
“…”
“ ... ”
“I understand the past now. The reason why Dokja-ssi said I didn’t appear in the future. Does that mean I wasn’t in the novel that Dokja-ssi read?”
“我现在明白过去了。Dokja-ssi说我未来不会出现的原因。这是不是意味着我没有出现在Dokja-ssi读的小说里?”
“…Yes.”
“...是的。”
Biyoo floated like a cloud and moved above Shin Yoosung’s head.
碧柳像一朵云一样飘浮在申佑成的头顶上。
Jung Heewon told me, “Then I was able to safely come here thanks to Dokja-ssi.”
JungHeewon告诉我，“多亏了Dokja-ssi，我才能安全地来到这里。”
“That, Heewon-ssi―”
“那个，平原——西——”
“Thank you for finding me. I’m not being sarcastic. I mean it sincerely.”
“谢谢你找到我。我不是在讽刺你。我是真心的。”
I knew. I was already familiar with the tone Jung Heewon used to tease me. Even so, I didn’t know what to say.
我知道。我已经熟悉郑和元用来戏弄我的语气。即便如此，我还是不知道该说什么。
“Don’t be gloomy and depressed by yourself and look forward to the future. If you like, give me a promotion faster. Now, this is a handshake to cheer up.”
“不要郁郁寡欢，展望未来。如果你愿意，可以尽快给我升职。现在，这只是一个握手，让你振作起来。”
Jung Heewon grabbed my hand with a strong force. Something warm suddenly rose inside me.
郑和元用力抓住我的手，我的心里突然涌起一股暖流。
I firmly bit my lips.
我紧紧地咬着我的嘴唇。
「Jung Heewon, she isn’t okay. 」
“JungHeewon，她不太好”
I could feel the pulse from Jung Heewon’s hand. She would also be sad. She would be in pain and it would be hard for her. Even so…
我能感觉到郑鹤元手中的脉搏。她也会伤心。她会很痛苦，这对她来说很难。即便如此..。
Jung Heewon held my hand tightly for a while before letting go with a smile. Then she asked, “By the way Dokja-ssi… I have a question.”
郑和元紧紧地握了我的手一会儿，然后微笑着放开了我。然后她问，“顺便说一句，Dokja-ssi...我有个问题。”
“Yes, ask.”
“是的，问吧。”
“If this world is a novel, it means there is a protagonist.”
“如果这个世界是一部小说，那就意味着有一个主角。”
As expected, Jung Heewon was sharp. I told the group about Ways of Survival but I didn’t say who the protagonist was. However, Jung Heewon was already aware of the identity of the protagonist.
正如所料，郑和元是敏锐的。我告诉大家《生存之道》，但没说主角是谁。然而，郑和元已经意识到了主人公的身份。
Jung Heewon was staring at the end of the corridor. “Is that why you were fighting?”
郑鹤元盯着走廊的尽头，“这就是你们打架的原因吗?”
“I haven’t exactly spoken to him but… it seems so.”
“我还没有和他说过话，但......看起来是这样。”
“Since you started it, you need to see the end properly. Do you know?”
“既然你已经开始了，你就应该正确地看到结局，你知道吗?”
I nodded.
我点点头。
“That person won’t be easy.”
“那个人不会容易的。”
I knew. Still, it couldn’t be avoided.
我知道，但还是无法避免。
***
***
For the next two days, I was in Yoo Jonghyuk’s hospital room. I hardly met with other people. I was worried but decided to remain calm. I believed that the people needed time to think. It wouldn’t be too late to talk once the party members were ready.
在接下来的两天里，我一直呆在柳钟玉的病房里。我很少见到其他人。我很担心，但还是决定保持冷静。我相信人们需要时间去思考。一旦党员们做好了准备，现在谈还不算太晚。
Yoo Jonghyuk still didn’t wake up.
柳永玉仍然没有醒来。
“The wounds of his flesh have almost recovered. I thin kit is a problem of the mind.”
“他身上的伤几乎痊愈了。我想这是心理问题。”
“A problem of the mind?”
“心理问题?”
“It seems he is refusing to wake up… perhaps he experienced a severe shock.”
“他似乎不愿醒来......也许他遭受了严重的打击。”
Those were Aileen’s words. She exchanged the story pack and left, leaving only Yoo Jonghyuk and I in the room.
这是爱玲的原话，她交换了故事背包，离开了，房间里只剩下我和柳荣玉。
The floating dust settled on his nose. I opened my mouth while watching Yoo Jonghyuk. “You grabbed me first and dropped me down the bridge.”
漂浮的灰尘落在他的鼻子上。我一边看着柳钟玉，一边张开嘴。“是你先抓住我把我扔下桥的。”
I knew he couldn’t hear me but I still wanted to talk.
我知道他听不见我说话，但我还是想和他谈谈。
「 “Get your hand off me and get lost, you damn jerk.”
“把你的手从我身上拿开，滚开，你这该死的混蛋”
“I believe you. You are definitely a prophet.” 」
“我相信你，你绝对是个先知。”
The first time I encountered him on the bridge. Suddenly, a laugh emerged.
我第一次在桥上遇到他的时候，突然，一个笑声出现了。
“Honestly, you aren’t in a position to blame me for anything. You are a regressor… how many people died because of you?”
“老实说，你没有资格为任何事情责怪我。你是一个记忆回归者......有多少人因你而死?”
Once I started speaking, the memories poured out like a waterfall. It was like Pandora’s Box. It felt as if a lot of time had passed. I had spent a lot of time with this person.
