'It is not violence that best overcomes hate- nor vengeance thatmost certainly heals injury.'
'What then?'
'Read the New Testament, and observe what Christ says, and how Heacts; make His word your rule, and His conduct your example.'
'What does He say?'
'Love your enemies; bless them that curse you; do good to them thathate you and despitefully use you.'
'Then I should love Mrs. Reed, which I cannot do; I should blessher son John, which is impossible.'
In her turn, Helen Burns asked me to explain, and I proceededforthwith to pour out, in my own way, the tale of my sufferings andresentments. Bitter and truculent when excited, I spoke as I felt,without reserve or softening.
Helen heard me patiently to the end: I expected she would then makea remark, but she said nothing.
'Well,' I asked impatiently, 'is not Mrs. Reed a hard-hearted,bad woman?'
'She has been unkind to you, no doubt; because you see, shedislikes your cast of character, as Miss Scatcherd does mine; buthow minutely you remember all she has done and said to you! What asingularly deep impression her injustice seems to have made on yourheart! No ill-usage so brands its record on my feelings. Would you notbe happier if you tried to forget her severity, together with thepassionate emotions it excited? Life appears to me too short to bespent in nursing animosity or registering wrongs. We are, and must be,one and all, burdened with faults in this world: but the time willsoon come when, I trust, we shall put them off in putting off ourcorruptible bodies; when debasement and sin will fall from us withthis cumbrous frame of flesh, and only the spark of the spirit willremain,- the impalpable principle of light and thought, pure as whenit left the Creator to inspire the creature: whence it came it willreturn; perhaps again to be communicated to some being higher thanman- perhaps to pass through gradations of glory, from the palehuman soul to brighten to the seraph! Surely it Will never, on thecontrary, be suffered to degenerate from man to fiend? No; I cannotbelieve that: I hold another creed: which no one ever taught me, andwhich I seldom mention; but in which I delight, and to which Icling: for it extends hope to all: it makes Eternity a rest- amighty home, not a terror and an abyss. Besides, with this creed, Ican so clearly distinguish between the criminal and his crime; I canso sincerely forgive the first while I abhor the last: with this creedrevenge never worries my heart, degradation never too deeplydisgusts me, injustice never crushes me too low: I live in calm,looking to the end.'
Helen's head, always drooping, sank a little lower as shefinished this sentence. I saw by her look she wished no longer to talkto me, but rather to converse with her own thoughts. She was notallowed much time for meditation: a monitor, a great rough girl,presently came up, exclaiming in a strong Cumberland accent-
'Helen Burns, if you don't go and put your drawer in order, andfold up your work this minute, I'll tell Miss Scatcherd to come andlook at it!'
Helen sighed as her reverie fled, and getting up, obeyed themonitor without reply as without delay.
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CHAPTER VII--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MY first quarter at Lowood seemed an age; and not the golden ageeither; it comprised an irksome struggle with difficulties inhabituating myself to new rules and unwonted tasks. The fear offailure in these points harassed me worse than the physicalhardships of my lot; though these were no trifles.
During January, February, and part of March, the deep snows, and,after their melting, the almost impassable roads, prevented ourstirring beyond the garden walls, except to go to church; but withinthese limits we had to pass an hour every day in the open air. Ourclothing was insufficient to protect us from the severe cold: we hadno boots, the snow got into our shoes and melted there: our unglovedhands became numbed and covered with chilblains, as were our feet: Iremember well the distracting irritation I endured from this causeevery evening, when my feet inflamed; and the torture of thrusting theswelled, raw, and stiff toes into my shoes in the morning. Then thescanty supply of food was distressing: with the keen appetites ofgrowing children, we had scarcely sufficient to keep alive adelicate invalid. From this deficiency of nourishment resulted anabuse, which pressed hardly on the younger pupils: whenever thefamished great girls had an opportunity, they would coax or menace thelittle ones out of their portion. Many a time I have shared betweentwo claimants the precious morsel of brown bread distributed atteatime; and after relinquishing to a third half the contents of mymug of coffee, I have swallowed the remainder with an accompaniment ofsecret tears, forced from me by the exigency of hunger.
Sundays were dreary days in that wintry season. We had to walktwo miles to Brocklebridge Church, where our patron officiated. We setout cold, we arrived at church colder: during the morning service webecame almost paralysed. It was too far to return to dinner, and anallowance of cold meat and bread, in the same penurious proportionobserved in our ordinary meals, was served round between the services.
At the close of the afternoon service we returned by an exposed andhilly road, where the bitter winter wind, blowing over a range ofsnowy summits to the north, almost flayed the skin from our faces.
I can remember Miss Temple walking lightly and rapidly along ourdrooping line, her plaid cloak, which the frosty wind fluttered,gathered close about her, and encouraging us, by precept andexample, to keep up our spirits, and march forward, as she said, 'likestalwart soldiers.' The other teachers, poor things, were generallythemselves too much dejected to attempt the task of cheering others.
How we longed for the light and heat of a blazing fire when wegot back! But, to the little ones at least, this was denied: eachhearth in the schoolroom was immediately surrounded by a double row ofgreat girls, and behind them the younger children crouched ingroups, wrapping their starved arms in their pinafores.
A little solace came at tea-time, in the shape of a double rationof bread- a whole, instead of a half, slice- with the deliciousaddition of a thin scrape of butter: it was the hebdomadal treat towhich we all looked forward from Sabbath to Sabbath. I generallycontrived to reserve a moiety of this bounteous repast for myself; butthe remainder I was invariably obliged to part with.
The Sunday evening was spent in repeating, by heart, the ChurchCatechism, and the fifth, sixth, and seventh chapters of St.Matthew; and in listening to a long sermon, read by Miss Miller, whoseirrepressible yawns attested her weariness. A frequent interlude ofthese performances was the enactment of the part of Eutychus by somehalf-dozen of little girls, who, overpowered with sleep, would falldown, if not out of the third loft, yet off the fourth form, and betaken up half dead. The remedy was, to thrust them forward into thecentre of the schoolroom, and oblige them to stand there till thesermon was finished. Sometimes their feet failed them, and they sanktogether in a heap; they were then propped up with the monitors'high stools.
I have not yet alluded to the visits of Mr. Brocklehurst; andindeed that gentleman was from home during the greater part of thefirst month after my arrival; perhaps prolonging his stay with hisfriend the archdeacon: his absence was a relief to me. I need notsay that I had my own reasons for dreading his coming: but come he didat last.
One afternoon (I had then been three weeks at Lowood), as I wassitting with a slate in my hand, puzzling over a sum in long division,my eyes, raised in abstraction to the window, caught sight of a figurejust passing: I recognised almost instinctively that gaunt outline;and when, two minutes after, all the school, teachers included, roseen masse, it was not necessary for me to look up in order to ascertainwhose entrance they thus greeted. A long stride measured theschoolroom, and presently beside Miss Temple, who herself had risen,stood the same black column which had frowned on me so ominouslyfrom the hearthrug of Gateshead. I now glanced sideways at thispiece of architecture. Yes, I was right: it was Mr. Brocklehurst,buttoned up in a surtout, and looking longer, narrower, and more rigidthan ever.
I had my own reasons for being dismayed at this apparition; toowell I remembered the perfidious hints given by Mrs. Reed about mydisposition, etc.; the promise pledged by Mr. Brocklehurst toapprise Miss Temple and the teachers of my vicious nature. All along Ihad been dreading the fulfilment of this promise,- I had beenlooking out daily for the 'Coming Man,' whose information respectingmy past life and conversation was to brand me as a bad child for ever:now there he was.
He stood at Miss Temple's side; he was speaking low in her ear: Idid not doubt he was making disclosures of my villainy; and Iwatched her eye with painful anxiety, expecting every moment to seeits dark orb turn on me a glance of repugnance and contempt. Ilistened too; and as I happened to be seated quite at the top of theroom, I caught most of what he said: its import relieved me fromimmediate apprehension.
'I suppose, Miss Temple, the thread I bought at Lowton will do;it struck me that it would be just of the quality for the calicochemises, and I sorted the needles to match. You may tell Miss Smiththat I forgot to make a memorandum of the darning needles, but sheshall have some papers sent in next week; and she is not, on anyaccount, to give out more than one at a time to each pupil: if theyhave more, they are apt to be careless and lose them. And, O ma'am!I wish the woollen stockings were better looked to!- when I was herelast, I went into the kitchen-garden and examined the clothes dryingon the line; there was a quantity of black hose in a very bad state ofrepair: from the size of the holes in them I was sure they had notbeen well mended from time to time.'
He paused.
'Your directions shall be attended to, sir,' said Miss Temple.
'And, ma'am,' he continued, 'the laundress tells me some of thegirls have two clean tuckers in the week: it is too much; the ruleslimit them to one.'
'I think I can explain that circumstance, sir. Agnes andCatherine Johnstone were invited to take tea with some friends atLowton last Thursday, and I gave them leave to put on clean tuckersfor the occasion.'
Mr. Brocklehurst nodded.
'Well, for once it may pass; but please not to let the circumstanceoccur too often. And there is another thing which surprised me; Ifind, in settling accounts with the housekeeper, that a lunch,consisting of bread and cheese, has twice been served out to the girlsduring the past fortnight. How is this? I looked over the regulations,and I find no such meal as lunch mentioned. Who introduced thisinnovation? and by what authority?'
'I must be responsible for the circumstance, sir,' replied MissTemple: 'the breakfast was so ill prepared that the pupils could notpossibly eat it; and I dared not allow them to remain fasting tilldinner-time.'
'Madam, allow me an instant. You are aware that my plan in bringingup these girls is, not to accustom them to habits of luxury andindulgence, but to render them hardy, patient, self-denying. Shouldany little accidental disappointment of the appetite occur, such asthe spoiling of a meal, the under or the over dressing of a dish,the incident ought not to be neutralised by replacing with somethingmore delicate the comfort lost, thus pampering the body andobviating the aim of this institution; it ought to be improved tothe spiritual edification of the pupils, by encouraging them to evincefortitude under the temporary privation. A brief address on thoseoccasions would not be mistimed, wherein a judicious instructorwould take the opportunity of referring to the sufferings of theprimitive Christians; to the torments of martyrs; to theexhortations of our blessed Lord Himself, calling upon His disciplesto take up their cross and follow Him; to His warnings that manshall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth outof the mouth of God; to His divine consolations, "If ye sufferhunger or thirst for My sake, happy are ye." Oh, madam, when you putbread and cheese, instead of burnt porridge, into these children'smouths, you may indeed feed their vile bodies, but you little thinkhow you starve their immortal souls!'
Mr. Brocklehurst again paused- perhaps overcome by his feelings.Miss Temple had looked down when he first began to speak to her; butshe now gazed straight before her, and her face, naturally pale asmarble, appeared to be assuming also the coldness and fixity of thatmaterial; especially her mouth, closed as if it would have requireda sculptor's chisel to open it, and her brow settled gradually intopetrified severity.
Meantime, Mr. Brocklehurst, standing on the hearth with his handsbehind his back, majestically surveyed the whole school. Suddenlyhis eye gave a blink, as if it had met something that either dazzledor shocked its pupil; turning, he said in more rapid accents than hehad hitherto used-
'Miss Temple, Miss Temple, what- what is that girl with curledhair? Red hair, ma'am, curled- curled all over?' And extending hiscane he pointed to the awful object, his hand shaking as he did so.
'It is Julia Severn,' replied Miss Temple, very quietly.
'Julia Severn, ma'am! And why has she, or any other, curled hair?Why, in defiance of every precept and principle of this house, doesshe conform to the world so openly- here in an evangelical, charitableestablishment- as to wear her hair one mass of curls?'
'Julia's hair curls naturally,' returned Miss Temple, still morequietly.
'Naturally! Yes, but we are not to conform to nature; I wishthese girls to be the children of Grace: and why that abundance? Ihave again and again intimated that I desire the hair to be arrangedclosely, modestly, plainly. Miss Temple, that girl's hair must becut off entirely; I will send a barber tomorrow: and I see otherswho have far too much of the excrescence- that tall girl, tell herto turn round. Tell all the first form to rise up and direct theirfaces to the wall.'
Miss Temple passed her handkerchief over her lips, as if tosmooth away the involuntary smile that curled them; she gave theorder, however, and when the first class could take in what wasrequired of them, they obeyed. Leaning a little back on my bench, Icould see the looks and grimaces with which they commented on thismanoeuvre: it was a pity Mr. Brocklehurst could not see them too; hewould perhaps have felt that, whatever he might do with the outside ofthe cup and platter, the inside was further beyond his interferencethan he imagined.
