大自然是法则统治的，人的情感，不论它多么令人激动，让人感叹，让人流泪，都是苍白的。死亡是不可避免的，可是，有谁能够真正直面死亡呢？
有一个人。
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在西敏寺大教堂（3）
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这就是书中的另一个人——弗洛伊德。他是奥地利的精神病医生，心理学家，也是精神分析学说（psychoanalysis）的创始人。
人们对弗洛伊德的生平知道得并不多，那是因为他在二十多岁的时候就销毁了自己所有的手稿和大部分书信，也许他不愿意给后人留下可以追踪他身世的证据，他也坚决反对别人撰写他的传记。可是他使用的一些名词却让人无法忘记他，比如，libido，直译为“里比多”，有的词典上写成“力比多”，还有的词典上写成“生命力，活力”，也有的写成“性欲”，等等。但是我想，这个词最好还是音译，因为中文里目前还找不到一个能够完全与它对应的词，也许在别的语言里也是这样，弗洛伊德使用它的真正含义或许只有他自己才明白。
弗洛伊德认为，决定人的一切动机和行为的，归根到底是性欲（sexual desire），性的要求和性的行为从婴儿时代就已经开始了，它一直支配着人的一生。弗洛伊德在他的成名作Analysis of Dreams（《梦的解析》）一书中说，人为什么会做梦呢？那是因为白天人的性欲受到压抑，所以晚上就用梦的形式表现出来，这就是“日有所思，夜有所梦”。原来，梦是性欲的表现。
弗洛伊德的这种观点极大地冒犯了宗教的尊严和体面，他把上帝赋予人的神圣外衣剥得一干二净，让人的内心和外表都赤裸裸地暴露出来，并且对他（她）进行性欲的分析和死亡的评判。弗洛伊德杜撰了有关人的三个概念：
本我（id）
自我（ego）
超我（super-ego）
他认为，人生的目的归根到底是为了去死。他用古希腊神话中的爱神——爱洛斯（Eros）代表人的生命本能，用死亡之神萨纳托斯（Thanatos）代表人的死亡本能，他说这两种本能是每个人都有的，死亡是人生的终极目的，人活着就是为了“以自己的风格去死”（die in one’s own fashion）。
弗洛伊德像一个沿街叫卖的小贩一样，到处兜售自己的精神分析学说，并且在他自己开设的诊所里为他的病人做出“性欲受到压抑”、“暗恋”、“俄狄浦斯情结（Oedipus complex）”等等的诊断，开出一张张精神分析的处方。他的怪诞是不言而喻的。然而，弗洛伊德却容不得别人对他个人进行“诊断”，他曾经以恶毒的语言拒绝了一位作者为他写传记的请求：
You, who have so much better and more important things to do, you who can establish monarchs and who can survey the brutal folly of mankind from a lofty vantage point; no, I am far too fond of you to permit such a thing. Anyone who writes a biography is committed to lies, concealments, hypocrisy, flattery and even to hiding his own lack of understanding……
（你有这么多更好的、更重要的事情可做，你可以创立王国，你可以从一个至高无上的优越的位置去俯瞰人类兽行般的无知，不，我远没有这么乐意，允许你做这样一件事。任何一个写传记的人必定与撒谎、隐瞒、伪造、吹牛拍马纠缠不清，甚至还会掩盖自己的无知……）
达尔文和弗洛伊德，这两个人同样都创立了石破天惊一般的学说，但他们却有那么巨大的差别。一个甘愿像蚯蚓一样，默默无闻地奉献自己的一生，即使在遭到教会和其他保守势力的百般攻击和侮辱的情况下，仍然埋头钻研小小的蚯蚓，表现出一个科学工作者宽阔的胸怀。达尔文的死是荣耀的，他被安葬在西敏寺大教堂（Westminster Abbey），他的身边是伟大的科学家牛顿（Sir Isaac Newton）。
弗洛伊德侥幸逃脱了纳粹的迫害，在1938年6月被允许离开奥地利前往伦敦，但他不久就因为患癌症死去。不过，他倒真的是以自己的风格去死的，他在面部溃烂，无法进食的情况下，嘱咐医生给他注射药物，帮助他永远地沉睡了——我想这就是安乐死。
翻译完这本书，我似乎才明白，为什么书里很大一部分篇幅都在讨论弗洛伊德，而书名却偏偏是《达尔文的蚯蚓》。我想，积极的生命意义永远都会受到褒扬，就像达尔文赞颂的蚯蚓一样。但是，美好的一切却永远是短暂的，转瞬即逝，正像诗人Shelly有点伤感的诗句：
The flower that smiles today
Tomorrow dies
All that we wish to stay
Tempts….
And then flies.
What is this world’s delight?
Lightning that mocks the night
Brief even as bright.
（鲜花今天微笑
明天却凋零
我们希望美丽永驻
她诱惑着我们……
然后飞逝
这世界上什么是快乐？
闪电让黑夜惊喜
耀眼只在瞬间）
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从汉语到英语（1）
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From Chinese into English
从汉语到英语
尽管我学习英语已经很多年，也翻译出版了几本英美小说，可是直到今天我对汉译英却还是十分谨慎的，对一些国外报刊的英文约稿从不敢轻易应允，更不敢主动把自己的文章译成英文发表。准确的英译汉要经过严格的训练才有可能做到，翻译文学作品就要有更深的功力了，而要把文学作品的汉译英做好，不仅要具备汉语和英语本身的坚实基础，还要有其他方面的深厚涵养。文学的汉译英决不是学过几年英语就能做到的，实际上这种翻译是译者的二度创作。
对于中国人，英译汉做得漂亮不容易，汉译英做得漂亮就更难了，因为在进行汉译英的置换时，我们很可能在潜意识里就把汉语习惯载入了英语。往往是这样，我们认为自己译得很好的英文，英语国家的人却会挑出很多毛病，小的，大的，甚至标点符号，还有的地方他们干脆就说看不懂。那种时候真让人很丧气，可是怎么办呢？
多年前，我经常把一篇篇自认为很好的汉译英文章寄给我的美国朋友Jerry，他看完又把修改后的文章寄回来，看着被他用红色圆珠笔修改得密密麻麻的地方，我总是很难过，也很奇怪，为什么我认为对的地方却是错的呢？有时候，我会一连几个小时，盯着那些被红笔划过的痕迹苦思冥想，一会儿好像恍然大悟，一会儿好像又绕进了文字的迷魂阵。我觉得汉译英太难了。不过，我还是鼓起勇气，继续学习，并且坚持每天都做一些汉译英的练习。
那时候，我读了一本《中诗英译探胜》，那本书让我爱不释手，里面是中外语言专家翻译的中国古代诗词，从《诗经》到《西厢记》。读那些诗歌，我体味到汉语诗词英译的困难，把意思表达准确是要下苦功的，而既忠实于原文，又表现出原文的意蕴，就需要付出更多的心血。有些古诗词被译成了英语，却品不出古诗词的意味了，但是，我仍然感受到译者对每一个句子，甚至每一个词的认真推敲。不过我想，也许任何一种外语都不能充分地表达意象万千的中国古诗词，因为它们独特魅力的光芒是别的语言不能与之争辉的。比如唐代孟浩然的《春晓》：
春眠不觉晓，
处处闻啼鸟。
夜来风雨声，
花落知多少？
罗伯特·佩恩（Robert Payne）是这样翻译的：
I slept in spring not conscious of the dawn,
But heard the gay birds chattering all around,
I remember, there was a storm at night.
Pray, how many blossoms have fallen down?
许渊冲先生的译文是这样的：
This morn of spring in bed I’m lying,
Not to awake till birds are crying.
After one night of wind and showers,
How many are the fallen flowers!
这种对比多么有趣啊！文学作品有多种多样的译法，因为人们对它有各种各样的理解和想象。我已经不能确切地回忆起那些日子是怎样度过的，只记得那本《中诗英译探胜》一直放在我的床头，每天夜晚我都要翻看，我喜欢书中那些英语国家的人翻译的每一首诗词，看他们怎样用英语来表现中国古代诗词，或是把它们变成一个个通俗的英语故事。读那本书我总是快乐的。
从那以后，我又给Jerry寄去文章，一篇又一篇，我发现，他在文章里做的红色修改印迹越来越少了。再后来，我就用e-mail给Jerry发去我的汉译英文章。有一次，我给Jerry发去一篇我翻译的自己的散文，他在回信中说：
It was so beautiful. I love it. It was wonderful. Haidi, this was a joy to read and I was excited to read every line. Your imagination is so vivid and thoughtful. Yes, remember our conversations, “What is the meaning of life?” Well, you have a clear idea. Those memories last forever. They do. Don’t they?
（文章这么美，我喜欢它，写得很好。海迪，读这篇文章是一种快乐，读每一行文字都让我激动。你的想象是这样生动并且令人深思。是的，还记得我们的谈话吗？“生命的意义是什么？”啊，你的想法很明确。生命的记忆是持久的，肯定是持久的，不是这样吗？）
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从汉语到英语（2）
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不过，Jerry 的信并没有让我感到欣慰，我觉得Jerry作为美国人也许还不能透彻地理解我的本意，他只是读懂了这个故事。怎样才能让外国人真正理解这个故事呢？我继续修改文章，还请另一位美国朋友Margaret帮我提意见。我想，Margaret是女性，她也许会从另一个角度理解这个故事。在和他们讨论这篇文章的时候，我觉得自己对汉译英有了更大的兴趣——汉语和英语毕竟是两种语言，怎么才能译得更好呢？
下面是Jerry 和Margaret帮我修改过的散文。我真希望有人能再将它译成中文，看看在别人的笔下它会变成一个什么样的故事：
In a small town, I lived in a very large courtyard. The courtyard was so large that people in big cities could not have imagined the size. It was as large as two football fields. There was a row of single-story houses where our two families lived. The courtyard was bathed in bright sunshine, so my neighbor grew various kinds of vegetables: cucumber, eggplant, haricot bean, tomatoes, and hot green peppers. In the summer the open ground was colorful; the red, the green, the purple and the orange formed a beautiful pattern. Our red roof houses with a sharp tower reflected the sun's brightness, and the big doors and windows were painted sky blue as if the houses were built of colorful toy bricks as in the fairy tales.
Usually the courtyard was quiet, and sometimes it was so quiet that you could feel that it was so spacious, yet empty. I loved reading in the courtyard where the sunshine was mild and the air was fresh. I sat under a big tree where the leaves breathed perfume of greenness and tenderness.
There was a black dog, he was a big watchdog. To me he was friendly and when I was reading he would always lie beside my wheelchair. Sometimes I felt the book was dull, so I would raise my head and wanted to talk to somebody. But at those times no one was there talking to me. In the evening when the sun was setting, the courtyard was bathed in golden red light. People coming home from work brought life to the courtyard. Men and women chattered when drawing water from the well. After school children played catching games around the courtyard, as they were running and laughing the black dog ran after them joyfully barking. Everyday the scene appeared as the same.
During the day there was not only the black dog and me in the courtyard, there was also a Granny who was over eighty-years old. She was my neighbor and utterly blind. Most of the time she stayed in her house, sitting in an old armchair. Sometimes the armchair was moved to the front of the door and she sat there a whole afternoon in silence. No sound was heard from her so I often forgot her existence and in my consciousness there was only the black dog and me in the courtyard; but in reality there was the black dog, me and Granny.
One day I again sat under the big tree, reading Die Weltraetsel (The Mystery of the Universe) by Ernst Haeckel, a German biologist. The chapter I was reading related to the life processes of human beings. Haeckel said, the processes of life in the nature were flowing like the loquacious stream, the blazing fire, the fitful breezes and the collapsing of rocks from mountains... I couldn’t help thinking of Granny. I turned my head and looked at her. I saw that she was sitting in her armchair not far from me. She held a dragon stick with both hands in front of her chest. Her head drooped, and the skin on her face was flabby. Her eyes were slightly closed and she made no sound as if she was asleep. She was always so quiet and serene. What was she thinking about? Was the river of her consciousness still flowing? I wanted very much to ask her if she felt lonely? If there were any other feelings in her mind?
I turned my wheelchair to her side and asked her loudly, are you asleep Granny?
No, I don’t feel sleepy, Granny answered.
So, what are you thinking about? I asked.
I was recalling the days when I was a young girl and I was made a match, she replied.
I was so surprised; I opened my eyes wide as if a rainbow suddenly appeared before me.
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从汉语到英语（3）
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With her eyes still slightly closed Granny said, when I was young matchmakers went to my home one after another. My face was so fair; I always wore a flower patterned cotton-padded coat and my waist was only two spans. My hair was beautiful, too; I always washed my hair with sesame flowers or egg whites. My plait was so thick and black that when I walked the end swayed behind my back. At the end of my plait I always tied a five-inch long bundle with a piece of red string...
What, a Granny of over eighty-years old was recalling her maiden years! I was really surprised. In fact, the old people still keep their mind young, which the youngsters cannot imagine.
Under the big green tree I went on reading The Mystery of the Universe. During my reading the wings of dusk came quietly shading the setting sun. In that moment, I almost forgot that in the courtyard there was Granny, the black dog, and me.
I continued to read my books in the courtyard as usual. One day I went to a very dull page and my eyes stayed stubbornly on a line. I raised my eyes and saw Granny sitting quietly in the sunlight with a gush of wind blowing her silver hair. I turned my wheelchair to her side and held her hands, which were coolish, soft, flabby but gentle. I asked her, do you feel bored all alone, Granny? No, I don’t feel bored, she answered. I sit here as if I sit on the roadside at the edge of my home village like when I was young. Lively people are coming and going before my eyes. The day when my husband married me was very lively. My head was covered with a red head kerchief and I wore a red coat and a red skirt made of silk. That day a big cart came decorated with red silk and was pulled by a mule and two horses. It was the twelfth moon; the road was covered by thick snow. The wheels pressed two deep grooves into the ground behind my cart... Granny murmured very slowly with her harsh voice. She raised her head a little and in her eyes I saw she had memories lingering from a year long ago.
It suddenly came to me the awareness of another meaning of life. Once I had thought that Granny sitting in the solitude was waiting silently for her death to come and had no any expectation. I had also considered how bored and bitter she would feel in her loneliness and darkness. But, actually she was spending her days under the sunlight in so calm a mood. Before her eyes the hands of the clock turned backward. The lives of the past were coming back nearer and nearer. She found the lost years and got from them new comfort and pleasure. The real life is the life in one’s memory, and the life in the memory is more vivid than it is in reality. Life lasts forever in the memory.
One day Granny fell ill and was sent to the hospital; I felt very sorry. People said that perhaps she could not get over such an illness, and perhaps she would never be back to the courtyard. When I was alone in the courtyard I always recalled the days when there had been Granny, the black dog and me. I felt lonely and sad. Everyday I asked the one who sent food to the hospital about the condition of Granny. One day someone told me that Granny could eat again, and when she opened her eyes she could clearly tell the stories of her ancestors and perhaps she would come back soon.
Granny did come back to the courtyard again and I was deeply moved by her strong vitality. I then highly valued each day I spent with her in the courtyard. Each day Granny sat there bathing in the warm sunshine and pondering over her past with her head leaned low as before.
That autumn she was visibly weakened and sat fewer and fewer hours in the courtyard. One day she told me, I knew I would come back; I must be back and wait for him at home. She said it was an autumn day, a day like today, leaves fell rustling everywhere, when my husband left early in the morning. He was a good ironsmith, and wore a coat and carried a cloth-wrapper on his back. At the door he said, you’d better not go out of the courtyard, for the baby’s just a month old. When I earn money I’ll surely be back. He said if he could not earn money he would be back before the end of the year. I made a new cotton coat for him, but he hasn’t come back yet. Since that day I made a new cotton coat for him every autumn, but he still hasn’t come back. Now, I cannot make a coat; I can’t see anything, and if he comes back I cannot make out what he is really like...
I caressed Granny’s hands lightly; they were very cool. A few dead leaves came whirling from the bare trees and threads of cold rain of late autumn fell from the sky. Granny suddenly shivered with cold and her hands shook a little. She said, I feel bad today. It is getting colder again, but why hasn’t he come back yet? In murmuring so, tears rolled slowly down from her dim eyes.
The next day Granny was gone. People of her family said that she got up in the middle of the night and made her way to the middle of the cabinet, and rummaged out of it the coat she had made for her husband. She said it was cold, and she should go and send it to him. She then fell asleep with the coat in her arms. She looked very calm, and people said she had gone without any suffering.
That left only the black dog and me in the courtyard. It snowed heavily that winter. The white snow buried Granny’s long and persevering expectations. In my obscure meditation there was often a quiet and a bit harsh voice leisurely telling a long story, which had no ending. The figure of Granny had gone with the wind, but her memory still lives on in the green leaves of life.
What can I recall when I am old with my hair silver, I asked myself.
在这里，我期待着陌生朋友们的译文，我愿和你们一起分享汉译英、英译汉的快乐。
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我是可怕的Trivium（1）
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I’m the Terrible Trivium
我是可怕的Trivium
在我自学英语的那些年，曾有一段时间，每天只学习英语语法，因为我背了很多单词，却写不好一封长信，于是我就寄希望于学习语法了。我想，语法，不就是语言的法则吗？有一本书上也说，学语言就是学语法规则，就像学数学要记公式一样。只要背熟了公式，解题就容易多了。所以，我真的以为只要学好了语法，英语就学了一半，甚至可以做到事半功倍。
那段时间，只要县城里那个小书店来了英语语法书我都要买来，比如，《英语语法》，《趣味英语语法》，甚至《医用英语语法》都买来了。我十分认真地学习名词、动词、代词、介词、形容词、副词……然后是主语、谓语、宾语……再后来是简单句、并列句、复合句……然后又是时态、语态……陈述式、虚拟式、命令式……可是一段时间过去，我却觉得语法学得越多，分析句子就越繁琐，有些句子用语法一点点地分析之后，反而让人糊涂了。
这时，朋友N告诉我，对语法知识要做到“难得糊涂”。你想想，连英语国家的学生都害怕的东西，何况我们中国人呢？过了好多年，当我翻译的《小米勒旅行记》出版时，我想起在书里那只令人恐怖的大脏鸟就是用“I’m the terrible Trivium.”来吓唬小米勒他们的，而这个可怕的trivium 就是中世纪学校里每个学生必读的“grammar, rhetoric, logic”（语法、修辞、逻辑）。
一般来说学习任何一种语言都要下苦功，古人有“十年磨一剑”的格言，学习语言也如同磨剑，要历经千锤百炼，才能制成真正的宝剑，用起来得心应手。我重新梳理了学过的语法知识，想从中理出一条主线。我想，既然语言的最基本单位是词，只要把词的知识弄明白了，语法的难度恐怕就减轻了一半。我首先从名词开始。从简单的事物，再到复杂和抽象的事物。首先，既然名词就是代表这些事物的，那么，名词也分为abstract nouns（抽象名词）和common nouns（普通名词）。想一想很有意思，很多表示事物性质和特性的词都是抽象名词。比如：
advice （忠告）
care （关心）
color （颜色）
