Doc: I'd kick him out right now
Jason:No its all, hey, woo listen
Mike: Hey dad. I think I'm well enough to watch T.V.
Jason: As long as you don't enjoy it.
Doc: Oh, it's a really exciting little practice you got here Doctor.
Jason: Well it's not usually this quite. Most of the time this house is crawling with
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people witgh mental problems. Doctor: Year, you wish. Alright Jason. Enough of this male bonding. I wanted to tell you that I'm leasving long island general Jaosn: After all those years? Doc: Year, i think i t time to move on, do something really worthwhile for a change. I'm gonna do talk radio in La. Jason: L.A. Doc: You never run out of patients out there. The board of directors wants me to pick my successor, and i'm picking you. Jason: Me?
Maggie: Well first I'm gonna make myself a cup of tea; then I'm gonna talk to Susan Rush, my
city editor about the follow up story I've been working on. Hey Carol, you should talk toSusan. She could tell you all about a newspaper career. She's an editor, a woman, young, articulate, and she's a very sweet person. Susan: Maggie, about your article. Maggie: aha. susan: I just got a call from a Joseph k. chadway, the builder you accused of bribeing county officials, in the story I ran on page one this morning. Maggie: aha.
susan: Joseph k. Chadway was a little angry at being accused of bribary. Maggie: I'll bet. susan: Since the man you were meant to accuse was Joseph A. Chadway. Maggie: Holy Moly. susan: Exactly what our lawyer said. Maggie: Oh Susan, I don't know how...this possibly...could have... susan: I just can't believe you did't double check the name. I mean that's about as basic as it gets. Maggie I am pulling you from the follow up, and getting a real reporter. Maggie: Well, was I right? Is she nice or what? mike: Uh uh. It's on. It's still on.
Jason: What. What is it? mike: Don't you see. If Gilligan goes on without me, so does my school. You know all day today life went on, even though I wasn't there. Jason: Mike this is your first philosophical realisation. I'm proud of you. See, you can learn from T.V. mike: Dad, all day today life went on without me, and you too. Jason: Well, I'm not sure... mike: But dad, don't you realise, the world doesn't need us any more; it does just fine without
us. Jason: Oh, speak for yourself Mike. mike: Gosh, if I feel like this after just one day, how do you feel? I mean you're stuck here every day. Jason: Stuck? Michael, I'm not stuck. I'm here because I wanna be here. Now if you'll excuse my laundry's calling. Coming socks! mike: Trapped, just like the castaways on Gilligan's Island. Ah for reality Autura ? carol: Dad, Dad!! Jason: Hi Carol, you're home early, where's mom?
here today and... Maggie: (crying) Oh Jason..Jason: what? Maggie: I've never been so humiliated in all my life. Jason: Honey, why? Maggie: It's not being yelled at that really bothers me, but...or even making the mistake to begin with, but I used a K instead of an A. Jason: NO
Maggie: In a man's name. Jason: Well that's not so bad Maggie: He'll probably sew us, because we said he was a fellan. Jason: That could be trouble. Maggie: But you know what really really got to me. Jason: What? Maggie: It's what kept going through my head when Susan was yelling at me. Jason: What? Maggie: That instead of working, I could be home doing the laundry....and it sounded good. Jason: Oh, you weren't thinking straight. Maggie: Jason it's time I faced a few things and I need your advice. Jason: O.k.
Jason: Well, I did yes. Maggie: Yes, and I love you for it. Jason: Thankyou. Maggie: So I know you'll be fair and objective here too, even if you really wanted me to quit, because I know that staying at home has to be getting to you. Should I quit? Jason: Oh, that's tough Maggie. Maggie: Honey, what do you think? Jason: Well, I think that err, if you think that you made a mistake going back to work, then I
think that err, then you should err, do something about it. Maggie: Well I guess that's all there is to say. ben: Mom, I just heard, and I still love you even if you are a rotten reporter. carol: Good morning! ben: Save it, it's just me. carol: Then get out of my chair. ben: I was just warming it for you. mike: Out of the chair squirt. carol: Where's Mom? ben: She left for work early to clear some things up with her boss. carol: How do you know? ben: I'm small, people forget I'm around and say all kinds of things.
Maggie: Oh...I.. Jason: She doesn't know what she's saying, she doesn't mean a word of it. susan: what?
Maggie: Yes I do. Jason: No you don't. Maggie: Yes I do. Jason: I just want you to know that I don't want you to quit. Maggie: Quit? I am not going to quit. Jason: No? Maggie: No. susan: No.
Jason: This isn't the Daily Planet? Excuse me. Louis!! Clark!! Jimmy!! Maggie: Jason, what were you thinking? Jason: At which emabarrassing point?Maggie: Are you tring to get me fired? Jason: No, I came down here to keep you from quitting. Maggie: Yesterday you told me to quit. Jason: Well that was bad advice. Maggie: That I relied on. Jason: Well today I rushed down here to stop you from following it. Why didn't you follow it?
Maggie: Because it was bad advice. Jason: O.k I admit it. I liked the idea of you coming back and taking over the house. I'vebeen feeling trapped. Maggie: And you saw Long Island General as a way out? Jason: YOu knew about that? Maggie: When I was leaving this morning I happened to find this. Reasons to take the job. Reasons to turn it down. Jason: Guess you probably read it too. Maggie: Yep. Both columns. Jason why didn't you tell me about the offer? Jason: Well, because I didn't want it to seem like I was telling you to quit so that I could pursue my opportunity...which I was.
Maggie: Jason, it's nine to one in favour of taking the job. Jason: Yes, but the one reason not to; the one called Maggie, that's more important to me than all the rest.
Jason: Hey well, it's only fair. You know, I guess it's my turn to stay home with Gilligan and the skipper and.... We gotta ask Mike he's the new philosopher of the family. Jason: Mr. Pearlo's feelings of paranoia have been greatly reduced, by the realisation of the fact that he is indeed universally disliked. On the bright side... carol: dad!
Jason: In here Carol, hi honey, how was careers day? carol: Well see I realised most jobs hang by a slender thread. So I decided not to do mum'sjob, and I did Emily Sullivan's father's job instead.Jason: ahh, what does do? carol: He's a clerk at the unemployment office. mike: Hey great news dad. If I heard it once I heard it a hundred times today, when I wassick every teacher mention that it wasn't the same there without me disrupting class making stupid comments.
Jason: That's great news. mike: Well it
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Growing Pains 122 V2.0
Jason: Maggie! What's Uncle Bob doing sleeping in my office? Maggie: Oh...He and Mike played Poker last night. Mike won his room back. Jason: Really? Well, I'm glad to see Mike getting the upper hand for a change. Maggie: Me too. Too bad he lost your car. Jason: Well maybe Uncle Bob wouldn't mind giving us a lift to the store later. Mike: Where's Uncle Bob? Maggie: Still asleep I guess.
Maggie: For those of you that cried at the funeral, I just want to say that it's nothing to be ashamed of. Jason: Thank you Maggie. Maggie: Well! Are we all ready? Carol: This feels kind of strange Mom. Maggie: Oh it won't after we get started honey. Uncle Bob called this a "remembering session". When someone in my family passed on, Uncle Bob would lead us all in sharing fond memories of that person. Jason: Who he would lovingly refer to as "the dearly defunct".
Maggie: Who wants to start? Ok then, I will. When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a dancer. And do you know why? Ben: Why? Maggie: Because Uncle Bob took me to my very first ballet. And I remember he said, "They walk around on their toes, they do flapping things with their arms, and it doesn't make any sense, but it's pretty." Ain't it? Carol: Remember when I had my appendix out?And Uncle Bob brought one in a jar and told me not to worry, because he knew how to put it back in. Ben: Yeah! And when the nurse came, he showed her the jar, and said he got it out of the soda machine. Jason: And then he said he wanted his Quarter back.
Ben: Yahoo! Uncle Bob: So the other fellow says, "If I can walk that way, I wouldn't nee talcum powder".
Mike: At least you're not the kind of guy who likes to rub it in. Uncle Bob: Thanks for the help guys. Ben: Are you kidding? We live for stuff like this! Jason: Ben! Don't let them tease you son! Mike: Hey, it's alright Dad, I can take it. Jason: At a boy! Hey you want some pizza? Uncle Bob stopped for one on the way back. Uncle Bob: Come on pal! Don't take it so hard. You know you're my favourite nephew...what's your name again? Mike: Alright look! You beat me again, but I'm young and sooner or later I'm gonna come out on top.
Jason: Glutton for punishment! Shall we say running shoes at dawn? Mike: You're on! Uncle Bob: Alright! Mike: I'm first in the shower. Maggie: Well how about that! Mike finally got the best of you at something. Uncle Bob: Oh well, not really. I took the knobs off the shower. Mike: Hey I didn't want to take a shower. Maggie: Your turn Mike. What do you remember? Mike: Deuces, Jacks, man with an axe. Pair of natural Sevens takes all. Ben: Huh?
Mike: Oh no, it's ok really. She lets me get away with everything when it comes to you. Uncle Bob: She does? Let's go down town and get some tattoos! Ben: You got tattooed? Mike: He was just kidding! The most important thing I ever learnt from Uncle Bob, was "never draw to an inside straight". Jason: Hey! You remember that Thanksgiving when Uncle Bob the whole turkey out and he put it in front of big old Aunt Doris and he said, "you go ahead and start! Ours will be out in a minute!"
Mike: Alright already! Look, you wake me up at three thirty in the morning. I say "no
problem", I come down here and what do I get for you? Butter milk, butter milk. I hate butter milk, but I'm gonna drink some right now. You know why? 'Cause you like it! That's right! Yeah, am I your buddy or what? (burps) You bet ya! Uncle Bob: Morning Mike! Mike: Ah it was just a dream. It didn't really happen. Oh my bed, I love you. Thank you for only making it a dream. Oh! And my pillow. I love you pillow! Carol: Breakfast's ready! Mike: I can explain all this. Carol: Don't bother Mike! We've known about you and your pillow for a long time now. Mike: She just doesn't understand.
Maggie: I'll give you hint...it's Frankenstein. I'm going to bed. Ben: Me too! Mike: Hey wait a minute! Wait a minute! Now how about a game of Monopoly. Now there's a game that's fun for all ages. Jason: Mike! We played Monopoly, and we played Scrabble...Parcheesi, and Ball tag. I mean there's a limit to how much a family can stand in one night. Maggie: And we passed it about two hours ago. Jason: Coming Mike? Mike: No, I think I'll get on the horn and see who's around. Jason: At midnight?
Mike: Yeah! What about a game of Uncle Wrigley? Ben: Alright! Maggie: Wrong! Jason: Night Mike...Mike you’re ok? Mike: Yeah great! Just feeling wonderful. Jason: Sure you don't want to talk about it for a minute. Mike: No, no, there's really nothing to talk about Dad, really. Jason: Ok! Good night. Mike: Hey Dad what happens to people when they die? Jason: This could take longer than a minute. Mike: If it takes all night, it's ok by me.
Mike: He said "Hi Mike." Jason: Sounds pretty friendly. Mike: Dad, I don't know what to do. And I know he'll be back! Jason: Why don't you talk to him? Mike: I should just have a chat to a dead guy? Jason: Well either that, or we're gonna be playing a lot of Charades around here...and you're already out of Godzilla movies. Mike: I don't know. Jason: Well, what's to be afraid of? You act like he's a bad guy and you know he loved you. Mike: Maybe he's changed.
Jason: Well Mike, if you really believe that you've seen Uncle Bob, then you should ask him what he wants. Mike: Do you say stuff like this to your patients? Jason: Yes. Mike: And they give you money for this? Jason: Well, it doesn't matter what I believe Mike. What matters is that even if your mind played a trick on you, it did it for a reason. And the best way of discovering that reason is to ask. Mike: Uncle Bob. Jason: Or your image of him. Do you understand? Mike: Mmmm.....I couldn't just do this by mail? Jason: Yeah if you have the address.
Mike: I'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you. Uncle Bob: Not half as sorry as I am to hear it. You sure about this? Mike: Yeah, I'm positive. I went to your funeral on Friday.
Uncle Bob: Oh!? Good funeral? Mike: Yeah! Good funeral. A lot of people came. Dad cried. Uncle Bob: Good old Jason. Hey! Hey did...did Jack Coward show up? He always said he was going to belly up before...What am I saying? What am I saying? I'm not dead, I'm alive! Oh, you had me going for a minute. Mike: I see I'm not getting my point across here. Look! Uncle Bob, what have you been doing for the last week? Uncle Bob: Well, I don't know...er...usual stuff I guess. Mike: Like what? Uncle Bob: Well...like running and...
Mike: Well have you talked to anybody? Uncle Bob: Yeah. Mike: Who? Uncle Bob: Well, well, you, of course. Mike: Who else? Uncle Bob: You know it's crazy but, I can't remember talking to...anyone else this week but you. Mike: Well what do you remember? Uncle Bob: Running mostly. Oh boy! I had some good runs this week! Mike: Uncle Bob, don't you think that's a little weird to...to spend the whole week doing nothing but running?
Mike and Uncle Bob: Very carefully. Uncle Bob: Remember the time I died in the den and you put whip cream on my face? Mike: Gee, I didn't know you were dead. Wait a minute. If you were dead, how did you know about the whipped cream? Uncle Bob: I know a lot of things I didn't know before. Mike, I'm sorry I always teased you and tried to embarrass you.Mike: Hey, It's ok. I mean humiliation builds character. Uncle Bob: There you go then. You see I'm not leaving you. I'm in your memory, I'm in your character. I'm part of you. Goodbye Mike. Mike: Goodbye Uncle Bob. (Uncle Bob leaves and Mike sighs)
