Jason: Yeah, the next commercial honey.TV: He's got it. He's making a dribble drive down the lane. This could be the game. He shoots and it’s in. Ben, Mike, Jason: Ahhh! Maggie: The next commercial is here. Jason: Maggie, what is it? We got Ewing dribble driving down the lane here!Maggie: Is television really more important than family life?Ben: It is to me. Maggie: Ben, go to your room now.Mike: Look, I’m going too. And dad look, I don’t know what Seaver rule you broke, but you are in big big trouble.Maggie: Mike we are just going to have a simple discussion.Mike: Alright. But just one word of advice for you dad. Remember you're a man.
Jason: Honey, what’s your point? Maggie: I think that Ben got off easy because he's a guy. Jason: I don’t like what you are accusing me of. Maggie: Well I don’t feel so hot myself. Jason: Come on. Don’t you remember back in the days when you were burning bras? I was always there with a full box of matches. You'll laugh later. Maggie: Jason, I don’t know what to say.Jason: Honey, I think you are just looking at this in very simplistic terms. Maggie: Simplistic?Jason: It doesn’t matter what I say or do right now does it? You are going to be stuck there in this illogical rut. Maggie: Illogical rut? Jason: Oh my choice of words may not be ideal. I'm sorry.
Maggie: But isn’t that what you meant? Jason: Why are you offended? I'm the one being accused of being a sexist. Maggie: If the snout fits, wear it.Jason: Well then if you didn’t think that I could handle the punishment fairly, why did you agree to coin flip? Maggie please. Come down here. Both of us, we should just calm down. Maggie: Oh, and forget that I’m a simplistic illogical female stuck in a rut. Jason: I'm game if you are.
Maggie: Ben, Ben, Ben.Ben: Yes, yes, yes.Maggie: You know the rules of the house? Ben: Yeah, and I thought one of them was that you couldn’t get tried for the same crime twice. Maggie: No Ben, that’s the United States. This is Seaver land.
Maggie: Wow. Carol: I know. Well anyway, when he asked me out yesterday, I was afraid to tell you. I mean, this guy is so cute, dad would have hated him for sure.
Maggie: That cute hu? Carol: Cuter. Well anyway, you know, I’ve been flirting with him for weeks to ask me out. But not too much, because I didn’t want him to think that I was a tease. But on the other hand, I didn’t want him to think that I was a cold fish. Oh mum, being seventeen can be so horrible. Maggie: Oh honey. Carol: You know, I thought that Charlie might be interested in me when I noticed that he always seemed to be tying his shoe by my locker. When then shelly said it wasn’t an accident and he knew what he was doing. Maggie: Carol, they all know. Carol: And mum, he looks so adorable in his gym shorts. Maggie: Oh those gym shorts. Did I ever tell you about Clud Tyler?Carol: No. Maggie: Well he was on the basketball team, and I was a cheerleader. We went steady all
senior year. I dumped him after graduation. He didn’t have a lot upstairs, but, uh, I’ll never forget those gym shorts.Carol: Mum, mum. Maggie: Oh yes.
(Mike kisses Julie) Julie: Hi Ben. Mike: What? Julie: Got ya. Mike: What the heck are you doing here on Saturday? Julie: I couldn’t stay away. Mike: Oh.Ben: Nuts. Mike: White bread. Rye bread. Julie: Uh, what’s the matter Bennie? Ben: Mum over ruled dad, and I got a month of no TV.
Ben: That is the most unfair thing I’ve ever heard.
Mike: If I were you Bennie boy, I would not stand for this. I know sexism when i smell it. Carol: Me too. It smells like cheap cologne. Jason: Well my point is, is that maybe your punishment gave out children the wrong message. Maggie: What? Jason: Yeah. That certain mothers can give certain daughters certain breaks.Maggie: Oh Jason, are you accusing me, Ms Maggie Malone, or sexism? Jason: If the bra fits, burn it. Maggie: Oh Jason, you can’t help but feel this way. I mean, you're just blinded by your own narrow mindedness. Jason: Narrow-mindedness? Maggie: Possibly my choice of words was perfect. Jason: That’s incredible. You don’t even know how wrong you are.Maggie: Didn’t you let your son off Scot free?
Jason: Didn’t you let your daughter off Scot free. Maggie: Well I just gave my daughter a little understanding because I know how tough it is to be seventeen, female, and dealing with boys.Jason: And I know how confusing it is to be a boy who suddenly wakes up one day and finds he would trade his immortal soul just for a nice view of freckles. I can’t say it any clearer.Maggie: Jason, can’t you even consider the possibility that you were easier on Ben than Carol? Jason: Of course I was.Maggie: What? Jason: Not because I’m sexist Maggie. Its just common knowledge. Both parents are always much tougher on daughters than sons. Maggie: oh it’s not common anything. Jason: Well it should be.Maggie: Men are such jerks. That's why I was so tough on Ben.Jason: Maggie, listen to yourself. Maggie: well I do know this, I am no more sexist than, than,.. Jason: Than I am? Maggie: Yes.Jason and Maggie: Oh Boy! Jason: You want to hug a sexist? Maggie: Do you? Jason: I'm thinking.
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Growing Pains 419 V2.0
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Carol: Wait, I can’t hear you.TV: Ok Paul. I understand about the Nazi thing, but why are you guys wearing red platted skirts? It’s not a skirt, it’s a jumper.Carol: Ben, I can’t hear a word Sandy's saying.Ben: Shhh. Julie: You guys. I juts put Chrissy down for a nap. Can you please be quiet? (Baby crying) Jason: Hey guys. Give me a break. Come on. I've got to do some work. Carol: I'm just trying to carry on a simple conversation here. TV Why do you shave your head? I don’t. Crusty does.Jason: Come on. First of all it’s too loud. Secondly its time to .... Mike: Hey dad. Would you please check out my homework assignment? What did I say? Jason: What did you say? Mike in twelve years you've never asked me to check out your homework. I don’t know what to say. Mike: Well I just want you to check out the grade I got on this psychology assignment.Jason: Sure. Yeah great. Hey this means a lot to me. You have no idea. For you to come to ...a C minus! Mike: Yeah. That’s what I want to talk about. Jason: I wait twelve years. I get a C minus. Mike: Dad, look. I worked my butt off for that grade, you know. I mean I should have deserved a B. I think the teacher just hates me. You're a psychiatrist. Would you just check my answers?Jason: Wo. You even remember what I do for a living. I better sit down.Mike: You know when Theo has a problem, Bill Cosby never jokes.Jason: Ok, now look. Let’s see. Common definitions of common psychological complexes.
There's your first problem. It’s an oedipo complex mike, not and edible complex.Mike: This is a psych class, not a spelling class. I mean the point is I put down the right answers. It’s when a guy wants to date his mum. Ben: Then you're in luck. Its guys who date their mums, we call the Donahue.
Mike: There's never any mustard around when you are in the mood for something oedipo.Julie: Mike, dinners in the oven, so don’t fill up on all of that. Mike: Look. I'm just trying to get something to eat. Would that be ok with you?Julie: Well excuse the holy heck out of me. Mike: Hey. You cursed at me. Hey look Julie, come on. I didn’t mean to snap at you. It’s just that, I don’t know, ever had one of those days when you just feel completely... Julie: All the time.Julie: and then I just think about you, and I feel better. Mike: Really? Julie: Really.
Mike: Ahh. Hey, how about that. I feel better. I'd love to feel great. Julie: Mike. Your dads in the living room. You don’t want him to find out about us. Mike: Right, right, right. But we're still going to study together tonight at your place, right?Julie: You bet. Mike: Right.Julie: The key word is study. Mike: The key word for me was together. Of course, the other key word was your place. Actually that is two key words; your and place, but uh.. Julie: I'll see you at seven. Mike: Ok. Julie: And this time, bring your books. Jason: Hey Mike, look I know you are upset and.. Mike: About what? Oh, oh,right. You better believe I’m upset dad. You know this C minus
Maggie: Ok Jason, you looked at Mikes homework. Was it graded unfairly?Jason: Mike’s answers are imprecise. I told him that in college, especially psychology, it requires a certain clarity that he's not used to. Yes he needs to have an ability to communicate clearly, without the hyperbole, which while acceptable before is now clearly unclear.Maggie: I have no idea what you just said. Jason: It’s like in kindergarten. Remember how mike used to complain that Mrs. Kling made him work with the hardest clay. Then I went down there and I pointed out “Mike, your little piles just as soft as the other kids". I've done it again. Maggie: Pardon me. Jason: Well I just told him that all through his life he's going to run into people that make it tough for him over ways he's doesn’t even deserve. First of all it’s going to be a teacher, then a boss, then a co worker, finally it’s a wife-fool ourselves, life’s tough! You had to be there. Maggie: I was.
Jason: I told him about Dr Hancock. Remember? Remember how I hated that guy, then I grew to respect him, yea revere him. Maggie: Revere him! Jason you still hate him and you wouldn’t even shake his hand at the reunion. And ha ha ha you called him that awful nickname.Jason: Maggie, I was parenting. Don’t muddy things up with the way they really happened. Maggie: Oh Jason, you still haven’t really answered my question. Is he going to drop the class, or what? Jason: Hey, right now he's up in his apartment, he doing his make up assignment and he’s leaned a valuable lesson. Maggie: You're sure about that? Jason: Honey, when the old communicator steps in, you can put that in the bank. (Goes to Mikes room) Mike, it’s only me. Brought a little snack to study with. Mike? Mike, you in there? Hey. Mike: Hey dad.
Jason: So, how did you do in that psychology make up assignment?
Maggie: Not well, I cut class today. How you doing Ben? Ben: Standing by. Jason: I thought you were Mike. Maggie: Well, you were pretty close. He was behind me at the stop light. Why what’s going on?Hi Mike. Jason: So how did that darn psychology make up go?Mike: I ate it. He gave me a D. Jason: Ah ha ha. And why do you suppose he gave you such a goo...a D! Mike: Yeah I know. I should have deserved at least a B. Jason: Well never mind a B, you should have gotten an A. Maggie: Oh Jason, lets not get carried away here. Jason: No, I tell you. All of these answers are correct.
Mike: You bet they are. Jason: I know they are. I wrote them.Mike and Maggie: What? Jason: Mike Seaver didn’t get a D here. Doctor Jason Seaver did. Ben: Ah dad. No offence, but I think I’ll figure my homework out by myself.Maggie: You wrote Mike's Psychology answers and got a D? Jason: Well... Mike: You don’t know this stuff and you are charging people? Jason: All of these answers are correct. I don’t understand it. Mike: Well I do. If my name is on that paper, right answers are marked wrong. Maggie: Mike, you are getting carried away here. This is the clay thing all over again.Mike: Hey look mum. You can argue with me, but you can’t argue with this. Dad, I wasn’t sure about dropping this course until today, but I can’t thank you enough. Jason: This should have worked Maggie. It was a great idea. Maggie: How much do you charge your patients?
Jason: Ah ha. Maggie: Jason, its two o clock in the morning. What are you doing?
Jason: Yes. He's in your intro to psych class. Curly hair, funny kid. Rosenfeld: Well I’ve got three hundred students in that lecture class. At least a hundred of them have curly hair. All of them think they are very funny. Jason: I bet. Well I just came here to maybe clear up a little misunderstanding over his make up assignment. Rosenfeld: Excuse me, but I always like to make a note when something bizarre happens. Jason: Bizarre. Rosenfeld: Preposterous, ludicrous, queer.Jason: Yes, I know what it means. Yes.Rosenfeld: In all my years as a college professor, I’ve never had a parent teacher conference. Jason: Oh well don’t think of me as a parent. Rosenfeld: Oh, so you're not a parent? Jason: No, no, yes I am a parent. But I would like to talk to you, if I may, colleague to
colleague. Rosenfeld: Colleague!Jason: Equal, comrade, peer. Rosenfeld: Associate, co-agiter, messmate. I could go on.Jason: I wish I had a little book to write in. I am a psychiatrist. Rosenfeld: Oh, well why didn’t you say so? Please sit down sir. Sit down, that’s wonderful. Are you an educational psych? Jason: No, private practice.Rosenfeld: Oh, that's great. I almost went that route myself. Jason: Well, just invest in a leather couch here and you are half way there.Rosenfeld: Pipe? Jason: No, I don’t smoke. Thank you.Rosenfeld: Neither do I. So, doctor Seaver, what’s on your mind?
Jason: Am not. Rosenfeld: Yes you are. Jason: AM not.Rosenfeld: Are are are. Jason: Am not, not, not. Look, this is not my sons work bob, pal, best mate. I wrote these answers myself.Rosenfeld: Well then I definitely should re-evaluate this grade. Jason: Thank you very much. I should hope so. You are using a red pen. Rosenfeld: No. Crimson.
Julie: Just a minute. I'm coming.Mike: Flowers for Julie Costello. Julie: Who are they from?
Mike: Your secret boyfriend. Julie: Maurice? Mike: No, the other one.Julie: Something's wrong. No, where are your books? I thought we were studying for psych tonight.Mike: How would you like to stand on the wind blown deck of the Stanton island ferry and watch the sun go down and the lights of Manhattan come up? Julie: Uh. Would you be with me? Mike: Of course I’d be with you. Julie: Then I don’t want to go. Mike: What? Julie: Mike, you can’t keep ignoring your problems in psych class. Mike: I'm not. I'm dropping the class.Julie: You're what? But you...
Mike: Hey mum, between the two of us, I think the man's slipped a clog.
Maggie: No, no, no honey. He has always been that way. Jason: Hello. I brought a hummus for everyone. Maggie: You might be on to something. Jason: Ok, why beat around the bush. Mike: Bush? Jason: Shrub, small tree, president of the United States.Maggie: You're definitely on to something.Jason: I'll be the first to concede that things didn’t go exactly as I’d planned. Maggie: What things?Jason: Ok, I’ll tell you. But keep in mind there is some good news. All the way at the end.Maggie: Why don’t we come right to the good news. Jason: The good news is I believe in Mike. Mike: Thank you.
Maggie: And the other news? Jason: I met your psychology professor today. Mike and Maggie: What? Maggie: You went down there after telling me not to. Mike: Dad, that is the worst thing you could possibly have done.Jason: That’s exactly what I told your mother. Mike: I can’t believe this. My daddy goes to see my college professor! How am I supposed to show my face there again? Jason: Mike, come on. I didn’t go down there as your father. I went down as a colleague. Alright, I see you are having trouble making the distinction here, right?Mike: You didn’t bring him hummus, did you?Jason: No.Mike: Well good, because I got to go face that guy in the morning. Jason: I thought you gave up that class. Mike: I changed my mind.
