Ben and Mike: Thank you! Thank you! ma Let your grandfather go; he can't breathe. e Kate, I told you this would be more fun than going to Ireland. ma Oh, Daddy, hold on here; before we get carried away... c We can't accept it. mi I'll take it!!
b I'll take it!! j This is no way to act. mi Dad, we'll split it with you.b Yeah. e No you won't! This money belongs to Carol. ma Daddy, none of us want your money. mi Mom! Mom! What are you doing? k Let go of the money, Maggie! Let go of the money! e Listen to your mother!!! Nobody move!! Margaret, this is our money, it was our decision to give it to the grandchildren, and this doesn't involve you at all! mi Enough said! ma But Daddy, I thought you were saving you money to go to Ireland. e Oh, I can get crocked on Stout anywhere. k He has. e Right, Kids, here it is; and you can spend it as you will.Mike and Ben: Thanks! ma Don't touch that money! Jason, help me out here.
j Ben! Ben! Ben!
g Wow! And you can spend it any way you want? b Yeah. And I got four thousand more in my shoes. g Wow! Hey, I thought you looked collar. b Here's Stinky. Keep the change. st Ben, no-one's ever sent a cab for me before.b This is only the beginning, Stink man, only the beginning.
Salesman: So, you really like this baby, huh? mi Well, it looks a little beat-up. sa Beat up? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. This machine has been completely reconditioned by my own skilled technicians. It's a steal at fifteen hundred.
mi Well, actually, I can spend a little bit more than that. sa Thank God, for fifteen hundred, all you get bupkiss, right? Now, for forty seven hundred, I can put you behind the wheel of this little cherry here. mi Oh, boy, this is more like it. sa Oh, did I say forty seven hundred? I meant fifty seven. sa 2 Get out! And this time I mean, stay out!! Fred: Can't a gentleman browse any more? sa 2 Mr. Dognuts are for customers, pop! You had no intention of buying a car. f Not with that attitude, I don't. mi Fred! Fred, how you doing? sa2 You know this bum? mi Oh yeah! Fred's been washing my wind shields at stop-lights for years. Fred, how you been?
me you'll just take the money back. e Sure honey. c Thank you. e But let's not tell your grandmother. This would break her heart.c What? e Oh, she's been waiting for this since the day you were born. The day that she bought you that blanket that she knitted. c Mr Blanky? e The very same. c Well, I had no idea. e Of course, if this money makes you feel uncomfortable... I mean how does that compare to an old lady's heart? Ah! Are you sure? c Grandpa, you're pushing it.
f Where'd you go? mi I'm right here. f Coat?mi Err...no thanks, I'll keep mine on.f No, I mean another one; the wind whips through here and makes it a lot friskier than it is outside. You know, maybe this winter I'm gonna make it to sunny Florida. mi Oh, are you from Florida? f No, but the word on the street is, they got great garbage behind Burt Reynold's dinner theatre. mi Well I guess Lorny Ashen must be pretty handy in the kitchen. f Does that surprise you? Well, we're in luck! Did you eat lunch yet? mi Ah, no. No thanks, Fred, I'm not hungry. f Of course. I understand.mi Oh, well maybe just one bite.
g Hey, you can't blame 'em man, you're the one who bought their friendship. st No-one knows you did five thousand. Let's keep it between us. b What? j Hey, what's going on out there? b Dad, be careful, I bought them a lot of things that they could throw. j You bought them things? g Yeah, he blew his whole wad on those ungreatful pigs. ma Did I hear that correctly young man, that you blew your whole wad? b I did. ma Oh, well this is worse than I imagined. Now I can understand wasting a hundred Dollars, but to leave here this morning with five thousand Dollars and come home with... How much do you have left? b Five thousand two hundred.
j Exactly.Jason and Maggie: What? b I won it, OK? j Ben, we're gonna talk about this, just as soon as I get rid of these kids. g Oh, don't worry Dr Seaver, we won't let any of those kids near Ben, when we spend his next five thousand Dollars. ma Do you boys really think I'm gonna let Ben out that door with this much money, you're crazy. st You did before. ma Well, one of us did. b I'm not gonna spend a Dime of this money. I don't even want this money. Gary and Stinky: We'll take it! We'll take it! j Hey! Hey! Hey!g Yeah, who needs Ben? b Hey!! If all you care about is my money, then get out! g If we stay, what do we get?
money; and I wanted something that could beging to repay you for
knitting Mr Blanky. k I didn't knit that, I found it. c You what? e I think we're getting a little off the track here. Let the child talk. c Well, you said I could spend it any way that would make me happy, so this is what I bought. e What the heck is this now? c Two first-class round-trip tickets to Ireland. k Carol, I had no idea you wanted to go to Ireland. c Not for me! For you two. k For us? Oh, that's wonderful. e Look, if I had wanted to take a trip to Ireland, I could have bought it myself. c Well, sure you could have, but you didn't. You gave the money to us instead. e Exactly. That's why you had no business doing this.
c You said you wanted the pleasure of watching us spend it, so here; I had the travel agent take it as I gave him the money. e Oh. Honey I don't know what to say. c I just want you two to be careful in Ireland because...they drive on the other side of the road there. k Oh, Eddy, all these years you've been driving in the wrong country.
b I don't understand how money turns people into pigs. j Well, Ben that's a start; just to realise that money did change you. b Not me! Stinky and Gary. j Ben, tell me just how did they force you to buy all these things? b Force me! They were very tricky about it. j Well, they made it seem like your idea, right? b Yeah. ma Well there's a reason for that, Ben...it was your idea. b So, you think I blew five thousand Dollars on purpose. j No, I think you probably just lost your head. b Me? Didn't you see Stinky and Gary tug on that cheque like animals? ma Oh, kind of like you and Mike did, this morning. b Yeah. Oh! j You just had an important thought there, Ben.
e Just wait a damn blooming minute. Mike, are you happy with the way you spent your money? mi Oh Grandpa, I have never been happier about anything in my whole life.
e Ah, then case closed! k Ah, I don't get it; what did he buy? e The piece of junk in the drive-way. mi Hey, I'm telling you, once I fix this baby up, you won't even recognize her. ma But you have no money left to fix it up with. mi Ah, details! Details! Look, I'm gonna show this off to my friends, I'll see you later. ma Oh, Jason, for what it's worth, I don't blame you for this. j Of course not; we raised them. ma Oh well look on the bright side; Carol did something nice, and Ben learned something inspite of himself and... j And Mike continued his perfect record of irresponsibility. ma Well, it is a perfect record. f Ah, excuse me! Is Michael at home?
ma Ah, you just missed him. f Oh drat! Well, would you give him these, for his new vehicle and...oh...he forgot his I-owe-you. ma Thirty five hundred Dollars! f He didn't give me nothing. I consider it merely as a short term loan, which I will repay in full as soon as I return from Florida. j Well, what do you know. f I hear they got a lot of women there with teeth. j Teeth? f Yeah. Maybe I'll even find a little Snouzer for Lloyd. ma Well, there goes his perfect record. j I never doubted the boy for a minute.
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Growing Pains 513 V2.0
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Ben: Tell me that's not Gorbachev. OK, it's resources. Iron; I can get one of those. Pottash. Mom, where do we keep the Pottash? Carol: She's in the bathroom. What is all this? Ben: You can't tell! Carol: A map of Russia, drawn by keeping a pen between your toes. Ben: That's another thing Russia has; ugly women. Carol: You should have been working on this since you got the assignment last September. Ben: Why? it's not due till tomorrow. Hey, don't touch the Russian dressing. Carol: Why? Ben: Because I'm using it as a natural resource. I do my best work under pressure. Carol: Ben, you spend far too much time procrastinating. Ben: You know about that? Carol: Everybody knows about it. Ben: Well maybe if you procrastinated once in a while you wouldn't be so tense! Jason: Aarrgh! Ben, what's all this? Ben: My map project for Mrs. Cunningham. Jason: Is this the one you were griping about back in September? Ben: Err...no, it's another one. Maggie: What's that red square? Ben: Red Square! What's with you people? Jason: Well, Ben if you need any help, just ask. Ben: Can you take me to get some paste? Jason: No, no, no, no. Your mother and I have a...reservation and we can't be late. Ben: Yeah well, before you go, can you at least tell me where we keep our Pottash? Mike: Hi guys! Don't worry, I'm not staying, I'm just eating.
Jason: Hey, there it is! Mike can take you to get the paste. Mike: Ben in my new car! Maggie: Mike, it's not like he's going to stain the seats or something. Mike: Oh, but Mom, I've got plans, I've got big plans! I don't have time to take care of this little bozo. Jason: Mike! Come on this little bozo happens to be your brother. Now take him to the store...now. Mike: Great, I come in to get a sandwich and I wind up with a weeny.
Mike: Do you really need this paste? Ben: Yeah Mike, I have to do a 3 D map for school. Mike: For old Mrs. Cunningham? Hey hey, is she still alive? Ben: Enough to give me homework. Did you have to do a dorky map too? Mike: No Benny, it was my finest academic hour; I got Monaco. I glued one poker chip to a three by five card and I was home free! Poor Boner got Russia; eight million sqaure miles of
ways to go wrong. So, what country did you get? Ben: Just drive, OK? Mike: Hey look, Dad gave me enough money for this paste, right? Ben: Exact change. Mike: Alright, I'll wait here; the less I'm seen with you the better. Ben: Right, whatever. Mike: What are you doing? Ben: I forgot my comb. Mike: Benny, you're buying paste, now what do you need your comb for? Ben: Hey, you never know. Mike: Benny, it's not like in there you're gonna run into a couple of babes like them. Well, hello! Girl 1: Hi. Mike: Well...err...how are you two ladies this evening? Girl 2: OK. Mike: You underestimate yourselves. Girl 1: So, what's up? Ben: Oh, we're just buying a little paste. Girl 1: Sticky, sticky, sticky. Ben: And you said I wouldn't need my comb. Mike: Benny, where are you going? Ben: I'm going to get my paste. Mike: Benny, forget the paste! Come on, let's go! Ben: Where? Mike: After 'em, now! Ben: No, no, no! Benny, in the car!
Police Officer: Russia. Ben: Same here. What'd you do? Police Officer: I'm still working on it. Hey look...err...you boys got problems enough, forget the ticket. Mike: Ha ha, yes sir! Police Officer: I've been looking for Pottash for twenty years. Mike: Oh yes, I just beat a ticket! Ben: And I helped. Mike: Yeah! Ben: Like I was telling Carol before, I do my best work under pressure. Mike: Let's go get your paste. Ben: Hey Mike, pull over!! Mike: What? What? Where? Did you see the girls?
Ben: I heard that! Yo Haz, Bagee, Raphee, what's up? Stinky: Ben, what are you doing in an actual car? Ben: Oh, me and Mike have just been chasing babes, ducking cops; you know, the usual. Stinky: Wow. Boy: My brother won't even let me go in his car; he's afraid I'll stain the seats.Stinky: Hey Mike, nice wheels! Mike: Hey thank you stink man, that means a lot coming from a jockey. Boy: So, how's the interior? Mike: It's ice-cream free, and it's gonna stay that way. Come on Benny, we need to get your paste. Stinky: Paste! You haven't done your map yet? Wooo. Ben: Hey, who cares about a stinking map? We're cruising here! Let's roll, Mike! Mike: Yo ho, Eddy! Eddy: Michael, what are you doing in Soho flying a car?
Ben: I don't know. Eddy: Thirteen Cents! Mike: Thirteen Cents! Eddy: Alright, we're in! We're in! Ben: Yes! Eddy: Alright, Michael!! Wait slow down, we've got to find a girl with a training bra for Ben. Mike: There they are, there they! Ben: Let's go! Jason: Honey, why are you cleaning the wind shield? Maggie: Oh, because I can't see the movie. Jason: I didn't bring you here for the entertainment, I brought you so that we could make-out. You know what I mean. Maggie: Honey, what if someone sees us?
Jason: Come on, who's gonna see us? What kind of sleazy people come to a drive-in? Maggie: You. Jason: Exactly.
Mike: Excuse us, could you tell us which way to the drive-in? Girl 1: Ah, it's right behind you. Mike: Oh. Girl 2: Why don't you come over here and face the right way? I'm Denise, and this is Shana. Mike: Ah, hi, I'm Mike. Girl 1: Who's the little guy? Ben: I'm Ben. Girl 2: Not you, silly! Him. Eddy: Mmmm, little! Well, you know what they say about little guys, don't you?
just to get a girl to look you in the eye and not puke, right Mike? Mike: I don't know what you're talking about Eddy. Eddy: Well, I didn't mean puke I meant, turn away with a sick look. Mike: Hey! Ben: What? Mike: I think we're being followed. Eddy: Oh, who'd follow us? Ben: Maybe Mom and Dad spotted us! Eddy: Oh yeah, I caught your dad at the drive-in. Mike: And you're just now telling us! Eddy: Well I didn't feel it was germaine Ben: Lose Mike, lose 'em!! Mike: Alright, alright, no problem!
Eddy: Oh oh, I think we're being followed! Ben: May I? Mike: Of course. Guys! Guys! Guys! Cut it out! Come on! We've got to go get 'em. Ben: You're driving! Mike: Oh yeah. Eddy: Oh, Seaver, where did you purchase such a fine machine?
Mike: OK, when I say now, you pop the clutch, once the engine starts you pop it back in! What are you doing? Did I once mention the word, brakes? Ben: I'm hungry! Mike: You're hungry! You pick a time like now to be hungry? Ben: I didn't pick it, my stomach did! Eddy: Hey I could eat too, Michael. Mike: But guys, what about the girls? Eddy: Well they hated me, remember?
Mike: Benny! Benny! Benny, what happened? What did you tell the cop? Ben: I don't know? All I did was wish he'd go away and he did.
Mike: OK, let's get you home before Mom and Dad's movie lets out. Ben: Alright, hop in. Mike: OK. Ben: Right.
Eddy: OK, this is close enough. My car's just down at the end. Mike: OK. Eddy! Eddy: What? Mike: It's Dawitt! Eddy: Our Principal? Mike: Yeah. Ben: Guys, you graduated two years ago. Mike: Oh! Hey hey, Mr. Dawitt. Nice shorts!
